Hello ladies. I've been lurking on this board for the last two weeks. I'm so heartbroken by all your losses. You seem like an amazing group of women. I hope I can find some support here and maybe one day I can also support others.
I lost my baby girl, June, two weeks ago at 36 weeks 6 days pregnant.
Here's my story (sorry it's so long):
I had a picture-perfect pregnancy, did everything "by the book," gained the perfect amount of weight, attended all my prenatal appointments, etc. On Thursday, 2/7, I went to the OB for my weekly appointment. We listened to the heartbeat, he measured me, said "everything looks great, you're in the homestretch, just keep doing what you're doing!"
That weekend, we relaxed, went grocery shopping to stock up on things, and put the carseat in the car.
On Monday morning, I dropped DD off at daycare and went to work. I felt a few light kicks while driving in to work. By 10am, I was sitting in a meeting and realized I hadn't felt the baby kick for an hour, which was strange to me because she was constantly moving. I ate an orange, drank some cold water, and still didn't feel any movement. I called my OB and they told me to head to L&D immediately. I dashed out of work, called my DH (who didn't answer his phone) and drove to the hospital. I got there around noon, and the nurse couldn't find a heartbeat. She called the on-call doctor in and he looked at the baby on the ultrasound, said "yup, there's the heart, and I'm sorry, but it's not beating" he took off his gloves and walked away. DH was not there yet, I was alone with a nurse. They brought me to a delivery room, handed me a gown, and had me wait for a good thirty minutes or so before another nurse came in. Shortly after, DH got there, and my OB did another ultrasound to confirm.
I was already dilated to 2cm and having mild contractions. They started me on pitocin at around 5pm. I labored all night, then got an epidural at around 8am. They broke my water and by 11:30am I was ready to deliver.
My baby girl was beautiful, looked just like her older sister. She weighed 5lbs, 12oz. DH and I spent about 6 or 7 hours with her and then we said goodbye for good. My parents also got to see her and hold her.
It's been 2 weeks and needless to say I'm utterly devastated. We were so prepared for this baby. The nursery was all set up (still is, actually). The clothes were all washed and folded, our freezer was full of food, we had our house clean, everything was ready for her to come home.
I don't even know what to do now. I am able to keep it together to take care of my daughter when she's home, but when she's at daycare or asleep, I just totally lose it.
We picked up the ashes today and all I could think was that we were supposed to bring baby June home in a carseat, not a box.
Anyway, thank you for reading my story. I have a million things racing through my head and a million questions to ask, so I have a feeling I'll be sticking around here for a while.