move the wedding date? I'll be 24 weeks.

kelly+terrence

I'll be 35 in May and I'm 6 weeks pregnant. My Fiance proposed in October and we just found out we are expecting. Our wedding is June 22nd.  We called around to see if we could move the wedding date up and we can to May 11 but here's my problems:

1. Is it awful to not want to have prego wedding pics or should I just be loud and proud?

2. I really don't want the wedding to be about "the baby" we have such a wonderful love story I wouldn't want anything to overshadow it. If we kept it in June how would I tell folks ahead of time so as not to have everyone surprised? (im assuming at 24 weeks id be not able to hide it)

3. May 11 is mothers day weekend my birthday weekend and it would be our anniversary

Any brainstorming would be really helpful. thanks! 

 

cinderin

If it were me, I would just do a small wedding as soon as possible. But I don't know how important it is to you to have a big wedding (?). 

1. I think you will still be showing in May. If it were me, I wouldn't want pregnant wedding photos, so I understand.

2. I am sure people will know you are PG, whether in May or in June. I don't think you will have to "warn" them. If they are close enough to you to come to your wedding, then they are close enough to you to know you are PG. I am assuming you are inviting family and friends to the wedding, right?

3.  I wouldn't want to have my anniversary, mothers day and birthday all at one time of year. 

Totally JMO, but once you are PG, I think a great deal of the focus and planning is put on the new family member/life being brought into the world and not so much on weddings. Again, JMO, but I would much rather spend my time and money planning for the baby than a wedding. I would also much prefer having a baby shower to a bridal shower. These are some of the reasons I would opt for a very small wedding.  

kelly+terrence

Thanks for your response! 

We live far from our family so no one would know.  Since I'm 35 yrs old I have a "higher risk" and we wouldn't want to tell anyone till I was about 18 weeks or so. (And that's the May date for moving the wedding).  In the gown I have it wouldn't be obvious in May, so I'd have "normal" looking pics.

The pre planned June wedding can just be moved and the same in May, no smaller needed.

So if no ones knows we are expecting and we keep it in June, we'd have to pre announce that we are expecting sometime in May (do people do "expecting announcements?") so as not have it be shocking to all of our guests and have that news take over the wedding day.

Guh...so confused.  

 

 

cinderin

wouldn't people wonder why you were moving the date? 

has anyone bought tickets/made travel arrangements?

 

RileighsMom1224

I got married around that time in my last pregnancy.  I didnt mind having a big belly but I was so tired.  If I could go back and do it again I would of pushed it back or moved it a year later. 

In the end we had a beautiful wedding, and my dress was cute and the photographer did a decent job of trying to hide my bump.  In the end it is up to you two. 

lavashiner

My wedding anniversary is a day after my birthday. It was just how it worked out for us! I actually like having both days of celebration right next to each other. We will usually do something like a birthday dinner and an anniversary getaway. Good luck and felicitations!

jeapplegate

I would do it in May.  I think at 18 weeks with the right dress it won't be obvious.  The other thing is that I would be a lot happier spending the day in a formal dress and heels at 18 weeks than at 24.  I think at age 35 no one is going to care about you being pregnant at your wedding, but still I get wanting your wedding day to be about your marriage and not your child.  There will be plenty of time to focus on the baby. 

It is a little bit of a bummer to have mothers day, your birthday and aniversery all close together, but that wouldn't be that big a deal to me.  I would focus on which day you think will be the most fun for you.

 

jkuns7ty

jeapplegate:

I would do it in May.  I think at 18 weeks with the right dress it won't be obvious.  The other thing is that I would be a lot happier spending the day in a formal dress and heels at 18 weeks than at 24.  I think at age 35 no one is going to care about you being pregnant at your wedding, but still I get wanting your wedding day to be about your marriage and not your child.  There will be plenty of time to focus on the baby. 

It is a little bit of a bummer to have mothers day, your birthday and aniversery all close together, but that wouldn't be that big a deal to me.  I would focus on which day you think will be the most fun for you.

