Success after IF

Deep thoughts

I have to say that here lately I have been in "feel sorry for myself" mode.  I've just been so down about feeling like I'm in this predicament of not knowing what to do - my AMH is undetectable, my hormones are crazy, my cycles are whack, I keep having mood swings and night sweats...and I feel terrible about my weight/body.  I think my hormonal issues are contributing to having a hard time losing weight.  I feel like I'm going into menopause and probably need to have another kid if I am going to...and I do want another one.  Yet, I can logically say now is probably not the greatest time for another baby. However, I also can't get overly excited about dumping a bunch of money into IVF and freezing eggs, etc. (not to mention the physical/emotional aspect of it) when all of that is is a big "maybe" given my numbers, the fact that even if I could get some embryos who knows if they would make the thaw in a few years, etc. 

Well, today, after spending some time on my the board I found on Fragile X on facebook, I don't feel so bad for myself anymore. How does the saying go?  "I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet."

I realized that I have an awful lot to be thankful for.  I have a son...a son who seems to be healthy.  Maybe I won't get to have another baby. That makes me sad.  But I still have an awful lot be happy about.

IF DX: DOR & Fragile X pre-mutation carrier
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014

May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:

Re: Deep thoughts

  • Oh, seem to be going through a lot. I know I am new to the board, but wanted to give you a big hug. You do have a lot to be thankful for, but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to want more.


    TTC#1: 4/2010 - Me: 31 DH: 31 – unexplained
    9 medicated/monitored cycles = BFN | IVF 1.2 = BFP!!
    Beta#1: 162 | Beta#2: 535 | Beta#3: 2,445 | Beta#4: >9,000!

    Sophie Joy was born 2/10/2013

    TTC#2: 2/2014 - pre-testing completed to prepare for FET#1. Surprise BFP the cycle before FET!!
    Beta#1: 301 | Beta#2: 612 | Beta#3: 3,200 | Beta#4: >11,000!

    Praying for my sister, RunCC37, to have her own miracle!


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  • I'm sorry Bevo. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself sometimes. Especially when you've been dealt a crap hand. I'm glad the fb group helped you get some perspective and reminded you to focus on the positive. Hugs!
    TTC with PCOS since November 2009
    IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c
    IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
    IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
    beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
    beta #2 11/28 = 2055
    Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
    Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14 
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  • You are right! But it is hard sometimes to stop and focus on the positive things. FWIW, AMH is just one predictor of how you might respond to stims. Another good predictor is how you respond to other meds (like Clomid) which was good in the past. You have
    Unexplained Infertility

    After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!

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    TTC #2
    After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!

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  • I agree with Ducky. You do have lots to be thankful for but you are also allowed to want the family you heart longs for. Big hugs to you, lady! 
    TTC#1 since oct 2009, DOR
    IUI #1-3 (jan-mar 2011), all BFN 
    IVF #1 oct 2011, BFN      
    IVF #2: dec 2011, BFFN
    FET #1: feb 8, 2012, BFP!!!  chibaby born october 29, 2012!

    TTC #2
    FET #2  sept 5, 2013-BFFN
    new RE
    IVF #3    feb 2014-BFFN again...
    Headed to CCRM 
    IVF #4 oct 2014 
    4 CCS tested normal embryos! Amazing! 
    FET dec 18! 
    Praying for another miracle!


  • Ditto what everyone else said.  Yes, we all have a lot to be thankful for and of course there are people out there who have it far worse.  But it's okay to feel sorry for yourself from time to time.  IF sucks, it's not fair and it usually p
    *My Loves, My Life, My Littles*

    02/18/11, 05/24/12 and 12/03/13

  • Hugs. It so much easier said than done right? Hang in there mama.


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  • I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Vent away...biology sucks sometimes.
    Married 6/08, TTC 7/09
    MC w/ D&C 3/11 ~ 9.5 weeks
    CP/MC 1/12 ~ 5 weeks
    2 IUI's w/ BFN
    IVF 6/12 ~ 8R, 0F ~ Rescue ISCI gave us 3dt of 2 (6 cell, 9+ cell)
    DS born ~ 3/3/13
    IVF 6/14 ~ Operation Sibling ~ 10R, 5F ~ 5dt of 1 Blast
    Beta 1: 1600+, Beta 2: 4588
    Everyone Welcome!
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  • image Saraevh:
    Ditto what everyone else said.  Yes, we all have a lot to be thankful for and of course there are people out the

    ttc since 05/2010 with PCOS and MFI
    2 IUI's = BFN
    IVF with ICSI, ER 11/28/2011 ET 12/03/2011 1 blast transferred
    4 snowbabies
    BFP! EDD 08/20/2012
    Everyone Welcome
    baby girl joined us 8/23/2012
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  • I am soooo sorry you are having to go through this so prematurely IBack :( it is all relative & there will always be situations worse & better than yours, but that doesn't lessen your pain any. If you do move forward with IVF, the newer freeze methods
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