November 2012 Moms

It's not a joke anymore

The short version: I am calling the OB in the morning to talk about PPD.  Sorry if I've been an AW on TB and FB lately.

The long version: I've been up for 1.5 hours; first with M for almost an hour, then crying and writing an email to DH (he's working til the morning) about how I've truly been feeling and the fact that I need his help.  He's not a very sensitive man, so I really need to spell it out for him if I'm having trouble.

Everything was going so well until a couple of weeks ago.  Up until then people would ask how it was going and it was all, "Oh things are good; easier than I expected; my life is perfect; blah, blah, blah."  I started crying and having meltdowns no less than twice a week.  I generally felt like more of a FTM than I ever did when I actually was a FTM.  My level of frustration over the fact that M wakes up every night and is incredibly unpredictable in doing so (always eats, but who knows how much; sometimes wants to stay up and party; wakes anywhere from 12-5am; and there's nothing I do that promotes any kind of regularity in this habit) has gotten ridiculous. I only work on the weekends and don't generally require a lot of sleep to function, so it shouldn't matter that my nights are less than smooth. I've been lashing out at DS and the poor dog because I just can't figure DD out.  And she's 14 weeks old; why does she have to be figured out?  Here's why: DS was on a such a regular schedule and STTN by 7 weeks; I obviously have not accepted the fact that all babies are different and cannot move past the fact that DD is not on a regular schedule or STTN. I also apparently am a very schedule-oriented person.  Why am I having such a hard time with this when there are quite a few of you who are up several times a night and are much better adjusted than I?  I think I really want to appear as if I can handle it all and everything's P&R.

 We are going to give the dog to MIL.  DH and I have been contemplating this for months... and MIL's offered to do so for just as long; she loves Lily.  She a very docile lab and spends most of her days panicked because she can't handle the baby crying or DS being disciplined.  No animal deserves to live like that.  I'm so upset over it; I don't want to "give up" on her, nor do I want to take away the opportunity for my kids to grow up with an awesome pet. But at this point I think it's better for everyone if she gets some much needed love and attention. And that's not happening here.

Also, sorry I've been an AW.  I feel like my posts on here have been B&M about stupid things that aren't really significant issues.  Hence the reason I gave a short version; I feel like if anyone actually opened this thread, there would be no way they would really read it because I've made a big deal about the same "problems" over and over... or at least I did in my head.

Lastly, sorry if this made ZERO sense to anyone who took the time to read.  I really just needed to get it out.  I'm so grateful for all of you and this group.

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Re: It's not a joke anymore

  • Big internet hugs to you! You don't have to apologize for how you feel, and you're NOT an AW. We all get through this differently, just like our LOs. I'm glad you are finding a way to communicate to your DH, and that you're going to talk to a doc. about how you're feeling. I'm sorry that you're having a rough time. Your Nov 12 mamas have your back, as much as we can.

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  • image Gargita:
    Big internet hugs to you! You don't have to apologize for how you feel, and you're NOT an AW. We all get through this differently, just like our LOs. I'm glad you are finding a way to communicate to your DH, and that your going to talk to a doc. about how you're feeling. I'm sorry that you're having a rough time. Your Nov 12 mamas have your back, as much as we can.

    All of this. I know how you feel. I had a full meltdown Monday night. It seems lots of us are going through rough patches. Like everyone assured me, you aren't alone in this. You do what you need to do and I'm sure talking to your Dr will help.
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  • I hope that the email to DH helps and he can better understand what you need. Please keep us updated with what the doctor says and how you are feeling once you have a chance to talk to them.

    I know the more expectations I place on myself to be perfect and to appear happy and "with it" as a mom the more I melt down. I try to remember to be kind to myself. I hope you can be kind to yourself too. 

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  • image BabyMakes 3:
    image Gargita:
    Big internet hugs to you! You don't have to apologize for how you feel, and you're NOT an AW. We all get through this differently, just like our LOs. I'm glad you are finding a way to communicate to your DH, and that your going to talk to a doc. about how you're feeling. I'm sorry that you're having a rough time. Your Nov 12 mamas have your back, as much as we can.

    All of this. I know how you feel. I had a full meltdown Monday night. It seems lots of us are going through rough patches. Like everyone assured me, you aren't alone in this. You do what you need to do and I'm sure talking to your Dr will help.


    Yes all of this. Good for you for talking about it; to us, to your DH and the doc. I know what you mean about feeling like a FTM. Most of the time I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I definitely thought it would be easier the second time around and it's much harder. But you are doing a good job. I'm so glad you are trying to get the help that you need, especially from your DH. A good support system is so important during this madness!
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  • Don't worry about being an AW. You need to do whatever it takes to be mentally well. I hope your DH and OB can help you out. Maybe once you are feeling better, you can bring your dog back home!
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  • HUGS! If it makes you feel better, I had a meltdown this morning, except instead of crying I yelled and cussed out DH. its OK if you need help and everything isn't PR. Im glad you are noticing the change and are getting help, that should help immensely. Good luck and more hugs!
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  • We're all here to listen to each other BandM, brag, whine, etc.. Glad that you had the courage to admit you might have a problem and are seeking help. That takes a lot. Good luck to you lady, will be looking forward to hearing how things turn out for you!! ::hugs::

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  • Hugs to you! We are here for you!!
  • Aw, hon. I feel for you so much. Big hugs and know that it will get better!

