Let's use AEs to talk about things.

IhaveanAE

Sex,secrets,FLAMEFUL things you can't say to the people who know you!

IhaveanAE

I think DH might be gay.

IhaveanAE

What,are you guys tooo scared?

IhaveanAE

LiliDragon:

IhaveanAE:

I think DH might be gay.

You don't need an AE for this. We would totally support you!

Thank you! That's sweet of you. But I'm afraid of people we know seeing this is they bump. SO,I figured I'd make an AE and have some fun with it.

I should have been clear.

Not ment to be a hate speech/slam other bumpies thread.

poppyseed1017

IhaveanAE:

I think DH might be gay.

Based on what, exactly?  Have you talked to him or asked him about it?

IhaveanAE

poppyseed1017:

IhaveanAE:

I think DH might be gay.

Based on what, exactly?  Have you talked to him or asked him about it?

I found emails from another man in his inbox. ...They were innapropriate. I snooped because I thought something was up...I was right.

CoUnTryBB1

Have you talked to him?  

IhaveanAE

CoUnTryBB1:

Have you talked to him?  

No. And I probably never will unless he brings it up. I'm in love with him and I don't want LO to grow up with parents who aren't together. -Unless things started to outwardly be dysfunctional or abusive.

poppyseed1017

IhaveanAE:

poppyseed1017:

IhaveanAE:

I think DH might be gay.

Based on what, exactly?  Have you talked to him or asked him about it?

I found emails from another man in his inbox. ...They were innapropriate. I snooped because I thought something was up...I was right.

Really, all you can do is confront him with your evidence. He can't lie if it's right there in front of him.  Good luck.

poppyseed1017

IhaveanAE:

CoUnTryBB1:

Have you talked to him?  

No. And I probably never will unless he brings it up. I'm in love with him and I don't want LO to grow up with parents who aren't together. -Unless things started to outwardly be dysfunctional or abusive.

Ok, now this is flameful.  Sure, you're in love with him, that's why you married him.  But, uh, if he's having an affair with anyone, man or woman, he is not in love with you or not happy in the marriage.  And now that you know, it will eat you alive.  That is no way to live, for either of you.

Get yourself together and confront him. 

Tula214

I don't need an AE to tell you that I think staying with someone just because you have kids is destructive, and ridiculous. Had my parents gotten divorced when they first realized it wasn't working out, it would've saved everyone a lot of stress.

Talking to him would be the most beneficial thing.

CoUnTryBB1

IhaveanAE:

CoUnTryBB1:

Have you talked to him?  

No. And I probably never will unless he brings it up. I'm in love with him and I don't want LO to grow up with parents who aren't together. -Unless things started to outwardly be dysfunctional or abusive.

That is ridiculous IMO.   You need to talk with him about things like this.   I don't think growing up with parents that allow their spouse to cheat is setting a good example about healthy relationships but that is my personal opinion, to each their own.   Also, you need to discuss this with him regardless of man/women because there are other risk besides being emotionally hurt (i.e. STD's, strangers knowing intimate details about your life).  

IhaveanAE

kikimo327:

IhaveanAE:

CoUnTryBB1:

Have you talked to him?  

No. And I probably never will unless he brings it up. I'm in love with him and I don't want LO to grow up with parents who aren't together. -Unless things started to outwardly be dysfunctional or abusive.

Are you kidding me?  I grew up in a single parent household, and I think that was better than growing up in a house where my parents had issues.  PS What you think might not be obvious to an outsider probably is... your kids can pick up on issues.  

 And, if your H is fooling around behind your back, I have to wonder how much respect he has for you. You deserve better than that. 

Maybe true. And this is not a slam on single parents.

I don't want to lose him. I mean I kind of already have,but he is still sweet to me and loving. I think he just fell out of love with me and in love with the man he is seeing. I know he still loves me,he's just not IN love with me. To be honest,I think he is sad that he fell out of love with me and wants to be straight. He just isn't.

halvorsonl00

A spouse being unfaithful, regardless he sex of their partner is not ok. Not confronting him because you love him is also not ok either. You need to talk to him.

