Single Parents

I'm so sad. I know everyone makes diff decisons..

But one of my very best friends recently found out she was pregnant. 

It was a mirror situation to me last year. I had broken up with the father a month before & he was no where to be found. She didn't want to be pregnant (neither did I). She said she didn't believe in abortions & couldn't imagine killing her baby (neither could I). She wasn't sure what she was going to do with her life, because she needed to finish school and get her sh*t together before she had a child. Also adopting would be too difficult if she carried the baby for 10 months...

So what does she do.. She breaks down- quit her job, laid in bed crying all day mad at herself and feeling sorry for herself... Her mom made her an appointment at planned parenthood just 'to see' how much it'd cost and how far along she was etc... Well she went and she had an abortion..

I really don't want to be judgmental. I know we all walk different paths for reasons.. She had called me crying when we found out & I told her it'd be great, having a child is awesome even though its difficult. We talked about moving in together and helping each other raise the babies. "heterosexual life mates" ha. I know either choice- adoption, parenting, or abortion can be a hard choice you have to live with the rest of your life. I get it..

But I'm hurt and sad that she went and had an abortion.. I'm upset because I could have but didn't.. I'm upset that she might have negative affects from what she did, both physically and mentally...  I'm sad for the baby that is now gone.. 

Any words of advice for how to deal with her.. ? I told her I'd support her whatever decision, and I do, it just makes me sad.

She's planning on coming to visit for a few weeks & now I have this unrealistic thought of "what if she hurts my baby or mistreats him somehow"

Idk Thanks for listening :)  

Re: I'm so sad. I know everyone makes diff decisons..

  • This is not about you it's about her. If you are her real friend you are supposed to be there for her. 

    YOU chose not to have an abortion as well as she chose to have one. Why does it make it you upset?

    And you are saying that she might hurt your baby? Are you even serious? 


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  • I'm pro-choice.  Obviously she felt that she cold not bring a child in the world right now. 

     

    The best thing you can do for her is be her friend. 

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  • I am so happy she made the right rescission for her. Even if she talks to you and waffles about if it was right, it is your job to tell her it was right. What's done is done.

    I had an abortion at barely 18 and I have never regretted it. Although I quickly got rid of the people in my life that judged me. Making that decision was the best possible choice for me and for that baby since there was no way I could have provided a decent life.

    However afterwards I did want to be around kids. I became a nanny and 15 years later I am a highly paid nanny specializing in multiples and I'll finish my second masters in elementary education this summer. Did I also mention I'm expecting in November? This time around I will be a single patent, but a much better one than I could have been 15 years ago. I bring all this up do you see that her being around your child might be therapeutic for her and your fears are unnecessary.

    If she supported your decision to keep your baby, it is only right that you, her best friend, support her descision regardless of your personal feelings. Right now it's about her, not you,
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  • I personally am pro-life but I don't judge people for doing what they feel they need to do in there life, It's just not something I myself could do. She did what she felt she needed to do, and just remember that friends support eachother no matter what, and that she probably needs you right now.
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  • Seriously, OP? You're an idiot. Get over yourself! It's her life, and her decision. She doesn't answer to you. I hope she's able to move on and find better friends. Why would she ever want to do anything to your baby? You are seriously insane.
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  • Your friend made a hard decision and deserves support.

    You sound paranoid and judgemental.


    I couldn't make this sh*t up! 


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  • ya'll are a bunch of judgemental B*tches yourselves... 

    Did you not read the parts where I said I support her no matter what, and It just makes me sad. I would never tell her that she made a bad decision or that she's wrong in doing that.. I worry for her health, My sister had an abortion and she couldn't have kids after that... It also sent my sister in to a downward spiral of depression and I'm worried about that stuff happening to my friend.. 

    I just think its sad she had an abortion. I think abortions in general are sad, although they are sometimes needed.

    Did you also not read the part that I know that thought of her hurting my little one is irrational.. ? lol 

    Thanks for truely reading my post, and thanks for jumping to conclusions, and better yet, thanks for being Judgmental B*tches, and calling me names when you didn't take the time to fully comprehend what was written in the first place.

    I thought this forum was cool but now idk some of you are starting to seem trollish. Whatever happened to supporting one another 

  • I would not want to be your friend if I had an abortion and that made you think I would hurt YOUR child. Irrational thought or not, that's completely stupid.

    Also, an abortion doesn't mean she 'killed her baby." An abortion is an induced miscarriage, which is legal. Murdering a baby is illegal. They are two totally different situations.

    Also, the abortion your sister had would have nothing to do with her not being able to have kids anymore. Legal and safe abortions do not cause IF.

