TTC After a Loss

expiration date

I've been thinking a lot about when and if we'd stop TTC eventually. This is a tough subject but I wanted to see if anyone had any similar thoughts. How long will you continue to TTC? If you had another loss (God forbid) would you try again? I think I've finally come to the decision that if I did have another loss I'd be done (DH about fell out of his chair at that response). As far as how long I will continue to TTC, I think I'm down to months now. I was in tears today over all this. I should be about to have a baby but instead I'm at this point in my life. I'm getting older and I can't continue to eat fert meds and go on the monthly roller coaster. It's gotta end at some point.  
DH, Jared 7/28/01; DD, Isabella Grace 11/28/06; said good-bye to baby 2 5/09 (11.5 weeks); said good-bye to Dakota Blu 11/09 (11.5 weeks); DS, Benjamin Cruz 12/6/10; said good-bye to babies 5 and 6 09/12 (8 weeks); baby "K" our foster son 11/28/12 came to us 1/7/14

Re: expiration date

  • I'm so sorry you are feeling so low today. I can't say I would never feel the same. I think that if we personally were to have another loss it may be a complete game changer, especially with so many adoptable children needing homes.

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  • I understand your fear. This topic puts a pit in my stomach but it is certainly something DH and I have discussed.  I do not ovulate on my own without the help of expensive Follistim which actually worked so well my RE needed to slow things way down resulting in one mature follicle with both IUI's. With IVF, I ended up with OHSS, and had fluid drained from my abdomen. Because of this, and being completely out of pocket, our frozen embryo's will be our last chance. This scares us.

    We have discussed a surrogate with our embryo's if the cerclage and Lovenox fails us (which DH is not keen on), and adpotion. My sister is adopted so I have always been open to it, but I have to respect DH's desire for a little version of us.

    I hear you, that this cannot be an endless pursuit for everyone. I will be 40 this year and will keep trying until I run out of options. Personally, my strength comes in bursts, and I hope your desire overpowers your fear.

    Sorry you're having a rough day.

     

     

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    Me:40 lean PCOS/anovulation, 2 clotting disorders, IC
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  • (Hugs) I'm sorry you are feeling so down right now. Maybe take a month or two to not think about any of it and just give your heart and your head a little breather.

    Before we started this journey I always said I'd "never" give up. Now I've realized there is a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough. We've had enough. For me it's never really been about how long or how many losses as to how much I have changed. When it boils down to it, I missed me and I missed us.

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  • First of all, ((hugs)). This is such a hard decision to make and I'm sorry that you are having a rough day.

    For me, we are trying one more time. If we have another loss, I think we'll be done with TTC. I honestly don't know how much more my heart can take. Like LaTi said, it's how much these losses have changed me.

    DH and I have agreed that if we have a third loss, we will start seriously discussing adoption. Right now he isn't open to it but it is something that he is willing to talk about further down the road. So for now, three losses is our limit.

    As for how long we will TTC, we haven't reached that point yet.

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    BFP #2 01/14/11. EDD 09/25/11. Missed m/c 02/18/11. D&C 02/24/11. }Dustin{
    TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
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  • I don't have an answer to your questions but I just wanted to offer up hugs. 
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  • I'm very sorry you've been contemplating this decision. I'm a newbie and I just experienced my first loss so I do not have any words of wisdom. This has already been so tough, I can't imagine what you've gone through. Hugs to you.

    TTC #1 since Dec '12
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  • With over three and a half years TTC with IF I had said this year was it.  That we'd do IUI#4 and IVF in late spring if needed and that was it.  I was ready for 2013 to be the end of the road for us either with a baby or not.

    But since we had chemical pregnancy with IUI#4, we're wondering if at our WTF appt with RE on Monday if he'll now let us do another IUI (He'd said two years ago that he'd just do 4 IUIs before IVF...I'm hoping he bends on that now since we had two of the four with seriously low sperm counts and one that was technically a positive).  AND we've decided instead of IVF this late spring we might want to actually buy a house and use next years March annual bonus to help pay for OOP IVF.  

    So really we're up in the air right now.  I hope Monday afternoon I will know if we're on hold for a whole year or not.  But two years ago we said we'd give this no more than 5 years so for now, I'm sticking with that end date of summer 2014. 

    Edit to add:  I know it's a very hard decision.  And I was happy with my previous decision and surprised I've changed my mind.  Be kind to your self that you might go back and forth a bit.  But whatever you decide (((HUGS))) because it's a tough one. 


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  • After this latest loss we agreed that if either of us got to the point emotionally where we couldn't keep doing this that we'd stop. Neither of us is there yet and I don't think we'd be after a third loss...more than that, who knows? Time is a factor as well since we're both 36 now. As we get closer to 40 we may reevaluate. DHs job and health insurance may play into it, too. In two years he'll be retiring from his current job. FX by then we'll have the LO we're trying for by then, but if not, we may reevaluate. Right now I'm keeping my fx that I get pg with a viable pregnancy before he deploys.

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

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  • You definitely are not alone. I've been thinking a lot about this too.  I'm emotionally tired, and just feeling over it. I never thought I would end up in a "just us" family--I'm the oldest of five kids-- but the longer this goes on, the more I feel okay about it. 

    Wishing you peace of mind.  ((HUGS)) 

     

    me: 34
    Dh:39
    married 2009, ttc for #1 since 2009
    m/c: May 2012 7.5wks

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  • I am so sorry you are finding yourself at such a point :( Hope things get better for you super soon!
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  • I wish I could just give you a hug.  What you are going through is so incredibly stressful and there is a point where you do have to say enough is enough.  It's good that you are thinking about this and recognizing where you are at right now. Be gentle on yourself.

    As far as how long I will TTC, my story is a little different than most.  I first began to actively TTC at the age of 28.  After a year of no success, my then husband and I moved on to IUI and medicated cycles.  Four years into that journey we did one round of IVF.  My RE told me that I had poor egg quality and if I did not get pregnant by the time I was 34, it would never happen.  From 32 to 34 it was NTNP at the insistence of my husband.  At 34, my then husband left me for a woman who had a child after telling me he hated me for "being broken" (referring to my inability to not have kids). 

    It took me 8 solid years to accept that I could not have children.  It was two months after my 40th birthday and 11 months after my wedding to DH. I was 100% at peace.  I got a BFP the following month. 

    I did not expect that I would get another BFP.  After being told you can't get pregnant, with years and years of solid proof of that fact, you accept it.  I've gotten two more BFPs since then.  DH is willing to keep trying but if I say stop, he would do that also.  He married me accepting the fact that I could not have children. 

    I'm not sure how many losses are in me.  All I know is that if I stop now I will regret that decision for the rest of my life.  



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  • ::hugs:: I'm so sorry you're having such a hard day. I hope you can take some time to do something nice for yourself this weekend.

    I have definitely had these feelings about moving on from TTC. I don't know a time frame yet but I know I can't do this forever. I can't be this person forever.

    Thinking about you tonight!
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  •  

    I am sorry you are having a hard day today. ((Hugs))

    DH and I had a talk about this after my CP last month. We came to the decision that we will keep trying for a while and if we where (hoping not) to have another loss we would keep trying. We did come to the decision that we would not do IUI or IVF. It was really hard to have the conversation about even the possibility of a M/C but we had to. I was just not ready to give up yet.

    YGPM

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    Gummy Bear- EDD:09-29-11 M/C at 8wks measured 5-6wks 2-11-11


    Jelly Bean- EDD:06-19-13 no longer had a heart beat at 13wks 12-12-12

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