August 2012 Moms

The perfect age gap

SFM: The perfect age gap

What is it, in your opinion? Why?

I used to think 2 years was perfect because that's how far apart my sister and I are and we were best friends growing up and still are. After G, I definitely changed my mind. I know that 2u2 in my household, if the second baby had colic/reflux too, would be way too stressful on me, finances, and our relationship.

I always thought it was bad to have two kids that were really far apart, but my mind is changing over time. SO's 9 year old LB is over a lot; spends the night at least twice a week and is over here every day when he's on a school break (and will be here every day during the summer). He's awesome with G. I mean, it's actually nice having him here. He has just as much energy as Gio, so he's rolling around on the floor right with him. At the same time, he can take himself to the bathroom, pour himself something to drink, and is pretty low maintenance. I rarely have to do anything for him. It's beautiful. I spend time with both of them and we're always doing something, but I don't feel like I'm constantly behind on making sure they're both being taken care of. It takes some of the pressure off of me knowing that R can do for himself while I take care of G and then when I'm done, we can all hang together. I'm thinking at least 4-5 years would be ideal.

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Re: The perfect age gap

  • My oldest two are very, very close and they are 15 months apart. It was a very easy transition for me because ds1 was sooo mellow. With Carson, my six year old is the best with him. I don't know that there really is an ideal age gap for us, but not having
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  • If I were going to have a second, I would wait until DS was in pre school or kindergarten. My SD and SS are 4 and 6 and they are so hood with them, plus you get a break while they are in school. Also, when the older is around 16 and the second child is 10

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  • I guess it all has negatives and positives. Our family really wouldn't have handled 2u2 very well. DD1 was way needy.
    I'm enjoying the 4.5 year age difference right now. DD1 is pretty independent around the house. I do worry about them being a littl
    victoria5month samantha5
  • IF we have another I would prefer DS to be at least 4 years old when that time comes. I could be dreaming but I would think of it as having a little helper.

    My sis and I are 27 months apart which I think is a good age difference but I defini

  • The one thing I see as difficult about 4 to 5 years apart, is toys. Trying to keep small toys away from a baby. Then when the younger one is like 4, they want to play with the older one all day long. The older kid doesn't want to ALL day.


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  • image Tula214:
    The one thing I see as difficult about 4 to 5 years apart, is toys. Trying to keep small toys away from a baby. Then when
    victoria5month samantha5
  • Personally, I think around 2 years is the ideal gap. My sister and I are 4.5 years apart and we've never been close. My brother is 2 years younger than her and they have always had a close relationship. Growing up we were just always at different maturity
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  • 2.5/3 yrs. Long enough to potty train the oldest and get him/her somewhat independent and in Headstart/half day school and you have time for the baby.
    My daughter and son are 5yrs apart and while its great because she's so independent they also are


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  • Mine are 25 months apart. While it is tough sometimes, I think it's a decent gap.

    DD was not potty trained when DS was born (but is now), but she also doesn't really remember being the only child. She has been a good helper with him, as muc



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  • I'm an only child and Dh is 7.5 years older than his brother. We're going for three years in between. I don't want to rob Leo of his babyhood at all.
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  • So far I LOVE my 3 year age gap.  They are close enough to spend time together in the future (and a tiny bit now that she is getting a personality and playing with toys), yet he is old enough to be independent.  I can focus on her when I need

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  • DD is six and a halfish years older than the boys and its good for the most part. Only problem is she tries to be mama quite often and it doesn't work.
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  • Mine are 20 months apart and it's been challenging! I'm glad I have 2 close together, but if we have another I'd like more of a 3 year gap.
  • I am 4 years older than my brother. My DH is 3 1/2 and 5 years older than his siblings. DH's siblings were closer growing up to each other than to him. I was close to my brother for a while. I'd like a 2 year gap between DS and any other children. I'm get
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  • I'm loving the 6 year spread between my boys. My son is either in school or running around the neighborhood. He is completely self sufficient.
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  • My brother and I are 4 years apart and not close at all.  DH and his half sister that grew up with him are 6 years apart and not close either.  Could be because of different genders and not the age gap.   DH and I both agreed before we

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  • I love the age gap my kids have. 3.5 years is fantastic. We had ways said that the next one would have to wait until DD was potty trained AND in school. She was potty trained at 26 months and started school just 3 months before her third bday. It just wor
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  • I agree with pp that personality, and gender probably matter more than age. I'm not at all close with my twin brother anymore. When we were little kids we played video games, swam in the pool, etc. Once we got to middle school, we hardly spent any time to

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  • We plan on ttc 2 when Jacqueline turns 2. That way there's a change there will be 3 years between, and that works for us.

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  • I think it depends on your family. Our girls are spaced far apart. the first two were spaced 5 years apart. We did not really think too much on it- I was pretty young, finished up a masters and just started a career, so we waited. And by waiting I mean


  • I have a sister who is 3.5 years younger and 2 sisters (twins) who are just over 5 years younger. I was not very close to them growing up, and only became closer when I went away to college. 

    Oldies like me (I'm 34) might not have the luxury

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  • I think it depends on the family. Mine are just about two years apart 23 months and it's been hard! I'm hoping the payoff comes when they are a little older and have similar interests.
    I should add that I do love it, but it's tricky sometimes. I'm o
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  • To put a different spin on this ...

    I want to be done having kids by my mid-30's (I'm 26 now) so 8-9 years left to have kids.  If DH and I decide we only want 2 then the gap might be wider.  If we think we may want more, then the gap wo

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  • image carolyn231723:
    Personally, I think around 2 years is the ideal gap. My sister and I are 4.5 years apart and we've never been c
  • I always thought a 2-3 year age gap was good.  Now that I have kids with a 6 year age gap, I think its not too bad. 

    Pro's: Older kid is more independent, can help with the baby, helps keep baby entertained, awesome at grabbing things w

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  • My boys are 26 months apart. I actually really like the gap and if we were to have another one would want them to be about the same. My first was pretty independent and was potty trained pretty early so that helped a lot. They can also play with the sa

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  • After the day I've had, I'm going to say that 18 months is NOT it, lol. I have hope that it will be fun as they get older, but this baby and toddler crap is for the birds.

    My son threw about 2,976 tantrums today. One of them was, no lie, bec
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  • Our kids are 14,7,5 and 8 months.

    I love the two year gap. Our boys are best friends and super close. Dd and ds3 are 4.5 years apart and I think it's too much and the ds1 and ds2 are 7 years apart... Which they fight and annoy each other.
  • In the long run, I like that mine are 21 mos. For me, the "window" is 15-30mos apart. I think that once you get to 3+years, it's like raising a series of children instead of a sibling unit.

    The early times have challenges, but my kids won't remem

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