TTC After a Loss

What's next?

So, two weeks ago I hurt my foot in what I thought was one of my usual running injuries.  After it got worse, I decided to go see the sports med doctor.  He told me that it looked like sesmoiditis but he wanted to run some blood tests to check my uric acid.  My uric acid level was perfect BUT unexpectedly, the results showed positive on the ANA porition (anti-nuclear antibody) which means I could have some type of autoimmune issue.  My mother has Graves disease so I knew I was at higher risk, but I never imagined it would come up so soon.

Anyways, the test was at the lowest level possible (while still being positive) so we decided not to have any further testing done at this point.  Since I don't have any other symptoms, I would basically be their lab rat so they can go searching for something wrong -- if there is even something wrong at this point.  

So, add this to my already current high risk diagnosis and what does DH do?  He answers with, "Okay, maybe we can go get more testing when we start actively trying again?"  My head whips around.  WTF, did you just first thought.  I responded with, "Uhh, well... when do you think that is?"  Ready for it?  His response, "I don't know... I don't like to put a date on things".  My mood changed pretty fast and I said, "Well, after our discussion a few weeks ago I was under the impression that we are starting next month".  He didn't say much after that.  To say I'm pissed doesn't even start to cover what's going on inside me right now.  I'm glad he didn't say no... but I didn't really get a yes either.

I get it.  I'm high risk.  I've got a lot of things going against me.  He's scared (so am I).  However, it doesn't give him the right to mess with me like this.  I've been so patient and tried to be so understanding over the past 7 months but I feel like I'm hanging from a thread.  Now, it's possible he's just freaking out and not wanting to feel like we're "planning" things.  Maybe it will just happen.  However, I'm getting real tired of all the guessing games.  We've never had a problem with communication.  He's my best friend and we've always talked openly.  Now all of a sudden he's crawling into a shell.  I just don't get it.

Sorry, I know this is really long.  I'm just having a hard time because not only is this happening but tomorrow is the day I was supposed to be scheduled to deliver via c-section... so it just adds to the pile.  I really just need to scream and yell to get it all out... so thank you for listening. 

BFP #1 (DS, 10/98), BFP #2 (DD, 10/09)
BFP #3 -mm/c @ 7wks, discovered at 9wks, D&C 9/28
BFP #4 5/29 EDD 2/9 - please be our rainbow
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Re: What's next?

  • ::mobile hugs:: so sorry! I hope that your DH is just scared because of the news and gets his act together once things calm down a bit. What a tough time for you tho. TPs! Hope you guys work it out soon!
    BFP @ 1/26/13 - Natural M/C @ 2/16/13 
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  • image Lydiatait7:
    ::mobile hugs:: so sorry! I hope that your DH is just scared because of the news and gets his act together once th
    Suzy & Brian November 3, 2007 "...this one time, at band camp..." ;-)
    TTC #1 since 9/2012
    BFP #1 2/16/13, EDD 10/13/13, CP 2/21/13
    BFP #2 6/2/13
    Baby J-Bug 2/8/14 My Wedding Bio from back in the day
  • I'm really sorry you are going thru a hell of a lot :(

    ttc is hard enough some days, but dealing with other issues and not feeling like you are on the same page with DH is really difficult. Can you guys schedule a weekend getaway and leave everyt

    Off BC, NTNP since June 2011

    Started acupuncture/herbs July 2012 

    First BFP 9-8-2012,EDD 5-15-2013, heartbeat of 175 at 8w2d, mmc discovered on 10-26-12 (11w6d) Cytotec on 10/26/12

    8/23/13 DX with non-IR PCOS

    Second BFP 9.12.13, EDD 5.29.14, heartbeat of 114 at 6w1d, mmc discovered on 10-18-13, D&C on 10/23/13 (baby girl/Trisomy 10) 

    Third BFP (surprise at Beta draw after d&c) on 1/10/14 (15dpo), EDD 9.20.14 Please be our RAINBOW!

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  • Lots of (((HUGS))).  So sorry that DH is choosing now to shut down a bit.  I'm sure it is just his way of dealing with everything.  I seriously think I would get the same answer from my DH...but I am sooooo a planner.  Sometimes they d

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  • (((((Z))))) I am so so sorry you keep going through this with YH. It's not fair that he is going back and forth on this. 

    And I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Huge hugs, lady. 

    BFP #1   8.29.12   EDD 5.8.13   MC 10.9.12   GusGus
    BFP #2   7.12.13   EDD 3.24.14   MC 7.26.13   Muggle
    RE Consult 8.22.13 for RPL testing
    Diagnosed with Factor V Leiden and MTHFR 
    IUI #1 10.11.13 w/gonal-f and ovidrel   BFP #3 & CP 10.25.13   Dot
    IUI #2 12.9.13 w/gonal-f and ovidrel   BFP #4 12.18.13   EDD 9.1.14
    Our rainbow, Eleanor Margaret born 8.27.14
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    formerly lindsayhilleary
  • ((HUGS)) ZAngel, I'm so sorry.....what an emotional roller coaster to say the least.  I really hope you guys can talk openly about it and work things out.  Thinking of you and sending T&P's as you approach  your delivery date.  Han
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    BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.

