Thanks for the shout outs. I heard about it off board and I appreciate it. It's been the worst month of my life unfortunately. My beta just continued to rise stupidly and we could not see anything on u/s. I started to bleed on a Tuesday and asked that we wait a few more days for the beta to drop as I really did not want MTX. As stupid as it sounds, I did not want to prevent for 3months post-shot so it was important to me to not get it if we were just guessing. My beta finally started to drop and as of this Thursday was down to 32. Hopefully it will be zero end of next week.
DH and I have decided to sell our 4brm house in a kid-infested cul de sac. There is not reason to stay here since my job here ended and we have no family near by and the house is big for just the two of us. It would be better for us to move on and have more money for traveling etc than on a big mortgage on an empty house. The house is going on the market on Thursday. I love the house so this is really hard for me on top of everything else as I envisioned raising my kids here when we bought it. But that is just not my life's path for reasons I just don't understand. We are going back to DH's home city about 45 mins north. Hopefully the house sells quickly as I hate the idea of people trodding through here all the time.
I've missed you all. It was very difficult to leave here cold turkey but it was what I had to do to get by. I just did not have an ability to share in others' joy when my own was ripped away from me on our very last try. I wish I was stronger than that but I'm not. Unfortunately not everyone gets a happy ending in the quest to have a baby and now I know I am one of them. Everyone always thinks it will never be them but it has to be someone.....
Anyway, I have to go to a dinner with the IL's today. I can only imagine what will come out of MIL's mouth and I really am going to stand up for myself. I don't need someone who had 3 kids back to back to back in her late 30's in the 1960s tell me how great my life can be without kids when she has no experience "not" having kids and always wants everyone down visiting her. We'll have no one visiting us- how would she like that? No holds barred. I'm hormonal and CFNBC!!!
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:40 and BRCA1+, DH:45
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ~3/14