Working Moms

Upset With Daycare

FTM here with a problem. This was my first week back to work and was very hard for me as I really didn't want to go back to work. I knew putting DD in daycare was going to be an adjustment for her and that she wouldn't necessarily follow our normal routine, but after I read her report today when I got home from picking her up it really upset me.

I drop DD off at Daycare at 6:00 and this is when she has her first bottle. So this morning she had her first bottle at 6:00 and had 6 oz. She had a nap from 7:20 to 8:30 and then another one from 9:15 to 12:00. I'm very upset because she did not get a second bottle until 12:25 and had 5 oz, after she woke up from her second nap. My 12 week old went 6 hours without eating!! I don't understand why they didn't feed her in between naps!? I'm very upset because she is not the best eater and to go that long and her age really irks me.

Also I cloth diaper and on Wednesday when I went to wash her diapers I noticed that there were no wipes in there. When I said something to her Thursday morning she was like "Oh you wipe her everytime?" Uh yea! And I did notice today that she was starting to get a rash which we have never had a problem with. She had her first diaper change at daycare today at 8:30 and then not another one until 12:15, and then one at 2:30.  I picked her up at 4:15 and she had leaked through. So from 6 until 4 she only had her diaper changed 3 times!And I know one of the teachers didn't change her one day after her nap. When I got there she was feeding DD and was like "Oh I haven't changed her yet from her nap" and DD was almost done with her bottle. Um yea like I really want her having to sit in a wet diaper while she eats.

 So I am definately going to discuss this come Monday. My question is do I discuss it first with nursery teacher or go straight to the owner? Also should I write out how I would like her schedule to be and go over what I expect from them again?  For the most part I've let DD kind of dictate it, but it's never far off maybe a half hour here or there on feedings or naps but usually pretty consistent. And this week it's been all over, which I did expect to some exstant since this is completely new to her. This just really makes me want to quit work and stay home so that I know she's being taken care of how I like. Any suggestions on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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Re: Upset With Daycare

  • Please don't go to the owner. I teach school and my biggest pet peeve is when people go straight to the principal. Give them a chance to fix it. A teacher always gets in trouble when somebody goes to the boss. We had a huge problem when DD started dc. The first day we saw the videos, she sat in one place for hours and was barely paid attention to. They also didn't change her diaper and she got an awful diaper rash. We wrote out what we expected for her schedule and what was our expectation of how she would be treated and moved around. We talked to the head teacher and she relayed the information to everybody else. They also changed her diaper once an hour until the rash went away. And, I watch the videos to make sure she is taken care of. Did you give them a feeding schedule? Our dc feeds on demand unless you tell them differently. So, if your lo didn't seem like she wanted to eat, they wouldn't feed her. I've asked that my DD be fed on demand or every four hours (not to go past four hours). Remember, they don't know anything about your DD, especially since she is so new, and they are reliant on you to give the information!
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  • Talk to the teachers first, don't go to the director for things that can be easily fixed by a nice conversation with the teachers.

    But remember, they aren't going to do everything exactly how you do it.  Mainly because there are other babies for them to take care of too.   So, unless your baby is in serious danger, you are going to have to pick your battles and loosen the reins a little bit. 

     

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  • I think you're doing that FTM thing where you act crazy for no reason. They didn't feed her this morning because her naps were close together and they didn't want to wake her up to feed her. She was probably tired because daycare is more stimulating than at home and she's still adjusting.

    Also, I NEVER wipe for pee diapers. I never have. I've met several people who don't. If you want her wiped every time, by all means let them know-- but don't act like she's being abused. If she's getting a rash she might need her diaper changed more often. If she's leaking through, she definitely does. But they're probably used to disposables and those time frames seem fine to me. 

    If you want her on a schedule, give it to them. But make sure it's a loose one that they can reasonably be expected to follow. 

    Definitely talk to the teacher and not someone higher up. It sounds to me that this is more of an issue of miscommunication than of poor care. 

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  • image XcrisscrossX:

    I think you're doing that FTM thing where you act crazy for no reason. They didn't feed her this morning because her naps were close together and they didn't want to wake her up to feed her. She was probably tired because daycare is more stimulating than at home and she's still adjusting.