    I'm glad you are going to see your OB. Please don't worry about being an AW! We're here for you to bish/cry/vent to.

    Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about PPD. I still struggle sometimes but trust me when I say it will get better!


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  • HUGE (((((((hug)))))))) to you.  I dont meantion this to "steal your thunder" but i completely understand where youre coming from.  STM here and i feel similarly.  I say this because it's important to know you arent alone.  I commend you for writing it all down and asking for the help you need to be a happier mom which in turn will help you be a better mom (and better to yourself!) 

    Sorry your feeling just plain $hitty - this phrase annoys me sometimes, but I try and remember it because it's true "this too shall pass.."

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  • Sara! My girl! First of all, READ EVERY WORD.

    Bless your heart. You are making a smart move for everyone in your life by calling. DO what you feel you need to do. I have been there, twice. PPD with W wasn't as bad as with DD. With DD, I was nearly catatonic.

    Please continue to reach out to us. We are here for you and you can PM me anytime as well.

    Come on ladies! Group hug!!

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  • First, big hugs to you! I know this is rough!

    I had to do the same thing this weekend with DH.  Between my new job that I hate, being away from DS all day, and finding out I have melanoma a couple of weeks ago, I have been breaking down left and right.  Last night I made the decision to start talking to a professional just so I can work through everything and not burden DH with trying to "fix" me like most men want to do.  

    Just know that things will get better, and it obvious you love your kids like no one's business.  Like PP said, don't feel bad about B&Ming - we all need to do it from time to time!!! 

  • First off, big hugs! Good for you for reaching out to DH & opening up to him. Hopefully you & your OB get some plan for you soon. 

    Second, I actually just went to the doctor last week for PPD. Like you, I was fine & dandy until about 12-13 weeks. I went back to work & it seems everything fell apart. After talking to my OB, I got some medication & can already tell a difference in how I feel. I wanted to get it under control before it got the point where I couldn't handle it anymore.

    Feel free to vent as much as you want. Sometimes just venting/talking about it helps.  

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  • You are doing the best thing by talking about it and getting help!!! Having 2 kids is really a lot of work. And it takes a toll on you. I have 2 kids and its just me 5 days a week. I have had a lot of emotional days where I cry and yell. I take medication because I need it.
    Hang in there!! It will get better!! hugs
  • ))))))HUGE HUGS((((((((

    Now. I think you need to give yourself more credit than what you are. What you see as "problems" (STTN, no schedule, etc.) are no longer "problems" b/c you are aware of them, and how you feel about them. You realize you are comparing to DS1 and DS2's habits, you are acknowledging that you know all babies are different, and it sounds like you are beginning to accept these facts. So give yourself some credit b/c that is where self improvement and healing starts. Realization and acknowledgment.

    Good for you for spelling it out to DH. Sometimes I feel like I repeat myself over and over. But the fact that you took the time to sit down, write it out and tell him everything you are feeling should send him a sign more clear than any words you have spoken.

    Sorry about the puppy. Animals are great to have around with kids. But, your kids will still be able to see the dog, right? Does your MIL live nearby? If so, the kids will still be able to grow up with the dog, just not on a daily basis. You are doing the right thing for your dog. Just imagine how happy she is going to be to see you. She will be able to relax, and it sounds like having a dog around would do good things for MIL.

    Lastly, don't apologize to us. Especially about being a PW or AW. We love your whorish ways :)

    Let us know how you are doing!




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  • (((((((((((((Big HUGS)))))))))))))

    There are some very knowledgeable ladies here who have been/are where you are. I'm so glad you reached out to your DH and your doctor. I hope both help you figure out the best course of action for you.

    In the mean time, you are NOT an AW and we are always hear to lend an ear. And virtual shoulders to cry on.

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  • I just want to send you huge hugs!  I'm so glad you are reaching out for help.  Any issues that are important to you are significant! 

    I just want you to know, also, that I can absolutely relate.  I struggle also and the overwhelming feeling is real, and is so hard to cope with.

    I hope you are feeling better soon...I will be thinking of you!! 

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  • Huge ((((HUGS)))) to you! 

     I hope that your Dr. is able to help you to feel better.  Do what you need to do to feel better as well and don't worry about being an AW here.  It is so much better for you to let it all out than try to keep it bottled in. 

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  • (((((((HUGS))))))) Everyone has pretty much said everything I would say. Hang in there mamma. Keep venting if you need to! That is why we are here!!!!!!

