Infertility Veterans

A lot on my mind for next steps... ***ticker warning and long**

I have had a lot swirling around in my head as the horrible events have unfolded before us in the last few weeks. What will our next steps be after the dust settles from this pending m/c?

We have one frozen donor embryo left. Its a Day 6 embryo that was originally frozen at Day 1, thawed and grown to Day 6 and frozen NOT using vitrification because this was back in 2005.

DH is very nervous about putting all of our stock into this single embryo especially given that double freezing can be harmful. I kind of agree with him.

We talked about trying to find more donor embryos, but it's not like you can just stop by the corner embryo store and pick some up. It's incredibly difficult to find them. I'm not even sure where I would start since these embryos found me. 

I know that it might sound odd to want to do testing on the results of our m/c since the baby isn't of our genetics. But after a long discussion with DH, we decided we want to for a few reasons. If we can find out if the cause of the m/c was a chromosomal issue, I will feel more confident in my uterus to try again. If the embryo turned out to be great chromosomally, I'd be scared to try again with our single embryo. We initially didn't want to do this for fear of finding out the gender. However, we are changing our thoughts on a lot of things to do with avoiding our fears. We want to give this baby the respect as a human being that it deserves and our fear of the pain isn't right when we realize we owe it to the baby to be recognized for who he/she is. We may even name him/her.

And a thought hit me last night. A completely wild thought. Our donor Vicky was going to be a gestational carrier for another couple a couple of years ago but that couple learned they were pregnant. She had already gone through drawing up contracts, ordering meds, the whole shebang. She loved the idea of helping this couple and she loved being pregnant. It hit me - wouldn't that be incredible to have her carry this final embryo? Is that just crazy thinking or what? She already carried this embryos sibling to term. Hmm?

And I'm leaning toward looking into traditional adoption as well but DH isn't as warm to that idea because he's afraid of the birth mother taking our baby back after he/she being placed with us. This is a complete and valid concern and I share the concern too. But I guess I look at it as though anything could happen to any child. So I feel like a loss would be awful whether it were a birth mother or medical. 

I just know I need some kind of a plan to move on and feel like there is hope for us after this. 

Holy crap that was long. If anyone wants to weigh in on any of this, I would appreciate your advice or thoughts.

 

PS: I can't bear to take my ticker down until it's over over over. Again, it's back to this whole "giving this baby the respect it deserves as a person" in my head. I just can't bear to take it down. In case anyone was wondering why it was still up. :( 

************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
DH: Severe MFI

12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)

My ovaries are just for decoration

12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
 
9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

Snowflake baby is a girl! 
Counting down the days until our scheduled c-section planned for July 29, 2014!

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    
My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
 
    image      image 

Re: A lot on my mind for next steps... ***ticker warning and long**

  • Oh, gosh. I have no suggestions or advice other than to not think too far ahead and let yourself heal.  I am so sorry you are going through this, it is just awful. I don't know if a genetic test will help you much with your decision, as if its gen

    image. image
    Me: 35, DH: 36, ttc: 5 years, dx: unknown
    10/11: after 2 years, saw a RE, FSH 5.4
    11/11: BFP! (surprise after thyroid med & normal hsg),
    12/11: missed m/c after 7 week u/s, 1/12: D&C
    6/12 IUI#1-IUI #3: clomid = BFP!, C/P
    IVF #1(10/12) FSH 5.4, AFC: 16 long Lupron, 5R/5M/4F, all 4 made it to 5dt, 1 blast/1-8 cell transferred=BFN
    IVF #2(12/12)AFC 21, MD lupron, 4R/4M/3F, 5dt of 1 blast and 2-8cell. BFN.
    IVF#3(4/13) Natural start antagon protocol, 12R,11F. one PGS normal at day 6 transfer. BFN.
    IVF#4 (11/13) C.CRM (ODW.U normal 8/13 Still no Diagnosis) EPP/antagonist. ER 13R/7M/6F. Only 1 made it to freeze. Abnormal. Looking into options of DE, Fresh vs frozen. Maybe cycle again in fall '14??
  • image J&D2007:

    Oh, gosh. I have no suggestions or advice other than to not think too far ahead and let yourself heal.  I am

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
    Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
    Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
    DH: Severe MFI

    12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)

    My ovaries are just for decoration

    12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
    2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
    2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
    3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
     
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
    9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
    11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Counting down the days until our scheduled c-section planned for July 29, 2014!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

        
    My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
     
        image      image 
  • Oh sweetie - I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this and the emotions that come with it. I don't blame you for a second for wanting to give this baby the respect it deserves. I wouldn't put so much stock into the results of have the baby

