Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

IPad Mini

Ladies I know I am not on this board very often but I would like some advice.

Thanks in advance.

So today is my DH and mine anniversary. It is 8 years today. We have been through a lot. Starting dating in 1999....so a long time together.

I am a SAHM and we give up a lot for me to stay home with them. We don't have new cars, we don't go on vacations and we don't go out to dinner. Let alone by us anything we "want" A need is something different.

So my DH got that IPhone about a year and a half ago. It was free and we made it where our cell phone bill only went up 5 bucks.

He has wifi home and work so he doesn't use it in public (that 4G stuff). I still have the razor phone. We don't text and actually blocked it on our phones.

I really liked the ipad mini, I thought it was expensive but cool. I could IMessage some poeple I know for free (with the wifi). I could surf the web without being confined to one room. etc...

Well DH brought me one for our anniversary. Cool right? Well we are going to use our tax money for it....so its on the cc right now.

Ok...but then my DH said something I didn't think was fair....its the FAMILY ipad mini.... Really????? I thought it was mine....Our dd could play games etc on it... Well I don't think a 2 year old should be playing with something that costs 350 bucks...am I wrong?

He doesn't like ME touching his phone, let alone our dd....

I am thinking about returning it.....I feel cheated....if its a gift for ME should I get to say who sees it and who doesn't, just like his IPHONE?

WWYD?

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Re: IPad Mini

  • I wouldnt think it was fair. DH is a SAHD but I would never give him something then say it was a family gift. Especially if we rarely got nice gifts for ourselves. Im in the opposite boat. We both have iphones and DH got me a kindle fire for xmas and i dont let DD play with it....altho she does play with my iphone and im looking into getting her an ipod touch for her bday. Mainly so she can leave my phone alone lol
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  • This is weird that an adult is basically saying "it's all mine and I don't want to share".  Especially with something as expensive as an iPad.  We share everything in the house.  There really isn't anything that is exclusively mine or DH's. 

    DS is too little to really "play" with electronics, but he does love to watch an elmo video on the ipad now and again.  When he is older, I will certainly allow him to use the ipad, but it will be made clear that it isn't his, it belongs to DH and me.  

    I can't imagine not sharing (in a reasonable manner) anything with other people in the house.  I was not raised that way and won't be running my house that way either.

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  • image HilarityEnsued:

    This is weird that an adult is basically saying "it's all mine and I don't want to share".  Especially with something as expensive as an iPad.  We share everything in the house.  There really isn't anything that is exclusively mine or DH's. 

    DS is too little to really "play" with electronics, but he does love to watch an elmo video on the ipad now and again.  When he is older, I will certainly allow him to use the ipad, but it will be made clear that it isn't his, it belongs to DH and me.  

    I can't imagine not sharing (in a reasonable manner) anything with other people in the house.  I was not raised that way and won't be running my house that way either.

    I share EVERYTHING with my DD but I do think that there are things that should be off limits to children....one of which is an EXPENSIVE device such as an ipad etc. She has many toys, the family computer, the family room tv / dvd at anytime she wants....

    Couldn't something just be for an adult? How is that weird?

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  • image Sept1799:
    image HilarityEnsued:

    This is weird that an adult is basically saying "it's all mine and I don't want to share".  Especially with something as expensive as an iPad.  We share everything in the house.  There really isn't anything that is exclusively mine or DH's. 

    DS is too little to really "play" with electronics, but he does love to watch an elmo video on the ipad now and again.  When he is older, I will certainly allow him to use the ipad, but it will be made clear that it isn't his, it belongs to DH and me.  

    I can't imagine not sharing (in a reasonable manner) anything with other people in the house.  I was not raised that way and won't be running my house that way either.

    I share EVERYTHING with my DD but I do think that there are things that should be off limits to children....one of which is an EXPENSIVE device such as an ipad etc. She has many toys, the family computer, the family room tv / dvd at anytime she wants....

    Couldn't something just be for an adult? How is that weird?

    No one is saying you have to let a toddler play with an ipad. It is very odd that you basically want to return the ipad b/c you don't want your husband to use it. That is weird.  


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  • image LalaMama81:
    image Sept1799:
    image HilarityEnsued:

    This is weird that an adult is basically saying "it's all mine and I don't want to share".  Especially with something as expensive as an iPad.  We share everything in the house.  There really isn't anything that is exclusively mine or DH's. 

    I can't imagine not sharing (in a reasonable manner) anything with other people in the house.  I was not raised that way and won't be running my house that way either.