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    BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.

    BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section

  • I'm sorry, ZAngel.  I can't even imagine how hard this must be.  I hope your DH comes around soon and you can get some clear answers from him.  I think you have been more than patient during this time.  Thinking of you and sending y




    BFP: 9/3/98, DS born 5/7/99

    Uterine Surgery: 9/2011
    Married DH: 12/10/11
    TTC: 12/2011

    3 Angel babies in 2012

    Failed IF treatments in 2013

    Break cycle:
    BFP: 8/25/13, DD born 5/2/14

    September 2014:  TTC Rainbow baby #2

    2 Angel babies in 2014

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  • I'm so soory that your H is putting you through this. You have been very patient and I hope he can realize that what he is doing is not fair to you. He needs to be clear on what he wants and stick with his decision. My H also changes his mind about thing

    BFP #1 ended in MMC. Discovered Oct 2005 @10w5d, baby stopped growing around 6w. D&C.
    BFP#2 Nov 2005. Baby's heart stopped @ 8w3d. D&C Jan 2006. Trisomy 18
    BFP#3 Nov 2006. My "miracle baby" DD born 7/25/07
    BFP #4 11/6/12. EDD 7/16/13~my birthday! No sac found @ 5w1d, betas not increasing. Natural m/c started 11/20/12.

    BFP#5 11/9/13.  EDD 7/21/14  Our beautiful rainbow born on his due date!!

  • Thank you so much ladies.  I really <3 y'all!  We still have about 3 weeks until my next FW, so I'm hoping he will talk to me before then.  I'm trying to let him process everything from yesterday... I know it's a lot.  I wish we

    BFP #1 (DS, 10/98), BFP #2 (DD, 10/09)
    BFP #3 -mm/c @ 7wks, discovered at 9wks, D&C 9/28
    BFP #4 5/29 EDD 2/9 - please be our rainbow
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  • image lindsayhilleary:

    (((((Z))))) I am so so sorry you keep going through this with YH. It's not fair that he is going back and for

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    A miracle is what seems impossible but happens anyways
    BFP#1 06/08/2012 EDD 02/07/2013, born 09/22/2012 PTL due to placental abruption
    BFP#2 12/21/2012 EDD 08/27/2013, CP@4w6d
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  • ::giant squishy hugs::

    I'm sorry that the communication isn't like it used to be and I sincerely hope that he comes around soon and is able to open up more.  And I'm sorry about the DD coming up. 


    Also - you'll have

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    BFP #1 - 11/17/2012 EDD 7/25/2013 M/C 11/19/2012 @ 4w5d

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  • Z, I don't even know what to say here. I cannot imagine how hurt and frustrated you must be. Big, huge hugs to you!
    BFP#1 8/3/12~EDD 4/1/13~Natural M/C 9/1/12-9w6d 
    BFP#2 5/30/13~EDD 2/3/14~Confirmed CP 5/31/13
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  • FIrst of all (((hugs)))  second of all  I'm sorry your DH is being so wishy washy about something so important.  My ANA was positive as well as my RF and my docs haven't changed anything yet.  From what I understand lots of things can


    Missed MC 11/17/10 Our little miracle born 1/27/12 Natural MC 7/19/12 Missed MC 1/22/13 Our family is complete DD 12/27/13
    Abnormal ANA, PAI-1 4G/4G homozygous

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  • Hugs I'm so sorry you're going through such difficulties, and I hope you and DH can get back to that openness in communication you've had before. I'm sure, as you say, he's just worried about you, but it's still something you both need to discuss.



    Married August 2012. Me: 41  DH: 42 
    Daughter from previous marriage: 20

    TTC #2 since August 2012
    BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
    June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
    Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014

    TTC journey over as of the end of October 2014


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  • Just big (((((hugs))))) for you Z.  I would be so frustrated with my dh in the same situation.
    TTC #3 since Aug 2009
    2 ds 2004 and 2009
    8 angels, including one heteroectopic pregnancy
    lost right tube

    clotting/RPL panel results normal, genetic testing results normal
    CD2 BW results FSH 5 LH 7 dx: PCOS Dec 2013

    1500mg metformin started Dec 2013        
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  • I'm so sorry Z. This TTCAL after stuff is seriously the worst. So many big, big {{{HUGS}}} to you today.

