Stay at Home Moms

An etiquette question

So my friend is getting married in April. We got the invitation yesterday. I asked her where she was registered and she said that they did not register as they do not want boxed gifts. This means she wants cash or checks, right?

I am kind of surprised because she is very smart and it was not something I expected from her LOL

Tacky?? 

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Re: An etiquette question

  • It's fine not to register. I think it is tacky to say "we don't want boxed gifts," though. If she had just said, "Oh, we decided not to register because there aren't really any housewares we need," it would have been fine. 
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    E 9.08, V 8.11, J 4.14
  • Yes. And a weird thing to say. Boxed gifts? Strange. I'd just get a gift card.
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  • Not necessarily.  Is she going to be moving long distance shortly after the wedding?  I know some people request no boxed gifts because they're making a long distance move in the near future.  Maybe they already have a lot of stuff they need, and they're hoping for gift cards or cash instead so they can fill in the gaps and not have to worry about duplicates?  I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt in this case lol.

    Honestly since she didn't put it directly on the invite, I don't have as much of a problem with it, and would be kind of glad because I wouldn't have to worry about trying to find a gift, and can easily get a gift card instead. 

  • image LalaMama81:
    It's fine not to register. I think it is tacky to say "we don't want boxed gifts," though. If she had just said, "Oh, we decided not to register because there aren't really any housewares we need," it would have been fine.nbsp;


    Also this. That would have been reasonable and less of a weird and bratty thing to say.
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  • Yeah, it sounds like they're fishing for cash and it is tacky (imo) for someone to ask their friends/family to pay them back for any event. I would get them a store-specific gift card that they can't redeem for cash, but then I'm a jerk like that.
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  • image BostonKisses2:

    Not necessarily.  Is she going to be moving long distance shortly after the wedding?  I know some people request no boxed gifts because they're making a long distance move in the near future.  Maybe they already have a lot of stuff they need, and they're hoping for gift cards or cash instead so they can fill in the gaps and not have to worry about duplicates?  I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt in this case lol.

    Honestly since she didn't put it directly on the invite, I don't have as much of a problem with it, and would be kind of glad because I wouldn't have to worry about trying to find a gift, and can easily get a gift card instead. 

    No, they aren't moving. They are currently living with her dad though since she is starting PA school and he is in nursing school. But yes, atleast it was not in the invite!  

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  • I wouldn't think twice about it unless it wason the invite either. 
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  • image LalaMama81:
    It's fine not to register. I think it is tacky to say "we don't want boxed gifts," though. If she had just said, "Oh, we decided not to register because there aren't really any housewares we need," it would have been fine. 

    This! And it's just a dumb idea because people enjoy giving boxed gifts! So, by not registering, they're opening themselves up getting a bunch of gifts they don't like, want, or need. It's inevitable. 


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  • She obviously wants gift cards or a check...I'd buy her some dishes. But I'm bitchy like that. 

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  • I think the weird part for me was her saying "boxed gifts" but in the end I'll give her money. I've known her my entire life and love her all the same. 
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  • image KateMW:
    She obviously wants gift cards or a check...I'd buy her some dishes. But I'm bitchy like that. 

    LOL  

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  • image KateMW:
    She obviously wants gift cards or a check...I'd buy her some dishes. But I'm bitchy like that. 

    That is what I was thinking! But in reality we don't do boxed gifts for weddings anyway, only showers, so she'd be getting cash regardless. 

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    E 9.08, V 8.11, J 4.14
  • id012id012
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    I don't think its tacky. I mean your here friend so she was probably just being honest with you.
    If she actually wrote that on the invite or is telling every guest that then that's pretty crappy.
    But I would think that she just told u that because your her friend and she felt she could be honest with you.
    Around here you only would register for a shower. Everyone gives cash for the actual wedding gift.
  • image joyfullyfound:

    image LalaMama81:
    It's fine not to register. I think it is tacky to say "we don't want boxed gifts," though. If she had just said, "Oh, we decided not to register because there aren't really any housewares we need," it would have been fine. 

    This! And it's just a dumb idea because people enjoy giving boxed gifts! So, by not registering, they're opening themselves up getting a bunch of gifts they don't like, want, or need. It's inevitable. 

    Yeah this! Not registering is DUMB. 


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  • image ajc0121:

    image KateMW:
    She obviously wants gift cards or a check...I'd buy her some dishes. But I'm bitchy like that. 

    LOL  



    Hehe BUT, put them in a gift bag ;o] or donate to a charity in their honor.

    I personally think its odd that she put it that way, and she has to know that people are just going to buy whatever the hell they want to. That should be fun. You think you get a lot of silver picture frames when you are registered??
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  • image id012:
    I don't think its tacky. I mean your here friend so she was probably just being honest with you. If she actually wrote that on the invite or is telling every guest that then that's pretty crappy. But I would think that she just told u that because your her friend and she felt she could be honest with you. Around here you only would register for a shower. Everyone gives cash for the actual wedding gift.
    This is what I was thinking. I normally would think this is rude, but you said she's a lifelong friend. My first thought is that she feels close enough to be completely honest with you about her true desires.
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  • image joyfullyfound:

    image LalaMama81:
    It's fine not to register. I think it is tacky to say "we don't want boxed gifts," though. If she had just said, "Oh, we decided not to register because there aren't really any housewares we need," it would have been fine. 

