So, two weeks ago I hurt my foot in what I thought was one of my usual running injuries. After it got worse, I decided to go see the sports med doctor. He told me that it looked like sesmoiditis but he wanted to run some blood tests to check my uric acid. My uric acid level was perfect BUT unexpectedly, the results showed positive on the ANA porition (anti-nuclear antibody) which means I could have some type of autoimmune issue. My mother has Graves disease so I knew I was at higher risk, but I never imagined it would come up so soon.
Anyways, the test was at the lowest level possible (while still being positive) so we decided not to have any further testing done at this point. Since I don't have any other symptoms, I would basically be their lab rat so they can go searching for something wrong -- if there is even something wrong at this point.
So, add this to my already current high risk diagnosis and what does DH do? He answers with, "Okay, maybe we can go get more testing when we start actively trying again?" My head whips around. WTF, did you just say....my first thought. I responded with, "Uhh, well... when do you think that is?" Ready for it? His response, "I don't know... I don't like to put a date on things". My mood changed pretty fast and I said, "Well, after our discussion a few weeks ago I was under the impression that we are starting next month". He didn't say much after that. To say I'm pissed doesn't even start to cover what's going on inside me right now. I'm glad he didn't say no... but I didn't really get a yes either.
I get it. I'm high risk. I've got a lot of things going against me. He's scared (so am I). However, it doesn't give him the right to mess with me like this. I've been so patient and tried to be so understanding over the past 7 months but I feel like I'm hanging from a thread. Now, it's possible he's just freaking out and not wanting to feel like we're "planning" things. Maybe it will just happen. However, I'm getting real tired of all the guessing games. We've never had a problem with communication. He's my best friend and we've always talked openly. Now all of a sudden he's crawling into a shell. I just don't get it.
Sorry, I know this is really long. I'm just having a hard time because not only is this happening but tomorrow is the day I was supposed to be scheduled to deliver via c-section... so it just adds to the pile. I really just need to scream and yell to get it all out... so thank you for listening.