Jnmac83

Tula214:

I don't need an AE to tell you that I think staying with someone just because you have kids is destructive, and ridiculous. Had my parents gotten divorced when they first realized it wasn't working out, it would've saved everyone a lot of stress. Talking to him would be the most beneficial thing.

I really don't want to sound mean, but Tula is right. My parents were awful together. I hated the idea of them being apart, but it was SO MUCH BETTER. They were both happier. You are coming across so non-chalant about it. I mean, are you really that way, or are you upset? I am sad for you, but more worried about you being in a relationship that is one sided. Not to mention the damage that may happen down the road for your kid.

I really hope you talk to him. I don't know who you are, obviously, but I'm going to hope for the best for your family.

IhaveanAE

I just found out,I wouldn't even know what to say. I may give it some time. I may pack up tonight. No idea.

halvorsonl00

IhaveanAE:

kikimo327:

IhaveanAE:

CoUnTryBB1:

Have you talked to him?  

No. And I probably never will unless he brings it up. I'm in love with him and I don't want LO to grow up with parents who aren't together. -Unless things started to outwardly be dysfunctional or abusive.

Are you kidding me?  I grew up in a single parent household, and I think that was better than growing up in a house where my parents had issues.  PS What you think might not be obvious to an outsider probably is... your kids can pick up on issues.  

 And, if your H is fooling around behind your back, I have to wonder how much respect he has for you. You deserve better than that. 

Maybe true. And this is not a slam on single parents.

I don't want to lose him. I mean I kind of already have,but he is still sweet to me and loving. I think he just fell out of love with me and in love with the man he is seeing. I know he still loves me,he's just not IN love with me. To be honest,I think he is sad that he fell out of love with me and wants to be straight. He just isn't.

You'll never know unless you ask. 

poppyseed1017

IhaveanAE:

kikimo327:

IhaveanAE:

CoUnTryBB1:

Have you talked to him?  

No. And I probably never will unless he brings it up. I'm in love with him and I don't want LO to grow up with parents who aren't together. -Unless things started to outwardly be dysfunctional or abusive.

Are you kidding me?  I grew up in a single parent household, and I think that was better than growing up in a house where my parents had issues.  PS What you think might not be obvious to an outsider probably is... your kids can pick up on issues.  

 And, if your H is fooling around behind your back, I have to wonder how much respect he has for you. You deserve better than that. 

Maybe true. And this is not a slam on single parents.

I don't want to lose him. I mean I kind of already have,but he is still sweet to me and loving. I think he just fell out of love with me and in love with the man he is seeing. I know he still loves me,he's just not IN love with me. To be honest,I think he is sad that he fell out of love with me and wants to be straight. He just isn't.

I'm not being mean-spirited at all, but you need therapy.   Trust me, you will not be able to live your life this way.  How long do you think your H is going to continue staying married to someone he isn't in love with?  Divorce is going to happen, either way. 

This situation is really unfortunate and I'm sorry.   But you have a child to consider.  Get it together.

Jnmac83

IhaveanAE:

kikimo327:

IhaveanAE:

CoUnTryBB1:

Have you talked to him?  

No. And I probably never will unless he brings it up. I'm in love with him and I don't want LO to grow up with parents who aren't together. -Unless things started to outwardly be dysfunctional or abusive.

Are you kidding me?  I grew up in a single parent household, and I think that was better than growing up in a house where my parents had issues.  PS What you think might not be obvious to an outsider probably is... your kids can pick up on issues.  

 And, if your H is fooling around behind your back, I have to wonder how much respect he has for you. You deserve better than that. 

Maybe true. And this is not a slam on single parents.

I don't want to lose him. I mean I kind of already have,but he is still sweet to me and loving. I think he just fell out of love with me and in love with the man he is seeing. I know he still loves me,he's just not IN love with me. To be honest,I think he is sad that he fell out of love with me and wants to be straight. He just isn't.

Ahhhh... I am just SAD for you. Maybe it's my PMS kicking in, but honestly, I just want to hug you. I can't even imagine having to process these feelings. I hope that you decide to talk to him and you can move on. I think if you stay with him, you might miss the opportunity to find someone who is IN love with YOU! You deserve that.

