3rd Trimester

Visiting baby right after birth

To be honest lately I have been thinking about what I want to happen after delivery. My thoughts are that I really dont want people to come visit me at the hospital besides mine and my fiances immediate family such as mom, dad, brothers and sisters. I told my mother about my plans to just not have my aunts uncles and cousins visit me at the hospital due to the fact that number one I probably will not be in the mood to really see so many people and number too I sort of just want have space, room, and time to spend with my little one. When people visit its a bit difficult to do that since everyone wants to carry the baby.

However when I mentioned this idea to my mother my mother looked at me in awe as if what i were speaking did not make any sense. It made me feel like thinking this idea was wrong but this is what i want to happen. Do you think maybe im just being irrational and should consider letting others visit at the hospital??

 

Re: Visiting baby right after birth

  • No, you are not being irrational. Do what is best for you!

    We are only allowing my parents and sister, his mom and step dad, and his 2 grand parents to visit us in the hospital. No friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.

    After delivery, we are all going to be exhausted and want to spend time together as a new family. My hospital actually has a policy called the "Golden Hour" where nobody is allowed to visit within the first hour. That hour is for the parents and newborn only. After that, LO goes to the nursery to get checked while the mom is transitioned to her room. So in reality, our families will be waiting around 2 hours AFTER LO is born before they are even allowed to see him (unless they can catch a glimpse through the nursery window). I definitely don't want a mad rush of people trying to snatch our newborn up when we've only just been able to meet him ourselves. I also don't want random visitors trying to come in when we are learning how to breastfeed or trying to catch up on sleep, etc.

  • I was actually just having this exact same thought yesterday...I really don't want anyone other than our parents and siblings to come visit in the hospital. Everyone else is welcome to come visit once we're home.

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  • We are not having anyone visit us in the hospital and trust me I got crazy looks even from my DH for that request. I want that time for bonding as a new family though and I dont really care if it upsets anyone.. They will get over it. And luckily my ILs like out of state so they cant really complain about that rule..
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  • I agree with you and actually think its odd to let so many people in on such an intimate moment.  We plan on having our first visitor be our daughter.  After we have had time to spend as a family, the grandparents will be welcome.  By I think that's where it ends.  Everyone else can wait till we're home.
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  • You might not even have to make this decision yourself...many hospitals are limiting the number of visitors allowed because of the flu. 

    Ultimately it's your choice though...if you want time to bond with LO and only have immediate family visit, that's perfectly fine...everyone else can visit after you get home.  

    We decided that at least for the labor and birth, it would just be the 2 of us...after that we'll decide if we want visitors and how many.  

  • Not at all. I told my Mom that besides her and my Dad, I didn't want anyone else at the birth center and I wanted at least 24 hours after that before we had visitors at my house. Luckily she understood. Now just having the rest of the family understand...
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  • It's your decision and not crazy at all if you only want grandparents and siblings to visit.

    FWIW though I was so freaking stir crazy with DD and ready to get out of the hospital that I appreciated/enjoyed having visitors. 

      
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  • We are only allowing my parents and DS. My Bil works at the hospital and last time just strolled in right when I was nursing..... it was very awkward. If people want to see the twins they can come to the house in a few days.
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  • I agree with PPs. It's your time to bond with your new baby, and therefore solely your decision. I'm not even having my own grandmother come visit until we've been home for a week, and I'm feeling a bit better. Even my mother understands that the only reason she'll be around the first week is to help around the house, and not to hover around the baby. Aunts and uncles will have plenty of time to get to know the baby
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  • It is your baby, your body, your birth = your call.

    I've only gone to see a very few people in the hospital - I usually wait until they are home and settled.

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  • With dd I told everyone no hospital visitors. I did this because I didn't want to be worried about nursing and privacy with having my in laws showing up besides generally you are only in the hospital 1 night.

    What ended up happening is I stayed an extra night and I had my mom and dad come visit. A few days later I sent an email telling people they were welcome to come visit us at home.

