3rd Trimester

My baby is due in 5 weeks and my boyfriend just dumped me

My baby is due on the 13th of March and my boyfriend just dumped me two days ago, he said that he didn't want to be a dad. Do you think maybe he's just got cold feet and maybe he'll come around?

Re: My baby is due in 5 weeks and my boyfriend just dumped me

  • Wow. I am so very sorry. I hope that it all works out for you. I'm not sure if it's cold feet or not, but it would take a lot for me to trust him if he did come around. 
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  • I couldn't tell you if it's cold feet or not. But, he needs to get it together because whether you are a couple or not he IS going to be a father. It's his choice if he's going to be a dad.

     

    Either way I'm sorry you're being put through this emotional wringer at this point in your pregnancy.

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  • wow. Sorry your going through all that. I would let him know that whether or not he wants to be a dad is irrelevant at this point. Once that baby is born, he has legal responsibilities that the courts will see he keeps up with. If I were in your shoes, I would start looking into what you will need to do to serve him with child support papers and seek full custody of the child early on.
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  • I am so, so sorry. I would take him at his word, because even if it is "cold feet" that kind of display colossal weenie-ness is not excusable nuder any circumstances. When people tell you who they are, especially in their actions, believe them. Carry on with your pregnancy, makes plans for life without him and find a support system that does not include him. Don't waste energy right now on "maybe he will come around" or trying to work in out; either he wants to be part of the baby's life or not. If not, then he has no place in your life, either.
  • He's gone. No matter why, no matter how, he's decided he didn't want to be a part of those last weeks of pregnancy, or birth, or life of his child.

    Do you really plan to mope around and wait for him? For how long? For the off chance that he might grow balls and come around?

    I wouldn't count on it. If he does, great, your choice to reassess your relationship and see if you want to pick it from there, or if you just want him to be a father figure.

    If he doesn't, then you know what? Eventually you'll see that it is HIS loss, and that your life isn't over. It might actually be better...

    Good luck, stay strong, and be safe...  

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  • image PandasMama0626:
    wow. Sorry your going through all that. I would let him know that whether or not he wants to be a dad is irrelevant at this point. Once that baby is born, he has legal responsibilities that the courts will see he keeps up with. If I were in your shoes, I would start looking into what you will need to do to serve him with child support papers and seek full custody of the child early on.

    this exactly! i'm very sorry he did that to you and your unborn child :(  

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  • He sounds like a winner. I would file for child support as soon as LO is born.
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  • image PandasMama0626:
    wow. Sorry your going through all that. I would let him know that whether or not he wants to be a dad is irrelevant at this point. Once that baby is born, he has legal responsibilities that the courts will see he keeps up with. If I were in your shoes, I would start looking into what you will need to do to serve him with child support papers and seek full custody of the child early on.

    This! It's time to be tough and practical.  If he doesn't want to be a couple, that's his choice, but he can't choose not to be a dad anymore. You should prepare yourself for the battle ahead of you. Keep in mind you are doing it for your baby and that should keep you strong.

    I'm sorry he did that to you but he sounds like a dirt bag so it will probably be for the best! 

  • image Sarra21:
    I am so, so sorry. I would take him at his word, because even if it is "cold feet" that kind of display colossal weenie-ness is not excusable nuder any circumstances. When people tell you who they are, especially in their actions, believe them. Carry on with your pregnancy, makes plans for life without him and find a support system that does not include him. Don't waste energy right now on "maybe he will come around" or trying to work in out; either he wants to be part of the baby's life or not. If not, then he has no place in your life, either.

    Seconding all of this. Reach out to your support system and try to get settled and excited about this little miracle coming into your life. If exbf doesn't come around? His freakin loss.  The financial support he'll owe you will help, and if he can walk away and stay away like that he wasn't going to be much of a dad for LO anyway. 

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  • Mine dumped me when I was only 12 weeks for the same reason, so different situation, but I can sympathize. It's been slow-going, but I think he is finally coming around to the idea of fatherhood, and will be part of our daughter's life even though there is no chance of the two of us getting back together.

    Just based on my own experience so far, I would suggest write him off as boyfriend material (just the fact he dumped you when you need him most shows he is not worth it), but that doesn't mean he won't be able to come around to being a father, and doesn't mean he won't be able to be a good one, even if he won't be there on an everyday basis. Give him some time, but still try to keep him as involved in possible. And in the meantime, find yourself lots of good friends for your own emotional support, because you definitely deserve it! GOOD LUCK!!! 

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  • Hopefully it is just cold feet and seeing the baby will change everything. But, some people were just never meant to be parents, and sometimes it's better not to have them around. 

    My "mother" decided she did not want to be a parent when I was just a few months old. I was raised by my dad and his family and I had a happy childhood, I wouldn't change a thing.

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  • I just wanted to say that I'm sorry your boyfriend is acting like this. I think it shows his true character - walking out like that. I agree with PP's that I would have serious trust issues/anxiety about letting him come back, if he did in fact try to. Good luck.
  • image Sarra21:
    I am so, so sorry. I would take him at his word, because even if it is "cold feet" that kind of display colossal weenie-ness is not excusable nuder any circumstances. When people tell you who they are, especially in their actions, believe them. Carry on with your pregnancy, makes plans for life without him and find a support system that does not include him. Don't waste energy right now on "maybe he will come around" or trying to work in out; either he wants to be part of the baby's life or not. If not, then he has no place in your life, either.

     I definitely agree with this. If he comes back and has changed and is really willing to make things work with you, or at least with the baby, then accept him, but don't waste your time on him. It would be better if you eventually found someone better to take care of you and your baby than it would for you to struggle with a loser and make life a lot harder for you. Until one of those things happens, find friends and family who will support you. 

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  • Wow I must say that is definitely something. As for it being cold feet I can not say. I had something similar happen where my fiance wanted to live with his father instead of with me for financial reasons but at the time I was already 7 months pregnant. He came to his senses and told me that what he did was not right and was the most stupid decision he is glad he did not go through with. However not all men are like that. It might be cold feet but then again it might not he truly might not be ready to be a daddy, but dont worry yourself. The more you stress yourself with this the more stress you will give yourself which is unhealthy both for you and your beautiful child. My advice is give him the time he requested and surround yourself with people who care about you, in the end you will see that you will be fine even if he is not at your side.

    Best Wishes,

    Stephanie

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