    She made her own decison, be a friend and respect her and take care of her feelings instead of thinking bizarre and inappropriate thoughts that she would harm your child.

    "Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."

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  • WOW! So much judgement of the OP...

     

    OP, I know it's hard to do, but your best bet is to just ignore that irrational voice in your brain saying "what if she hurts my baby". It sounds like you are aware that your friend really needs you right now, so just try to focus on that I guess. It sounds like a difficult and complicated situation, and I don't really know how I would react to it personally.

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  • image pregokat:

    ya'll are a bunch of judgemental B*tches yourselves... 

    Did you not read the parts where I said I support her no matter what, and It just makes me sad. I would never tell her that she made a bad decision or that she's wrong in doing that.. I worry for her health, My sister had an abortion and she couldn't have kids after that... It also sent my sister in to a downward spiral of depression and I'm worried about that stuff happening to my friend.. 

    I just think its sad she had an abortion. I think abortions in general are sad, although they are sometimes needed.

    Did you also not read the part that I know that thought of her hurting my little one is irrational.. ? lol 

    Thanks for truely reading my post, and thanks for jumping to conclusions, and better yet, thanks for being Judgmental B*tches, and calling me names when you didn't take the time to fully comprehend what was written in the first place.

    I thought this forum was cool but now idk some of you are starting to seem trollish. Whatever happened to supporting one another 

    #1: You said it was irrational, so us telling you the same thing shouldn't surprise you or hurt your feelings...

    #2: Sometimes support means tough love. We never learn or grow unless we take a good hard look at ourself.

    I never said you ARE paranoid or judgemental, I said you SOUND paranoid and judgemental. There is a difference. We don't know you. We only know what you type.

    You said you will support her no matter what, but if you have feelings this strong surrounding this situation you probably need to work through the emotions so you don't subconsiously give off the vibes of being so sad and irrational fear.


    I couldn't make this sh*t up! 


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  • I think I gave good true advice. I did not talk any crap to you, and like PP said sometimes you need tough love.

     

    In no way did I judge you, I simply said the best thing to do is be her friend because I know first hand about the choices she has had to make and all she needs is support right now. 

     

    I know you likely do not agree with her choice but it does not give you the right to get mad at anyone on here who is trying to give you rational advice. Sometimes you might not want to hear what the right thing to do is. That is no reason to get so upset at people trying to help you out. 

    I am just saying do not throw away a friendship because you do not agree with what she did or would not do what she did. 

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  • OP-

    I'm sorry that you are facing so much judgement. This should be a safe place to express fears and anxieties and emotions.  Even if other women don't understand where you're coming from, I wish they would let you be free to share your point of view without ostracizing you. I myself am in a VERY unplanned pregnancy and many women in my situation would likely opt to abort.  While I don't judge, I could never live with myself if I aborted. That's everyone's personal choice and while it doesn't sound like you are judging her, you might be internalizing her struggle.  Just be her friend, listen to her and help her achieve the goals she has that are the reason she chose not to carry.  I think your fears of her hurting your child are based on extreme scenarios.  Just wait and assess her emotional/mental state before getting too presumptuous.  I can't blame you for feeling protective of your child.  That's what maternal instinct is and it sounds like yours is over-active in protecting your friend's unborn child and yours.  Just let it be. It's out of your control.

  • image pulledthegoalie82:
    OPI'm sorry that you are facing so much judgement. This should be a safe place to express fears and anxieties and emotions. nbsp;Even if other women don't understand where you're coming from, I wish they would let you be free to share your point of view without ostracizing you. I myself am in a VERY unplanned pregnancy and many women in my situation would likely opt to abort. nbsp;While I don't judge, I could never live with myself if I aborted. That's everyone's personal choice and while it doesn't sound like you are judging her, you might be internalizing her struggle. nbsp;Just be her friend, listen to her and help her achieve the goals she has that are the reason she chose not to carry. nbsp;I think your fears of her hurting your child are based on extreme scenarios. nbsp;Just wait and assess her emotional/mental state before getting too presumptuous. nbsp;I can't blame you for feeling protective of your child. nbsp;That's what maternal instinct is and it sounds like yours is overactive in protecting your friend's unborn child and yours. nbsp;Just let it be. It's out of your control.
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    This. The majority of comments were intended to help you, ignore the rest. Focus on her, put your feelings aside, and be supportive.
  • I've been away to focus on school and all

    But wanted to say thanks to the supportive comments.

     I recently saw my friend and things picked up like we were never apart. 

    Those emotions and thoughts were just me being sad for her situation. I would never end our friendship, well maybe if she like turned into a crazy drug addict or something but I love her and even though her action made me sad, I still support her and her decisions.

    Thanks to those of you understanding a  need to get thoughts out and vent a bit 

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