Parenting

Who should get snipped: DH or me?

We're one and done. Currently have an IUD (Mirena) that I still have 3 years left on. I'm thinking DH should get snipped in like 2 years, so that way we can make sure his procedure is successful before I get my IUD out. Then, I started looking at tubal ligation and Essure, and am now wondering if I should be the one to get snipped?  Anyone else go through this? 
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Re: Who should get snipped: DH or me?

  • I feel that if you feel strongly that someone should become sterile then it should be you. Since it is his body then that would be for him to decide. I would want the same consideration.

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  • It's so simple for the guy to get a V.  If I had a c section with the twins, I would have had my tubes tied. But I delivered vaginally, so we decided DH would get a V. Easy Peasy.
    Mom to Big Sister (2008) , and boy/girl twins (2010) Life is busy!
  • How old are both of you? 
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  • Idk- I thought a V is like 4 days off work or somesuch (DH always reads articles about V's in Sports Illustrated- guys get them during March Madness so they can sit home and watch basketball while they hold frozen peas on their crotch). Essure is supposed to be just 1 outpatient quickie appt. and a followup. We're leaning towards Essure.
  • This is a on-going discussion ( more argument) in our home. I say DH

     

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  • H & I are on board with vasectomies typically because they're cheap and pretty non-invasive.

    That being said, after the next kid, he will get a vasectomy and I will get my tubes tied.

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  • image IrishCoffee7:

    image mbenit4:
    I feel that if you feel strongly that someone should become sterile then it should be you. Since it is his body then that would be for him to decide. I would want the same consideration.
    Other than that it's a personal choice for each couple/person.

    This is all I meant. If he doesn't want to or whatever then her.


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  • image mbenit4:
    I feel that if you feel strongly that someone should become sterile then it should be you. Since it is his body then that would be for him to decide. I would want the same consideration.

    He's down to get snipped too. I'm thinking in terms of cost, simplicity, recovery, etc.

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  • image MrsGoodkat:
    How old are both of you? 

    We are 27 and 30. I had such a rough pregnancy, delivery, and recovery that we can't go through that again.

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  • image ItsAllGravy7:
    image MrsGoodkat:
    How old are both of you? 
    I feel age is irrelevant to this discussion???

    My doctor asked this- he thought I might change my mind since I'm under 35. DH is 40, so less likely to change his mind. E.g. we could get divorced and I decide to have kids with someone else, or vice versa.

  • image mabenner1:

    image mbenit4:
    I feel that if you feel strongly that someone should become sterile then it should be you. Since it is his body then that would be for him to decide. I would want the same consideration.

    He's down to get snipped too. I'm thinking in terms of cost, simplicity, recovery, etc.

    ok, then him. I changed my mind for all the reasons you listed above.


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  • image MirandaHobbes:

    image ItsAllGravy7:
    image MrsGoodkat:
    How old are both of you? 
    I feel age is irrelevant to this discussion???

    My doctor asked this- he thought I might change my mind since I'm under 35. DH is 40, so less likely to change his mind. E.g. we could get divorced and I decide to have kids with someone else, or vice versa.

    I know we're going to catch_shit for wanting it so "young", but we know what we want.

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  • image ItsAllGravy7:
    image MrsGoodkat:
    How old are both of you? 
    I feel age is irrelevant to this discussion???

    Well, it depends. If she's 25 and wanting something permanent done, I would probably suggest waiting. If something happened to her DH and she ended up re-marrying (this is assuming one and done is a choice, not a medical necessity) then I'd probably hold off. If she's 40 and closing in on the end of her child-bearing years then that's different.

     

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  • image mbenit4:
    image mabenner1:

    image mbenit4:
    I feel that if you feel strongly that someone should become sterile then it should be you. Since it is his body then that would be for him to decide. I would want the same consideration.

    He's down to get snipped too. I'm thinking in terms of cost, simplicity, recovery, etc.

    ok, then him. I changed my mind for all the reasons you listed above.

    Cool. The only reason I really wouldn't want to get a tubal myself is that my c-section recovery was terrible, and I only know one person IRL that has had their tubes tied outside of a c-section, and her recovery was rough as well.

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  • image mabenner1:

    image MrsGoodkat:
    How old are both of you? 

    We are 27 and 30. I had such a rough pregnancy, delivery, and recovery that we can't go through that again.

    Maybe this is totally out of line, but is that young to be certain you're one and done? Your LO is pretty young too...are you sure you won't change your mind?

    I'm 27 so I ask completely non-judgementally and I know everyone is different, but I myself wouldn't feel sure I was one and done yet. I would probably wait a little longer to decide.

  • image potbellypig:
    image mabenner1:

    image MrsGoodkat:
    How old are both of you? 

    We are 27 and 30. I had such a rough pregnancy, delivery, and recovery that we can't go through that again.

