Loss

Loss CheckIn

Hello Ladies,

Welcome to our Friday checkin!

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Third Birthday tickers

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Re: Loss CheckIn

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    I feel like I have.  I'm trying to be happier with life because Corbin would want me to be

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    To try to stay in this good place as much as possible. 

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?

    Bronchitis and a few other viruses (basically RSV).  There was a girl who used to participate on this board (medbias if you're lurking) who lost her daughter at like 37 days old from meningitis.  Other than that I don't know anyone else who lost their child in a similar fashion

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    How awesome DH is for buying me tickets to see my favorite band in concert (again)

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Getting Pregnant"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1997dc.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0"  /></a>

    corbinsmommy.blogspot.com

    <a imageimage

     

     

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I keep looking for little things to find joy in. I do not want to feel like my joy is gone for the rest of my life.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Continue to journal and focus on the here and now.

    Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I get fixated on the next thing, the next goal. So I am trying to not have a particular goal. I want to live the now.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? No cause of death was found. No cord problems, no placenta problems, no bleeding, no nothing. A part of me is glad that I have nothing to blame. The other part of me is terrified, because I wont be able to do anything different to stop it from happening again.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? The should have beens.

    Lilypie - (qptF)


    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    "Elsie Irene was born sleeping at 35w 6d on December 8, 2012. Mommy and Daddy miss you sweet girl."


  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Trying to stay on more positive. Although my mind goes back to what happened I try to accept it and know that life has to go on.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Finish as soon as possible with my dental appointments so we can start TTC.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? At first we thought that it was a "cord accident" as the cord was wrapped around her neck that's why we did not do autopsy(now i regret this). After we met a specialist we we told that the cord might have been but might have not been the cause as many babies are born with cords around the neck. I do have a question fro the ladies who had third trimester loses! I noticed that few weeks before we lost our little girl (we lost her at 36 weeks) she was slower. At the time this did not alarm me as every pregnancy books says that is normal for babies to slow down toward the end of the pregnancy buy as i think back I think that this was a sign that something was going wrong. Do you ladies who have late loses noticed that the baby was slow toward the end and what did your doctor say that might of happen to the baby? Did somebody heard of ? fetomaternal anemia??

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm thinking of life in general and that I do not want the "loss" to defind who I am.

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    Nope still going just the same.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    I am kinda losing wt just to have a different thing to worry and obsess about. So we'll see how that works.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?

    I lost all my fluid and had an asymptomatic infection. I was 25 weeks when we found out she was gone. The doctor estimated that I lost her about a wk-2wks before hand. Her movements weren't "regular" yet although around 23wks I started worrying b/c I didn't feel her move for a week until that weekend when I felt a good kick to my back. My body didn't even go into labor on it's own, I had to be induced. I don't know if there's much they can do next time except more u/s or more frequent visits when I get past 20wks. As for the infection, we don't know what kind I had as it also presented no symptoms and nothing showed up in my urine the month before. I haven't been to see the mfm my doctor wants me to go to yet, I don't see the point in going just yet, and I drag my feet when I need to go to the doctor (except when I'm pg)

     I think I'm the odd man out but just in case if there's any other mom's that had the same thing happen, what did the doctor's say/will they do for your next pg?


    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    I wish I didn't lose Bri. I want a lil girl I get to keep here with me. I miss babies so much. How different my life would be if Bri stayed...not as many pets, more happiness, not as lonely (my sons are older so they're always hanging out with their friends)

    Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • image EcoStreet:


    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?
    At first we thought that it was a "cord accident" as the cord was wrapped around her neck that's why we did not do autopsy(now i regret this). After we met a specialist we we told that the cord might have been but might have not been the cause as many babies are born with cords around the neck. I do have a question fro the ladies who had third trimester loses! I noticed that few weeks before we lost our little girl (we lost her at 36 weeks) she was slower. At the time this did not alarm me as every pregnancy books says that is normal for babies to slow down toward the end of the pregnancy buy as i think back I think that this was a sign that something was going wrong. Do you ladies who have late loses noticed that the baby was slow toward the end and what did your doctor say that might of happen to the baby? Did somebody heard of ? fetomaternal anemia??

    At around 36 or 37 weeks I noticed that her movements were slower/not as strong as they had been.  I was told the same things about babies slowing down towards the end and that they are on newborn sleep schedule, so they sleep most of the time at that point.  

