Pregnant after 35

too old?

My FI and I have teasingly and sometimes seriously talked about trying to have a baby after we're married.  He is 43, I will soon be 38.  I know there are risks involved with having a baby at later ages, but we're not totally lost if we want to go through with it are we?
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Re: too old?

  • I don't think so---but, that's totally a personal decision.  

    I'm having my first at 35.  My mom had me at 37.  I don't have much that's negative to say about having older parents.  

    One thing that sucked is that my parents didn't take great care of themselves. They both had serious serious health issues around the time I graduated from college.  My dad died when I was 24. That's really hard on anyone--but it's particularly hard when you're just starting out your own life in a faraway place.  To make matters worse, their finances were not in good shape and they didn't carry life insurance.  I had a lot of responsibility that should not be placed on someone that age.

    With that said, a 21 year old could get hit by a truck the day after she delivers.  That's life--it's not like you can plan these things.  Take good care of your health, look out for your finances in the event that something were to happen to you, and make a good home for the baby.  It's no one's business. 

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  • The risk of abnormalities are still quite low even though they are higher than someone in their twenties.  I don't think that should be the reason you decide to not try.  If you both are on the same page and want a baby then absolutely you are not too old.  I wouldn't wait too long to ttc just in case you do find out you have trouble conceiving.  Good luck!

    TTC since Dec. 2010. Me: 37, DH: 38...unexplained RPL
    BFP #1 - missed m/c 4.18.11 found @8w3d, d&c @13w 
    BFP #2 blighted ovum found 8.2011 @8w, misoprostol
    BFP#3 - missed m/c 6.11.12 @ 9w3d, d&c revealed extra chromosome 15
    BFP#4 8.10.12, DD born 4/26/13
  • My husband and I were 36 and 38 when no. 1 was born and will be 39 and 40 when this one is born.  I mentioned at my last regular appointment that I wanted to explore permanent birth control after this one, and the doctor told me to think about it and we'd talk about it at the next appointment, becasue I "so young" that I might want more.  So, apparently there is at least one doctor who wouldn't think you are too old at all, at least biologically speaking.

    My mom had me at 24, but my dad was obese most of the time I was growing up and not very active physically.  He has his act together now and is probably healthier at 63 than he was at 43.  That said, I think my husband and I are more fit and take better care of ourselves than my parents did when I was growing up, or my husband's did (and they still do not take care of themselves at all), and I have no concerns abouit not being there until these kids are all grown up and then some.

    Son #1 is already 2! Not too much longer until Son No.2 arrives! Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • I'm 41 and my husband is 37 and we are having our first!  If you want children, then I don't think you're ever too old, except for the considerations above of just being an older parent and what that will mean to your child.
    Me: 41 DH: 37 - AMA, DOR
    BFP 2.12.2012, c/p 2.17.2012
    IUIs 1-3 = BFFN :(
    IVF #1 - Sept 2012 = BFFN :(
    IVF #2 - Dec 2012 = BFP!! EDD 9/4/2013
    Beta #1 = 107, Beta #2 = 4,650!! U/S 1/15/2013
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  • I was 39 when this LO was conceived and will be 40 when I deliver. DH is 41. It was the right time for us. Everyone has a different path, you just have to decide what will work for you. I will tell you, you will never again be as young as your are today, though! ;) Good luck, whatever you decide to do!
  • I was 38 and my husband 48 when we married.  Since I'd never been married and never been a mom, after a lot of soul searching and discussions (mostly soul searching for my husband), we decided to try.  It took us about 6 months but my due date is a few weeks after my 40th birthday.  My husband didn't tell anyone that we were trying until after we got confirmation that I was pregnant because he thought everyone would think we were crazy but so far everyone has been very supportive.  I definitely don't think you and your husband/fiance are too old to be thinking about having children.  While there are some risks, there are always risks.  There is never a perfect time, so when you guys are ready, I say go for it!  Good luck!

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  • I will still be 39 when I deliver, and DH may be 37 (his birthday is within a week of my due date). This is our first of hopefully 2 (would love a bunch more, but when you don't meet "the one" until you are in your mid 30s... kinda hard to do!) 

    I had older parents too.  I am the youngest though... and the only downside I saw was that my mom never started dying her hair, so people always thought she was my grandma!  And I never really knew my grandparents. My parents were generally active and in good health most of my life. They had active social lives, very involved in the community, and are/were awesome.  My dad had a massive stroke shortly after our wedding, and passed away about a week later. He was 75 (and sudden onset of  BP after having low BP his entire life).  My mom is now 73... and she has a busier social calendar than most people I know!  She goes swimming, she volunteers, she is a willing chauffeur for my nieces and nephews...  has lots of friends, etc.