    This time I plan on the same kind of thing... Just dd and dh for the first day then maybe the parents...
  • We are telling the hospital staff no visitors at all until we okay it. Then, we will call the people who we want to tell the room number and tell them when they may come visit. You are in the hospital because you are recovering from a birth and have a brand new baby. It's not a petting zoo - no one needs to come stare at you and hold the baby if you don't want them to.
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  • It's absolutely your call. I personally prefer having visitors at the hospital because it's so boring sitting there. I find it harder to have visitors at home when I'm trying to establish a routine and settle in. Plus, when people visit at home I feel pressured to be a good host.
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  • You are totally correct.  It is up to you and you don't know how you will feel or how things will go.  We came home from the hospital basically getting no sleep for 48 hours b/c besides the nures being in and out, friends and family kept stopping by.  Tell them to wait till your home and settled.  I only want my immediate family there.  Anyone else is just too much!
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  • Remind yourself, who has carried your NB for the passed 9 months? Who will be your NB parent for the rest of their life? As your NB parent, sometimes you'll feel like the bad guy. Remind your mom that you will not be in the hospital that long, and when your home and comfortable they can come and visit (at an hour of the day that is fine with you). I'm not having visitors, and yeah I have those who are not happy with my choice.

    Think of how tired you will be after delivery, and you will have to deal with nurses coming by to preform tests to make sure your NB is healthy, and the more outside visitors you have, the bigger chance your NB will catch a cold.

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  • It's your call but FWIW, I much preferred people at the hospital than at my house. We had to start telling people they couldn't stop by once we were home and I wished they had come to the hospital to get their visit out of the way. 
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  • image penguingrrl:
    It's absolutely your call. I personally prefer having visitors at the hospital because it's so boring sitting there. I find it harder to have visitors at home when I'm trying to establish a routine and settle in. Plus, when people visit at home I feel pressured to be a good host.

    This is exactly how I feel.  Pretty much all of our friends and family came to see DD in the hospital the evening after she was born. I was still running on adrenaline and happy to show her off at that point. All I had to do was sit there and smile. Once I was at home, I was hormonal and exhausted from getting no sleep and my house was a disaster. I was glad everyone had already seen her so they didn't feel the need to come visit.

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  • Honestly, I'm letting people come at the hospital so they won't show up at my house. There is more activity at the hospital so they will leave quicker.. in my mind at least.

    I would definitely get an email or something out to let people know. I'm sure your family will announce that the baby has arrived and without a disclaimer, you might be getting visitors quicker than you realized.

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  • I agree with everyone else, you are definitely not being irrational.  I have already told DH that I don't want anyone but our immediate family visiting for at least the first 24 hours and none of the family is allowed in the room (except DH) when I'm breastfeeding.  The last thing I need is a bunch of opinions on what I'm doing right/wrong or anyone making me feel uncomfortable.  A friend told me this is the only time in your life when you shouldn't feel bad at all about any decisions you make based on your comfort level.  I'm also being a little crazy about not letting a lot of people hold the baby in the first few days/week - you never know what cold/flu/virus they're harboring!

  • :Lurking:

    I wish we would've had more people come to see us in the hospital. With DS being born the day before Thanksgiving, a lot of our friends were out of town, so they didn't come obviously. :p

    Now it's annoying because of trying to get with people's schedules so that they can meet DS. He still hasn't met some people here because if we go out and see them, he's with a babysitter, and work schedules are crazy. 

     Plus, now I have to worry about my apartment being picked up if someone wants to come see him. I definitely WANT them to meet him (all of our family live hours away so it's really nice to get to share DS with others) but I definitely don't want to have to rush around to clean the apartment when other than that, we'd be completely ready for a walk-in. lol

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  • Yeah, welcome to having a baby - suddenly everyone, especially your mother, will question all your choices.

    Now's the time to set a precedent. Whether you put your foot down, agree to compromise, or cave in to the request, you have to understand that you have "trained" your mother (and your relatives). Similar treatment will be expected in the future. Don't do anything you wouldn't feel comfortable doing every time just to keep the peace; this will NOT be the last time someone wants you to make a different choice!