CoUnTryBB1

IhaveanAE:

I just found out,I wouldn't even know what to say. I may give it some time. I may pack up tonight. No idea.

I would have to harness my angry energy into something positive first like clean the shizz out of my house until I calmed down some (I don't know which bumpie suggested this but yeah definately a winner).   Then I would print said email and very calmly tell him you need to talk to him about something.   If I knew he was cheating on me . . . his bags would be packed by the door.   I am not going to leave to make things easier for him.   I would definately discuss it sooner than later!

IhaveanAE

carolyn231723:

IhaveanAE:

CoUnTryBB1:

Have you talked to him?  

No. And I probably never will unless he brings it up. I'm in love with him and I don't want LO to grow up with parents who aren't together. -Unless things started to outwardly be dysfunctional or abusive.

As hard as it might be I really think you should talk to him about it. He might be really confused about his sexuality. He might want to talk to you about it, but maybe he's too afraid or ashamed. Honestly, if I ever found something like that in DH's email I wouldn't be able to pretend that I didn't see it.

He had seemed really depressed and when he started the relationship (or when I think he did) Our sex life got better,we stopped fighting so much. I'm afraid bringing it up will cause him more shame. I know his family won't support him. His whole life they have talked about how being gay is bad and not normal. So knowing him,it's something he wants to suppress until he figures it out. To be honest,I'd rather talk to him about it after we have both had time to figure out things seperatly.

Tula214

Talking to him will be best for both of you. Like pp said, maybe he is confused. Even if you lose him as your husband, maybe you guys could stay close after the air is clear.

Please do not just pack up, and leave. Sit down face to face, and just tell him what you saw. Don't yell it, just say it. If he gets defensive, ask him not to. A civil conversation is best.

IhaveanAE

Plus,LO has some health issues right now and needs mom and dad together.

I will say that we are still actling like a team and taking really good care of LO

poppyseed1017

AE, are you a regular on our board?  I hate you felt the need to create an AE for this.  No one on the board would flame you or hold anything against you.  We can be fiesty at times, but when someone needs support, we usually rally around them.

IhaveanAE

poppyseed1017:

AE, are you a regular on our board?  I hate you felt the need to create an AE for this.  No one on the board would flame you or hold anything against you.  We can be fiesty at times, but when someone needs support, we usually rally around them.

I'm kind of regular. You all know me and I think you like me.

I didn't create an AE because I thought you ladies would flame me. I just don't know if any family members or friends of ours are on Thebump. It would be horrible if they saw this. DH would be devistated.

punkrockabye

Talk. To. Him. There is more in the world than gay or straight, too. He could be bisexual, pansexual, etc etc etc. So to me, it's not so much about "inappropriate emails with another man" as it is "inappropriate emails with another person." I mean, your partner cheating on you with another person is just as bad whether it's with someone of the same sex or not. Make sense? Like... he can be bisexual, and still faithful to you, just like I assume you're heterosexual but you're faithful to him.

"Sneaky business" doesn't 100 percent mean that the relationship needs to end, but it means that it needs to be addressed immediately to determine what he truly wants. Personally I'd have no problem if my partner was a man who is attracted to men and women, as long as we're in a committed relationship... I mean, I assume you're attracted to men still, but you don't cheat. He can be attracted to men and women and still not cheat.

My AE worthy confession is that I am not completely heterosexual, and as I've stated before, my partner is pre transition male to female transgender, but neither of us are cheating on the other with ANY kind of person. My partner is only attracted to women, I am attracted to more, but have no desire to stray from my relationship.

I must say, I think what I'm saying sounds like "we'll maybe he's not cheating" and that's not it at all! What I'm saying is that even if he's not completely heterosexual, he has the OPTION to be a decent person and not cheat, just like everyone has. I'm basically trying to say that him having an attraction to men doesn't mean it has to be over. Many husbands of bumpies are attracted to women [duh] and still manage to not cheat, so a bisexual man should have no problem being held to the same standard. But obviously, if he's gay, he's gay. Nobody will be happy in that situation and you, him, and your child can be so much happier if everyone is honest.

punkrockabye

poppyseed1017:

AE, are you a regular on our board?nbsp; I hate you felt the need to create an AE for this.nbsp; No one on the board would flame you or hold anything against you.nbsp; We can be fiesty at times, but when someone needs support, we usually rally around them.

