Stay at Home Moms

Adjusting to being a SAHM

I love that I am able to stay home with my baby, but lately have been feeling really lonely and just not myself. I used to work two jobs, one of which was with my hubby, now I stay at home and work from home. Since he still has to travel and have dinner meetings and long weekends away it is just me and the baby most of the time. When he is home he is usually exhausted and trying to catch up on sleep. He does help with the baby if ask though, which isnt often. I guess Im wondering if anyone else had a hard time adjusting to staying at home versus being on the go outside the home 24/7. Wondering if I might have a little postpartum that is contributing to the depressing lonely feelings.

Re: Adjusting to being a SAHM

  • I think this is totally normal!  I left a job that I absolutely loved because I wanted to be home with my baby, and it was a tough adjustment.  Plus, I live in an area where there really aren't a lot of other stay at home moms, so even though I was proactive in trying to find people to have play dates with, it's been really difficult.  

    Do you belong to a church or anything?  I go to the MOPS meetings at my church and they are great!  We have our meetings once a month and it's a good way to connect with other women.  I also joined a Bible study at a church closer to my house that meets once a week.  I've just tried to be super proactive about finding other SAHM's to hang out with, and that has helped.

    Also - I think I'm just getting used to it.  There are some days that I have the option to hang out with people, and now I choose to stay at home and just hang with DD and get stuff done!  I'm totally a people person and need very little "me" time, but I have definitely adjusted and gotten used to being at home.  And I am loving it!

     How old is your LO?  You could be having some postpartum pediatrician says that you can deal with bouts of that through the entire first year.  Sometimes just getting out of the house and walking around the mall is helpful to me, even if it's by myself!  

    Anyway, I hope that it gets easier for you and I hope this was encouraging!  You can do this, and I think your LO will definitely appreciate the time at home with you! 

  • First thing everyone will tell You is to get out of the house often.  Join a mom`s club, MOPS, something.  Do you have family close?  Take them up on watching the baby so you can get out alone occasionally.  

    I became a SAHM in August to my 4 year old and then almost 2 year old.  It has been an adjustment, and I feel like I am just now getting my groove.  

    See your doctor if you think it may be PPD causing your feelings. 

  • Aww, I feel for you momma! How old is your LO? The first few months are really difficult. It's really, really normal to feel lonely, isolated, and purposeless. Staying at home takes awhile to really get into. With a newborn, you really just sit around the house all day, which would depress anyone. Especially when it sounds like you were leading a pretty busy life beforehand! If you're used to being go, go, go it's hard to just sit and do nothing. BUT you're doing the most important thing you could be doing - giving your child a solid foundation of love, care and nourishing that will last a lifetime. 

    I felt the same way you described for probably, hmmm, the first 4 months. And then things got slowly, slowly better. Now DD is tons of fun and we're all over the place, all day. Life is busy again. But I still spend the majority of my day speaking baby talk and changing diapers. I love it though, and it doesn't feel isolating any more. It feels really worthwhile.

    Staying at home isn't for everyone though. Give yourself a year or two, and if you're still feeling like staying at home isn't right, then you can always go back to work! But making a decision like that early on isn't a good idea... wait until things settle down and you really figure out what staying at home will be like long term.

    Also, is you seriously suspect PPD, talk to your doctor. SO many women struggle with it, it's completely common and normal. Talk openly and honestly about it with a care provider you trust so you can get help and feel better. If it really is something you're dealing with, it will make a world of difference to start treating it.

    Best of luck to you momma! A big hugs! Hang in there :)   

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  • How old is baby?  It normally takes a while (few months for me) to really get used to the SAH routine.  The isolation was the hardest thing for me as well.  So I make a point to get out of the house every day, weather permitting (I hate driving in snow).  Even a trip to the bank gets me looking at something different and interacting with another adult.  You could also see if a friend or relative would be willing to co-op some child care so you could get out on your own for an afternoon or evening if your H is too tired to watch baby.
    Preemie Resources:

    DD1: BFP July 2010...HG in first tri, MC delivered vaginally at 18 weeks October 2010

    DS: BFP December 2011...SCH at 5 weeks, SBR at 7 weeks, Placental Abruption at 13 weeks, Hospitalized at 25 weeks, pPROM at 28 weeks, PTL via CS at 31 weeks 

    DD2: BFP January 2013...P17 shots, delivered via VBAC at 39 weeks
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