Loss

Loss at 30 weeks

Hi all,

 We just lost our baby girl, Ava Claire, a week ago today at 30 weeks.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I miss her so much. I still keep thinking she's in my belly and I keep expecting her to kick.  I know loss is always unexpected, but I just can't accept that she's gone because she was SO close to full term.  It kills me knowing she could have survived in the world.  As far as anyone has been able to determine, the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck.  I keep reliving the days prior and wishing to God that I could go back and see a doctor and deliver her before anything happened.  

I don't know how to get through this.  I am going back to work in 2 weeks and part of me is glad to get back to normal, and the other part of me just wants to sleep forever.  I just can't believe she's gone.

Ava's Story
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Re: Loss at 30 weeks

  • Sorry for your loss Jessica!

    I know exactly how you feel. I wanted to turn the time back and be able to save my daughter. I kept reviving the days before the loss and driving myself crazy. The fact is that we are never prepared for the worse. I was busy getting for the baby and never thought that something like this will happen.

     Please, know that you are not alone. With time the things will get easier and I do thin that going to work will help you. I don't say it is easy but following routine will make the time go faster. I lost my daughter in the fall and couldn't wait until the spring comes. The hurt is still there and is intense sometimes but overall the things are getting better.

  • It's comforting to know I'm not alone. I am so sorry for your loss, too. It feels like the pain will never go away. I look forward to some normalcy again. I usually enjoy getting out of the house, shopping, and just being out in the world. But now I don't like being out of the house for mots than a couple hours. I just sit on the couch and watch tv. My husband is going back to work tomorrow and I am scared. We haven't left each other's sides since last Tuesday before work. I just can't believe it hasn't even been a full week since I delivered Ava.

    Ava's Story
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    BFP#2 10/18/13  Blighted ovum 11/25/13

    BFP #3 1/31/14 EDD 10/18/14 -- It's a GIRL!

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  • Frankly, I don't know how I survived the first weeks. What I was thinking is that I'm still here , I'm still alive and the life has to go on. TV was a distraction for me too.

    Your anxiety is understandable, I felt the same way when my husband had to go back to work. Try to stay busy- cleaning, whatever.

  • I am so sorry for your loss. It is always sad to welcome new loss moms, but this is a great support.  Please don't go back to work in 2 weeks!  It is too soon. Your body needs time to heal, but your heart needs time too. Take time for your grief before you jump back into things. My heart goes out to you. 
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    I'm so sorry for your loss.  I agree that going back to work in 2 weeks may be too soon.  I took much more time off than that and it was still incredibly hard to go back.  Do what you need to do for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.  Huge hugs, I wish I could offer you more. 

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  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Ava.  It's been a month for us, and the first few weeks were the hardest, since I just couldn't believe it happaned and I couldn't believe I wasn't pregnant anymore.  I could even still feel what felt like kicks.

     I'm still heartbroken of course, but once the shock wears off and life becomes the new normal (a sucky normal at that) it gets a little easier.

    I'm so sorry you have to be here, but I am glad you found us.  This board has been very supportive for me.

    Lilypie - (1UBe)

    Lilypie - (QaQg)

     My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, Kayla Kathryn born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks.  Our rainbow, Emily Kathryn born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!

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  • I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I would agree with PP that you will need more time than 2 weeks. I took 6 weeks, and it was still very hard. You probably won't even be physically healed in 2 weeks. Lean on family and friends. It's ok to zone out, but don't stuff the pain. It sucks, so so much. It is horrible...a terrible nightmare. It will take a long time for healing. I'm 7.5 weeks out, and it is still hard. Take it easy on yourself. Eat well, make sure you sleep. Exercise. Allow yourself to cry, scream...it will be worse if you hold it in. To me it feels like giant waves of pain that come, but they do pass. Hold in there sweetie (((hugss)))))

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  • I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet Ava. There will be many stages of this journey that are difficult, and the grief will come some days when you least expect it. It never gets "easier" but the crying doesnt happen as often and there are times when you can feel happy. It takes time.

    You will ask yourself thousands of questions, if there were things you could have done differently and if only you would have known. Sending you big hugs!

