Adoption

Foster Care /FTP

I originally posted this on the baby shower board and it was suggested that I come here and ask as well.

So my friend and her H are becoming foster parents.  They are unable to have their own children so they are starting from scratch.  Does anyone have any ideas or etiquette on a shower or other type of event in this situation?  They aren't asking for one.  I was just curious if anyone knew of anything for an event like this or if it is even okay to do something like this.  They do plan to adopt from the foster care system, but waiting to throw them a shower when they adopt seems odd since they would have all the stuff they need by then. 


Re: Foster Care /FTP

  • This is tricky- do you know what ages they're open to fostering? I know some people keep a very narrow range, and others who are open to fostering from infant to teenagers, which would  make a registry quite difficult! 


    Also- just as a heads up, the phrase "couldn't have children of their own" can be offensive to some adoptees and adoptive parents. I'm very much my mother's own child, even though I was not born to her. A better way to phrase it might be "they were unable to have biological children, or they were unable to become pregnant". 

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  • image NariaDreaming:

    This is tricky- do you know what ages they're open to fostering? I know some people keep a very narrow range, and others who are open to fostering from infant to teenagers, which would  make a registry quite difficult! 


    Also- just as a heads up, the phrase "couldn't have children of their own" can be offensive to some adoptees and adoptive parents. I'm very much my mother's own child, even though I was not born to her. A better way to phrase it might be "they were unable to have biological children, or they were unable to become pregnant". 

    They plan to foster ages 0-6 and hope to adopt between ages 0-2/3.  

    I am sorry I didn't think of the wording!  You are right, any child I love and care for is my own! 


  • Given the circumstances, I would see if you can get a list from them of what they're required to have for that age group and what specific things they still need. Then you'll have a better idea of what to tell people. Usually basic stuff like kids dishes and bedding and that kind of stuff can be used for a wider group/many years.

    I think it's a nice idea to do that for them and agree with doing it as a getting ready to foster thing instead of an adoption thing because then they'd have the stuff already. It could be a low-key affair where it's more of a get-together, too.


  • I think thats really sweet that you want to do that for them. I bet they have a good idea of what they will need and can register, just like a regular shower.
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  • What a lovely and thoughtful idea. I think it could be a very special celebration letting them know that they are supported in this new journey.

    Coming up with a list, or an explanation of some sort could be helpful so people know what to buy. I'd do that with your friend. They may not want a bunch of infant stuff that they would have to store and may never use, but would want to have some things on hand.
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  • We were in a similar situation when we started to foster.  My best friend and her mom threw me a "Welcome to Mommyhood" shower.  I registered at Target and BRB for things we might need for our age range of 0-3 and they included on the invitation that we would be fostering and needed things for the entire age range.  Some people gave us baby things and some people gave toddler toys and some people gave clothes of a variety of sizes.  We felt so blessed by it! 
    Foster parents turned adoptive parents :)
    BM is end of July so any day!
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  • I think everyone's suggestions sound great. I'm sure it will be a blessing for them to have toys, child bedding, child cups/utensils/etc, gift cards for diapers, and so on.
  • We are foster parents and originally were open to children 0-4.  We were very fortunate to have two showers thrown for us.  It helped us stock our nursery to be prepared for our first placement since you typically don't get much notice.  Also, I was so thankful that we were able to anticipate our growing family much like those who are pregnant get to.  While our intention isn't to adopt, we still felt the excitement of growing our family and was happy that the shower was a way to share that excitement with friends and family.  

    I would suggest just talking to your friends and see if a shower is something they would be interested in.   

    In case you are interested here are the links to my blog posts about our showers:  First shower and Second shower 

  • I think a foster care shower could be great. Ask your friend first, and maybe they can do a wishlist/registry.

    Things that may be helpful for a variety of ages: children's books, toys, storage bins, baby toiletries, first aid kit, bedding, convertible car seat, pack and play, booster seat for eating
    Adoption Blog Updated 2/15
  • image lizlemon2:
    I think a foster care shower could be great. Ask your friend first, and maybe they can do a wishlist/registry. Things that may be helpful for a variety of ages: children's books, toys, storage bins, baby toiletries, first aid kit, bedding, convertible car seat, pack and play, booster seat for eating

    If they are open to any race then ethnic hair and skin care products were especially helpful for us to have on hand.  That way we knew we were using the "right" products on the children for their bath that first night. 

  • What awesome suggestions from everyone!  Thank you so much for your advice.  I will talk with them about holding a shower since they might not feel comfortable with it, but I really want to do something for this amazing and selfless couple.

  • I adopted from foster care also and my friends and family threw me a huge shower.  I didn't ask for one, but they all were so excited and to be honest, why shouldn't an adoptive mom have a shower.  I think all kids need to be celebrated, not just those whose mothers actually give birth to them.  It is absolutely ok to do this and anyone who says differently is nuts. My shower was when I brought my son home, which was about 8 months before his adoption was finalized.  I was overwhelmed and so appreciative of it and couldn't have planned a nicer event myself. I think your friend would love it, as most of us would and I think it is sweet of you to want to do this for her. 
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