    BFP #1 5.26.08 DD born 1.4.2009
    BFP #2 3.11.12 m/c 3.17.12
    BFP #3 10.7.12 m/c 10.27.12
    BFP #4 2.24.13 ectopic MTX 3.13.13 Right tube removed 3.29.13
    BFP #5 5.27.13 EDD 2.7.14 *stick baby stick*

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  • Big ((((HUGS)))) Z! I'm sorry your H is being so wishy-washy on you. From everything you've said about this situation, is it possible that maybe he just doesn't want to be the one to make the ultimate decision to either start or not again? If I'm remem

    July TTCAL Siggy Challenge - Favorite Children's Book
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    AF finally arrived on Christmas after 167 days of waiting.
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  • [[[[[Huge Hugs]]]]] I'm so sorry. That is insanely frustrating.


    "As long as I live you will live. As long as I live you will be loved."

    BFP#1 3/31/12 EDD 12/1/12,No HB 6/6/12 (14 weeks 4 days), D&C 6/11/12 (15 weeks 2 days)*Arabella Ann*

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  • Big ((HUGS)), Z. Boys stink sometimes. I think they don't even realize what a statement like that does to us. I hope that he comes around soon for you.

     image image
     DS born 1.7.03. DD born 2.5.14

     TTC #2: 2.2012. Three Early Losses (7.25.12 | 12.17.12 | 2.14.13). 
     TTC the final: 9.2014. BFP 11.2014. EDD: 7.20.14 

  • I am sorry ya'll are going through this. Me and MH had a difference of opinion at 1st as well. He wanted to wait longer, but then he came over to my side of thinking Smile I th

    TTC #1 since 7/2011
    ME: 35  DH: 36
    HSG-1/16/12-possible blocked left tube
    BFP#1---CP 7/9/12
    Hysteroscopy-8/9/12-blocked left tube for sure, proceeding with IUI#1
    IUI#1 (Gonal-F + trigger)=BFP#2 m/c @ 19w1d D&E 1/23/13
    IUI #2 (Gonal F + trigger)=BFP#3 EDD 1/6/14 TWINS!!!
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  • I'm so sorry you have all this additional stress right now.  Hopefully, H will cool off and you will be able to sit down and have a talk.  I would personally just tell him everything you told us - i.e., you understand he is scared, and you are a


    BFP #1 : 3/20/13 | EDD: 12/1/13 | MC: 4/15/13 

    BFP #2: 1/9/14 | EDD: 9/21/14  

    Welcomed our rainbow bear on 8/31/14

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  • image LLPtobe:

    Big ((((HUGS)))) Z! I'm sorry your H is being so wishy-washy on you. From everything you've said about this situation

    BFP #1 (DS, 10/98), BFP #2 (DD, 10/09)
    BFP #3 -mm/c @ 7wks, discovered at 9wks, D&C 9/28
    BFP #4 5/29 EDD 2/9 - please be our rainbow
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  • Lots of hugs for you. 

     image  image

    BFP#1: 7/13/12 * EDD: 3/19/13 * MC: 8/2/12  *  ♥CARTER♥ Forever In Our s
    Oct'13: DX unexplained IF * BFP#2: 11/27/13 * EDD: 8/6/14

  • KMW08KMW08
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Second Anniversary
    Hugs. I'm sorry yh can't seem to determine where he actually stands. I hope the two of you are able to talk about this and resolve it. It's a lonely enough experience, much more when the SO is also distant. More hugs.

    Married June 2008 ~ I'm 29 and DH 28 ~ TTC#1 Since 1/1/12

    BFP#1 2/10/12 MC#1 3/03/12 natural @ 4-6wks

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  • Big hugs!!! Men can be so incredibly frustrating. Sorry you have to deal with all of this!
    TTC #1 as of Feb. 2013
    BFP on Mar. 4, 2013, DX with MMC (blighted ovum) at 8 weeks, D&C
    TTC again as of May 2013
    BFP on June 24, 2013, EED March 12, 2014
    Diagnosed with endometriosis, PCOS, heterozygous MTHFR and positive for ANA

  • I'm so sorry z. Hugs and sending good vibes your way that you'll be able to be on the same page soon.
                 BFP#1  9/5/12, MMC, MC confirmed 10/9/12,          
                D&C 12/12/12
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  • I just wanted to give you big [[[hugs]]] love. I'm so sorry all of this is hitting you at one time.
    BFP #1:  8/10/11 EDD: 4/9/12 Natural miscarriage @ 7 weeks: 8/20/11
    BFP #2: 8/31/12 EDD: 5/18/13 Chemical pregnancy: 9/4/12
    BFP #3:  5/17/13  EDD: 1/24/14 Loss at 5 weeks: 5/29/13

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    I'm so sorry, hun. I wish I had some wise words to share.


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    BFP #1 08/05/12. EDD 4/15/13 m/c 08/27/12
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  • So sorry you are going through this right now : My Dh does not talk all that openly about his feelings but I tend to ramble at him and then he will jump in if he feels the need to. I sincerely hope you and your DH can come up with a plan that both of you
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