TTC After a Loss

Intro

Hi all, I've been lurking for a while (and have read the blog and instructions) and finally would like to introduce myself! I had a miscarriage mid December 2012, ending with a D&C on December 28th 2012. It was my first pregnancy and I was about 7 weeks along.

My doctor said that I would be ok to TTC again after one cycle. My husband and I decided to wait 2 just to make sure things were back to normal, and luckily both cycles were normal. I was super excited to get pregnant again up until recently.

 Now I find myself at the beginning of the first cycle we were supposed to TTC, and I should be excited to TTC, but I am just not. I feel very anxious at the thought of going through another miscarriage again, and the anxiety is getting worse as I get closer to the date when I think I will ovulate.

 I talked to my husband about this and he suggested waiting another month, but I just don't think that will help since I don't think this anxiety will go away. I feel like if I delay TTC until I am really excited again, it may be a VERY long time!

 Any words of wisdom from someone who has gone through this? Did you delay TTC until you felt excited again? If not, how did you motivate yourself?

Wishing you all luck with your TTCAL journeys

Re: Intro

  • Hi and welcome. I'm sorry for your loss.   We went through the same thing a few weeks before you.

    Have you thought about seeing a counselor?    I think what you are feeling is COMPLETELY normal, but talking to someone (either individually or with your H) might help you work through some of the things that you are feeling.   If a counselor isn't right for you, then at least you have us, and we are ALWAYS here to listen.

    I think the general consensus is that the fear and anxiety never completely goes away.  Especially for those of us who experienced loss on our first pregnancy, it sort of feels like our innocence has been lost, and we can't blissfully go about pregnancy like a lot of other women seem to be able to do (okay, they probably don't, but that's how it feels to me!).    A lot of women on here will tell you that you are "ready" when your desire for a baby outweighs your anxiety and fear over having another loss.   I think for most of us, this takes a few months (obviously some longer than others), but that eventually the balance does tip, even if the fear and anxiety never really goes away.

     

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  • I am very sorry for your loss.

    TTCAL is incredibly stressful and I'm not sure if I will ever feel "excited" by a BFP.  I know a BFP does not always equal a healthy baby that comes home with you.   For me, the thought of not having a child outweighs my fear of another loss. That is what keeps me moving forward.

    I also am AMA and do not have time to take a cycle off.   If I was not dealing with poor egg quality and a very low supply, I would definitely take as many cycles off as needed to make sure I was emotionally ready to move forward.

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  • Welcome. I am sorry for your loss. I think a level of anxiety is normal. And from what I hear it doesn't go away even when you are pregnant and everything looks fine.

    It's been said that you begin trying when your desire to be pregnant is greater than your fear of another m/c. My first cycle TTC post loss had lots of anxiety. The second cycle was a little less anxious. Good luck.

    imageimageimage
    TTC since 2.12 
    BFP 11.14.12 (MC 12.2.12) EDD 7.24.13 
    Dx: Unexplained IF 12.13, Endometriosis 1.14
    IUI#1+Clomid 1.3.14 Missed Ectopic identified 1.28.14 (EDD 9.26.14) Lap. Surgery
    IUI#2.0+Letrozole Cancelled 1.28.14. IUI#2.1+Letrozole Cancelled 4.22.14
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  • image Avion22:

    Hi and welcome. I'm sorry for your loss.   We went through the same thing a few weeks before you.

    Have you thought about seeing a counselor?    I think what you are feeling is COMPLETELY normal, but talking to someone (either individually or with your H) might help you work through some of the things that you are feeling.   If a counselor isn't right for you, then at least you have us, and we are ALWAYS here to listen.

    I think the general consensus is that the fear and anxiety never completely goes away.  Especially for those of us who experienced loss on our first pregnancy, it sort of feels like our innocence has been lost, and we can't blissfully go about pregnancy like a lot of other women seem to be able to do (okay, they probably don't, but that's how it feels to me!).    A lot of women on here will tell you that you are "ready" when your desire for a baby outweighs your anxiety and fear over having another loss.   I think for most of us, this takes a few months (obviously some longer than others), but that eventually the balance does tip, even if the fear and anxiety never really goes away.

     

    I agree with all of this. ((((huge hugs))))
    (USE TO BE, WISH2BEMOMMY). 1st BFP ever Aug. 16, 2010.... 1st OB appt. Sept. 8, 2010, u/s showed poss. blighted ovum.... b/w 9/8/10 22,698 b/w 9/10/10 14,521.... mmc confirmed, started naturally m/c 9/15/10, d & c 9/16/10 I love you my precious monkey!! 2nd BFP March 2011.... c/p, miss you lil one!! 3rd BFP Nov. 20, 2011, subcornial hemorrhage detected 11/24/11 heartbeat found.... LO's heartbeat lost 11/25/11.... d & c 11/26/11..... I love and miss you so much baby!!!! C/P 4/26/12.... gone before I knew you.... "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth"

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  • I am sorry for your loss.  No words of wisdom on this, but welcome.

