LGBT Parenting

Bah. New-baby blues. Long.

So, our little kiddo has been a champ in almost every regard. However, we were worried that he wasn't gaining weight well. And I was, to be quite frank, exhausted from baby-on-the-boob syndrome. I mean, he was NEVER not on me. I was working hard to make sure that my supply was getting tapped so that I would produce more. If he squawked, he was "put to the breast." He would nurse for 40 minutes, sleep for 40 (or less) and go back on. It was a never-ending cycle.

He weighed 7lbs, 3 oz at birth. He went down to perhaps 6lbs, 9 oz when we left hospital. I got him back up to 7lbs 1 oz at two weeks. At our one month appointment we were pretty concerned. appointment he was 7lbs 8 oz. While he was in the 67th percentile for height, he was in the (gulp!) 2nd percentile for weight.

So he's on formula now, plus breast milk, too. When I did pump a few times over the last month I would get about half an ounce off once side and slightly less on the other. BFing board said this was normal. But in my gut I felt like he was not getting full, ever. I know if he nursed all the time he could get sort of enough, but he never stopped nursing. And everyone who visited thought he seemed grouchy. And skinny looking, though they would say it laughingly and kindly. He cried a lot if he wasn't at the boob.

We gave him formula yesterday and it was like a whole new baby. After he was done (And he was! He stopped eating! Just plain stopped sucking!) he looked around, cooed, lay on his back and watched the ceiling fan. It was crazy.

This happened with my last baby, too. I just did not produce enough milk. I pumped, put her to the breast all the time, everything. In that case, at the two week appointment a rather cranky lact. consultant basically grabbed her and formula fed her. So this time I've been making sure to drink a ton of water (almost 200 fl. oz. a day), eat well, rest, nurse as much as he wants, co-sleep to maximize night feeds . . . And same result. Not. Enough. Milk.

Our pediatrician was wonderful though, and didn't make me feel bad at all. I cannot do any better than I've been doing. This is as good as it gets. I feel bad for the baby, we both do. I know he wasn't in great angst, but he wasn't resting. I'm happy that we live in a world for there is a good, safe alternative to breast milk. But it still kind of bites, at least for a while. DW was finally able to have close, snuggly, lovely bonding as she bottle fed him for the first time, instead of just consoling him when I tried to go to the bathroom occasionally.

So now we'll see if the little string bean can at least be a lima bean. I'll keep BFing him at night and as much as I can, knowing any is better than nothing. Just wanted to share. Sometimes it is harder than they let on. There was an interesting article about how many lactation consultants are working so hard to get women to breastfeed that they don't want to say that sometimes it just doesn't work. I tried, I really, really tried. I never put him on a schedule. I never refused him. I flicked his feet to try to keep him awake. I coslept. I love him. Hearing that he is in the 2nd percentile was a little shocking. I'm so happy to feed him now. But sad that I couldn't do this thing I thought I could as well as I wanted to.

Keep your chins up, ladies, parenting is just a series of curve balls. Sheesh.

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36, married to my favorite person in the world, DW! One darling surfer-girl (11) and one darling, sweet boy born 3/16/13.

5/2013 Started TTC #3, DW's turn: 5/2013: Diagnostics (shg) and surgery (polyp rem.) for best chances. July-Oct: IUI # 1-4, medicated, monitored, triggered.  All BFN. IVF in Jan May. Sheesh. Whoop! IVF#1 cycle started 4/2/14. 5/1: 19 eggs retrieved, 8 matured, ICSI'd.  4 fertilized.   Only 2 to transfer/freeze stage. 5/6: Two embryos transferred. 5/15: Beta #1 9dp5dt is 134! BFP! 5/19: Beta #2 13dp5dt is 672! B'erFP! 5/21: Beta #3 15dp5dt is 1853.  Yay!

Due date: Jan. 21, 2015
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"Things separate from their stories have no meaning. They are only shapes. Of a certain size and color. A certain weight. When their meaning has become lost to us they no longer have even a name. The story on the other hand can never be lost from its place in the world for it is that place.” ― Cormac McCarthy, The Crossing

Re: Bah. New-baby blues. Long.

  • I tried and tried too but ultimately I wasn't making enough to support them. We started supplementing and eventually for my sanity I stopped bf all together. For us it was a quality thing. I was miserable, they were miserable, M was miserable.

    Don't beat yourself up. Our job is to try and do the best we can and you went above and beyond that. The biggest thing is they are healthy, growing and momma is happy which equals a happy baby.

    I went through weeks of guilt that I could have tried harder etc. M just reminds me that once I let go I was able to enjoy things a whole lot more. Now when I look at our big boy who weighed in at 14lbs 3oz who was born 11 weeks ago at 5lbs 5oz I know I made the write choice.

    M & M
    06/12 - BFP!!!!
    Beta #1 15dpo - 256
    Beta #2 18dpo - 1097
    6wk U/S on 07/02 ~ TWINS!!!
    EDD 02/21/13
    09/10/12 Found out it's two Boys!!!! Sam and Jake
    Jacob and Samuel born 1/29/13 at 36 weeks. photo F489900B-BB44-4C44-ACD1-ABB73509E3B2-9032-000005E7AE7EF53E.jpg Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Oh and he is absolutely adorable!
    M & M
    06/12 - BFP!!!!
    Beta #1 15dpo - 256
    Beta #2 18dpo - 1097
    6wk U/S on 07/02 ~ TWINS!!!
    EDD 02/21/13
    09/10/12 Found out it's two Boys!!!! Sam and Jake
    Jacob and Samuel born 1/29/13 at 36 weeks. photo F489900B-BB44-4C44-ACD1-ABB73509E3B2-9032-000005E7AE7EF53E.jpg Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • I'm not a mom yet, but I do understand. I already feel the crazy pressure to be the perfect bf'ing mom. That formula is the root of all evil. And I think I could see myself also writing the exact post you did if I wasn't able to sustain my baby.

    But from my view - You are being a perfect mom - you are putting your baby's needs before your own, you are making sure he is healthy and safe. You are doing the absolute best you can. You are taking care of your family!

    That's all it takes. Go mama! That little string bean will be a little fatty soon! He's adorable :) Keep up the good work, trust yourself, and know you are making the right choices for your baby!



    Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!

    It's been a long road to here...
    Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
    June'12 - First RE Visit
    Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
    Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
    Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
    Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
    Loss due to umbilical cord was perfect. :(
    Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
    Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
    Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
    Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
    EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
    Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
    We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle


  • kgrobotkgrobot
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its

    I could have written this exact same post! We're BFing, pumping and supplementing with formula, and LO is so much happier and more content. I was letting him nurse ALL DAY LONG and pumping to boot so DH could give him a bottle in the night (although, like you I have rarely gotten more then 2 oz when pumping) and he still didn't seem satisfied. For a while all he did was fuss and cry, and he was gaining weight but barely. Once we just decided to keep that little tummy full by any means necessary, everyone in our house was a happier camper. Now he coos and smiles and looks around, and at his two month checkup we were told he had gained two pounds from the last appointment and has already been hitting some three-month milestones! I am a happy mama!

    And - you should be too! sounds like your little cutie is doing great. 

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