    TTC 1/2010 DH Dx - Azoospermia 2/2011
    Hysteroscopy 3/2011 2 Polyps removed 4/2011
    DH on Clomid / Arimidex to address hormonal issues - Sperm found July 2011!
    IVF #1 September 2011 - ER 9/8/2011- 8R, 5M - icsi - 1 made it to transfer - BFFN :-(
    IVF #2 Lucky November 2011 - ER 11/25/2011 - 15 eggs!, 13 mature, 10 fertilized with isci - 7 made it to transfer! Transferred 1 - 8 cell and 2 - 7 cell. BFP!!!!
    1st U/S - Twins! 2nd U/S - 3 heartbeats!!! - HOLY COW!!!
    Prayers for our take home babies!
    2 babies born on 3/27/12 and lost. Last baby born on 3/29/12 and lost at 20 weeks.
    My angels grew wings shortly after birth.
    Ahava Raisel, Matisyahu Nissim & Zev Chaim - Mommy and Daddy will always love you.
    IVF #3 July 2012 - ER 7/17/2012 - 10 R. 5 F. 4 made it to ET
    Transferred 2 on 7/20/2012 no snow babies :-(
    Beta on 7/31/2012 = BFMFN
    A miracle gift expected to come to us through adoption around 9/2012
    Baby girl adopted - Birth Mother changed her mind and took the baby back
    IVF #4 October 2012 - New RE. Doing PGD Testing. 8 R, 7F, 2 made it to 5 day blast for PDG testing. Both Normal (Thank you G-d!!!) 1 boy and 1 girl
    transferred one beautiful 5day blast (girl)
    Please G-d the almighty one - let this be our take home baby!
    Beta #1 158, Beta #2 318, 1 Absolutely magnificent HB at 175! Thank you G-d!!!
    Baby Girl born August 5th. Thank you G-d for our precious miracle.
    AMA. PAIF & SAIF always welcome - I need all the prayers I can get!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • ((hugs))
    "Everything will be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."
    Me:29 DH:29  TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR/immune issues 
    Feb'12- July'12-testing(all clear minus slight arcuate ute), 3 IUI with clomid all BFN
    8/30IVF#1 Antagonist protocol- ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F. 
    ET 9/14 2 embies transferred. 1 10cell Grade 4, 1 8cell Grade 4. No frosties. BFN
    IVF#2 Antagonist protocol plus baby aspirin- ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
    ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
    3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy, Consulted w Dr. Kwak-Kim.  
    DX: High NK cells, cytokines, DHEAs& PAI1;  hypothyroid, +APA, restricted bloodflow
    7/13 IVF#3 Long lupron protocol with PIO, Crinone, Prometrium, and vivelle
    (plus synthroid, metformin, baby asa, metanx, PNV, Vit E, D, calcium, fish oil, CoQ10, IVIg infusions and lovenox per Dr. Kwak-kim)
    ER 7/19 14R, 11M, 9F(4 natural fert, 5 with ICSI)
    ET 5dt 7/24 2 fully expanded blasts.  SURPRISE 3 FROSTIES!!!
    Beta #1 8/2 335!!!! Beta #2 829!!!  1st u/s 8/14 showed TWINS!!!!!
    11/11: TEAM PURPLE!!!!!
    3/21/14-L&W born at 37w via csection

    Here Comes the Sun Blog
    PAIF/SAIF welcome!
  • Liz I am so sorry for you! I have been in your position more than once and honestly have to say that you are making this much more difficult for yourself by waiting until next week. I know what it's like to want to hold out hope but it is more emotiona

    6 m/c
    Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
    Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011
    1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
    Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
    1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
    Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
    DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011
    IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
    IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
    Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
    Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) 
    Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
    Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
    Dec 12 Humira
    Jan 2013 BFP
    Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
    Miracle Born August 2013 Premature

    Yours doesn't have to be a sad story



    image
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    Lilypie - (ugiy)


  • In my opinion, testing can sometimes be more confusing than enlightening. Agreed with PA that a "normal" test result doesn't mean there weren't any issues with the embryo or that it would have thrived in someone else's uterus. And an "abnormal" test wo


  • Thank you so much for your responses. It's going to give me a lot to think about. I am sure I'm going to flip flop with my decisions around throughout this process because I'm sure a lot of this is being swayed by my emotions right now, and not by my b

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
    Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
    Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
    DH: Severe MFI

    12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)

    My ovaries are just for decoration

    12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
    2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
    2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
    3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
     
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
    9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
    11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Counting down the days until our scheduled c-section planned for July 29, 2014!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

        
    My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
     
        image      image 
  • I completely understand your reasons for waiting it out. I would do exactly the same thing in your position. I commend you on pressing forward making such conscious decisions and doing so with such grace. You are a wise woman and you and your DH will find

    Countless BFN(s)
    Moving to IVF

    IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
    6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
    Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
    Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

    Pressing Forward

    IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
    13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
    Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

    FET. 2TFR'ed.
    Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
    Where do we go from here?

    Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
    ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
    Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
    Finally some (tough) answers.


    IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
    13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


    Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
    Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
    BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
    Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

    1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

  • You are a STRONG woman. My heart hurts for you and your husband. I wish I could take this pain away from all of us. Whatever decision you make, I am sure it will be for the best. Hugs!
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    Photobucket


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    From the dirt to the moon!



    PAIF and SAIF welcome

  • ... what PBJ and RPL have said.  My heart goes out to you...
  • So sorry Liz. Your original post you posted here I have had so many thoughts run through my head of the same scenarios. I myself have never been pregnant so I don't know how your dealing with the heartbreaking loss of a miscarriage but my heart hurts for
    Me 33 and DH 38 married in aug. 2002
    Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
     High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02 
    IVF #1 May 2012  ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
    Hysteroscopy 7/12/12   D&C preformed and one Polyp removed
    MINI IVF Oct.2012  Cancelled 10-27-12
    Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
    Cancelled due to poor response AGAIN!
    Moving on to Donor Eggs Found Amazing donor June 2013
    Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
    DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
    miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
    Etopic  D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
    dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
    FET #2 Jan 31st  2014 
    Got my BFP Feb 5th
    Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks  days
    taking break from FETS and moving forward with FOSTER ADOPTION!
    Everyone Welcome






  • image pbj1975:
    You are a STRONG woman. My heart hurts for you and your husband. I wish I could take this pain away from all of us. W

    ***signature & ticker warning***


    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!

    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers
    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013 ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)
    Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple

    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!


    image
  • Thank you ladies!

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
    Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
    Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
    DH: Severe MFI

    12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)

    My ovaries are just for decoration

    12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
    2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
    2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
    3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
     
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
    9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
    11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Counting down the days until our scheduled c-section planned for July 29, 2014!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

        
    My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
     
        image      image 
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