    And... my mom is also the youngest, and her mom was 38 or 39 when she had my mom!

    TTC since Feb 2012. Me: 39, DH: 37
    BFP #1 5/27/12- m/c 7/9/12 @ 10w2d (cytotec induced @11w).
    Fibroids, Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism
    BFP #2 11/18/12  EDD 7/27/13
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  • I turned 38 2 weeks after I conceived.  One of my friends had her first at 38 and is pregnant now at 40.  She had no interventions of any kind and has a very healthy kid.
    BFP on IVF #2 6/29/2012. Beta #1 7/3 = 522; Beta #2 = 1180; Beta #3 = 6491 image BabyFruit Ticker
  • I delivered DD at 39 and will be 40 when I have LO #2.  The only thing I would advise is that you decide ASAP if you do want kids, especially if you think you might want more than one, because you don't know if you have any fertility issues, and that may prolong the process.

    I was 37.5 when we got married, we tried for 6 months or so, then saw the RE and found out I had a blocked tube.  We ended up going straight to IVF and were fortunate to be successful on the first try both times. Our kids will be so close in age due to my age, since we wanted the best odd of success, and both me RE and OB said to try to conceive again before turning 40 (which I will do at 15w2d).

    DH and I: 41; 10/10: Married; 5/11: Dx: Blocked Fallopian Tube; 7/11: D&C/Hysteroscopy to remove polyp
    IVF #1: 9/11: ER: 12R, 11M, 10F, No Frosties; 5dt: 2 blasts, 1 morula; DD born 6/3/12
    IVF #2: 11/12-12/12: ER: 20R, 20M, 16F, 4 Frosties; 5dt: 3 blasts, DS born 8/9/13
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  • My SO and I are 42 and our first will be born in a couple months.  My docs expected complications because of my age and because I have some health issues.  However, LO is right on target growth-wise and my pregnancy has been remarkable easy. I also see a group of doctors specializing in high risk pregnancies. 

    Once you two make up your mind I would not delay.  We miscarried twice before this LO came along.  The more time you can give yourselves the better, IMO.  As a PP said you never know  what might come up when you're TTC.

    Good luck!


  • I am 39 today!!! My hubby will be 41 on Feb 29 so personal choice!!! 
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    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



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  • At 38, I don't think your risk healthwise is much higher than it would have been at, say, 35.  The biggest risk at this point is probably waiting too long.  It *is* a personal choice on when to have a baby...to a point.  At some point mother nature wins and you simply can't do it anymore.  This is totally a subjective observation, but I see a lot of ladies in their early 40's (40-42) who get pregnant - some easily and some with a lot of help.  After 43 or so, you really don't see many people getting pregnant.  So I would say, make your decision quickly and if you decide to have kids, go to the doctor if it doesn't happen within a few months.  Also, you never know if you will be one of the ones who needs fertility treatments or not until you try.  And the odds that you will need it increase as you get older, esp. over 40.  Miscarriages etc. can also set you back, and they become more common the older you get (I had one myself at age 35, before I had my daughter at 36).  Good luck!  
    Me - 38 DH - 38 DD - 2 pregnancy
  • image icefog34:
    My FI and I have teasingly and sometimes seriously talked about trying to have a baby after we're married.  He is 43, I will soon be 38.  I know there are risks involved with having a baby at later ages, but we're not totally lost if we want to go through with it are we?

    Oh, HELL no. I conceived (naturally!) at 41. My DH was 44. He just turned 45 and I will be 42 next month. Our baby is healthy. We are over the moon happy and looking forward to raising our baby boy together.

    image
    Over-40 parents...what we lack in vigor, we make up for with cunning.
  • image hlmlvt:
    I am 39 today!!! My hubby will be 41 on Feb 29 so personal choice!!! 

    Happy birthday, Heather! I hope you aren't in the area of the country getting pounded with snow right now.

    image
    Over-40 parents...what we lack in vigor, we make up for with cunning.
  • Nope. I had two healthy, easy pregnancies and labors/deliveries after 35. My boys are perfect too!
  • I'll be 43 when I have this baby.  I haven't ruled out having another after this if I can conceive!  I don't think it's too late.  But, definitely personal choice and situational!
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    TTC 10/11. HSG 2/12 normal. DH's SA low normal count. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!