    This! And it's just a dumb idea because people enjoy giving boxed gifts! So, by not registering, they're opening themselves up getting a bunch of gifts they don't like, want, or need. It's inevitable. 

    Oh yes, and I go one step further - I am the anti-gift receipt giver!!  I also am anti giving cash/gift cards for 99.9% of all situations, don't care how much you want cash, sorry!!  (if you don't want a box, you get a basket, storage bin, or gift bag LOL)

    She's SO setting herself up here!  (Random Silver picture frames, wine goblets, random wall hangings, sheet sets one size too small and wrong colors, and none of it from higher quality retailers..)  Even if you don't want "box gifts" register somewhere even if it's for 20 items total!!!!  Who doesn't need an extra set of their everyday dishes, or silverware??? 

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  • Even if you DO register, there is no telling you will get the stuff that is on your registry...  and not the same item on each registry if you have more than one.  People always get you stuff off the registry too.  We have a collection of crystal we never thought we needed or wanted.

  • image ajc0121:
    image BostonKisses2:

    Not necessarily.  Is she going to be moving long distance shortly after the wedding?  I know some people request no boxed gifts because they're making a long distance move in the near future.  Maybe they already have a lot of stuff they need, and they're hoping for gift cards or cash instead so they can fill in the gaps and not have to worry about duplicates?  I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt in this case lol.

    Honestly since she didn't put it directly on the invite, I don't have as much of a problem with it, and would be kind of glad because I wouldn't have to worry about trying to find a gift, and can easily get a gift card instead. 

    No, they aren't moving. They are currently living with her dad though since she is starting PA school and he is in nursing school. But yes, atleast it was not in the invite!  

    If they're currently living with her dad space might be an issue in terms of storing gifts and they won't need housewares for a while. Around here cash is the standard wedding gift, so I wouldn't think twice about that. 

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  • image MesmrEwe:
    image joyfullyfound:

    image LalaMama81:
    It's fine not to register. I think it is tacky to say "we don't want boxed gifts," though. If she had just said, "Oh, we decided not to register because there aren't really any housewares we need," it would have been fine. 

    This! And it's just a dumb idea because people enjoy giving boxed gifts! So, by not registering, they're opening themselves up getting a bunch of gifts they don't like, want, or need. It's inevitable. 

    Oh yes, and I go one step further - I am the anti-gift receipt giver!!  I also am anti giving cash/gift cards for 99.9% of all situations, don't care how much you want cash, sorry!!  (if you don't want a box, you get a basket, storage bin, or gift bag LOL)

    She's SO setting herself up here!  (Random Silver picture frames, wine goblets, random wall hangings, sheet sets one size too small and wrong colors, and none of it from higher quality retailers..)  Even if you don't want "box gifts" register somewhere even if it's for 20 items total!!!!  Who doesn't need an extra set of their everyday dishes, or silverware??? 



    I am this way too. Make a comment about gifts and you've earned yourself a random azz gift. Gifts are gifts. They are not required. People need to stop acting like they are. It is someone doing something thoughtful for another. Do not try to take the "thought" out of my thoughtful.
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  • Yeah, I guess her saying that is a bit tacky, but then just get her cash. It's not like she needs to be taught a lesson......people are just tacky sometimes, and it can't be helped by like, buying her a toaster oven.
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  • I don't think it's tacky- you asked her! If she had called you up and said "hey, I really hope you give me money for our wedding", that would be tacky. I agree with a previous poster that I don't think she needs to be "taught a lesson" because I really don't think she did anything wrong (she didn't put "cash gifts only" on the darn invitation). If they live with her dad, they probably don't have a place to put a bunch of crock pots and picture frames so I would just respect that and move on. I always give a gift at the shower and write a check for the wedding, because it's a giant PITA for the bride and groom to deal with transporting a bunch of boxes after the wedding (especially if the wedding isn't close to their house and/ or they're leaving for the honeymoon the next day). 
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  • I think it is pretty tacky, although I think asking for cash in general is tacky. It's like saying, "we don't want thoughtful gifts, just open your wallets."

    I'd be tempted to get her a gift...and put it in a gift bag.

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  • We didnt register because we didnt need anything. We already had a new house and it was complete. The gal who did our invites has been in that biz for 30 years so she worded it for us. Now I cant recall how we worded it but it was on our invites. Also only giving money rather then gifts in come cultures. We did end up with some random gifts....sad thing is they are in the closet still....since 2010.
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  • I think the phrase "no boxed gifts" is super tacky and I'd never ever do it or say it like that but I've heard worse. I'd give her the silent friendly eye roll and give cash or a gift card. I give money vs. buy a registry gift about 50/50. I like to buy from a registry and send it off so I don't have to remember to bring a card to the wedding.

    Register or don't. I don't have an opinion on that. I do think they're setting themselves up for even more cut crystal vases and  picture frames than they can handle. I would have preferred cash just like everyone else in the universe but we registered and got a neat mix of registry gifts, random gifts, and money.

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