Infertility Veterans

Officially done with OE treatments (sorry, long)

As I've mentioned here before, we're now set up for a DE cycle in June.  I was going to try natural IVF at the suggestion of a new RE in April (i.e., this cycle ... I'm on CD1), but the donor cycle was lined up more quickly than anticipated, and the donor can only cycle in June, not later in the summer.  So I'm pretty sure that means this is the last cycle I can TTC before going on meds of one kind or another for the donor cycle.

I emailed with the new RE today and he confirmed what I had suspected -- that it doesn't really make sense to try just one natural IVF cycle.  I think you need to make time for several to have a decent chance of success.  He confirmed that in light of my plans it made sense to skip the natural cycle and move on to DE.  I thanked him for his honesty.  So, barring unforeseen circumstances, and except for trying the old-fashioned way this month ... I am done.  I'm officially giving up on my OE.

I feel sad and heavy-hearted about this -- I almost feel physically heavy, in fact, like my limbs are made of lead -- and writing it out this way is bringing the tears back.  But I also feel kind of peaceful.  I didn't think I'd ever get here, but after 3 totally awful IVFs (and 6 other treatment cycles), and not a single, even short-lived BFP, or even a decent-looking embryo, it's time for me to move on.  

Not being able to have my own genetic children is the greatest disappointment of my life so far.  So obviously I've been pretty lucky.  Things have usually worked out for me.  But somewhere, deep down, I've known for a long time -- maybe even before I started -- that this is the thing that wouldn't work out for me.  I almost feel like I've been play-acting, even letting myself hope that all of these OE treatments will work.  

But I also have the intuition that DE is different, and it already feels more real to me.  Suddenly it's almost like I can feel my future children waiting for me, and I've never felt that way before.  I know this sounds hokey and strange, and it doesn't mean that this particular donor and cycle will work out, but something's changed.  I told my husband recently that I want our extra bedroom cleared out, empty, not collecting extra furniture and piles of books.  We've packed up the detritus, and the movers are coming tomorrow to take things out.  I'm going to buy a nice soft rug.  I'm not buying baby furniture but there will be room there now, and I think there will be a baby there soon.




******SIGGY/TICKER WARNING******

Me: 40. DH: 42. TTC since 2009. 
Normal-ish hormone levels (<9.5 FSH, 0.9 AMH).  Weird egg maturity issue.
July 2011 - Feb. 2012: 2 Clomid/TI cycles; 3 injectables/IUI cycles. Good response but BFNs.
Dec. 2011: Laparoscopy (clear) + hysteroscopy to remove uterine polyp.
Apr. 2012: IVF #1: Antagonist protocol. 7R, 0M, 0F. :-(
Nov. 2012: IVF #2: Long Lupron protocol. 9R, 1M, 1F. 3dt of my one lil' embie on 11/23: BFN. :-(
Dec. 2012: Hail Mary IUI cycle with leftover IVF meds: BFN.
Feb. 2013: IVF #3: Estrogen priming protocol, max stims. 6R, 1M, 1F w/rescue ICSI. My one embie didn't make it. :-(
July 2013:  DE IVF #1. Canceled just before retrieval when donor tested positive for (active) CMV.  :-(
Oct. 2013:  DE IVF #2, with wonderful new donor. ER 10/25:  31R, 24F. 5dt of one beautiful 4AB blast: 10/30. 14 frosties. BFP at 5dp5dt. Beta 11/8 (9dp5dt): 179. Beta 11/15 (16dp5dt): 2274. First US 11/25 (6w3d): a perfect little bean with a HB of 118. Second US 12/9 (8w3d): HB 170. Anatomy scan 2/27:  It's a GIRL!  Beautiful DD born 7/24/2014 weighing 8lb 15oz.  100% worth it all.  

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Re: Officially done with OE treatments (sorry, long)

  • none of that sounds hokey at all.

    i know that you are grieving for what you could not accomplish with your own eggs, and that is completely normal.

    prayers for peace for you and yh as you look toward the cycle in June.

    (((huge hugs)))

    TTC #1 since 12/2010 DH: MFI, cancer survivor Me: Resected septate uterus, lap treated mild endo, tubes open, ovulate on own, autoimmune disease 3 Failed IUI's (2/2012, 4/2012, 6/2012) 
    IVF #1 August 2012. BFP! Beta #1 56.7 Beta #2 150 One baby, one heartbeat on 9/20/12! no h/b @7w6d. dandc @8w0d
    FET #1 December 2012, BFN
    FET #2 February 2013, no embies survived thaw
    IVF #2, BFP #2, Loss #2 March 2013, Scar tissue discovered, RPL testing,
    IVF #3, BFP #3, Loss #3 (twins) September 2013
    Hostile ute, moving onto Gestational Carrier!

    GC/FET #1 of 1 5AA blast and 1 compacted blast, February 2014, BFP #4 on 3/1/2014!
    6w u/s 1 bean with h/b of 145 bpm, 8w u/s 187 bpm
    EDD 11/7/14. Please, please, please stick little one!

