How Long Should Tantrums Last?

patchen30

My LO is 16 mo.  He has tantrums several times a day in reaction to having something taken away from him that he can't play w/ (ex: the dirty diaper pail), not having the coordination to do something he wants to (ex: screw a lid on a water bottle) or not being able to get into a locked cabinet (that he knows opens b/c he sees us open it).  Usually his tantrums last a couple of min. 

However this AM he was basically inconsolable on/off for a half hour b/c of a series of incidents like this.  We met w/ an EI coordinator the other day b/c LO isn't talking enough and she asked about tantrums - whether he was consolable, how long they last, etc.

Now I'm concerned that his tantruming isn't "normal".  What's your experience?

Ms5586

Honestly, that sounds totally normal to me.  J has lots of little tantrums that we can usually distract away from and be fine.  Sometimes, if he's just in a crappy mood, the tantrums are over every single thing.  We just continue to either ignore or distract based on the situation.

I would still track the tantrums just to have the info for the EI to be able to discuss things.  Also, if your LO isn't talking enough, that could be part of the tantrums, the fact that he can't communicate his wants/needs as well as he wants to. 

MisN

I agree with the PP that your DS sounds well within the normal range.  DD (22 months) will have melt downs from time to time and she has had two actual full blown trantrums which lasted a good 20-30 minutes (unconsolable and complete with throwing herself on the ground etc. and wouldn't even be held).   As for any language connection, she has a ton of languge and three word sentences  but I have heard that tantrums sometimes result from their frustration with not being able to adequately communicate their needs.

Our two major trantrums started as a result of not being allowed to do something but seemed to move beyond that and she just worked herself up into quite a state.   They also coincided with poor sleep that day as well.

 

 

kcisthebombdotcom

Sounds pretty typical to me.

You can prevent most of those tantrums from occurring. Keep stuff like water bottles that are too advanced out of his grasp--tantrums from not being to do stuff are common. Move the diaper pail to a part of the house he doesn't frequent so he doesn't see it. Are all your cabinets locked? We keep one unlocked that contains kid safe stuff like tupperware. I can redirect LO to that. It involves more work for me in cleaning up but its totally worth it to avoid that inevitable frustration.

Tantrums that are concerning are ones that last 30+ minutes multiple times a day. On and off wouldn't count.

patchen30

Crash Into Me:

When DD starts throwing tantrums about every little thing it means she's either hungry, tired, bored, or just really needs some positive attention.  If she's not hungry or it isn't nap time, I go play with her.  If we are downstairs, we'll go up to her room and get the toys out.  If it's nice outside we'll go play out there or take a walk.  

Usually that's the case w/ DS.  This was at breakfast time and although I think he was probably hungry he'd worked himself into such a state that he wouldn't eat.  Also DH and I were trying to get ready to go to work.  Our nanny was there.  I'm not sure if I mentioned he also has a cold and has 2 molars coming in...

christyjane17

DS was like this one week.  Seriously DH and I were at our wits end for about 4 days. It ended up being the incisor teeth coming in...horrible!! Then he cut the teeth and went back to more normal tantrums (predictable, not lasting long).  There was one tantrum where he was stuck under the coffee table and would not let us help him out but was freaking out because he was under there.  This lasted 20 minutes!!  We tried to help him but then just ended up laying on the couch and telling him we were there if he needed us but not giving too much attention.  Hang in there and if this is still going on in a month worry about it a little more.  

daizyblue99

We are experiencing this now too with our 19 month son. All of my son's incisors and 2 yr molars are coming in at once. He is completely incosolable at times despite all types of attention/distraction and he even gets to the point of complete and utter sobbing. We gave him a popsicle when he woke up during the night and that seemed to help. I also use the frozen wash cloth trick and even found that if I put his sippy cup tops (he has the ones with the soft straw like nipple) in the fridge then it is cold when he goes to drink. It doubles almost as a teether (he won't use them anymore). I also have a 5 month old so some of it is jealousy too. He loves his baby sister but gets upset when I have to feed her even if I do it while still playing toys with him or involve her in the toys as well. The pediatrician said some kids have tantrums worse than others (especially if they are ahead in their development or if they are not able to communicate as well). My son communicates well for his age but is always wanted to do everything mom and dad do.