So, our little kiddo has been a champ in almost every regard. However, we were worried that he wasn't gaining weight well. And I was, to be quite frank, exhausted from baby-on-the-boob syndrome. I mean, he was NEVER not on me. I was working hard to make sure that my supply was getting tapped so that I would produce more. If he squawked, he was "put to the breast." He would nurse for 40 minutes, sleep for 40 (or less) and go back on. It was a never-ending cycle.
He weighed 7lbs, 3 oz at birth. He went down to perhaps 6lbs, 9 oz when we left hospital. I got him back up to 7lbs 1 oz at two weeks. At our one month appointment we were pretty concerned. appointment he was 7lbs 8 oz. While he was in the 67th percentile for height, he was in the (gulp!) 2nd percentile for weight.
So he's on formula now, plus breast milk, too. When I did pump a few times over the last month I would get about half an ounce off once side and slightly less on the other. BFing board said this was normal. But in my gut I felt like he was not getting full, ever. I know if he nursed all the time he could get sort of enough, but he never stopped nursing. And everyone who visited thought he seemed grouchy. And skinny looking, though they would say it laughingly and kindly. He cried a lot if he wasn't at the boob.
We gave him formula yesterday and it was like a whole new baby. After he was done (And he was! He stopped eating! Just plain stopped sucking!) he looked around, cooed, lay on his back and watched the ceiling fan. It was crazy.
This happened with my last baby, too. I just did not produce enough milk. I pumped, put her to the breast all the time, everything. In that case, at the two week appointment a rather cranky lact. consultant basically grabbed her and formula fed her. So this time I've been making sure to drink a ton of water (almost 200 fl. oz. a day), eat well, rest, nurse as much as he wants, co-sleep to maximize night feeds . . . And same result. Not. Enough. Milk.
Our pediatrician was wonderful though, and didn't make me feel bad at all. I cannot do any better than I've been doing. This is as good as it gets. I feel bad for the baby, we both do. I know he wasn't in great angst, but he wasn't resting. I'm happy that we live in a world for there is a good, safe alternative to breast milk. But it still kind of bites, at least for a while. DW was finally able to have close, snuggly, lovely bonding as she bottle fed him for the first time, instead of just consoling him when I tried to go to the bathroom occasionally.
So now we'll see if the little string bean can at least be a lima bean. I'll keep BFing him at night and as much as I can, knowing any is better than nothing. Just wanted to share. Sometimes it is harder than they let on. There was an interesting article about how many lactation consultants are working so hard to get women to breastfeed that they don't want to say that sometimes it just doesn't work. I tried, I really, really tried. I never put him on a schedule. I never refused him. I flicked his feet to try to keep him awake. I coslept. I love him. Hearing that he is in the 2nd percentile was a little shocking. I'm so happy to feed him now. But sad that I couldn't do this thing I thought I could as well as I wanted to.
Keep your chins up, ladies, parenting is just a series of curve balls. Sheesh.
36, married to my favorite person in the world, DW! One darling surfer-girl (11) and one darling, sweet boy born 3/16/13.
5/2013 Started TTC #3, DW's turn
5/2013: Diagnostics (shg) and surgery (polyp rem.) for best chances. July-Oct: IUI # 1-4, medicated, monitored, triggered. All BFN. IVF in Jan May. Sheesh. Whoop! IVF#1 cycle started 4/2/14. 5/1: 19 eggs retrieved, 8 matured, ICSI'd. 4 fertilized. Only 2 to transfer/freeze stage. 5/6: Two embryos transferred. 5/15: Beta #1 9dp5dt is 134! BFP! 5/19: Beta #2 13dp5dt is 672! B'erFP! 5/21: Beta #3 15dp5dt is 1853. Yay!
Due date: Jan. 22, 2015
"Things separate from their stories have no meaning. They are only shapes. Of a certain size and color. A certain weight. When their meaning has become lost to us they no longer have even a name. The story on the other hand can never be lost from its place in the world for it is that place.” ― Cormac McCarthy, The Crossing