    Also, I NEVER wipe for pee diapers. I never have. I've met several people who don't. If you want her wiped every time, by all means let them know-- but don't act like she's being abused. If she's getting a rash she might need her diaper changed more often. If she's leaking through, she definitely does. But they're probably used to disposables and those time frames seem fine to me. 

    If you want her on a schedule, give it to them. But make sure it's a loose one that they can reasonably be expected to follow. 

    Definitely talk to the teacher and not someone higher up. It sounds to me that this is more of an issue of miscommunication than of poor care. 

    all of this. 

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  • The nap thing is no big deal. I wouldn't wake a sleeping baby either. It's fine to request more frequent diaper changes. At the daycare where I worked, we checked each baby every two hours unless they were napping. Company policy. I kinda thought they were all like that. And I've personally never heard of anyone not wiping after pee, but it sounds like you already addressed that issue. I also agree with PPs. Always address issues with the teachers first. You should only take it higher if the issues have not been solved.
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  • image XcrisscrossX:

    I think you're doing that FTM thing where you act crazy for no reason. They didn't feed her this morning because her naps were close together and they didn't want to wake her up to feed her. She was probably tired because daycare is more stimulating than at home and she's still adjusting.

    Also, I NEVER wipe for pee diapers. I never have. I've met several people who don't. If you want her wiped every time, by all means let them know-- but don't act like she's being abused. If she's getting a rash she might need her diaper changed more often. If she's leaking through, she definitely does. But they're probably used to disposables and those time frames seem fine to me. 

    If you want her on a schedule, give it to them. But make sure it's a loose one that they can reasonably be expected to follow. 

    Definitely talk to the teacher and not someone higher up. It sounds to me that this is more of an issue of miscommunication than of poor care. 

    Yup.   

    Definitely some things here you can calmly ask DC to do differently, but this sounds like you're either over-reacting or looking for things to fault DC for so you have ammunition to hate working.

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  • I'm sure I am doing the ftm thing and overreacting but I just didn't get why put her down for another nap if it was time for her to eat.I had informed them that her eating schedule is every 2.5 to 3 hours. I have never been on a rigid schedule with her and do understand that it will change.I think you are all right about going to the teacher first. My mom thought that I needed to go to the owner first, which I did think was a bit too much so that's why I asked for opinions.So it sounds like I just need to chat with the teacher and write out a loose schedule. Thanks for helping me realize I'm overreacting and need to chill a bit.
  • image abartow:
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    I think you're doing that FTM thing where you act crazy for no reason. They didn't feed her this morning because her naps were close together and they didn't want to wake her up to feed her. She was probably tired because daycare is more stimulating than at home and she's still adjusting.

    Also, I NEVER wipe for pee diapers. I never have. I've met several people who don't. If you want her wiped every time, by all means let them know-- but don't act like she's being abused. If she's getting a rash she might need her diaper changed more often. If she's leaking through, she definitely does. But they're probably used to disposables and those time frames seem fine to me. 

    If you want her on a schedule, give it to them. But make sure it's a loose one that they can reasonably be expected to follow. 

    Definitely talk to the teacher and not someone higher up. It sounds to me that this is more of an issue of miscommunication than of poor care. 

    all of this. 

    +1.

    Have never wiped for a pee dipe either.  

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  • image tdavis126:
    I'm sure I am doing the ftm thing and overreacting but I just didn't get why put her down for another nap if it was time for her to eat.I had informed them that her eating schedule is every 2.5 to 3 hours. I have never been on a rigid schedule with her and do understand that it will change.I think you are all right about going to the teacher first. My mom thought that I needed to go to the owner first, which I did think was a bit too much so that's why I asked for opinions.So it sounds like I just need to chat with the teacher and write out a loose schedule. Thanks for helping me realize I'm overreacting and need to chill a bit.


    I work in the infant room of a daycare. Personally, we don't usually feed a baby unless they are showing signs of wanting to eat. So even though she eats every 2 to 3 hours at home, maybe she was acting fine at daycare and they didn't want to "force" a bottle on her.