    After reading so many stories about losses and stillbirth, I really believe this is misinformation, and Drs. should not dismiss concerns if someone says the movements are slowing down.

    Our daughters cord was wrapped tightly around her arm and leg, but when we met with the specialist he also told us that it most likely wasn't a cord accident.  We did an autopsy, but still don't have a cause.  

    I haven't heard of Fetomaternal anemia.  I'm sorry you you are left without any answers.  It can be hard not knowing.       

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
  • I am also sorry to welcome the new loss moms here.  I know I haven't reached out to each of you personally, but I have read your stories and it just breaks my heart that you have to go through this.  

     Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

    No major steps. 

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    Keep working out.  It would be so much easier if I was seeing results, it's such a slow process.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?

    We don't have a cause, it could have been a million things.   

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

    When I stop and think for a second about how different things would be if she was here, I almost can't believe that I was pregnant and I had a baby and she died.  It so unreal to me.   

     

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
  • image karebear57:

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?

    I lost all my fluid and had an asymptomatic infection. I was 25 weeks when we found out she was gone. The doctor estimated that I lost her about a wk-2wks before hand. Her movements weren't "regular" yet although around 23wks I started worrying b/c I didn't feel her move for a week until that weekend when I felt a good kick to my back. My body didn't even go into labor on it's own, I had to be induced. I don't know if there's much they can do next time except more u/s or more frequent visits when I get past 20wks. As for the infection, we don't know what kind I had as it also presented no symptoms and nothing showed up in my urine the month before. I haven't been to see the mfm my doctor wants me to go to yet, I don't see the point in going just yet, and I drag my feet when I need to go to the doctor (except when I'm pg)

     I think I'm the odd man out but just in case if there's any other mom's that had the same thing happen, what did the doctor's say/will they do for your next pg?

     

    I'm not in the exact same place, but we found out at our follow up with my OB yesterday that I did have a uterine infection (chorio), even though I was completely asymptomatic - clean urine, no temperature, normal blood pressure, baby was never under any stress. I also have suspected IC, which likely caused the infection, but my OB thinks it may have just been infection, and if it was just that odds are low that it would happen again. Next pregnancy I would be monitored every 2 weeks, maybe given antibiotics, but overall it would just be wait and see if we go off of the theory of infection only and ignore the IC (which I'm not doing). Hope that helped a little bit!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers starfishsanddollar.blogspot.com
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

    My Doctors appointments have started this week. My OB follow up was yesterday, and I have consults with 2 MFM practices over the next week and a half. It helps to finally be talking to doctors, but I'm realizing the importance of being my own advocate, so lots of researching and stuff on my part this week.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  

    I want to get back in shape. I'm almost at my pre-preg weight, but I'd like to lose some more. I'm going to start trying to eat better and taking some walks to kick things off.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? 

    I was told at first it was Incompetent Cervix, because I just dilated out of nowhere with no contractions, and had no symptoms of infection. After meeting with my OB he said I had an infection, and he doesn't think it's IC, because I have no real risk factors, and just wants to wait and see next pregnancy. This is not an option for me, as I've read way too much about how IC can/usually does cause infection, and not the other way around, and I had totally silent dilation.

    If any moms out there had IC - did you have a resulting infection, too? And did your doctors recommend doing nothing next time around? I'm getting a lot of second opinions, and hopefully will be a candidate for a TAC - I just didn't expect to be told to do nothing for the next pregnancy and if it all goes down hill again and I lose another baby, then they'll do something. 


    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  

    This week I have a lot of anger. I feel like I was totally cheated out of the remainder of my pregnancy, all the stuff that came with that, and having the chance to raise and know my son. I feel angry that I have to start all over again, and I still won't get Nathan back. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers starfishsanddollar.blogspot.com
  • image EcoStreet:

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? At first we thought that it was a "cord accident" as the cord was wrapped around her neck that's why we did not do autopsy(now i regret this). After we met a specialist we we told that the cord might have been but might have not been the cause as many babies are born with cords around the neck. I do have a question fro the ladies who had third trimester loses! I noticed that few weeks before we lost our little girl (we lost her at 36 weeks) she was slower. At the time this did not alarm me as every pregnancy books says that is normal for babies to slow down toward the end of the pregnancy buy as i think back I think that this was a sign that something was going wrong. Do you ladies who have late loses noticed that the baby was slow toward the end and what did your doctor say that might of happen to the baby? Did somebody heard of ? fetomaternal anemia??