 

 

PP makes a great point. The further along you get, the more uncomfortable you'll be. 2nd trimester is the easiest by far, so you might want to do it then. 

BeachMama7693

if it were me, i would also have a small wedding as soon as possible. i wouldnt want to look pregnant in my pictures either.

this situation happened to me when i became pregnant with DD. we ended up having a smaller wedding early, and it worked out great, and same as you, it put my birthday, wedding anniversary, and valentines day within 2 weeks of eachother. but actually, it hasnt been so bad, we just do one big celebration and its actually kind of nice that way.

 

RunningGal900

I don't understand why people won't know even though they live far away. Do you not talk on the phone? Or email? I sent an email to all my friends who I don't speak to regularly on the phone around 12 weeks letting them know about my pregnancy. It wasn't weird, it was just a hey guess what? email. I would do something like that regardless of when you have the wedding.

jeapplegate

RunningGal900:

I don't understand why people won't know even though they live far away. Do you not talk on the phone? Or email? I sent an email to all my friends who I don't speak to regularly on the phone around 12 weeks letting them know about my pregnancy. It wasn't weird, it was just a hey guess what? email. I would do something like that regardless of when you have the wedding.

She is considered high risk and is not comfortable disclosing her pregnancy early.  She stated she wants to wait until 18 weeks.  I don't think it is an issue of her not knowing how to tell people. 

iloveu4ever

I am moving my wedding to a later date.

kelly+terrence

Thanks. Ya, wedding or no wedding we wont be telling anyone till around May.

Sigh..I suppose it all boils down to how I'd feel but I've never been prego before and I'm not sure I'd feel better at 18 weeks vs. 24 weeks? No way to tell I suppose.  I'll have to make a blind choice.

 

rowergirl81

iloveu4ever:

I am moving my wedding to a later date.

To each her own, but I totally don't understand why any father worth a lick would agree to postpone the wedding until after the birth of his child.  Does he not realize that he will have ZERO parental rights since you two are not married?  Does he not realize that if something happens, he will have to sue you in order to even be able to get an order to do a parternity test, so that when the results come back, he will be able to file a motion with the court for visitation?

 To me, a guy who is perfectly willing to have no legal rights over his own child until some time in the distant future raises a lot of question marks in my mind... 

A pretty picture in a pretty dress is so not worth the huge question marks that come from having a child before you are married (if you two are planning on...eventually...getting married).  He won't have the right to make decisions for you in the hospital if you have pregnancy complications, he wouldn't have any automatic rights to see his child if you for whatever reason had long-term complications while giving birth that left you hospitalized post partum (think Bringing Home the Browns), you all will not receive spousal support if either of you are hurt or killed in the next year, etc. 

In my opinion, when you decide to have a child, the needs and best interests of the child should absolutely come before all else.  In this case, there are so many question marks that come from having a child without being married--especially since you are planning on doing it in the long term.  Just go get married by the JOP before your child is born, and then have a big reception at some point in the future.  But probably, by that time, you will realize that the money would would have spent on that big party is way better spent on things to enrich the life of your new litle one.

Again, to each her own.  But I just don't get making such an important decision with so many legal ramifications just so that you can look hot in your wedding pictures some day. 

Ladydianna

I was 24 weeks when we got married.  We got engaged in January, set a date for the following year and found out we were expecting in May.  We moved our wedding up to august, at dh's insistence.   My cousin had her wedding planned for April found out she was pregnant in December cancelled her April wedding and got married at JOP the next day.  They had a "reception"  14 months later.  If your worried about how you look in the pictures. I would have a legal ceremony and then have the party after. 

kelly+terrence

I think you either posted this in the wrong place or are confused, none of this is my story.  

rowergirl81:

iloveu4ever:

I am moving my wedding to a later date.

To each her own, but I totally don't understand why any father worth a lick would agree to postpone the wedding until after the birth of his child.  Does he not realize that he will have ZERO parental rights since you two are not married?  Does he not realize that if something happens, he will have to sue you in order to even be able to get an order to do a parternity test, so that when the results come back, he will be able to file a motion with the court for visitation?