    Also, if we have a baby take a long nap and I know they'll need a bottle when they wake up, I do sometimes feed them before I change their diaper, if they aren't poopy. I guess I figure eating is a little more important than changing a wet diaper right away.

    Definitely talk to the teacher first! You never know what their reasons are...
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  • Just wanted to add:

    I used cloth diapers at daycare with my LO, and I learned a few things:  the teachers just aren't used to it (at least at my dc), so you have to be patient with explaining how you want it done.  It took us a few weeks to get all the teachers on board with what we wanted.  You may have to go with disposable wipes for daycare and cloth diapers, but use all cloth at home.  Just try to be flexible and work with them.  They're doing their best.  

    Its hard to give up a little control and have someone else take care of your baby.  I've been there.  good luck!  

  • I'd write out a feeding schedule if you don't want her just fed on demand around naps and let the teacher know you are worried about "weight gain", so to feed her more often.  Most people can relate to that with kids. :)  As for the diapers, I would think you have a state regulation to change them more often.  In the infant rooms in our state, diapers are to be changed once every hour, whether needed or not, unless they were asleep.  I'd definitely ask about that.  We never wipe for pee diapers either and our kid never got a rash from it.  In fact, I think it's a fairly common practice not to wipe for pee.  Diapers are absorbant enough that you usually don't need to.  Cloth might be different though.  Definitely talk to the teacher first and put it writing so the extra teachers can refer to it later in the day.  I think a big adjustment for moms with daycare is realizing that your baby is one of four that the teacher is caring for and their needs might not be met immediately, like they would be at home. 

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  • Ditto everyone else...remember they are juggling a whole bunch of kids so some things are going to take lower priority- for all you know some kid was puking or had a fever or some issue came up during that time that they had to deal with... . What if you had arrived & they were changing her w/ the plan to feed her right after, then you would have been posting that they hadn't fed her yet & you were upset? As far as the wiping goes, there are many schools of thought on that. I wiped mine after pee for a long time and then stopped as they got older.  With so many kids, they are not going to be able to change her diaper immediately when it is wet or dirty as you might have the ability to do at home, so unfortunately rashes are things that happen but as soon as you see any signs of it, make sure to bring in supplies for them to treat it and give explicit directions about how you'd like it addresses (diaper change every hour or whatever). That being said, 3 changes in 10 hrs does not seem like much, I agree- my DCs were always every 2 hrs in the infant room as well. I don't think that is unreasonable to request until she's a little older.

    If your DD's ounces add up appropriately at the end of the day and they are not ignoring signs of hunger and just not feeding her if she happens to be sleeping, I really wouldn't worry about that yet. 

    GL. It is hard, but having had twins & knowing how hard it was for me to juggle the needs of just 2 kids in my own house, I always felt for the teachers juggling 4 kids each with all different schedules & needs.   Try to focus on the most importants- is she getting fed (even if not on your schedule, but enough & appropriately), comforted, safe environment, caring caregivers, and then focus on the details after that.

    And yes please don't go to the owner over stuff like this unless you get pushback or resistance to doing anything differently.  

  • image tdavis126:
    I'm sure I am doing the ftm thing and overreacting but I just didn't get why put her down for another nap if it was time for her to eat.I had informed them that her eating schedule is every 2.5 to 3 hours. I have never been on a rigid schedule with her and do understand that it will change.I think you are all right about going to the teacher first. My mom thought that I needed to go to the owner first, which I did think was a bit too much so that's why I asked for opinions.So it sounds like I just need to chat with the teacher and write out a loose schedule. Thanks for helping me realize I'm overreacting and need to chill a bit.

    Ditto what everyone else said but you've got to realize (and this is hard at first) that your baby at home isn't the same as your baby at daycare.  Some eat more, many eat less, some sleep more, almost all sleep less.  Daycare is a different animal and it can takes weeks to get a sense of the new normal.  Don't keep concerns to yourself but always remember that different isn't always the same as wrong so keep your emotions in check unless there's a true, serious issue. 

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  • You need to clearly outline your expectations.  Discuss with dc which are realistic and which are not.

    For. 12 week old baby 6 oz is a lot of milk so maybe nbaby wasn't hungry.  My 8 mo still takes 4or 5 oz every 2.5 to 3 hrs.

    Snce your baby fell asleep though they may not have gotten to her in time.

    Diapers should be changed evy 2 hrs unless asleep.  My dc would wake up my child to change unless I expressly told them not to wake for diapers which I did.

    I also think cloth diapers are not super realistic for Most daycares.  I cd at home but never a dc.

     Hope you get things sorted out.  None of these are big deals but are opportunities for communication with your daycare teachers. I also had schedules for my baby when that young for dc. When to eat when to nap etc

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  • image wife07mom09:

    You need to clearly outline your expectations.  Discuss with dc which are realistic and which are not.

    For. 12 week old baby 6 oz is a lot of milk so maybe nbaby wasn't hungry.  My 8 mo still takes 4or 5 oz every 2.5 to 3 hrs.

    Snce your baby fell asleep though they may not have gotten to her in time.

    Diapers should be changed evy 2 hrs unless asleep.  My dc would wake up my child to change unless I expressly told them not to wake for diapers which I did.

    I also think cloth diapers are not super realistic for Most daycares.  I cd at home but never a dc.

     Hope you get things sorted out.  None of these are big deals but are opportunities for communication with your daycare teachers. I also had schedules for my baby when that young for dc. When to eat when to nap etc

    I don't CD but I absolutely disagree. If we did CD then we would send them the diapers and a wet bag. They would take off the diaper like a disposable and put in a wet bag along with the wipe. I see no difference.

    Sometimes when DD is at DC she will eat less than I would have expected.

    Also I don't wipe for pee diapers except after she wakes up at night. 

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  • Curious do you BF at home agreed 6oz bottle may be more than she is use to.

    Our DC does diaper change every 2 hrs. I would absolutely check what state regs are

    Agreed with PP I can imagine that CD may not go over well there. I would reconsider this.
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  • image lovebug33:
    Please don't go to the owner. I teach school and my biggest pet peeve is when people go straight to the principal. Give them a chance to fix it. A teacher always gets in trouble when somebody goes to the boss. We had a huge problem when DD started dc. The first day we saw the videos, she sat in one place for hours and was barely paid attention to. They also didn't change her diaper and she got an awful diaper rash. We wrote out what we expected for her schedule and what was our expectation of how she would be treated and moved around. We talked to the head teacher and she relayed the information to everybody else. They also changed her diaper once an hour until the rash went away. And, I watch the videos to make sure she is taken care of. Did you give them a feeding schedule? Our dc feeds on demand unless you tell them differently. So, if your lo didn't seem like she wanted to eat, they wouldn't feed her. I've asked that my DD be fed on demand or every four hours (not to go past four hours). Remember, they don't know anything about your DD, especially since she is so new, and they are reliant on you to give the information!

     

    I agree with this!

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  • I used CD for DS#1 at school when he was younger, but I probably won't for DS#2.  I used to change the cloth as soon as he was wet because they were not stay-dry.  No matter how many times I explained this to daycare, they didn't really understand.  Plus, they didn't have the time to check his diaper every 10  minutes or so once I figured it was about time for him to have a wet one.  They eventually compromised on changing it every 1.5 hours.  However, they would change it no matter what, even if it was dry.  So he could be changed out of a dry diaper at 1.5 hours, and then urinate at 1.6 hours, and have to stay in that diaper for another 1.4 hours until he was due for a change.  It just didn't work that well for us.  Plus they threw away at least two of our diapers.  
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  • image elmoali:

    image tdavis126:
    I'm sure I am doing the ftm thing and overreacting but I just didn't get why put her down for another nap if it was time for her to eat.I had informed them that her eating schedule is every 2.5 to 3 hours. I have never been on a rigid schedule with her and do understand that it will change.I think you are all right about going to the teacher first. My mom thought that I needed to go to the owner first, which I did think was a bit too much so that's why I asked for opinions.So it sounds like I just need to chat with the teacher and write out a loose schedule. Thanks for helping me realize I'm overreacting and need to chill a bit.

    Ditto what everyone else said but you've got to realize (and this is hard at first) that your baby at home isn't the same as your baby at daycare.  Some eat more, many eat less, some sleep more, almost all sleep less.  Daycare is a different animal and it can takes weeks to get a sense of the new normal.  Don't keep concerns to yourself but always remember that different isn't always the same as wrong so keep your emotions in check unless there's a true, serious issue. 

    This is so true (I was thinking 6 oz was a lot as a side note but truly have zero recollection of how much my kids ate when the were on bottles...)--- and it doesn't end after infancy, they will behave differently at DC when they're older, do things there that they refuse to do at home, nap totally differently in both places, etc.  So it is probably better to change your mindset from thinking your way is the only/best way and considering that maybe different ways in different places is ok too.

  • I almost never wipe after a pee diaper with disposable. However I used cloth for a few weeks and did notice more pee on his skin since they don't suck it in as much. I think they just didn't know.

    Also when DS was small if he woke up hungry I never changed him before feeding. He would start screaming during the change and be really upset by the time I got to the bottle. So I gave a bottle and then changed the diaper. He never seemed to mind eating in a wet diaper!
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  • Another thing to consider is that the teachers may be reluctant to offer a bottle if LO isn't showing signs of hunger, because of the chance that LO won't eat within the hour and then the bottle will have to be thrown away.  They wouldn't want to waste BM or formula anymore than most parents would.

    I'm a FTM too.  I approach the teachers with questions and concerns all the time.  I get along GREAT with them.  I view our relationship as a partnership and not a do-as-I-say arrangement.  And I pick my battles.  Also, to be honest, they are wonderful.

    Example: "Miss Sara, I noticed DD is developing diaper rash. Anything you can do durng the day to help with this?" And she'll probably say "Yes, we can do X, Y and Z".  Consider that this is NOT their first infant with diaper rash and likely they know very well what needs to be done. That way you can respond with agreement and thanks, or you can let them know what else you would also like for them to do.  Very easy, two-way communication.  

    Sorry to hear that you are not gung-ho about your working mom circumstances.  I hope it gets easier for you as time goes on.

  • image abartow:
    image XcrisscrossX:

    I think you're doing that FTM thing where you act crazy for no reason. They didn't feed her this morning because her naps were close together and they didn't want to wake her up to feed her. She was probably tired because daycare is more stimulating than at home and she's still adjusting.

    Also, I NEVER wipe for pee diapers. I never have. I've met several people who don't. If you want her wiped every time, by all means let them know-- but don't act like she's being abused. If she's getting a rash she might need her diaper changed more often. If she's leaking through, she definitely does. But they're probably used to disposables and those time frames seem fine to me. 

    If you want her on a schedule, give it to them. But make sure it's a loose one that they can reasonably be expected to follow. 

    Definitely talk to the teacher and not someone higher up. It sounds to me that this is more of an issue of miscommunication than of poor care. 

    all of this. 

    Another vote for this. You sound slightly crazy over silly things that can be easily fixed by speaking calmly to her teachers.

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  • Oh, and another thing about diaper rash. Pedi told me to have dc put vaseline on her at each changing. That way, the pee will run off and not stick and it helps from having diaper rash. She hasn't had one since we started that!
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  • Thank you ladies for your great advice. I can see now that this are very minor things that can be dealt with easily. I definitely don't want to be "the crazy mom". This is just a tough adjustment for me right now. But I'm sure as long as I keep communicating with them about my concerns it'll get easier.
  • I strongly disagree about CDs not being realistic for daycare.  I'm a SAHM now, but was a working mom for a bit before staying home.  Also, DS goes to nursery at church, Bible study daycare and MOPS childcare - and uses cloth at all of these.  They are just as easy as disposables with a wet bag.  No issues.  Usually people who say they're too much for daycare don't CD.  It's not hard!
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  • I didn't read all the responses, but what you describe sounds like normal daycare behavior. Her needs were met. Maybe you should look into getting a nanny?
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  • So my daycare has a number of rules. One is that they can't let a child go longer than 4 hours without some sort of food, be it a bottle or a snack. Second, every child's diaper is checked at least once an hour and changed every 2 hours regardless. So if my child went almost 6 hours w/o food and stayed in the same diaper for almost 4 hours, I would be upset because these are against the regulations in my daycare.

