Postpartum Depression

PPD Flashbacks

This weekend was 1 year ago that we brought DS home.  The weather was also similar.  As DH & I were out to dinner, he made a comment about how he couldn't believe it had been 1 year already.  All I could think about was how I felt when DS came home & the weeks & months after.  Everything seemed so similar, and I got that awful feeling in my gut.  I couldn't get the resentment towards DS at the time out of my head, the constant anxious feeling in my stomach, the no appetite, and the constant crying and panic I had.  I hate that even a year later, it still haunts me.  I hate that I've always wanted 3-4 kids, and now I'm not sure I want another because I'm terrified of it coming back.  I remind myself that I got past it once, I can do it again.  But oh, those days were miserable.  I lost so much precious time w/ DS when he was just teeny tiny. 

 

On a happy note!  DS turned 1 last week and he's the coolest little dude I know.  Makes me smile and/or giggle 700,000 times a day.

Re: PPD Flashbacks

  • image brazzale:

    This weekend was 1 year ago that we brought DS home.  The weather was also similar.  As DH & I were out to dinner, he made a comment about how he couldn't believe it had been 1 year already.  All I could think about was how I felt when DS came home & the weeks & months after.  Everything seemed so similar, and I got that awful feeling in my gut.  I couldn't get the resentment towards DS at the time out of my head, the constant anxious feeling in my stomach, the no appetite, and the constant crying and panic I had.  I hate that even a year later, it still haunts me.  I hate that I've always wanted 3-4 kids, and now I'm not sure I want another because I'm terrified of it coming back.  I remind myself that I got past it once, I can do it again.  But oh, those days were miserable.  I lost so much precious time w/ DS when he was just teeny tiny. 

     

    On a happy note!  DS turned 1 last week and he's the coolest little dude I know.  Makes me smile and/or giggle 700,000 times a day.

    My son will be 3 in August and I still experience this at times.  We are going to try to get preggo next Spring (so another year) and I am already freaking out about it.  I only want 2 children and it was hell with what I went through with my son, but I REFUSE TO LET PPD/PPA WIN!  It will not rob me of having a second child.  It takes time momma...things will get better, promise. :)

    PPD/PPA Mom...it has been super hard, but I'm making it! Slow steps...

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  • Sounds a little like PTSD to me. I feel physically ill when I drive past the hospital where I had all my care during my pregnancy. DD has to have abdominal u/s every three months (she's had 2 so far) and both times we've been in the u/s room I've felt panicky and sick, since it reminded me of the bad experiences I had during all the u/s I had while pregnant.

     I don't know how normal that is, but I think it's pretty common to have those kinds of flashbacks when thinking about pregnancy or when things trigger your memory of when you had PPD/PPA. I just deal with it by doing breathing exercises and trying to focus on my LO. 

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  • My daughter is a year and I feel the same way. I get very sad when I think of all the time I lost when she was little. I can completely relate.
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