Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Advice needed- overzealous family members

My MIL is baby crazy. She had been pressuring us to have a child before we were even married. Now that our son is here (her only grandchild thus far) she invites herself down every weekend to see him. It's quite an imposition for us as we value our core family time, and when she comes over we feel like we have to babysit her!

We (yes, we. DH is in agreement with me here) were so excited that she didn't call this week to invite herself down, but low and behold, she called today to invite herself down tomorrow. When we told her we were having friends over that day (a lie on our part), she asked if she could come anyway!

We walk a very fine line with my MIL. She is self centered, manipulative, is very vocal about her opinions, but can't take criticism. She argued with us for weeks because we didn't want any visitors the day DS was born, and a month later she still throws out catty remarks about it.

Anyway, to my actual question...

How should we approach the topic of her visiting too much?

DH can't talk to his brother because he just turns around and tells their mother. This whole process has been a real eye opener for DH and he's getting very frustrated with his family.

 TIA

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Re: Advice needed- overzealous family members

  • If she doesn't be the hint, I'd stop answering the phone all the time.
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  • My mom was like this.  Sis and I broke her by not answering the phone or the door anymore.  My sis even put a sign up that said they weren't accepting visitors on the door!  Sometimes you just have to be kind of mean.  Obviously we

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  • image OhSewCrafty:
    If she doesn't be the hint, I'd stop answering the phone all the time.

    This. If she's no

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  • Well, with these types of people you ARE going to have hurt feelings when bringing up things such as 'being there too much'. It is inevitable. What you have to do is realize she is an adult and will get through it, when she brings up remarks just let i

     
     
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  • Just invite yourself to her house every weekend instead. She will get over catering to you as quickly as you go over catering to her.
  • image ClandestineX:

    Well, with these types of people you ARE going to have hurt feelings when bringing up things such as 'being ther

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  • When I'm dealing with people who have zero boundaries and I have to say something that might hurt their feelings I try to remind myself that I'm really doing them a favor. People need to know boundaries and if they aren't having any with you then they pro
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  • Every family needs core alone time but as long as you make some time for your mil and don't cut her off entirely her feelings shouldn't be hurt. I know in laws can be a bit of a pain but you so have to attempt to put yourself in their position. If my baby
  • image OhSewCrafty:
    If she doesn't be the hint, I'd stop answering the phone all the time.

    I'm in agreement

  • I would just be honest about it. That's the best way. I would say something like, we appreciate all of the visits and help, etc. but we really would like a little more time alone as a family.Even if she has a hard time about it, at least she will stay

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  • I had this issue with my mom early on. She lives in the same town as us, but is usually in her own world and not around much, so it was an adjustment when she was around constantly right after LO was born. She just showed up every day at the hospital wi
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  • Your MIL acts this way because you let her get away with it.

    She behaves in such a way to get what she wants, and if you don't let her have what she wants, she is catty or whiny or whatever, because then you give her what she wants! Kids do the e

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  • Yeah, you will have to resign yourself to knowing that she will be upset with you guys.  That is ok.  I believe that upsetting your parents is just a part of growing up.  I upset my parents when I said we won't be spending Christmas morn

  • My mom's advice to me was this- you go over to your MILs house to visit, that way you can stay for as long (or short) as you want. You get to decide when to leave. :-)
                                                 
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  • It might help to have your DH bring it up to her instead of you. He's her son, after all, and is probably used to dealing with her, plus it shows that he supports you and that you are not just being a hormonal new mom.

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