This morning?s weigh in was an eye opener for me. I'm not looking for sympathy. This is me holding myself accountable and not hiding behind my smile.
Since having my D & C on 12/12/12, this was my second miscarriage; I've been an emotional wreck. I've been withdrawn from my family and friends. I've maintained my "sunny" demeanor especially for my friends that are still pregnant but inside it feels like a part of me is lost. Having lost 70 pounds prior to becoming pregnant one would think that I'd be able to pick up where I left off. Wrong. I've almost gained back everything I've lost.
Once again I've turned to food to avoid feeling. It's like my body is on auto pilot. I look in the mirror and I see a stranger staring back at me. I'm tired all the time, one minute I feel a bit of joy and the next I feel guilty for feeling that joy. I've been watching the number on the scale creep up a little more each day but this morning was an eye opener. I'm 7.5 pounds away from being where I once was. I made myself a promise a year ago I would never see these numbers again but here I am. Enough is enough. I'm tired of not feeling like myself that I once was proud of.
Yesterday I felt so much better than I have in weeks. I feel like I am finally coming out of the daze and denial I've been in for months. I?m finally going this week for a checkup that should've happened months ago. It's time to get back to normal!
Today is a new day! Today I'm recommitting to my health. No more excuses. Today I choose to be happy. Today I choose me!