    My Annabelle was actually active up until the end. She would have "fits" of movement that I can now only attribute to the fact that she had a 7 inch blood clot in her umbilical cord. The doctor thinks that because she was so active, she somehow pinched her own cord and it was only a matter of time. The thing that I hate was that I went into labor the day that I noticed that she wasn't really moving, which means my body was ready to deliver her. If only she could have held on a bit longer, she might have been here with us today.

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13

    BFP #5 04.06.14 - Beta 1: 93; Beta 2: 243

    image    http://oi40.tinypic.com/15czrid.jpg     image
    Chart
    **All AL welcome**

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    I made a contact at the hospital where I delivered Annabelle to be able to find out what needs they have for memorial boxes. I really want to be able to give something for other loss moms.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    Planning and getting through Annabelle's angelversary at the end of this month.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?

    We found out when Annabelle was born that she had a large blood clot in her umbilical cord. The doctor believes that she pinched it.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    Annabelle. I have been such a mess this week leading up to the beginning of March. I knew it was going to be hard, but we are only on the first day and I just don't know how I am going to actually make it the 25th without having a complete meltdown.

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13

    BFP #5 04.06.14 - Beta 1: 93; Beta 2: 243

    image    http://oi40.tinypic.com/15czrid.jpg     image
    Chart
    **All AL welcome**

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really. Just maintaining.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My first 5K is in six weeks, so I need to stay on track with my running and make sure I'm in the best shape possible for this. I'm trying to focus on that.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? Complete placental abruption. I fell two days before I noticed Devon wasn't moving anymore. My placenta had completely separated and clotted over, but I had no signs - no contractions, no bleeding, nothing. And on the day I fell, I had a battery of tests, and everything was perfect. I don't play the blame game with myself anymore, and there's a small chance this could happen again, but I will always feel responsible for his loss.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I have one more month of BC before I'm off and can start charting to start TTC. I hate that I'm thinking about this again so soon.
    ________________________________________________________________________________


    JJ 12.4.08::Devon born sleeping 8.19.12::Mia 1.9.14

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 

  • ((HUGS)) to everyone this week.

    Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? YES!!!  I held a newborn on Sunday and did not get emotional at all.  DH reminded me before I went over to my friend's house that today was about my friend and her baby and not about me and my sadness.  That really helped me to just go over and be happy for her.  I also went into the OB this week to get an US to check on my ute because of some cramping...all it was was a minor cyst on one of my ovaries which was a big relief...but the best part was when she told me I didn't need to wait until May to TTC again as she had previously told me...so we are set to TTC next cycle pending a biopsy on a mole I had in my nether regions that my OB spotted. Being able to TTC again really feels like another step towards healing even though I can never replace my sweet girl.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? still working on losing weight, esp. since we can TTC again next cycle.  I would really like to be closer to my ideal weight before I get pregnant again.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?

    she died of hydrocephalous...which just means she had too much fluid in her brain.  It is supposedly a fluke thing and we have a %1 chance of it happening again.  There was something that was blocking her brain from draining fluid...something just formed that way in her head.  There is only a genetic factor for this in boys so it is a relief that she was a girl and hopefully it will not happen again.  I haven't seen any other moms lose their baby to this on TB...as most babies that get it, get it later on in pregnancy...when that happens they can take the baby out and drain the brain, but our LO was too small and the fluid was already crushing her brain when they found it.  I do get comfort from the fact that the rest of her body was perfect...she even had super long legs (my husband is really tall).  Even though it is a fluke I am terrified of going into another AS to get the same news.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    just anxious to get my biopsy back and know that everything is ok...the dermatologist didn't seem too worried so I am not but after this I know we have the clear to TTC and I am so ready to do that.   I am just ready to move forward. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)

    11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13

    All Alers Welcome

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

    Not really.  Just taking it one day at a time.  Today was supposed to be my last day at work before maternity leave.  Next Tuesday is my birthday and Wednesday is my due date. Just trying to get by right now.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

    I want to lose weight.  I'm only 3lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight, but my pre-pregnancy weight was 10lbs heavier than my ideal, so I want to lose ~13lbs.  I started walking earlier this week and DH and I are going to walk together later today.  I'd like to start running soon, but I'm not physically healed enough yet. 


