Anyone got any hugs or good thoughts for me? My SIL is having her baby today...a scheduled c-section this morning. She has told me multiple times that she is indifferent to having a baby and has never once actually expressed any happiness about having this child or being pregnant. It will be the first grandchild for MIL and I can't help but get so sad and so angry that it's not us. We had been trying for so long when they got pg, and I always expected we would be the first. They don't even have the nursey done yet (as of yesterday afternoon). I mean, this c-section has been scheduled for weeks....it's ridiculous.
I also found out this morning that another couple friend of ours is pregnant. I'm happy for them, but I'm so hurt for me. I can't help but already get upset. I don't fit in with any of my friends anymore - they either have children or are pregnant. We told all of our friends about our 5th loss and not even all of them asked me at the time if I was ok or said they were sorry we were going through that. Now, we've had another one and they all talk about me when I'm not around about how I'll handle another baby or another pregnancy, but only ONE friend has ever asked if I'm ok. I feel like I'm the elephant in the room and that no one actually cares about me anymore.
To make it even worse, DH hasn't been feeling well (not in the cold/flu kind of way, but really dizzy and his balance is off kind of way). That is scary because it's not a normal cold or something and he is kind of a loss of what type of doctor to go to. If it were up to me, right now, I would just give up totally and run away with DH to Italy for the rest of our lives.
This post doesn't even begin to cover everything that is currently going on in our lives, but I had to at least get some of it out. I'm just in real need of some extra love, support, or anything else anyone has to offer. Thanks ladies. I hope your Monday is starting out infinitely better than mine.
TTC since April 2010
BFP #1 – March 2011, missed m/c April 2011
BFP #2 – October 2011, m/c November 2011
Surprise BFP #3 – December 2011, diagnosed as cornual, terminated January 2012
BFP #4 – June 2012, m/c July 2012
Diagnosed with bicornuate ute and MTHR gene mutation
BFP #5 – October 2012, missed m/c November 2012
BFP #6 – January 2013, m/c March 2013
No longer TTC. Diagnosis: Hostile ute. Heartbroken and bitter. Pursuing surrogacy.
June 2013 - Carrier found! Could this really happen?!
~All AL always welcome~