Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Newborn Help is Too Helpful?

Hi All --

Hubby and I have an almost 3 week old little boy and have retired grandma (my mother) here to help for the next 8 weeks. Grandma has been extremely helpful, especially since this is my first baby. However, as time goes on, I can't help finding myself getting upset that whenever I'm holding my son and trying to comfort him (whether he's sleepy or gassy or needs a diaper change), my mom just comes and takes him away from me to take care of the issue. I'm very grateful for her help, but part of me feels like hubby and I really need to figure some of this out on our own. Am I overreacting to her helpfulness? Or should I just accept the help and be grateful?

Thanks,

Kate

Re: Newborn Help is Too Helpful?

  • I would not let anyone take my baby while I am trying to care for it. I agree you need to be able to figure it out. Your Mom needs to step back and let you ask for help, if/when you need it. But do make sure you ask for help if you need it!
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  • I was ready to kick our family out after 3 days with DD! 8 weeks would have killed me. You should tell her that you want to be able to do more for practice for when she leaves. Our "helpers" were aware that what we needed help with was cooking and cleaning. They knew that we needed to concentrate on bonding with baby.
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  • That is not being helpful. It's undermining your relationship with your baby and preventing the two of you from figuring things out. 

    Tell your mom that if she wants to be helpful to cook, clean, do laundry, run errands, etc. That's helping a new mom, not stealing the baby.

    Honestly, I would flip on anyone who tried to take my crying newborn away from me. That is ridiculous. Stand up for yourself and your baby. Tell your mom, "no, I have this," and leave the room.  


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  • image LalaMama81:

    That is not being helpful. It's undermining your relationship with your baby and preventing the two of you from figuring things out. 

    Tell your mom that if she wants to be helpful to cook, clean, do laundry, run errands, etc. That's helping a new mom, not stealing the baby.

    Honestly, I would flip on anyone who tried to take my crying newborn away from me. That is ridiculous. Stand up for yourself and your baby. Tell your mom, "no, I have this," and leave the room.  

    this, whether she is doing it to "help" or not. Let her know that you appreciate her helping, but that this is frustrating and you want to figure out some things yourself. 

  • image LalaMama81:

    That is not being helpful. It's undermining your relationship with your baby and preventing the two of you from figuring things out. 

    Tell your mom that if she wants to be helpful to cook, clean, do laundry, run errands, etc. That's helping a new mom, not stealing the baby.

    Honestly, I would flip on anyone who tried to take my crying newborn away from me. That is ridiculous. Stand up for yourself and your baby. Tell your mom, "no, I have this," and leave the room.  

    this, whether she is doing it to "help" or not. Let her know that you appreciate her helping, but that this is frustrating and you want to figure out some things yourself. 

  • I'd tell her that you'd like to take care of your baby by yourself and you would prefer she help out in other ways.
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  • image kielpinskim:
    I was ready to kick our family out after 3 days with DD! 8 weeks would have killed me. You should tell her that you want to be able to do more for practice for when she leaves. Our "helpers" were aware that what we needed help with was cooking and cleaning. They knew that we needed to concentrate on bonding with baby.

    This and this. 8 weeks is too long. 

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  • You need to speak up for yourself. It's your child and you can figure it out. You need to be able to bond with your baby. I'm curious... why is she staying with you for 8 weeks? My mom stayed for a week and that was more to help with DS and help around the house.

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  • I just had my first baby, too. She's 6 weeks old. My hubby and I had no clue what we were doing in the beginning. We got a lot of help from the nurses in the hospital, and my mom once we were home. I'm grateful, too, for all her help.

    She kind of does the same thing as your mom, whenever I'm at her house now. She'll take my daughter when she needs a diaper change or if she starts crying for whatever reason. My mom's not pushy about it, though, and I love getting a break. So maybe right now your mom might need to let you figure it out, but once you feel more comfortable you may really like the help.  

  • You're justified.  I'd just say "it's okay, I have him".
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