    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? 

    No, we don't know.  We had an autopsy done and they said her stomach was larger than it should have been, but there was no obstruction, so my doctor doesn't think that was the cause.  They're still running other tests, but I have a feeling we'll never have an answer.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

    Everything.  I have a million thoughts racing through my head. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • **warning, newborn mentioned and ds mentioned** 

    Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?  I feel like I have.  My great friend who was due the day before me had her baby this week.   I am geniunely happy for her and was able to see a picture of her baby without crying or getting that horrible feeling in my gut. 

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm doing pretty good with my exercise goal so I just want to stick with that.  I'm back on my treadmill at least 3 times per week for now and that's a great start for me.  I want to get in good shape for my upcoming vacation in June.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? There was no known cause found for why my daughter's heart stopped beating.  It's frustrating because from what I've read, this happens a lot.  For other mom's who have gone through this, do you ever think that there's something being missed or overlooked?  Do you think the doctors are spending enough time in trying to figure out what happened?  I feel in my gut that there's something they are missing with all of us who have no known cause.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  This week I'm feeling good about the fact that we are taking a break from TTC.  I am focusing on being healthy and looking forward to vacation.  I also feel like a big weight has been lifted from the strain that started to hold down my marriage.  The stress of TCCAL and having another loss immediately really did us in.  We're getting back to ourselves again and healing properly before we try again.  This involved me having to let go of the idea that my ds would have a sibling very close in age.  That was tough for me, but I'm learning to accept it.

    Lilypie Maternity tickers

     Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic

    BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.

    BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.

    BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.

    BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14.  Grow baby, grow!

  • image Bayberry12:
      

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

    When I stop and think for a second about how different things would be if she was here, I almost can't believe that I was pregnant and I had a baby and she died.  It so unreal to me.   

    I know the feeling.  It's so hard to believe that I was pregnant for 9 months, and delivered a baby.  I hate the feeling that it's not real.  I want it to feel REAL.  I don't want the pain, but I want the feeling of knowing that I had a baby.  I'm afraid of forgetting.

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I held a baby... One of my best friends has a 2 month old and when we got together yesterday, I held him.  I didn't think I was going to be able to do it, but I was glad that I did.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
    Working on losing weight- back to eating clean and working out.  During a year and a half of fertility drugs/treatments then pregnancy, I have packed on the pounds.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?
    We aren't sure what caused my water to break.  There was evidence of infection in the placenta and I may have had an IC.  We are still waiting on genetic testing we had done on the baby to come back.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    We can start TTC again as soon as I get my period.  I don't know if I'm ready, but I don't know if I will ever be ready.  I can't really sit around and wait though, because even though I'm 29 I have a diminished ovarian reserve.  I was so anxious and nervous this time that I cannot even imagine what I will be like if/when I get pregnant again.

    Married 8/2009, TTC since 4/2010
    ME: 30, DOR- Low amh, normal fsh/afc DH: 30, morphology issue
    IVF #1- BFN
    IVF #2- BFP!!! Beautiful baby girl became an angel on 2/6/13 at 17.5 weeks due to PPROM/IC
    IVF #3- New RE... February March 2014! 8r/6m/6f. Transferred one and have one frostie!
    **PAIF/SAIF welcome
    **

    image


  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? not really I am much better than I was in the beginning but I still think of all of the what ifs.  

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I am working on losing weight.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? We have no reason why Sydney died she was moving slower than usual on Wednesday the 28th and I begged the doctors to take her and do my c section that day since an u/s the day before said she was about 9lbs 12 oz.  She failed the NST but finally passed the u/s for movement but she wasn't her usual active self. I think I knew something was worng so I did beg like crazy and they wouldn't budge.They explained they couldnt since i wasn't 39 wks and all I complained about was being sore and having false labor they didnt have time to squeeze me in the 28th or the 29th. Well Friday the 30th I started having contractions and went in thinking we were having my c section only to find out she had died. I wanted to sue the doctors because they didn't do my c section earlier that week and she died but they assumed she compressed her cord and  I did seek counsel but they were with in their rights the way they handled me and she died for their lack of response. I think if they would have done my C section on wednesday the 28th she would be here. She was big she weighed 10lbs 3 oz. I blame the doctors and I should have gone in the 29th complaining of pains to see if they would have delivered me. But I can't take back that time and I can't get my little girl back and for that this whole thing sucks. My MFM said maybe that she was diabetic and that is what caused her death but we didn't get an autopsy so we will never know. He said it could have been metibolic (sp) so who knows.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Not too much really!!

