Two Under 2

Did having 2 U 2 change the # of kids you wanted?

DS will be 21 months when our new bean will be born.... I am already feeling so exhausted and so far behind in all the house work etc (I know from feeling sick and 1st tri exhaustion). I start to think that once LO is born it won't be much different. If we decide to have a 3rd like we org planned, we also want them close in age....(I turn 35 in July and don't want to wait between kids for long at all due to heightened risks) but now when I think about it, I get scared I will NEVER get things under wraps and I will be so overwhelmed and limited with 3 so young. (my neighbor was done at 2 and had an oopsie.... she is always stressed, depressed, and in a bad mood) I never want to be at that point.  Did you change your game plan after #2 came? 
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Re: Did having 2 U 2 change the # of kids you wanted?

  • Having 2u2 has actually made me want a 3rd, when before I only wanted 2.  Our #2 was an oops, we never planned on having 2 this close together (15 months) so there is a part of me that is sad that if we only have 2 that means no more babies. However, having 3 is expensive and would mean we are outnumbered, lol!  To your friend, though, speaking from experience I think having an oops baby is more stressful than having one you plan for because you are just not mentally in the same place (she could also have undiagnosed PPD, who knows).  So I doubt all of the stress you see in your friend is solely from having a 3rd child.  I would wait and see how you feel after you have 2, but if you have always wanted 3 I think you will do just fine.  I am sure it will still be very hard at times but that doesn't mean you won't be happy!
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  • I have always wanted 4 children.  So far I have 2 kids, 18months apart, younger child just turned 1yr.  I can tell you that it's easier having a baby and a toddler than being pregnant (sick and exhausted) with a toddler.  Although I don't know what it would be like being pregnant with 2 children at home, probably similar to what you're going through now.  I still want more children, but I think it will be easier to wait until my youngest is at least 2.5 (my DD is now really independent at that age).  But I'm young so I have time to wait.  If I was older, I'd probably just bite the bullet and go for it.  Will it be hard?  Yes.  But is it worth it in the long run?  I think so.
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  • Nope, I still want 3.

    Now after having my DD who is a hard and intense baby, I'd like a bigger spacing rather than another 2u2.

    I'm of the mindset of getting it all over with while I'm in the thick of babyhood.
  • It did in a roundabout way... I love having 2u2.  It's the ideal spacing for our family.  DH was deployed for most of last year.  I knew that I couldn't be pregnant and have two small children, while he was gone (we have no family near by to help).  Since we missed the window of having 2u2 again, we decided that our family is complete.  I didn't want to wait until one was in school to start all over again with a newborn.  Then we'd be back to worrying about nap schedules, someone sitting with the baby to take the big kids to do stuff, etc. 
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  • Yes, sort of. My DS was born a preemie and we almost lost him. There were a host of issue with the end of my pregnancy, his birth and the 1st 6 months of his life. It was the most insane, heartbreaking and exhausting time in my life. I do not wish to do that again. Plus, having another and risking what happened to DS happening to another LO seems irresponsible. I'd never forgive myself.

    We always wanted 3 and it's taken a lot of soul searching to realize we need to stop at 2. Having 2u2 didn't really change our want to have a 3rd. We were still thinking about it well into our 2nd pregnancy. Having a preemie absolutely changed it. So we are finished with 2.  


  • The good thing is that you don't have to make a decision about #3 right now!  A LOT will change in 18 months.  You may feel at that time you want to add to the family, or you may feel that two is plenty for you.  IMHO spacing doesn't change how easy/hard having a baby is, there are different advantages and challenges to each age gap.  We always wanted a big family, but if I felt I was going to be overwhelmed we wouldn't have had another.  Pregnancy is always the hardest time for me (and DH) and after each one is born he has said "this is it" ... then a few months down the line, he's says "this isn't so bad" and then it's "when are we having another"....
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  • Thanks everyone :) I know we won't know for sure until we are at that point and in the thick of everything... Part of the reason I am also feeling this way is I am starting to feel like I want to be done having kids at my age. I did start late in the game and want to still be excited to enjoy all of the little things with each of my kids as they grow.... and as much as I love the good parts of the baby phase, it is so hard and maybe starting to realize that I really don't want to do it all 3 times. 2 might be it, but you guys are right.....the door will stay open until it comes to "that time" again.
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  • Nope!  I always wanted 3 and am expecting my 3rd in July.  My girls are 18 months apart and #3 will be 19 months younger than DD2.  
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  • I just wanted to say something a little unrelated.