    Maybe this is totally out of line, but is that young to be certain you're one and done? Your LO is pretty young too...are you sure you won't change your mind?

    I'm 27 so I ask completely non-judgementally and I know everyone is different, but I myself wouldn't feel sure I was one and done yet. I would probably wait a little longer to decide.

    We're sure.

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  • image ItsAllGravy7:

    I had mine done at 26 and I have heard ALL of the arguments against it. "What if something happened to your child(ren)? Wouldn't you want another?" "What if something happens to your husband?" The way I see it it doesn't matter how old you are if you don't ever want to be pregnant and don't ever want another child then you should be able to have your tubes tied no questions asked. It's a personal choice and one that has more to do with the individual than the age.

    Yes, and obviously you were confident enough in your decision that you didn't need to ask advice from other people. She asked the question, we're just offering our own opinions. At the end of the day she and her husband are making the decision that's best for them.

    While I think vasectomies are easier as far as recovery, I would say if it's the women that's absolutely certain she doesn't want to go through a pregnancy again, then she should probably be the one to get her tubes tied. If the man is 110% certain he would never want to father another child, then he should. I mean, y'all know what you want (or don't want) so just go with what works best for you. 

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  • He will be snipped.  I cannot imagine if circumstances change and we decide later on that we want another, not being able to change our minds.  It would feel too permanent for me. 
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  • I can't wait to get my balls snipped, tbh. 

    Someone mentioned like 4 days off around March Madness? Brilliant.

     

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  • Him getting snipped would probably be easier than you getting a tubal, but it's more about what you and your H feel most comfortable doing.

    Personally, MH is getting a vasectomy because it's the easiest option for us. 

  • image MrsGoodkat:
    image ItsAllGravy7:

    I had mine done at 26 and I have heard ALL of the arguments against it. "What if something happened to your child(ren)? Wouldn't you want another?" "What if something happens to your husband?" The way I see it it doesn't matter how old you are if you don't ever want to be pregnant and don't ever want another child then you should be able to have your tubes tied no questions asked. It's a personal choice and one that has more to do with the individual than the age.

    Yes, and obviously you were confident enough in your decision that you didn't need to ask advice from other people. She asked the question, we're just offering our own opinions. At the end of the day she and her husband are making the decision that's best for them.

    While I think vasectomies are easier as far as recovery, I would say if it's the women that's absolutely certain she doesn't want to go through a pregnancy again, then she should probably be the one to get her tubes tied. If the man is 110% certain he would never want to father another child, then he should. I mean, y'all know what you want (or don't want) so just go with what works best for you. 

    We are confident in our decision. We are just trying to go about the "best" way to ensure we don't have any more children. I was just looking for input from people who have gone through any of the 3 procedures, to see what they would recommend.

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  • How about both, just to be sure? :)

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  • image ItsAllGravy7:

    I didn't get the impression from OP that she wasn't sure about her decision I thought it was more the individual procedures she was wondering about...not the decision to have it done or not. Maybe that's just me,

    Right. She asked for opinions on tubal vs. vasectomy. 

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  • image LuckyDad:

    How about both, just to be sure? :)

    This isn't a bad suggestion. I know more than one post-vasectomy baby IRL. ;) 

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  • DH is going to. We've read & heard that it's much easier for a man (in terms of the procedure & healing, etc.)
    "They tell me you were born premature, my child, but this is only partially true..
    for in my heart you were right on time." 
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  • image IrishCoffee7:
    I didnt interpret OP's question as asking if she should because she wasn't confident. I read it as a being curious if people had knowlege on which procedure was the easiest/safest/cheapest. @ Gravy ITA that no one should be questioning your right to make a medical decision for yourself regardless of age. I was referring to not finding it inappropriate to present it in a "these are the things people might keep in mind when making this decision". Factual and informational only.

    I wasn't saying OP wasn't confident in her decision to be one and done. I was referring to Gravy being confident in her decision to get her tubes tied. Sounded like OP was still on the fence about which way to go.

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  • image LuckyDad:

    How about both, just to be sure? :)

    Hmmm....I'll have to think on that. I guess we'd have to stagger them a bit, so we're not both laid up with aching crotches at the same time. Though, that would be a longer stretch with no sex.

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  • image mabenner1:

    I know we're going to catch_shit for wanting it so "young", but we know what we want.

    Lady, this is your body and your life.  We don't use the 120 rule anymore.

    image
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  • image Holls2011:
    He will be snipped.  I cannot imagine if circumstances change and we decide later on that we want another, not being able to change our minds.  It would feel too permanent for me. 

    ITA with this. DH and I have also decided that after we are done having kids he'll most likely be the one to get snipped. Its quicker, easier, cheaper, and if we should ever change our minds later on a vasectomy is much more reversible than a tubal.

    That said,it really is a very personal decision and answers are bound to differ nased on the couple's circumstances.

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