March 2013 Moms

wwyd - how soon can baby attend group functions?

I am due March 10, and my DR plans to induce 1 week later if the baby hasn't come yet.  March 23rd is my first nephew's Bar Mitzvah. Since this is a major major event for our family, our plan was to attend the service in the morning with the baby if we weren't still in the hospital for any reason, but probably miss out on the party, which is late into the evening.  BIL/SIL totally understand, and they know that we're really going to be playing this my ear. At any rate, we hope that our presence with the new baby will not take any attention away from our nephew, especially since we don't want many people getting too close to baby before she has had any vaccines.

I just found out that MIL has claimed "baby's first" Passover (we live close to both sets of parents), which I was OK with until I found out that Passover is the monday after the bar mitzvah. It's usually in April. That's 2 weeks after our due date! I could see making a special effort for a bar mitzvah, which is a once in a lifetime event, but passover happens every year! What's worse is that our pediatrician, who works with FIL in his practice, warned us to keep the baby away from the other cousins (8 of them) for as long as possible since they are all in school and could be carrying tons of germs, and they will all be there trying to touch the baby. There's going to be about 25 people total, and I am getting VERY anxious about it.

Is anyone else being expected to attend family functions so soon after delivery? WWYD? 

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Re: wwyd - how soon can baby attend group functions?

  • I personally would not be comfortable taking an infant so young to family functions with tons of germs. If you are not comfortable either say we are sorry but we will not be able to attend with the baby being so young. Stand your ground and they will get over it.
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  • I think 25 ppl is too large of a function to bring the baby to.  I plan on taking my baby to her first Easter at either my mom's or mil's house but that is going to be immediate family max 6-8 ppl (including me and my dh).  You might not even feel up to being around that many people at that point.  

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  • Explain to your MIL that you have no problem with her claiming LO's first Passover, but that you feel uncomfortable with the number of people (and germs) that would expose LO to at such a young age. Point out that as the reason for not attending your nephew's Bar Mitzvah party. Your MIL should understand. I  mean, as a grandparent she wouldn't want to do anything she knows puts her grandchild at a huge risk of serious illness.
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  • With DS (born in August) we were out a couple days after he was born (supermarket, restaurant, church, etc). We avoided functions for 2 months where people/family would be wanting to hold baby, especially when I wasn't comfortable telling them to wash their hands and not touch/kiss babies face. 

    This time we plan to be a bit more conservative since it's the end of flu season.  I would probably do the same as you plan - attend the service and skip the party.  As for Passover, it would depend on how many people and how comfortable you are telling them to back off if needed.  

    Regardless of your decision, I would recommend being tentative to/for everything. You and baby are most important and should do what you are comfortable with and makes you happy and that may change day to day. :) 

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  • I think doing the Bar Mitzvah service and not the party is a good compromise. People won't be as apt to hold LO during the service, you could even make sure to show up just before it starts and try to scoot out pretty quickly without have to introduce the baby to everyone.

    Passover with 25 people though? I would tell them you just don't feel comfortable with it, especially with 8 school aged kids. I skipped out on a few family things that came up really soon after my DD was born. Some I made an appearance and left her home with my husband and others I just skipped altogether. With a March due date I feel like it's still cold/flu season and would play it safe. Not worth having a sick newborn to make your family happy.



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  • Hmmm, that is tricky.  I have never been to a Bar Mitzvah but is it possible to sneak in at the last second and sit in the back and skip out right away?  You could always call your nephew the day before and tell him you will be there but might not be able to stick around to see him but that you are proud, etc. Keep the baby in the carrier if you do go or just send your husband to represent your family.    As for Passover I would consider skipping it if the doc said to avoid the kids.  We are going to run into something similar with Easter falling so early this year.  I think we will probably foolishly try and attend our famiy parties so I understand the pressure you will feel.
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  • I am *personally* going on lock down this year until mid April. As a new mom, you may not understand the time required for a NB (and unfortunately, your ILs and family may have forgotten),  I really want to focus on getting a good start on BFing and that was really dificult for me with all of the guests with DS, and I didn't even go anywhere! I would personally not consider going to the Bar Mitzvah or Passover, but that's just me.  I was a hot mess until DS was over a month old and I didn't know up from down. 