     

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  • image penguingrrl:
    It's absolutely your call. I personally prefer having visitors at the hospital because it's so boring sitting there. I find it harder to have visitors at home when I'm trying to establish a routine and settle in. Plus, when people visit at home I feel pressured to be a good host.

    this exactly!!  

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  • With my DS we just didnt tell anyone we were headed to the birth center. We did not call anyone or Facebook it, all communication was shut down for those 12 hours. No one knew, so no one wanted to come. With the next one we will only tell my mom because she will watch DS during the labor. No one else will know, we really like our privacy though and felt that people coming to visit would inturupt our bonding time.

    Your baby, your choice everyone else will just have to deal.

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  • If you don't want others to visit you that is completely fine.  With my first one, I thought that would be great to have my friends visit me and family.  After being induced, having an episiotomy, and having my baby in the NICU because she got pneumonia, I was not in the mood to see anyone except my husband.  I was swelled up from the pitocin, it hurt to walk from the episiotomy, and it was emotional having my baby in the NICU.  I didn't even want to see my parents or in-laws, but saw them anyway.  My husband's family can be a bit clingy too and can be very annoying at times.
  • I don't think your are being irrational at all. I feel the exact same way. Luckily the hospital I'm giving birth gives us a "babymoon", so no one can bother us for at least 3-4 hours after delivery. On top of this the hospital also has what they refer to as "quiet time", where they dim the lights on the maternity floor and encourage mother, father and baby to have cuddle time. The quiet time is from 1-4, so we are letting our relatives know that they are only allowed between 8am-1pm and from 5-8pm. Hopefully they follow instructions.

    My nurse at the prenatal classes told us, "you make the rules, so tell  your guest whatever you like". I love it.

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  • image sarcaztic10:
    With my DS we just didnt tell anyone we were headed to the birth center. We did not call anyone or Facebook it, all communication was shut down for those 12 hours. No one knew, so no one wanted to come. With the next onenbsp;we will only tell my mom because she will watch DS during the labor. No one else will know, we really like our privacy though and felt that people coming to visit would inturupt our bonding time.
    Your baby, your choice everyone else will just have to deal.


    Lurking

    This is exactly what we are doing.

    When DS was born everyone bombarded us at the hospital, and started posting pictures and birth stats before I was able to meet him. This baby, we are having everyone with the exception of my parents wait a little bit before meeting him.
  • You're not being irrational.  For me, those days in the hospital were really crazy.  I gave birth on Sunday night and went home Wednesday morning. Between our parents and siblings visiting, trying to learn to breastfeed, doctors and nurses coming to check me, doctors coming to check LO, a mandatory class for first time parents, a hospital photographer who comes to take pics of the baby, visits from lactation consultants, etc. etc., and TRYING to get some rest and recovery squeezed in between it all,  there isn't a whole lot of time for aunts, uncles and cousins to visit.  They can definitely meet the baby later when you are settled at home.

  • With DS we only allowed immediate family to visit us in the hospital. Honestly, I was in no mood for visitors. I was even annoyed the first few weeks at home when everyone wanted to stop by. It's a big adjustment for you and your family and you should be able to determine how you want to handle it. I don't think it's irrational. 
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  • I find it odd that when you mention visitor rules or your ideas to people they get upset. My mom is furious with our current idea and keeps telling me i cant stop people... I can bc the visitor passes will be in my hands.

    Regarding visitors at the hospital. Day 2 I want everyone to come!!!! And I mean everyone. Hospitals are not comfortable, there is limited seating, no food or drinks. And I can act like im asleep. At home I feel obligated to play host. Have a clean area for people to sit, etc... At home people also stay longer so nope... I want everyone to stop by the hospital.

    Our other rule is: We dont allow visitors the first month. Only helpers. This was my rule with lo. If people want babytime that is fine but you dont get me too. I will be sleeping, cooking, showering etc if you are over. Everyone was told this and it worked out great. I have already had friends ask this time about helping with lo, just playing with her. Stepmil is amazing at helping with cleaning so she has already offered to help there and to help entertain lo. Helpers, no visitors!!!!
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