    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
    --I applied for a job this week since the dream of being a SAHM are on hold for a while now

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 
    --I hope to start working out more fervently so that I can get this extra weight off. I plan on starting TurboFire Wednesday (6 weeks PP)

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? 
    --Yes, a nuchal cord death. He was fine Friday and gone by Tuesday. It is extremely rare. I have to wonder if I had had a 3rd trimester ultrasound if  they could have caught it and maybe intervened before it was too late but there's nothing I can do now.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 
    --I've been really sad lately. I just wish I had my baby. I thought I was doing okay but the more I try to move forward with my life the more it hurts that this is not what I was supposed to be doing now. 

    Pregnant after 1 miscarriage and 1 late loss. Due July 20, 2013. I am on daily Lovenox injections after finding out I have MTHFR deficiency and Homocystinuria. I hope with this treatment we will bring home a baby this time. I believe in you, Nugget.
    BabyFetus Tickerimage


    I am a mother to an angel baby boy, born still at almost 39 weeks gestation on January 23, 2013image




  • image sand&starfish:

    image karebear57:

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?

    I lost all my fluid and had an asymptomatic infection. I was 25 weeks when we found out she was gone. The doctor estimated that I lost her about a wk-2wks before hand. Her movements weren't "regular" yet although around 23wks I started worrying b/c I didn't feel her move for a week until that weekend when I felt a good kick to my back. My body didn't even go into labor on it's own, I had to be induced. I don't know if there's much they can do next time except more u/s or more frequent visits when I get past 20wks. As for the infection, we don't know what kind I had as it also presented no symptoms and nothing showed up in my urine the month before. I haven't been to see the mfm my doctor wants me to go to yet, I don't see the point in going just yet, and I drag my feet when I need to go to the doctor (except when I'm pg)

     I think I'm the odd man out but just in case if there's any other mom's that had the same thing happen, what did the doctor's say/will they do for your next pg?

     

    I'm not in the exact same place, but we found out at our follow up with my OB yesterday that I did have a uterine infection (chorio), even though I was completely asymptomatic - clean urine, no temperature, normal blood pressure, baby was never under any stress. I also have suspected IC, which likely caused the infection, but my OB thinks it may have just been infection, and if it was just that odds are low that it would happen again. Next pregnancy I would be monitored every 2 weeks, maybe given antibiotics, but overall it would just be wait and see if we go off of the theory of infection only and ignore the IC (which I'm not doing). Hope that helped a little bit!

     

    Thank you so much! I agree with not ignoring the IC, I wouldn't either. I also lost a lot of fluid, though at the end, with my 3rd as well. They did a NST and weekly u/s and decided to induce me. There's no way I will NOT not have them keep close watch over me with my, hopefully, next one. I will probably push for antibiotics, I can't believe I didn't think of that. I'm glad that they'll be monitoring you more closely with your next one. 

    Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

    I've tried to be more open with H. I let him know when I am sad and when I am having a bad day. It helps because I am reminded I'm not doing this alone. As far as literal body healing I had an MRI this week and hopefully all is good and the seizures didn't do any permanent damage to my brain. Now I'm just waiting on my Neurologist to read the scans and call us back in. One step closer to getting my drivers license and some freedom back. I almost forgot! Last week the headstone for Addison was placed. We are so thankful she has a resting place and is close by in our hometown. It was incredibly hard going there to see it for the first time though. I just couldn't stop thinking my baby is down there. She could be here with me in my arms by now but she is in the cold ground. It was horrible.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

    I want to set up appointments for H and I to meet with a local counseling center. We have had really different experiences through this and grieve in different ways. I think it would be very helpful for us through this process. 

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? 


    Technically we do not know the cause of death. She was already gone when I got to the hospital and by the time they had done the ultrasound I had had several seizures. Eclampsia doesn't take the life of babies but it's symptoms do. If that makes any sense. Just like they don't know why I developed (Pre)Eclampsia they don't know why Addison died either. My H was given the option of an autopsy but I wouldn't have been able to hold her or have any conscious memories of her or what she looked like. He chose to let me get well and keep our baby near us as long as we could. She was with us until we left the hospital. 