 To me, a guy who is perfectly willing to have no legal rights over his own child until some time in the distant future raises a lot of question marks in my mind... 

A pretty picture in a pretty dress is so not worth the huge question marks that come from having a child before you are married (if you two are planning on...eventually...getting married).  He won't have the right to make decisions for you in the hospital if you have pregnancy complications, he wouldn't have any automatic rights to see his child if you for whatever reason had long-term complications while giving birth that left you hospitalized post partum (think Bringing Home the Browns), you all will not receive spousal support if either of you are hurt or killed in the next year, etc. 

In my opinion, when you decide to have a child, the needs and best interests of the child should absolutely come before all else.  In this case, there are so many question marks that come from having a child without being married--especially since you are planning on doing it in the long term.  Just go get married by the JOP before your child is born, and then have a big reception at some point in the future.  But probably, by that time, you will realize that the money would would have spent on that big party is way better spent on things to enrich the life of your new litle one.

Again, to each her own.  But I just don't get making such an important decision with so many legal ramifications just so that you can look hot in your wedding pictures some day. 

mello13

I think you should do whatever will allow you to most enjoy your wedding. If that means moving the wedding date up to May so as to fit into the dress you want and not be showing then go for it! My wedding was May 13th, right around Mother's Day, but it honestly doesn't matter. I realize you also have your birthday right then as well, but in the grand scheme of things you control when and how you celebrate in life. Ex: Taking an anniversary cruise a month later, or going to a b&b in the autumn to enjoy being a couple. I think if you do decide to change the date you need to make the decision quickly, not only because the venue and/or vendors might no longer be available, but also to allow people to plan for travel expenses and accomodations. Good luck with whatever you decide!

BLT20051

rowergirl81:

iloveu4ever:

I am moving my wedding to a later date.

To each her own, but I totally don't understand why any father worth a lick would agree to postpone the wedding until after the birth of his child.  Does he not realize that he will have ZERO parental rights since you two are not married?  Does he not realize that if something happens, he will have to sue you in order to even be able to get an order to do a parternity test, so that when the results come back, he will be able to file a motion with the court for visitation?

 To me, a guy who is perfectly willing to have no legal rights over his own child until some time in the distant future raises a lot of question marks in my mind... 

A pretty picture in a pretty dress is so not worth the huge question marks that come from having a child before you are married (if you two are planning on...eventually...getting married).  He won't have the right to make decisions for you in the hospital if you have pregnancy complications, he wouldn't have any automatic rights to see his child if you for whatever reason had long-term complications while giving birth that left you hospitalized post partum (think Bringing Home the Browns), you all will not receive spousal support if either of you are hurt or killed in the next year, etc. 

In my opinion, when you decide to have a child, the needs and best interests of the child should absolutely come before all else.  In this case, there are so many question marks that come from having a child without being married--especially since you are planning on doing it in the long term.  Just go get married by the JOP before your child is born, and then have a big reception at some point in the future.  But probably, by that time, you will realize that the money would would have spent on that big party is way better spent on things to enrich the life of your new litle one.

Again, to each her own.  But I just don't get making such an important decision with so many legal ramifications just so that you can look hot in your wedding pictures some day. 

Because to some people being married isn't that important. Some people can't legally get married. The world will not end if they are not married before their LO arrives.

kelly+terrence

Thank you so much Jessica! This was music to my ears. I obviously knew what I wanted but some fears just got in the way. The minute i read this I knew. I cant wait to be married and just stop trying to rearrange everything just in case ill not feel well (which i cant predict) or not feel beautiful.  That part is up to me!

June 22nd here We come!! 

 

chel396

i feel your pain my dear! i'll be 16w3d at my wedding, in a mere 5 1/2 weeks from now.  i'm really concerned about showing as well so i've decided to get a different dress, which i'm bummed about, but oh well.  i'd say if you can, and it's not to tricky, move it up.  because the sooner you're married the sooner you no longer have to stress about planning a wedding and can fully devote all your excitement to your new addition.  at least, that's the way i feel.  good luck with it all!!