February 2013 Moms

MIL Vent

So since my husband is gone in the Air Force, I've been staying with my in laws, we've always gotten along really well, we've never really had any issues, but this past weekend... they started. She is constantly asking to do everything for my son, and although I appreciate her wanting to help, he's only a week old, and because of my c section the first couple of days I needed a lot of help and it was really hard watching people do everything for him, so now that I'm able to, I want to do everything. I don't know how to explain to her that just because we're living together it doesn't mean that we are co-parenting. I talked to my husband about it and of course me moving out would cause more friction so he doesn't want me to do that, plus he doesn't want me by myself, but at this point, I'm ready to snap. She made the comment that I don't know how long she has waited for a grandchild... FYI her son is only 25... so not that long, plus I had to wait 5 years, I suffered with severe endometriosis, I had three surgeries, one resulting with the removal of my left ovary, and two rounds of lupron, which put me into a state of menopause for six months at a time... so that comment really made me angry. I hate having to walk on eggshells and tip toe around their feelings, when they obviously have no regard for mine. I do let her hold him, but when it comes to feeding, changing, and bathing, I want to do that, and if he's crying, and I reach for him, don't tell me no. I'm not going to fight over my son, she had her chance to be a mom, now it's my turn. ugh! Sorry for the long rant. 
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Re: MIL Vent

  • I understand this trouble. My little one isn't even her and my MIL is already trying from a distance to take the mom role. Though it must be harder with your husband gone so I am sorry you are trying to deal with this, recovery and just the learning curve of being a new mom.

    I would honestly suggest  being polite but firm. Sit down and discuss the role you expect to have as mom and her to have as the grandparent. Then have her communicate to you about what she thinks her role is (this way she feels shes had a chance to be heard as well), perhaps there is certain compromises that can be made for certain tasks and for others make sure you stick to your guns. If you don't set lines now, its only gonna get worse!

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  • I would let your feelings be known. Albeit tactfully, but you are the mother now. You have to look out for what's best for you and your son. Especially after everything you've gone through to have him.

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