Blended Families

Sit down for this one, it's a doozy....

I hope this is the right place to post this. First, I know most of you are probably not going to understand the whole situation or accept it, but it works for us, or at least it did until now. I understand this. That said I'm in one heck of bind. My husband and I have an open marriage. Polyamorus to be correct. All parties involved are aware and everyone is ok with everything, there's no sneaking around no lying etc etc. Well my b/c script ran out on Feb. 7th and I was expecting AF to show up. She did on Feb. 10th. When I went to refill my b/c script on Feb. 12th the pharmacy informed me I had run out of refills and my old OB/Gyn wasn't allowing me to refill more without a Pap. No problem I had one scheduled with a new OB/Gyn on Feb. 21st. She wrote me a script and told me to fill it and start it after my next AF. Not a problem. Going 14 days ahead from the first day of AF my ovulation should of been Feb. 24th. DH had been using the pull out method (I'm allergic to latex and condom lubricant), and we had experienced no problems. However, my other partner (who's also been one of my best friends for 5 years) and I were intimate the 1st of March. He didn't pull out. I figured I was in the safe zone and AF was right around the corner, and ovulation long over and done. WRONG. I picked up my new b/c script on March 12th with every intention of taking it once AF was over, whenever she decided to show up. Except one small problem. I took 2 HPT's and I'm pregnant. WTF! This means I got pregnant 19 days after first day of last AF. How is that even possible with a 28 days cycle???? Long story short Daddy to be is still trying to wrap his head around this, and understandably my DH's heart is broken. We already have an 18 mth old DS and we had only planned to have one more before DH went to get snipped. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this clusterf!ck?
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
«1

Re: Sit down for this one, it's a doozy....

  • Adoption? Abortion? Monogamous relationship from here out?

    Obviously what's done is done but my rule has always been if you wouldn't spend 18 years with them, don't sleep with them because literally anything can happen. Good luck to you and y
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Abortion and adoption are both out. I don't think I'd get past either of them psychologically. As it is looking, we are just going to have to get used to the idea of being a strange little family and somehow making it all work. I'm not so much worried for
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Hmm I don't know what to suggest. Will your husband raise this baby and not treat him or her any different? Will the father have joint custody and visitation?

    I mean, yes its unusual but as long as all parties are friendly, I don't see w
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • You weren't on b/c so you didn't necessarily have a 28 day cycle.

    you can't really do anything about it now, either you should not have DTD or at least pull out. It's possible your H is the father. I guess when you don't use B/C and don't have a

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • I think you're likely going to need the help of a professional. Maybe make some phone calls and see if you can find a counselor who is familiar with your lifestyle and then go from there. 

    Your pregnancy can't be the first one from a polyamo

    my read shelf:
    Erin's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • Your DH is devastated you got PG by someone else but has no issue with you having sex with someone else? And how do you know DH is not the father? Are you am idiot or have you actually heard that the pullout method is not a real method of birth control?
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • First of all, it is possible that this child is either YHs or the other guy's. Pulling out doesn't = baby isn't his. Don't jump to conclusions until the baby is born and you get a paternity test.

    Next, as PP said, you and YH need to sit down
  • First of all, do some scientific research on the reproductive system and basic sex ed. Not for nothing, but that 28 day period/ovulation thing is the average of women who were studies decades ago. Given the amounts of hormones running through our sys
    image
  • You remember in high school when they told you at any time you can get pregnant...even while on your period? You had sex off birth control now your upset your pregnant. Not only are you upset but youve devestated your husband and you other partner doesnt
    IAmPregnant Ticker}
  • 7 years ago when I was young and STUPID I was having sex with two guys. One was pulling out and the other was not. I cried and prayed the whole 9 months the father would be the one who was not pulling out. Guess what? The one who did pull out was the f

    utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Getting Pregnant">Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure in the eyes of the law the man you are married to is on the hook for the child in your womb. (financially speaking, father rights that sort of thing).

    If he were to leave you, and/or if the the other man (as

  • Definitely don't rely on that 28 day cycle counting method!! Especially since it takes your body a little while to adjust without the hormones of the pill. When I got pregnant with DD I started taking pregnancy tests the day AF was due I was ttc and had a

    image
    image
    image




  • Thanks everyone. While I see that some of you OBVIOUSLY don't understand the lifestyle, most of you had some legitimate advice. I was more looking for anyone who had been in a similiar situation and how they handled it. Personally, your opinions of my act
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image fellesferie:

    I think you're likely going to need the help of a professional. Maybe make some phone calls and see if you can

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
  • image fellesferie:

    I think you're likely going to need the help of a professional. Maybe make some phone calls and see if you can fi

    Visit The Nest!

    image" width=220>
  • Several years ago I was very briefly in a poly/ open  relationship. The logistics were different than yours but I'm familiar with situations like yours. I had several other poly friends. Usually in situations like these the group considered themse



    Mom to Angels. Chemical Pregnancies 08/03, 04/04, 10/06, 12/21/10 -Gabriel with us for 6w 5d,BFP 5/25/11 -Jade with us for 5w 3d





    Mom to N 07/08/06, L 07/25/09, and S 05/14/12




    Stepmom to K 02/14/04 and A 12/17/04




    image

    image




    image
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
  • There's still a chance that the baby is your DH's.  Hopefully it is as that will make it easier for everyone involved.  I don't think you will get a lot of people on this board with advice as your situation is probably pretty rare.

    How


  • I believe there are DNA tests that can be done invitro - after about 20 weeks, in case you wanted to get a head start on figuring out who's the BF and what you're going to do visitation/custody/etc wise.  I had a co-worker who got pregnant and was

  • The thing that bothers me isn't the open part of your relationship. It's the fact 1. You used the pullout method and 2. Are assuming you are on a 28 day cycle like you were while on the BCP. If you had unprotected sex at anytime you could get pregnant, so

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • I am to assume the comment about feeling sorry for the children is aimed at me. 

    If you actually READ what I wrote, I dont give a flying ** what your home life is like as long as the what you do doesn't negatively affect people around you.&n

    image
  • image MommySept13:
    Thanks everyone. While I see that some of you OBVIOUSLY don't understand the lifestyle, most of you had some legitimat
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • You turned out great yet used the pullout method as "birth control" with your H and nothing with your other partner? Oookkkkkk....
    You posted so obviously youre worried about how this will play out. If you werent youd go about your merry life and no

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • image MelRC117:
    You turned out great yet used the pullout method as "birth control" despite working in the medical field for BOTH

  • I'm out of the BC loop, but aren't there non-latex condoms, sponges, spermicides, and Plan B still available to those with latex allergies?
  • There are latex-free condoms... I just wanted to throw that out there.

    I would find out the father as soon as you can, like Wendi said, so you know exactly what you're dealing with. If DH is the father, then it sounds like there's no issue. If ot

    image
    imageimage
    image
  • It amazes me how 3 adults are so shocked about this outcome. Unprotected sex and someone got pregnant. SHOCKER. Was your partner not aware you werent on bc this month? You said he was trying to "wrap his head around it" and your H was heartbroken. Sounds

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • image wendilea:
    I'm out of the BC loop, but aren't there non-latex condoms, sponges, spermicides, and Plan B still available to those w
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • image wendilea:
    I'm out of the BC loop, but aren't there non-latex condoms, sponges, spermicides, and Plan B still available to thos
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Did you and DH really never discuss this possibility when you both agreed to an open marriage?  No form of birth control is perfect but if he agreed to you having unprotected sex with multiple partners, surely one of you could have foreseen this as a
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
«1
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards