Babies: 0 - 3 Months

NBR and I very "sensitive" subject.

My name is Rebecca and I am new mother of a 3 month old daughter and I really need to be able to talk to someone, someone that understands and can give me some advice.

When I was about 8 or 9 my brother sexual abused me several different times and now that I am married it is really messing with my marriage and sex life. Sexual intercourse from the very begining was very very very painful for me, and even after having a vaginal delivery sex is still painful and to be honest it is more painful, and with that being said, my husband and I don't have it very often and my husband also told me that when I tell him to stop because it's hurting me, he told me that turns him off and that makes me feel ever worst about the whole thing, I want to be able to enjoy sex with my husband, it is something that both he and I deserve.

 Married: June 9, 2011 
TTC Baby #1: January 2012
Baby #1: BFP: February 16, 2012, EDD: October 24, 2012, Gender Predictor said: Girl
11-2-2012 @ 12:55am, 41 weeks and 1 day, Kendall Rose was born, weighting 7lb. and 12oz.
TTC Baby #2: June 2013
Baby #2: BFP: August 16, 2013, EDD: April 18, 2014, Gender Predictor said: Girl  "Christian AprilMC: August 24, 2013 @ 5 weeks and 1 day
TTC Baby #3: October 2013
Baby #3: BFP: December 31, 2013   EDD: September 8, 2014, Gender Predictor said: Girl "Sweet Pea September" stopped growing January 12 @ 6 weeks  (Missed Miscarriage), D and C: January 28, 2014 @ 8 weeks 2 days
Baby #4: BFP: June 13, 2014 EDD: February 25, 2015, Praying this is our RAINBOW BABY, Gender Predictor said: Girl
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Re: NBR and I very "sensitive" subject.

  • I would seek out a therapist to talk to about the sexual abuse, but that aside, many woman find sex painful after having a baby. I found it uncomfortable the whole time I breastfed DS1.
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  • I am so, so sorry for what you have been through.  I would highly recommend that you seek help from a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist.  Your health insurance may cover your treatment.  You deserve to have a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse, but it will take time and counseling to get there.  
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  • I'm sorry that you are going through this. I think your best solution is to talk to a professional. They can give you advice about dealing with you past and tips on making your sex life better. It will be lasting advice too that can make you feel closer to your husband than ever. GL! 


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  • Thank you and I am going to seek help because I can't deal with this issue alone any more!
     Married: June 9, 2011 
    TTC Baby #1: January 2012
    Baby #1: BFP: February 16, 2012, EDD: October 24, 2012, Gender Predictor said: Girl
    11-2-2012 @ 12:55am, 41 weeks and 1 day, Kendall Rose was born, weighting 7lb. and 12oz.
    TTC Baby #2: June 2013
    Baby #2: BFP: August 16, 2013, EDD: April 18, 2014, Gender Predictor said: Girl  "Christian AprilMC: August 24, 2013 @ 5 weeks and 1 day
    TTC Baby #3: October 2013
    Baby #3: BFP: December 31, 2013   EDD: September 8, 2014, Gender Predictor said: Girl "Sweet Pea September" stopped growing January 12 @ 6 weeks  (Missed Miscarriage), D and C: January 28, 2014 @ 8 weeks 2 days
    Baby #4: BFP: June 13, 2014 EDD: February 25, 2015, Praying this is our RAINBOW BABY, Gender Predictor said: Girl
    "Love Bears all things, hopes all things, and endures all things"
    2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

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  • there is a very nice website of support group forums that may help you. its dailystrength.org. there are many woman who have dealt with similar problems. it may help to talk to them
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  • I went through a traumatic experience as a teen and it took a while and counseling for me to be able to come to terms emotionally with it and enjoy a healthy sex life again. It's very brave of you to come forward and share your experience. I would strongly recommend 2 things - 1. as others have mentioned, finding a therapist and get counseling to handle the emotional aspect and 2. talk to your Ob/Gyn as well to make sure there isn't a health issue as well.

    DH and I have been together between dating and marriage for 16 years. I didn't have any issues with sex being unusually painful for the first 3-4 years of our relationship, nor was it an issue w/ past partners. We decided to abstain from intercourse for what ended up being about a year while we were working out other issues in our dating relationship to decide on marriage, and when we resumed, it was suddenly a lot more physically painful than it used to be. I thought it might have just been from not having done it in a long time, but it continued to be problematic for years. My doctor suggested it might be a reaction to latex, so we switched contraceptives, used more lube, and just lived with it. Years later, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and a huge amount of adhesions and scar tissue in my pelvis. After having the adhesions removed surgically, the first time we had sex afterwards, I felt no pain at all. I had no idea that it was the endo that was making sex physically painful. I wish I hadn't just ignored the discomfort and felt like I had to just settle with pain for nearly a decade!

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  • image bearkatjen:
    I would seek out a therapist to talk to about the sexual abuse, but that aside, many woman find sex painful after having a baby. I found it uncomfortable the whole time I breastfed DS1.

    This.

    And I understand that it can be frustrating for your H, but telling you that it turns him off because you've asked him to stop is not okay either. What does he expect you to do? Weather through it and be in pain? No. It's your body, and you can tell your H to stop when you want. I wouldn't have sex with someone that made me feel guilty even if it didn't hurt. 

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  • image caseylynw:
    there is a very nice website of support group forums that may help you. its dailystrength.org. there are many woman who have dealt with similar problems. it may help to talk to them
     Married: June 9, 2011 
    TTC Baby #1: January 2012
    Baby #1: BFP: February 16, 2012, EDD: October 24, 2012, Gender Predictor said: Girl
    11-2-2012 @ 12:55am, 41 weeks and 1 day, Kendall Rose was born, weighting 7lb. and 12oz.
    TTC Baby #2: June 2013
    Baby #2: BFP: August 16, 2013, EDD: April 18, 2014, Gender Predictor said: Girl  "Christian AprilMC: August 24, 2013 @ 5 weeks and 1 day
    TTC Baby #3: October 2013
    Baby #3: BFP: December 31, 2013   EDD: September 8, 2014, Gender Predictor said: Girl "Sweet Pea September" stopped growing January 12 @ 6 weeks  (Missed Miscarriage), D and C: January 28, 2014 @ 8 weeks 2 days
    Baby #4: BFP: June 13, 2014 EDD: February 25, 2015, Praying this is our RAINBOW BABY, Gender Predictor said: Girl
    "Love Bears all things, hopes all things, and endures all things"
    2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

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  • image caseylynw:
    there is a very nice website of support group forums that may help you. its dailystrength.org. there are many woman who have dealt with similar problems. it may help to talk to them

    Thank you and I will check out that website!

     Married: June 9, 2011 
    TTC Baby #1: January 2012
    Baby #1: BFP: February 16, 2012, EDD: October 24, 2012, Gender Predictor said: Girl
    11-2-2012 @ 12:55am, 41 weeks and 1 day, Kendall Rose was born, weighting 7lb. and 12oz.
    TTC Baby #2: June 2013
    Baby #2: BFP: August 16, 2013, EDD: April 18, 2014, Gender Predictor said: Girl  "Christian AprilMC: August 24, 2013 @ 5 weeks and 1 day
    TTC Baby #3: October 2013
    Baby #3: BFP: December 31, 2013   EDD: September 8, 2014, Gender Predictor said: Girl "Sweet Pea September" stopped growing January 12 @ 6 weeks  (Missed Miscarriage), D and C: January 28, 2014 @ 8 weeks 2 days
    Baby #4: BFP: June 13, 2014 EDD: February 25, 2015, Praying this is our RAINBOW BABY, Gender Predictor said: Girl
    "Love Bears all things, hopes all things, and endures all things"
    2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

    image 


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  • I would suggest you see both a verbal therapist and a sex therapist. I think both would help with a lot of different things. So sorry you have to go through this. You are no alone! 
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  • image RissKay:
    I would suggest you see both a verbal therapist and a sex therapist. I think both would help with a lot of different things. So sorry you have to go through this. You are no alone! 

    Thank you for suggestions!

     Married: June 9, 2011 
    TTC Baby #1: January 2012
    Baby #1: BFP: February 16, 2012, EDD: October 24, 2012, Gender Predictor said: Girl
    11-2-2012 @ 12:55am, 41 weeks and 1 day, Kendall Rose was born, weighting 7lb. and 12oz.
    TTC Baby #2: June 2013
    Baby #2: BFP: August 16, 2013, EDD: April 18, 2014, Gender Predictor said: Girl  "Christian AprilMC: August 24, 2013 @ 5 weeks and 1 day
    TTC Baby #3: October 2013
    Baby #3: BFP: December 31, 2013   EDD: September 8, 2014, Gender Predictor said: Girl "Sweet Pea September" stopped growing January 12 @ 6 weeks  (Missed Miscarriage), D and C: January 28, 2014 @ 8 weeks 2 days
    Baby #4: BFP: June 13, 2014 EDD: February 25, 2015, Praying this is our RAINBOW BABY, Gender Predictor said: Girl
    "Love Bears all things, hopes all things, and endures all things"
    2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

    image 


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  • I'm so sorry you went through this, and you've received some good advice so far.

    I only wanted to add that you should talk to a medical doctor about any possible physical reasons for your pain. Of course now, post-delivery, there are physical reasons, but if you have always had pain, there could be a physical reason for it. I've not had personal experience, but I've read about women who have various medical conditions that can make intercourse extremely painful. It might be good to explore this with your OB or another doctor, as there may be more than one problem you need to deal with.

    Good luck!

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