I guess it's time.
After over 2.5 years of trying for LO #2, I figure I can safely say I belong here.
Background: 29, DH 39. Full time mom and employee and student, which of course invites all of my friends and family to tell me to relax and cut back some of my responsibilities so I'm not so stressed. DS is 3.5 and has autism. Stress and worry will follow me no matter how much I have on my plate.
Had HSG, clear. Lap is next week. Doctor suspects endo because of a history of symptoms which improved when I was on the pill. DH's tests all checked out OK, but his morphology isn't as great as the docs would like to see. Because we already have a child with special needs, we have decided that we are willing to do the diagnostics and the interventions that might make me feel better (like the Lap to make endo symptoms less dreadful for awhile), but that we are not going to do any assisted reproduction. We struggled with this decision because there is no good one. It means we may never have another baby, but going through fertility treatments to bring a child into the world that might have a very difficult life just so we can have another baby is a tough pill to swallow, too.
At this point, I'm at ease with our decision. I am grateful that we got our miracle before we endured the heartache of infertility, but still working through the idea that we might have to accept our 3-person family as "it." It stings that we have not been able to give DS a sibling, because he so loves to be around other kids even though he has no idea how to interact or play with them.
I've been a dirty lurker on this board for about a month now, and even though I'm sorry for anyone who has to be here, I am glad that there is a support system in place of people who get it.