    Praying unceasingly for a miracle. ALL welcome!

    image










  • Not hokey at all. I have a yellow room I refuse to let dh put junk in. Good luck with your de cycle!
    "Everything will be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."
    Me:29 DH:29  TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR/immune issues 
    Feb'12- July'12-testing(all clear minus slight arcuate ute), 3 IUI with clomid all BFN
    8/30IVF#1 Antagonist protocol- ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F. 
    ET 9/14 2 embies transferred. 1 10cell Grade 4, 1 8cell Grade 4. No frosties. BFN
    IVF#2 Antagonist protocol plus baby aspirin- ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
    ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
    3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy, Consulted w Dr. Kwak-Kim.  
    DX: High NK cells, cytokines, DHEAs& PAI1;  hypothyroid, +APA, restricted bloodflow
    7/13 IVF#3 Long lupron protocol with PIO, Crinone, Prometrium, and vivelle
    (plus synthroid, metformin, baby asa, metanx, PNV, Vit E, D, calcium, fish oil, CoQ10, IVIg infusions and lovenox per Dr. Kwak-kim)
    ER 7/19 14R, 11M, 9F(4 natural fert, 5 with ICSI)
    ET 5dt 7/24 2 fully expanded blasts.  SURPRISE 3 FROSTIES!!!
    Beta #1 8/2 335!!!! Beta #2 829!!!  1st u/s 8/14 showed TWINS!!!!!
    11/11: TEAM PURPLE!!!!!
    3/21/14-L&W born at 37w via csection

    Here Comes the Sun Blog
    PAIF/SAIF welcome!
  • Huge ((hugs))! Many T&P that DE brings you success. I think it's good for you to physically clear out and create the space for a LO so that on days when you're not feeling quite as hopeful you can see that space and remind yourself of how you feel


    ***signature & ticker warning***


    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!

    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers

    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN

    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013
    ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)
    Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
    G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.


    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!


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  • The women on this board never stop amazing me.  The strength and courage and grace through the darkest infertility days are to be commended.  I think your story is beautiful...the feeling in your heart that has drawn you to this place and the ro

    Countless BFN(s)
    Moving to IVF

    IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
    6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
    Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
    Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

    Pressing Forward

    IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
    13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
    Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

    FET. 2TFR'ed.
    Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
    Where do we go from here?

    Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
    ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
    Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
    Finally some (tough) answers.


    IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
    13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


    Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
    Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
    BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
    Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

    1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

  • Good luck on moving forward and I hope the best for you! I can't imagine how hard it must be to let go and stop with your OE and I can't imagine how it feels considering I have been told to move on to DE by my RE. But I know that there comes a time when w
    Me 34 and DH 39 married in aug. 2002
    Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
     High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02 
    IVF #1 May 2012  ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
    MINI IVF Oct.2012  Cancelled 10-27-12
    Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
    Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
    DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
    miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
    Etopic  D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
    dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
    FET #2 Jan 31st  2014 
    Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks 5 days
    Currently fostering to adopt an amazing little 1 year old boy..P.J!
    3rd DE FET Spet.11 2014 
    cancelled due to mess up with a estradiol shot! 
    Now new FET date is Oct 29th 2014
    Everyone Welcome






  • I can relate to what you're saying and it doesn't seem hokey at all to me. We had to go through a grieving period when we realized we wouldn't be having genetic children. I always figured my kids would have red hair, and to bury that red-haired child emot

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
    Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
    Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
    DH: Severe MFI

    12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)

    My ovaries are just for decoration

    12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
    2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
    2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
    3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
     
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
    9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
    11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!   
    My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
     
        image      image 
  • As someone who came to terms with letting go of a bio child, I can tell you that My only regret is that I didn't move on to DE sooner. At the end of the day, a DE baby is better than no baby. If you are lucky enough to afford DE and for DE to work, I trul

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! EDD 12/2/14

    MFM will induce or schedule C/S by week 37-38= 11/12/14 to 11/19/14
    We are Team Pink x 2!!!

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I don't think any of that sounds hokey.  I think we all deal with things in different ways and this is your way to move forward.  I think you have a great attitude and sound like you are ready for DE.

    TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome 

    ME (30): DOR d/t chemo & radiation, FNH of liver, Hypothyroidism


    DH (30): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, ASA


    Sept '11-April '13 Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying


    January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN

    February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! 


    March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN


    July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test


    Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells


    Praying for a different protocol and needing another biopsy for EFT



    photo collage.jpg
  • There are mixed blessings that come with arriving at a decision point, and obviously you have both some joy and pain right now.

    I'm happy that you have a plan, and that the plan comes with renewed hope. But it's also heart-wrenching to watch the


  • image Mrs.McIrish:
    As someone who came to terms with letting go of a bio child, I can tell you that My only regret is that I didn't


    ***SIGNATURE & TICKER WARNING***


    TTC #1

    Me 42, DH 47

    Dx = AMA/DOR, MFI (0% morphology)

    IVF/ICSI #1 = BFN

    IVF/ICSI #2 = BFP; loss @ 4w2d

    IVF/ICSI #3 (DE) = BFP; loss @ 5w1d

    FET = BFN

    IVF/ICSI #4 (DE w/ CCS) = BFP!

    Beta #1 @ 10dp6dt = 265; Beta #2 @ 14dp6dt = 1251. 

    1st U/S @ 6w2d showed one perfect little heartbeat! 

    2nd U/S @ 7w2d. HB 132 & everything measuring on track! EDD 1/14/15

    *PAIF/SAIF welcome*


    TEAM PINK!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

  • I love that post... so much hope and positive emotion.  I feel like I've 'known' you for a long time, and thinking of you with a baby comes easily.  :-)
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