    I share EVERYTHING with my DD but I do think that there are things that should be off limits to children....one of which is an EXPENSIVE device such as an ipad etc. She has many toys, the family computer, the family room tv / dvd at anytime she wants....

    Couldn't something just be for an adult? How is that weird?

    No one is saying you have to let a toddler play with an ipad. It is very odd that you basically want to return the ipad b/c you don't want your husband to use it. That is weird.  

    Exactly.  Unless you have enough extra money sitting around that you can have multiple iPads, it would seem totally logical (and not even something I would think to discuss) that you would share the iPad.

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  • Oh i didnt think it was an issue with sharing with DH....just the kids. Yea, I share with DH...I just think of everything as community stuff.
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  • image PayolaCrayola:
    Oh i didnt think it was an issue with sharing with DH....just the kids. Yea, I share with DH...I just think of everything as community stuff.

    It really is about my dd and ds, I don't want them to break it on me. I don't think its something they should be playing with. My DH has his iphone so he wouldn't be using it....

    I just didn't like he said that the IPAD mini that he brought was for me was now something he brought that was a FAMILY thing...

    If it was a family thing, then why give it to me as a gift.....then he should have waited until tax money in hand and we either ordered it together or went to the store and brought it together.....

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  • I guess I consider some things as "family" items.  This would include more expensive things like ipads and computers.  DH and I don't really buy gifts for each anymore for special occasions.  It's more of a "what do we need" and then we get that....so I just have a different view on things. 

    As for a toddler playing with an expensive electronic....DH has an iPad, but it's exclusively for his work.   I did want an iPad and we recently got one....but in my mind, it was for DD and me.   I knew she would want to play with it and I've seen lots of cool kids apps and educational things we can do.  So, we bought the Otterbox case for it so she can't damage it. 


     

     

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  • This is probably the brat in me, but I like having a few things that are just mine. I think that especially these days when my body wasn't mine during pregnancy, wasn't mine during breastfeeding, now isn't mine again because of pregnancy, and won't be mine again during breastfeeding I really appreciated the few things that I felt like I owned. I would be annoyed if a gift for me was all of the sudden labeled as a "family gift". Instead of rashly returning the gift I would talk to your husband and tell him that you're annoyed by the change in gift status.
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  • image nyki06:
    This is probably the brat in me, but I like having a few things that are just mine. I think that especially these days when my body wasn't mine during pregnancy, wasn't mine during breastfeeding, now isn't mine again because of pregnancy, and won't be mine again during breastfeeding I really appreciated the few things that I felt like I owned. I would be annoyed if a gift for me was all of the sudden labeled as a "family gift". Instead of rashly returning the gift I would talk to your husband and tell him that you're annoyed by the change in gift status.

    thank you, I appreciate your honesty..... I don't feel so alone

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  • image nyki06:
    This is probably the brat in me, but I like having a few things that are just mine. I think that especially these days when my body wasn't mine during pregnancy, wasn't mine during breastfeeding, now isn't mine again because of pregnancy, and won't be mine again during breastfeeding I really appreciated the few things that I felt like I owned. I would be annoyed if a gift for me was all of the sudden labeled as a "family gift". Instead of rashly returning the gift I would talk to your husband and tell him that you're annoyed by the change in gift status.

    thank you, I appreciate your honesty..... I don't feel so alone

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  • image nyki06:
    This is probably the brat in me, but I like having a few things that are just mine. I think that especially these days when my body wasn't mine during pregnancy, wasn't mine during breastfeeding, now isn't mine again because of pregnancy, and won't be mine again during breastfeeding I really appreciated the few things that I felt like I owned. I would be annoyed if a gift for me was all of the sudden labeled as a "family gift". Instead of rashly returning the gift I would talk to your husband and tell him that you're annoyed by the change in gift status.

    thank you, I appreciate your honesty..... I don't feel so alone

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  • Well people are welcome to whatever opinion or feelings they want to have.  It is the internet afterall...

    That said... the logic of, "I want things that are mine that I don't have to share because I didn't even have my own body to myself for so long" is a stretch in the very least... and moreso totally whack logic IMO.  

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  • image HilarityEnsued:

    Well people are welcome to whatever opinion or feelings they want to have.  It is the internet afterall...

    That said... the logic of, "I want things that are mine that I don't have to share because I didn't even have my own body to myself for so long" is a stretch in the very least... and moreso totally whack logic IMO.  