  • It is your choice but understand that just because you decide to have a baby doesn't mean you are going to get pregnant right away.  I had baby #1 at 34 and got pregnant immediately. Now with baby #2 I am 38 and it took a year to get pregnant.  My doctor told me that once women hit 37-38 their fertility decreases every 3 months and it becomes more difficult to get pregnant.  So my advice would be if you really want kids, get busy now or on your honeymoon! :)  Good luck!
    Baby #2 is on the way! BabyFruit Ticker
  • HA! I was 40 when we had our daughter and my husband turned 46 less than a month later. Our daughter is perfect and wonderful and I had med free child birth with no omplications (other than having to be induced) and recuperated quickly. She is almost a year old and we do not feel too old in the least.
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  • I'm 40 and this one will be born when I am 41. I know women who have had healthy pregnancies over age 35 late 40s for one homebirth I know of I know women who were young had unhealthy pregnancies. I know there is more risk of genetic issues as we age, so at least with me I know I am okay with accepting this any more child as they are. I also believe no matter your age taking care of your health is primary eating right, etc.
  • With my 3rd, I was 40 and my DH 46 - I'm unexpectedly pregnant again at 44 (will be 45 at delivery) and DH will be almost 51!  It's a personal choice and will have a lot to do with your physical condition and ability.  38 IS NOT OLD!!!!!!
    Jessica (44) married to DH (50) for 17 years DD - 3/27/98 DD - 01/11/01 DS - 09/30/08
  • No!  I was 40 when I was pregnant with my first and she was born just after I turned 41.  Now pregnant with #2 at age 42.  Both natural, conceived easily.  I do agree with your health and outlook being a bigger issue.  You have to be healthy and strong to chase after toddlers and you will be older when they are in the'r 20s and 30s.  
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  • Will be a FTM at 37 and DH is 41.  Although it took us a year to conceive I've had no issues with this pregnancy.  I still work out, no bed rest, swelling, etc.  As PPs said outlook and your personal health probably have more to do with it than anything else.  My doctor told me that he no longer considers 35+ an "older" mother.  I live in Manhattan and I will be the youngest mom on my floor.  Everyone else had their children at 42+.  So no,  I don't think you guys are too old.
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  • I will be 37 when our first LO is born, my husband will be 47. 

    We plan to go back for seconds when this LO is between 6 and 12 months and because it took us 2 years to conceive this time, expect we might have to wait that long again, meaning LO #2 will be born in our 40 and 50th year. 

    I echo what other PPs have said about not leaving it too long to decide and put a plan in action. You never know what your fertility will be like and how long it will take to conceive. As I say, it took us two years with two miscarriages prior to this LO.

     

    TTC Since March 2010 - 2 angel babies - BFP December 12 EDD 12 Aug 13 Lilypie Maternity tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Most of my friends from college waited to have kids until late thirties and early forties. I was 38 when I had my first. My sister in law was 43. You're definitely not too old, just realize what you're getting into. You'll need a LOT if energy to keep up with them lol. My parents were older too my dad was in his mid forties. You definitely have a lot of company!
  • image danuli8:

    image hlmlvt:
    I am 39 today!!! My hubby will be 41 on Feb 29 so personal choice!!!&nbsp;

    Happy birthday, Heather! I hope you aren't in the area of the country getting pounded with snow right now.


    Thanks and yup I am in NY so we got pounded left work early. Went to dinner only 5 mins away Cracker Barrel was closed so went to the diner. Waitress messed up the meal so have me a free dessert. Lol all good.
    image



    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • I am new to the board but wanted to say I will be 37 (SO 45) when this one get here will turn 38 2 weeks later and we have not ruled out having more we have 2 DD age 17 and 13 and want a boy I think it is a personal choice we plan on at least 2 more maybe 3. So far other than ms it has been easy. My 1st 2 were way harder than this one.

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  • You are definitely not too old!  My only advice is that if you are trying in earnest to become pregnant and don't succeed within 3 - 6 months talk to your doctor or see an RE.  There are some really simple blood tests that you can have done to see if egg health is an issue and having his sperm tested is also super easy and inexpensive.

    Best of luck to you both on your upcoming wedding and possible family planning!

    Lilypie - (4vrz)

  • You're not too old.  Many women are having healthy babies well into their 40's.  I'm 36 years old having my first child.  I plan to have at least one or two more.  That may put me into my early 40's completing my family.  I say go for it and enjoy starting a family.  It's never too late
  • As long as you are healthy I don't see why not.  My sister had her second at 38 and she is a perfectly healthy 3 year old now.  There might be some higher risks, but there is no reason why you can't try for a baby.
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  • I hope not!  I am 39, and am due on my 40th birthday.  My DH is 37 and we if all goes well with this pregnancy, we will probably try for a 2nd.  I say go for it! 
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