    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

    I have realized aside from being sad so often I have lost the joy in my life. I receive happiness from things and have good moments but my joy and hope that came with the expectation of our first child is gone. I'm concerned I will turn into an unhappy angry person. That is so far from my personality and who I am it worries me. I know I can never have "the old me" back, that person has been changed forever but I don't want to be joyless and bitter. 

    TTCAL Siggy Challenge: On Screen Duo- Blair and Serena XOXO

    imageimage

    BFP 8/2/13 EDD 4/9/13 Our beautiful Addie was delivered 1/4/13 at 26 weeks due to Eclampsia
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    imageimageimage

    Stalk Me
    ~All AL always welcome~

     


  • image Bayberry12:
    image EcoStreet:


    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?
    At first we thought that it was a "cord accident" as the cord was wrapped around her neck that's why we did not do autopsy(now i regret this). After we met a specialist we we told that the cord might have been but might have not been the cause as many babies are born with cords around the neck. I do have a question fro the ladies who had third trimester loses! I noticed that few weeks before we lost our little girl (we lost her at 36 weeks) she was slower. At the time this did not alarm me as every pregnancy books says that is normal for babies to slow down toward the end of the pregnancy buy as i think back I think that this was a sign that something was going wrong. Do you ladies who have late loses noticed that the baby was slow toward the end and what did your doctor say that might of happen to the baby? Did somebody heard of ? fetomaternal anemia??

    At around 36 or 37 weeks I noticed that her movements were slower/not as strong as they had been.  I was told the same things about babies slowing down towards the end and that they are on newborn sleep schedule, so they sleep most of the time at that point.  

    After reading so many stories about losses and stillbirth, I really believe this is misinformation, and Drs. should not dismiss concerns if someone says the movements are slowing down.

    Our daughters cord was wrapped tightly around her arm and leg, but when we met with the specialist he also told us that it most likely wasn't a cord accident.  We did an autopsy, but still don't have a cause.  

    I haven't heard of Fetomaternal anemia.  I'm sorry you you are left without any answers.  It can be hard not knowing.       

    This is one of the things I think about often. Addison had stopped moving around as much during Christmas. I thought maybe I had just been busy with the hustle and bustle of things and just hadn't been noticing as much. Most of the time I sit at a desk all day and she would kick like crazy. I tried all Christmas Day to feel her so my mom could feel her too. She didn't move hardly at all. At our u/s the 28th they discovered that she had low amniotic fluid and was small in size. Not drastic for either accounts, they weren't even worried. I didn't hear this until the 2nd of January from my midwife. They scheduled another u/s for the next day. The night of the 2nd is when I started having seizures. Now looking back it was a total warning sign and coupled with some other things you can see some warning signs.

    TTCAL Siggy Challenge: On Screen Duo- Blair and Serena XOXO

    imageimage

    BFP 8/2/13 EDD 4/9/13 Our beautiful Addie was delivered 1/4/13 at 26 weeks due to Eclampsia
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    imageimageimage

    Stalk Me
    ~All AL always welcome~

     


  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really, its been a hard week knowing its been a month without him.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? To continue going to see my therapist, and attempt to leave the house otherwise

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? My son died due to a cord accident. The cord was wrapped tightly around his neck twice with a true knot. I had trouble going to sleep the night he died, I tossed & turned & woke up half on my back in the middle of the night to him kicking, the last time I ever felt him move. I worry that my tossing around & having been partially on my back at night caused him to get tangled up in his cord. I don?t think I can ever stop blaming myself

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Just been stuck on how long my life seems to be, and how short Benjamin?s was. I hate thinking of how long I have to wait to be with him again. Having a hard time finding anything to look forward to in life, despite having my daughter who I love dearly, just feel like my soul is gone.

    Miss C born 8/23/11. Benjamin born sleeping at 33 weeks 1/28/13
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?   I'm stable, but no real steps forward. 


    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?   Since I have been benched, I need to work harder on weight loss. Also I need to focus on being a more productive person again.  I think focusing on the good things/being with my husband will help with this.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?   Extreme prematurity.  I thought that I had IC only, but considering babies A & B switched places, and that A then broked his water first even though he wasn't presenting makes my MFM doctor think that there was something else going on, not isolated IC.  I'm not sure though, my story fits IC, i.e. completely asymptomatic dilation that caused labor to start. 