    Stuff like timing of feedings and naps as to what hour they occur wouldn't bother me as I know kids behave differently at daycare than at home. 

  • image tdavis126:
    Thank you ladies for your great advice. I can see now that this are very minor things that can be dealt with easily. I definitely don't want to be "the crazy mom". This is just a tough adjustment for me right now. But I'm sure as long as I keep communicating with them about my concerns it'll get easier.

    We all understand.  It will get easier.  I'm at the point where I consider myself great friends with DD's teachers at her daycare center.  I cried when she "graduated" from the baby room b/c I was so close to her teachers there. 

    It's fine to tell them what you'd like for your LO.  Just always remember your baby is not the only one in the room and will never get all the attention you would give them.  You'll get there! 

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  • image XcrisscrossX:

    I think you're doing that FTM thing where you act crazy for no reason. They didn't feed her this morning because her naps were close together and they didn't want to wake her up to feed her. She was probably tired because daycare is more stimulating than at home and she's still adjusting.

    Also, I NEVER wipe for pee diapers. I never have. I've met several people who don't. If you want her wiped every time, by all means let them know-- but don't act like she's being abused. If she's getting a rash she might need her diaper changed more often. If she's leaking through, she definitely does. But they're probably used to disposables and those time frames seem fine to me. 

    If you want her on a schedule, give it to them. But make sure it's a loose one that they can reasonably be expected to follow. 

    Definitely talk to the teacher and not someone higher up. It sounds to me that this is more of an issue of miscommunication than of poor care. 

    Exactly this.

    First of all, IME, 6oz is a lot for a 3 mo. She wouldn't have fallen asleep for that second nap if she was still hungry. Did you tell them what her eating schedule was like? I've always had to fill out a form that says approx how often baby eats. If you told them every 3 hours, then she was sleeping during that time. Daycare won't wake a sleeping baby to feed them. She was fed right away when she woke up.

    For diapers, I've never wiped for pee diapers. I've read many places that the wipes are more drying to the skin. Disposables wick all the moisture away, so you're just making baby's butt wet again when you wipe. Now, if cloth diapers are different and you want her wiped with every change, you need to tell them that. Most daycares will have little to no experience with cloth diapers.

    Every daycare we've used or toured said they change baby every 2 hours unless they poop before that. They again won't wake a sleeping baby for a diaper change. She would have been napping during her first change time, so they changed her as soon as she woke up. Then again they changed her 2 hours later, so she was due for a change when you got there. I don't think it's necessarily realistic to expect them to change her more often.

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  • image tdavis126:
    I'm sure I am doing the ftm thing and overreacting but I just didn't get why put her down for another nap if it was time for her to eat.I had informed them that her eating schedule is every 2.5 to 3 hours. I have never been on a rigid schedule with her and do understand that it will change.I think you are all right about going to the teacher first. My mom thought that I needed to go to the owner first, which I did think was a bit too much so that's why I asked for opinions.So it sounds like I just need to chat with the teacher and write out a loose schedule. Thanks for helping me realize I'm overreacting and need to chill a bit.

     

    I worked at a daycare for some time as a lead teacher. I would guess that they didn't feed her because they might have tried and she didn't take the bottle. Sometimes when babies are in a new place, they get thrown off their schedules and act differently until they are used to the new routine. 

     

    As for the diapers, we had over 50 kids in my center and nobody had cloth diapers. The teachers in your daughter's room may not be familiar with cloth diapering and are used to checking the diapers every 2 hours or so like with disposables. If they check a diaper and it is dry, then they won't change it so if your DD pees a minute after they looked, it would appear on her activity card like she wasn't changed for 4 hours even though she was checked. 

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