    I guess that if it was actually an issue in our house it would be something that would be considered and wouldn't be based on me liking to have a few things to myself. The only thing I really own is my laptop and all of my work is on there and I enjoy having it be mine. My husband has a computer as well so he doesn't ask for mine. Everything else in my house is shared. I guess I look at it in the same way that I look at self care, which I'll admit may be whack logic. If you're taking care of yourself you're going to take better care of your family. I have one thing that I own and don't get the chance to go out and do much for myself so getting to just relax with something that is mine helps me to be a better member of my family. If my daughter wants to look at Sesame Street characters on my lap top I don't scream no at her, grab my laptop, then run away. I let her use it but she knows that it's mine and I get the final say about how it's used. My husband occasionally uses it but we still purchased it for me so it's not the "family laptop".

    My main point in the post was that I think it's rude to give someone a gift for a special occasion and then decide afterward that it's really a family item.  

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  • image nyki06:

    My main point in the post was that I think it's rude to give someone a gift for a special occasion and then decide afterward that it's really a family item.  

    I understand what you are saying.  I guess the disconnect for me would be that, with something like an iPad or computer or anything of that nature, I would automatically assume that it was meant for sharing. 

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  • Just FYI, when your DD learns to use the iPad, she'll think his phone is the same and thus hers too.  That's what happened to us when MIL showed DS the iPad at about 9m, against our wishes.  So, if the iPad is now everyone's, YH's iPhone is too.  
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  • image HilarityEnsued:
    This is weird that an adult is basically saying "it's all mine and I don't want to share".nbsp; Especially with something as expensive as an iPad.nbsp; We share everything in the house.nbsp; There really isn't anything that is exclusively mine or DH's.nbsp; DS is too little to really "play" with electronics, but he does love to watch an elmo video on the ipad now and again.nbsp; When he is older, I will certainly allow him to use the ipad, but it will be made clear that it isn't his, it belongs to DH and me. nbsp;I can't imagine not sharing in a reasonable manner anything with other people in the house.nbsp; I was not raised that way and won't be running my house that way either.

    My thoughts exactly. What's mine is ours is my motto. We are a family. I'm not being snarky, I'm just saying that as an adult, you're able to play nice!! :
    Keep it and enjoy it! Let LO watch Elmo an Dora once in a while! Tell DH to shove it and play on his iPhone, but still thank him for the mini!

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  • image HilarityEnsued:

    This is weird that an adult is basically saying "it's all mine and I don't want to share".  Especially with something as expensive as an iPad.  We share everything in the house.  There really isn't anything that is exclusively mine or DH's. 

    DS is too little to really "play" with electronics, but he does love to watch an elmo video on the ipad now and again.  When he is older, I will certainly allow him to use the ipad, but it will be made clear that it isn't his, it belongs to DH and me.  

    I can't imagine not sharing (in a reasonable manner) anything with other people in the house.  I was not raised that way and won't be running my house that way either.

     

    exactly this. 

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  • I think you have deeper issues going on here. It seems like you think he bought you this gift, in part, as a gift for himself. It also seems like you've become somewhat territorial about things that are your own.

    Is this a running theme of late?

    It just feels like there's a weird power dynamic here.
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  • image nyki06:
    This is probably the brat in me, but I like having a few things that are just mine. I think that especially these days when my body wasn't mine during pregnancy, wasn't mine during breastfeeding, now isn't mine again because of pregnancy, and won't be mine again during breastfeeding I really appreciated the few things that I felt like I owned. I would be annoyed if a gift for me was all of the sudden labeled as a "family gift". Instead of rashly returning the gift I would talk to your husband and tell him that you're annoyed by the change in gift status.

    All of this.

    I get it. I don't think it weird for you to want something for yourself. Its OK for you to have a "self" when you already have given so much of to be a stay at home mom and wife. Yes, all of those things come with the role, but that doesn't mean you should have to feel bad for needing a "me" moment or item for that matter. Talk to your husband. I am sure he will understand. Who knows, maybe the Ipad WILL end up being a "family" item, but if it was your gift maybe it should be your call too. Good luck! 

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  • We share everything. Gifts too. I bought DH a Keurig for Xmas but I still use it. He bought me a laptop for my birthday a few years back and he uses too. We share.

    That said. We both have iPhones that DD doesnt get to use often, but that doesn't mean she never gets to. We got an iPad last Xmas when DD was 9 months and she has played with it ever since. We just bought a nice case in order to protect it.

    With a gift that expensive, I'd feel bad NOT sharing it with my family.
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