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  • Thank you all so much for your support. DH is behind me 200. My OB said I'm "too far out" to see them for PPD so I made an appt. with my PCP for Monday. Really though? 3ish months is too far out? And the nurse could not have cared less about me or my concerns. I'm a nurse... I would have handled any call about possible depression or anxiety in a totally different way. Guess I won't be calling them with any questions for the rest of my life.

    I will keep you all posted.
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  • image sara785:
    Thank you all so much for your support. DH is behind me 200. My OB said I'm "too far out" to see them for PPD so I made an appt. with my PCP for Monday. Really though? 3ish months is too far out? And the nurse could not have cared less about me or my concerns. I'm a nurse... I would have handled any call about possible depression or anxiety in a totally different way. Guess I won't be calling them with any questions for the rest of my life. I will keep you all posted.

    Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. You were so strong and brave to call and admit such a sensitive subject and they just... acted like NBD?

    I'm sorry. I wouldn't call them ever again either. Sad

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  • image sara785:
    Thank you all so much for your support. DH is behind me 200. My OB said I'm "too far out" to see them for PPD so I made an appt. with my PCP for Monday. Really though? 3ish months is too far out? And the nurse could not have cared less about me or my concerns. I'm a nurse... I would have handled any call about possible depression or anxiety in a totally different way. Guess I won't be calling them with any questions for the rest of my life. I will keep you all posted.

    First off, huge hugs, I'm sorry you are going through this and good on you for writing DH the email and putting how you are feeling out there. Don't feel bad about the dog, you need to do what will help you right now.  It is better for the dog to also not be in the middle of chaos.

    Second, my OB told me last week when I brought up PPD that "it is not possible for you to have PPD past 6 weeks post-partum. Your hormones are all balanced by then. You might just be suffering from regular depression go see your primary doctor".  I guess that's the way of the OB now, they only deal with pregnancy and 6 weeks post.

    I didn't get around to calling my primary, I hope you do!

  • image sara785:
    Thank you all so much for your support. DH is behind me 200. My OB said I'm "too far out" to see them for PPD so I made an appt. with my PCP for Monday. Really though? 3ish months is too far out? And the nurse could not have cared less about me or my concerns. I'm a nurse... I would have handled any call about possible depression or anxiety in a totally different way. Guess I won't be calling them with any questions for the rest of my life. I will keep you all posted.

    Well first, they are full of shiit.  However, I found my PCP to be much more helpful in gaining a referral than my OB anyway.

    I'm sorry for everything you're going through.  I don't understand why this happens sometimes.  It sucks, and a lot of people just don't understand.  Luckily, this board and the FB group are safe havens.  No one is going to make you feel bad for needing to talk, and if they do, we can kick them out.

    Red and Kira have been amazing resources for me, even when I just need to vent.  Medication and therapy help me with my anxiety immensely, but it wouldn't be the same without my support system.  I'll admit, before I had S, I'd never even heard of PPA, and I thought PPD was just a bad case of the baby blues.  I NEVER thought I'd be a "crazy."  I get it now, though, and I realize I'm not crazy, other women aren't crazy (well, in this respect), and that these are real ailments, just like the flu or an ear infection or cancer.  Sometimes our hormones make something in our brains sick and we have to go to the doctor to get better.  That's that.

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  • *hugs* mama!

    Glad DH is being supportive and I hope your PCP is able to help you out.  You are a brave, strong, great mommy for seeking out help.  Vent here anytime!

  • image sara785:
    Thank you all so much for your support. DH is behind me 200. My OB said I'm "too far out" to see them for PPD so I made an appt. with my PCP for Monday. Really though? 3ish months is too far out? And the nurse could not have cared less about me or my concerns. I'm a nurse... I would have handled any call about possible depression or anxiety in a totally different way. Guess I won't be calling them with any questions for the rest of my life.

    I will keep you all posted.


    I'm so sorry you had this experience. My OB said they see people up to 6 months for it, and they took it very seriously. It must have been frustrating to get that response, I know that was such a big step. Please keep us updated after you call your dr.
  • Sorry your OB is being dumb. I hope your PCP will be much more helpful. Good for you for acknowledging yiur need and seeking help. You're being an awesome mom! ::Big hugs::
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  • image sara785:
    Thank you all so much for your support. DH is behind me 200. My OB said I'm "too far out" to see them for PPD so I made an appt. with my PCP for Monday. Really though? 3ish months is too far out? And the nurse could not have cared less about me or my concerns. I'm a nurse... I would have handled any call about possible depression or anxiety in a totally different way. Guess I won't be calling them with any questions for the rest of my life. I will keep you all posted.

     

    Sorry are having such a hard time, it sounds like you are heading in the right direction. At my six week appt. my ob specifically brought up ppd because she said it often doesn't appear till after 6 weeks. She told me if I starter having more bad days than god then it would be time to call them.

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  • Hugs to you! It sounds like you are doing everything right and are taking care of yourself. So sorry you are going through this but it will all work out! Good luck and remember we are thinking about you.

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