    I took a full week off and then went back to work. I was the type that needed the reason to get up in the morning. I think it is difficult to go back regardless of when you do. I would suggest just easing into it. If you could go back for a half day the first day, I would suggest it. The first day especially is VERY emotionally draining and tiring. 

    When you DH goes back, I agree with PP to try to find something to do. I through myself into work around the house for part of the day, and mentally checked out in front of the tv for the rest of it. So very sorry you are going through this. Wish I could give you a hug.

    Lilypie - (qptF)


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  • Sorry for your loss Jessica. I lost my Henry a month ago today and he was 19 days old. I too wish I knew it was coming and wish I could of done something differently, but everybody tells me not to think that way. If you want to PM me for anything please do so. 

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss Jessica. It's always hard to welcome new moms to the board, but I'm glad that you have found us. I hope we can help you in any way possible.

    I lost my son, Devon, to a placental abruption at 34 weeks back in August. For months, I questioned what I did wrong. I wracked my brain retracing his last days, wondering if I could have done anything differently. Those first few months were so hard. With lots of love from my family and husband, support from friends and this board, and advice from my therapist, I feel like my life is starting to form a new normal that I'm actually ready for. The days will get easier [I hope], but it will take time.

    I also agree that two weeks may be too soon to return to work, but you know what's best for you. I took six weeks off and would have taken more if I had the paid leave...it's hard to bounce back from something like this. Please lean on us whenever you need to; we're here for you. 

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  • I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter Ava Claire. I agree with other posters can't you stay home a little longer. Going back to work is so hard when you are grieiving.  I was outfor  8 weeks after I delivered my angel. I had a c section but still. I mean you had a baby you should get maternity leave since you did deliver your sweet daughter. Please be easy with yourself , the what ifs are so damn hard I wish I could go back just 12 day before my angel died and beg to have my c section. She would be here if I did. The what ifs are one of the hardest parts of this pain we feel. Hugs to you!! I hate to welcome you but we are all here for you when you need us.

    Heather 

    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
  • I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl, Ava Claire. I hate to welcome you to the board, but the women here have been lifesavers for me since my daughter was stillborn.

    I agree with PP to wait before you go back to work. Not only for the grieving, but also because you gave birth. I pushed myself to get back moving early because I didn't have a baby to take care of and thought that I could recover quickly. I feel like it took me longer to heal because I pushed myself. If you have the time, take it. It may help you in the long run.

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

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  • I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your baby girl, Ava.  My little angel is Ava too.  I hope you can find the comfort and support here on this board that I have found.  This is a wonderful group of women and we unfortunately all have this horrible tragedy in common. 

    Your loss is still so new.  Please take the time you need to grieve, it's a long process and we are all here to help you. 

    ((HUGS))

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  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl. Thoughts & prayers xoxo

     

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  • So sorry to hear of the loss of your Ava Claire. I also lost my son to an umbilical cord 'accident'.  This community is really helpful & it is good to have other to talk with who have gone through the same thing. I will be praying for you
    Miss C born 8/23/11. Benjamin born sleeping at 33 weeks 1/28/13
  • I am so sorry for your loss, its just not fair at all. It is so hard especially in the beginning. Try not to play the what if game or try to figure out exactly when it happend. That will make you crazy, I know its hard not to do that. My son lived for 15 hours and I knew the whole time he was alive that he was going to die. It was not enough time and it was so hard to be say good bye. 

    I stayed home for a little under 8 weeks and it was so hard to go back to work. My therapist helped me get ready but it was still really hard. Take is easy and take care of yourself. Do what feels right for you.   

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  • I am so sorry for your loss of little Ava, I lost my Arianna shortly before your loss. I find myself waiting for her to kick  me also, I miss her waking me up in the morning with her rolling around. I find myself holding my belly but yet feeling so empty because there is nothing there. My arms are empty, I want to hold her again so bad. I've been holding onto a blanket of hers at night, it has lost the smell of her from the very short time she was wrapped in it. We still do not know why Arianna's heart stopped either, I wish we had answers. 

    I cry every day thinking that I should have gone in sooner too. I will never have that go away. The therapist said I shouldn't blame myself, but there is nothing else to blame it on.

    I'm sorry for your loss 


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