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    TTC #1 March 2012: BFP: 7/13/2012 * EDD: 3/19/2013 * Natural M/C: 8/2/2012 at 7w2d

    October 2013 - dx unexplained IF    November 2013 Cycle#1 w/Clomid = BFP 11/27/13, EDD: 8/6/14!

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  • Welcome! Sorry you find yourself here but this is a board full of knowledgeable and supportive women!

    I think what you are feeling is totally normal. After both my m/c, I initially thought "oh I will just get pregnant again and things will be all better". But thats not how it works. It takes time. TTCAL is a process with ups and down - days of anxiety, days of doubt, but then after awhile, those days get further and further apart, and more days are filled with peace and a little more (cautious) excitement.

    I know I will never see a BFP and instantly be super duper over the top excited. Instead, I know that I must take it one day at a time. I will thank God for that baby and that I am pregnant for that day/that moment.

    So I guess taking it one day at a time is how I motivate myself. 

    GL with whatever you decide. 

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    BFP #4 4/30/13, baby girl born med-free Jan. 2014

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    BFP #1 5/21/10, Missed m/c at 10w4d (baby measured 8wks), D&C 6/29/10
     
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  • image Avion22:

    Hi and welcome. I'm sorry for your loss.   We went through the same thing a few weeks before you.

    Have you thought about seeing a counselor?    I think what you are feeling is COMPLETELY normal, but talking to someone (either individually or with your H) might help you work through some of the things that you are feeling.   If a counselor isn't right for you, then at least you have us, and we are ALWAYS here to listen.

    I think the general consensus is that the fear and anxiety never completely goes away.  Especially for those of us who experienced loss on our first pregnancy, it sort of feels like our innocence has been lost, and we can't blissfully go about pregnancy like a lot of other women seem to be able to do (okay, they probably don't, but that's how it feels to me!).    A lot of women on here will tell you that you are "ready" when your desire for a baby outweighs your anxiety and fear over having another loss.   I think for most of us, this takes a few months (obviously some longer than others), but that eventually the balance does tip, even if the fear and anxiety never really goes away.

    this is all really good advice.

    I am so sorry for your loss but glad you have found this board for support. I would really encourage you to see a therapist about all of this. I don't think the fear ever truly goes away but my therapist has helped me processed my fears to where I think I can handle them.

    ((HUGS))

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    5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)

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  • ::hugs:: so sorry you have to be here.  Like everyone else said, what you're feeling is totally normal.  I get nervous TTC, too.... I get afraid I won't be as excited when I get pregnant.  But, I try to focus on the positives.  Welcome to the board.

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I think that what you're feeling is completely normal.

    I have had two losses, the last one being ectopic and resulting in surgery to remove the pregnancy and one of my fallopian tubes.

    As excited as I am to TTC again, there is this part of me that is so terrified to feel loss again. And the closer I get to being able to TTC, the more nervous I become. However, deep down I know that I want a baby, and to be a mother, with all of my being. I can't let my own fear and anxiety keep me from pursuing that dream.

    It's ok to feel the way you do, obviously most of us feel that way, or have at some point.

    Sending lots of :::HUGS::: your way!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic TTC since 4/12 BFP #1 11/15/12, MC/possible ectopic 11/20, natural MC BFP #2 1/15/13, ectopic discovered 2/15, surgery, R tube removed
  • I am so very sorry for your loss but welcome to the board. I agree with what other posters said, the feeling will never go away, but over time I have felt my level of anxiety decrease. I would take each day at a time with your husband and see how you feel.

    "It's, not, where you are, it's where you're going,
    And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now"

    TTC Journey Began 8/12
    BFP #1 11/9/12, MMC/D&C 12/21/12 @ 9w2d, EDD 7/24/13
    SAs: 2%-3% Morph - RE Official Diagnosis
    Unexplained
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    BFP #2 4/19/14 = IUI #3 (Letrozole)
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  • I have no words of wisdom other than I am sorry for your loss, and i feel the exact same way. I can't get the moment the doctor told me my last pregnancy wasnt viable out of my head. The anxiety is painful. You are definitely not alone. 
  • Welcome and so sorry for your loss! I wish I had some advice, but this is mine and Hubs' first m/c as well & we haven't even had AF yet. I hope that your excitement and hope can return to you soon!
    BFP @ 1/26/13 - Natural M/C @ 2/16/13 
    All AL welcome!
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