    I just went lurking through the January 13 board. I see these things that they are so stressed about, the lack of sleep, the crying, etc. And I can't believe that I went through that 10 months ago. Because it gets better and it gets easier and it's all a phase.

    It'll be years before our homes are always tidy, but it'll eventually become a disaster slower and our babies will need us less and it won't be so bad.

     I actually feel like having babies close together gets the exhausting part over with faster. 

    So what I'm going to try and remember for the next two years as I'm pregnant and have another infant so that it'll pass and things will be easier.  

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  • After two we felt pretty done. We did think that we would adopt if we wanted more. But now we our having our bonus baby and we are excited.

    I guess it depends on your personality and how you take on challenges.

    Like pp said it could be PPD that is making her act the way she is.
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  • After having 2, I feel even more like I at least want a third and we will be TTC #3 in a few months to have another short spacing. However, we've always said we wanted 4, and I am not sure I have 2 more pregnancies in me. The pregnancy part is much worse for me than the extra kid(s) part is.
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  • Thank you for posting this. This is exactly what I'm thinking right now. We always said we'd have 3. Maybe it is just the first tri exhaustion making us scared of what's to come. I'm too tired to do anything right now, so I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with even two! But let's hope our energy sparks up in 2nd tri and when baby's born and we find it from somewhere. I'm sure we will.
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  • Nope.  None of our pregnancies have been "planned."  We decided before we got married that once we got married, we'd just see what happened.  My first two are 15 mos apart, and for me, going from 1 child to 2 was more of a transition than going from 0 to 1.  Not going to lie, the first year was kind of rough - at least for me -because I have a very "spirited" older daughter.  You just can't put the new baby down in the bouncy seat or swing or anything and turn your head, much less leave the room!  I couldn't even leave her in her crib - my older daughter would climb into the baby's crib!  It was a little scary.  But now that they are older, it is wonderful.  They love each other so much, and they play together so well.  And you really do adapt to the chaos, lack of sleep, etc.  I am pregnant with #3 (so 3 in 3 years), and have had some complications this pregnancy.  I have been on bed rest for 3 weeks, and will probably be on bed rest until I am full term.  That is the only reason I have thought maybe I will be done after this baby.  It has just been so stressful.  But my whole life, I always knew I wanted at least 3, and probably 4 children.  Now maybe we'll just adopt #4.  Scary as it may sound, I look back now and think "how could I have ever felt tired/overwhelmed with just one child?!"  When I am alone with just one of mine now, I'm like "wow, this is so relaxing."  I had no idea what chaos, exhaustion, and being "busy" was until I had 2 kids 15 mos apart. I am sure after this third, I will look back and think 2 was a piece of cake compared to 3 under 3. But every kid is different - my friend's DD is the same age as my older one and her DD is so calm, mellow, and well - kind of boring.  Mine is into everything!  It just is easier with some kids than others.  Just depends on their personalities and ages.  By the time my oldest was about 20 mos old, it got a lot easier because she understood a lot more and was much more independent. 
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  • I think it just solidified how many kids we want (3, so one more). But then, there are days where I think maybe 4 would be nice! But overall, I think we both will be fine with one more, and it will complete our family!
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  • image redheadinlove:

    I just wanted to say something a little unrelated.

    I just went lurking through the January 13 board. I see these things that they are so stressed about, the lack of sleep, the crying, etc. And I can't believe that I went through that 10 months ago. Because it gets better and it gets easier and it's all a phase.

    It'll be years before our homes are always tidy, but it'll eventually become a disaster slower and our babies will need us less and it won't be so bad.

     I actually feel like having babies close together gets the exhausting part over with faster. 

    So what I'm going to try and remember for the next two years as I'm pregnant and have another infant so that it'll pass and things will be easier.  

    No, this is totally related!!! I am a January 13 mama myself, and I can totally attest to the fact that these last two months have rocked my world so hard. Yes, there's a whole lot of joy, but a whole lot of difficulty as well.

    For the past two months, I've been saying that yes, we're done. And I've always said I wanted 5 or 6 kids!! I am just now getting to the point (like, in the last couple of days) that I can possibly see more in our future. That is, if hubby agrees. :)

     

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