This as well, but I do see your reasoning. Bumpies only lose it on someone after months and months of ridiculousness, blatant domestic violence, back and forth crap, and overall childishness [case in point: shelbehh].

IhaveanAE

punkrockabye:

poppyseed1017:

AE, are you a regular on our board?nbsp; I hate you felt the need to create an AE for this.nbsp; No one on the board would flame you or hold anything against you.nbsp; We can be fiesty at times, but when someone needs support, we usually rally around them.

This as well, but I do see your reasoning. Bumpies only lose it on someone after months and months of ridiculousness, blatant domestic violence, back and forth crap, and overall childishness [case in point: shelbehh].

I don't know, I saw how Bensmom went off on Poppy. I mean,Poppy had kind of picked on her,but Poppy picks on everyone. I don't blame Bensmom one bit,but she could have gone about that whole thing differently.

I know some of us can be a little rowdy.... ha. I've seen some of us get really snappy before.

And don't get me started on Shelbeh. That girl was just plain rude for the Elfster thing. I'm sorry,but that was really sh*tty.

hooslisa

punkrockabye:

Talk. To. Him. There is more in the world than gay or straight, too. He could be bisexual, pansexual, etc etc etc. So to me, it's not so much about "inappropriate emails with another man" as it is "inappropriate emails with another person." I mean, your partner cheating on you with another person is just as bad whether it's with someone of the same sex or not. Make sense? Like... he can be bisexual, and still faithful to you, just like I assume you're heterosexual but you're faithful to him. "Sneaky business" doesn't 100 percent mean that the relationship needs to end, but it means that it needs to be addressed immediately to determine what he truly wants. Personally I'd have no problem if my partner was a man who is attracted to men and women, as long as we're in a committed relationship... I mean, I assume you're attracted to men still, but you don't cheat. He can be attracted to men and women and still not cheat. My AE worthy confession is that I am not completely heterosexual, and as I've stated before, my partner is pre transition male to female transgender, but neither of us are cheating on the other with ANY kind of person. My partner is only attracted to women, I am attracted to more, but have no desire to stray from my relationship. I must say, I think what I'm saying sounds like "we'll maybe he's not cheating" and that's not it at all! What I'm saying is that even if he's not completely heterosexual, he has the OPTION to be a decent person and not cheat, just like everyone has. I'm basically trying to say that him having an attraction to men doesn't mean it has to be over. Many husbands of bumpies are attracted to women [duh] and still manage to not cheat, so a bisexual man should have no problem being held to the same standard. But obviously, if he's gay, he's gay. Nobody will be happy in that situation and you, him, and your child can be so much happier if everyone is honest.

punkrocks words here are wise.  very, very wise.

with that being said, it sounds like this is all brand new and fresh. 

breathe.  take the time to digest it and then make calm decisions.

....and who cares what anyone else above would do if it was their relationship.  it isn't.  it's yours....and if you don't want to come out with guns ablazin'.  don't.  if you feel like you need to table this while you deal with the health of your child, then so be it.  you know how much you can handle at any one point.

at any rate.  we are here for you.  AE or no AE (although, i understand why you used one).

IhaveanAE

hooslisa:

punkrockabye:

Talk. To. Him. There is more in the world than gay or straight, too. He could be bisexual, pansexual, etc etc etc. So to me, it's not so much about "inappropriate emails with another man" as it is "inappropriate emails with another person." I mean, your partner cheating on you with another person is just as bad whether it's with someone of the same sex or not. Make sense? Like... he can be bisexual, and still faithful to you, just like I assume you're heterosexual but you're faithful to him. "Sneaky business" doesn't 100 percent mean that the relationship needs to end, but it means that it needs to be addressed immediately to determine what he truly wants. Personally I'd have no problem if my partner was a man who is attracted to men and women, as long as we're in a committed relationship... I mean, I assume you're attracted to men still, but you don't cheat. He can be attracted to men and women and still not cheat. My AE worthy confession is that I am not completely heterosexual, and as I've stated before, my partner is pre transition male to female transgender, but neither of us are cheating on the other with ANY kind of person. My partner is only attracted to women, I am attracted to more, but have no desire to stray from my relationship. I must say, I think what I'm saying sounds like "we'll maybe he's not cheating" and that's not it at all! What I'm saying is that even if he's not completely heterosexual, he has the OPTION to be a decent person and not cheat, just like everyone has. I'm basically trying to say that him having an attraction to men doesn't mean it has to be over. Many husbands of bumpies are attracted to women [duh] and still manage to not cheat, so a bisexual man should have no problem being held to the same standard. But obviously, if he's gay, he's gay. Nobody will be happy in that situation and you, him, and your child can be so much happier if everyone is honest.

punkrocks words here are wise.  very, very wise.

with that being said, it sounds like this is all brand new and fresh. 

breathe.  take the time to digest it and then make calm decisions.

....and who cares what anyone else above would do if it was their relationship.  it isn't.  it's yours....and if you don't want to come out with guns ablazin'.  don't.  if you feel like you need to table this while you deal with the health of your child, then so be it.  you know how much you can handle at any one point.

at any rate.  we are here for you.  AE or no AE (although, i understand why you used one).

I agree. Punkrock is right.

Tula214

punkrockabye:

Talk. To. Him. There is more in the world than gay or straight, too. He could be bisexual, pansexual, etc etc etc. So to me, it's not so much about "inappropriate emails with another man" as it is "inappropriate emails with another person." I mean, your partner cheating on you with another person is just as bad whether it's with someone of the same sex or not. Make sense? Like... he can be bisexual, and still faithful to you, just like I assume you're heterosexual but you're faithful to him.

"Sneaky business" doesn't 100 percent mean that the relationship needs to end, but it means that it needs to be addressed immediately to determine what he truly wants. Personally I'd have no problem if my partner was a man who is attracted to men and women, as long as we're in a committed relationship... I mean, I assume you're attracted to men still, but you don't cheat. He can be attracted to men and women and still not cheat.

My AE worthy confession is that I am not completely heterosexual, and as I've stated before, my partner is pre transition male to female transgender, but neither of us are cheating on the other with ANY kind of person. My partner is only attracted to women, I am attracted to more, but have no desire to stray from my relationship.

I must say, I think what I'm saying sounds like "we'll maybe he's not cheating" and that's not it at all! What I'm saying is that even if he's not completely heterosexual, he has the OPTION to be a decent person and not cheat, just like everyone has. I'm basically trying to say that him having an attraction to men doesn't mean it has to be over. Many husbands of bumpies are attracted to women [duh] and still manage to not cheat, so a bisexual man should have no problem being held to the same standard. But obviously, if he's gay, he's gay. Nobody will be happy in that situation and you, him, and your child can be so much happier if everyone is honest.

ITA. My SO knows that I have a thing for women as well as men. He also knows I wouldn't cheat on him. That's why it is important to be open, and communicate. I hope that you and your H can sort out everything eventually. It's not good for you to keep that on your conscious.

Jillwithani

I just want to give you a hug and tell you I kind of know what you're going through. I always thought my ex-husband to be gay. I've had my share of sexual partners and things just never seemed right in bed with him, he would hardly ever finish, maintain or even initiate. The only times it was ever good was when he was done with guys night. We had sex a few times with the goal of getting pregnant to start a family and I mc'd every time. He would mysteriously disappear with random guys we met at a bar to "drop them off at home" because he would deem them too drunk. He never once went down on me in 5 years or told me I was pretty. I decided I couldn't be in a relationship with no love and decided to leave. I never confronted him but I'm under good authority that he's not exactly dating women right now. 

There's always just that feeling under your skin that something is right, and you'll never be happy until you are able to live freely without feelings like that.  It's a devastating feeling, especially with the commitment you've made to be married. If you need anything or someone to talk to please inbox me.