    Also, last year DS was hospitalized RSV when he was 6 months old,  I'm on lockdown until the end of RSV season.  Adults and children present RSV like a cold, but it is quite serious in NBs.   

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  • I am really lax about stuff like this so I would say that you should go. I would skip the party in the evening like you said but you can bring a newborn in a carseat to a religious service and keep the baby in the infant carseat covered with a blanket and just be strict about not letting people touch the baby/get too close. With both of my kids we were back at church like a week or two after delivery- DS was born March 3rd, DD Nov 28th so definitely cold/flu season both times and neither kid got sick as newborns. 

    Another option is to wear the baby in a baby carrier like the moby- when a newborn is wrapped up in a moby wrap they are REALLY covered up and since the baby will be against your body it automatically helps people keep their distance (since they have to touch your body to touch the baby vs. a baby in a seat, kwim?). Either way just do what you are comfortable with- I wouldn't commit to anything now, tell them that you will have to let them know when the time comes and it just depends on how you and baby are feeling. I also have had 2 super easy labors and recoveries and felt great pretty quickly, not everyone bounces back so quickly so you might still be pretty sore, tired, etc. at 2 weeks pp.  

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  • Eh, I would go.  Especially if you plan to breastfeed.  Most of my friends take their babies out and about early on in the first week or so, and I plan to do the same.  Babies are born with pretty good immunity from the mom and from breast milk during the first 3 months, and vaccinations aren't going to protect them from most things they would get in public, like the common cold, anyway.  
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  • I personally would not make the commitment. The baby will most likely sleep through the whole function, but I would be more worried about how I would be feeling. You'll most likely be very sleep deprived and trying to establish a routine. Not to mention all the germs and people that are going to want to hold the baby.
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  • image MJL113:

    With DS (born in August) we were out a couple days after he was born (supermarket, restaurant, church, etc). We avoided functions for 2 months where people/family would be wanting to hold baby, especially when I wasn't comfortable telling them to wash their hands and not touch/kiss babies face. 

    I guess I don't see the difference in going to the supermarket, restaurant, church, vs. going to a family function.  I understand the part of people wanting to hold the lo, but it seems like that would be anywhere.  And whether it's 8 people or 25, all it takes is one person to be sick. 

    But on the other hand, what if you were to go, but keep your lo covered up and request no one hold him.  And if you've had all of your shots, your lo should have some immunities passed on from you. 

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  • My LO will not be at Passover this year.  My 15 month old coughs someone's cold when she was 4 weeks and ended up in the hospital for five days.  Keep the baby away from kids -- it is the safest course of action.   

  • image milkergirl1:
    image MJL113:

    With DS (born in August) we were out a couple days after he was born (supermarket, restaurant, church, etc). We avoided functions for 2 months where people/family would be wanting to hold baby, especially when I wasn't comfortable telling them to wash their hands and not touch/kiss babies face. 

    I guess I don't see the difference in going to the supermarket, restaurant, church, vs. going to a family function.  I understand the part of people wanting to hold the lo, but it seems like that would be anywhere.  And whether it's 8 people or 25, all it takes is one person to be sick. 

    But on the other hand, what if you were to go, but keep your lo covered up and request no one hold him.  And if you've had all of your shots, your lo should have some immunities passed on from you. 

    I totally see the difference. At the supermarket/church/errands, there are strangers who will not be coming up to you or the baby asking to kiss her, hold her, hug her, etc. At a family function, I would think everyone would expect to hold her. 

    I'm pretty lax about these things too. I would go if you feel up to it, but if you don't for any reason, then don't. 

    DS was 7 days old on his first Christmas. We went to mass on x-mas eve, my family's house that nigh, my mom's the next morning and my IL's that night. I'm playing it by ear with this LO since Easter will be about 2 weeks after he is born. If I'm up to it, we'll go to church and my IL's. If I'm not feeling it, we'll just go to my IL's. 


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