    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?   How long I am going to have to wait.  I am hoping that I will come to a point where I am glad for the time to heal emotionally.  Logically I know that is a good idea, but right now I feel like getting pregnant again would help me feel not so lost and lonely.  However, when I think about losing again, it makes me committed to following instructions. I'm also stressed because MFM has told me that IVF is their recommendation for down the road. We are going to have a lot to talk about.  

    TTC since May 2011
    Provera x3 late 2011, no natural response. (Previous BCP for 12 years).
     Dx PCOS April 2012. 
    Clomid x 4 - no response.
    First FSH/Ovidrel cycle early Aug 2012 - 18 days of injections, slow growth, erratic estrogen levels, triggered Aug 21st. 
    BFP Sept 4th and Sept 7th! 
     7wk US Sept 28th - triplets! 
    Perfect triplets lost at 20 weeks due to incompetent cervix. Allison Grace, James Alexander and Colin Gregory forever in our hearts!  
    IVF #1 10/11/13 -  canceled before retrieval.  
         Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    i've written to a couple of people who didn't know, and i went to see my counselor.  i also made plans to go up to England to see some old friends, since i literally have no one here besides my wife and her family and friends.  otherwise, i feel like i've regressed somewhat in the last week and a half.   

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself?

    to start TTC, to finally start drawing and painting again (the last time i painted was when i was working on some pictures for little sun's room) and to keep blogging/writing about things. 

    Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    i was going out and exercising (brisk walking and a bit of a free weights) every day so i can lose more weight, but my emotional state the last week has made it impossible for me to get out the door.  we're hoping our new gyn will let us start TTC again next month, but she may make it contingent on how much weight i've lost.

    i also bought myself everything i need to start painting with watercolors. it's a new medium for me, and i'm hoping that it will help me get back into my creative groove. 


    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel?

    my little sun died of bacterial (e coli) meningitis when he was about 36 hours old.  it was a complete shock to everyone including the hospital staff.  i haven't found anyone else whose baby died this way, and of course i have a million questions.  i wish i knew *how* he contracted the meningitis.  did i already have it?  did one of the midwives who checked me a million times introduce it?  i feel a lot of guilt about this, and i'm so scared that it could happen again. 

    What is on your mind this week?

    abandonment.  i feel so completely abandoned by my family and people who have been dear friends for decades.  sometimes i feel like writing them and telling them how much their absolute silence has hurt me, but i know i won't actually do it.  this is such a lonely, lonely place to be without my son and without supportive people around me.

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

    I intro'd on TTCAL. I felt like I needed another outlet during this mess of a TTCAL journey.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

    I need to reset my attitude towards my job. There's nothing wrong with my job or how I'm performing, but I haven't been doing much long-term planning or goal-setting because I was taking things so day-to-day the first few weeks and months back. I was also planning to be pregnant again by now and planning for another leave in a few months, but since that isn't the case, I need to "dig in" a little better and start on some projects that will be rewarding to me and contribute to the overall functioning of my office.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? 

    We don't know the cause, although some recent bloodwork has indicated a possible clotting disorder. I would be interested to hear if anyone else has had this type of diagnosis.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

    Missing Julian-there were several babies on our flight yesterday who are around the age he would be now, plus a few pregnant women. I don't get jealous anymore, just sad. I also have started to wonder just how long it will take to have our rainbow baby. It's looking like it will be a much longer road than I anticipated. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No. AF acutally showed up today for the first time since we had him and it actually has put me down in a funk today. :(

     What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Start working out again. I need to lose the weight I picked up from the pregnancy.

    Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Yes. Just traditional tracking calories and working out each morning.

    QOTW: Do you know the cause of death for your angel? Do you have any questions for any loss moms who may have gone through something similar with their angel? No, we got all of our results back about two weeks ago and they couldn't find anything wrong with him or me. Not sure if that is harder or easier. :/

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I start back to work on Monday, so I'm stressing about that.

    DS Tyler 07.08.05 - Born at 24w6d
    DD Brooke 12.16.08
    DS Thomas Ryan, born still on 01.23.13 at 19w3d
    image
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