March 2013 Moms

Freaking out after shower

Let me just say first I do not want to come off as a brat and I am very grateful for the things my LO got.

I'm freaking out because DH told me NOT to go and buy any major things for LO until after the shower because he KNEW for sure that his family and really close friends where planning on getting those things for us. Well...25 people got us gifts and only 5 of them got us stuff off our registery (I only put things that we really need and made sure that there were items in each price range). Everything else was clothes! They are very cute clothes and go all the way up to 18mo, so that I'm very thankful for. However I am now freaking out because all of the things we HAVE to have we don't (examples: a crib, car seat, stroller, changing pad, etc). DH keeps blowing it off saying we still have time!! I keep telling him we only have 6 weeks left until our due date and LO is already on the large side. I feel overwhelmed and ready to cry. To top things off, DH will not let me go buy the things because he says that people didn't have time to get these main things before the shower (my friend send the invites out right after Christmas) and that they are still planning on getting them.

At this point I want to just go buy/order the items so I know for sure we have everything set up and ready to go.

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Re: Freaking out after shower

  • How does he know that people are still planning on buying stuff?  Or is he just assuming? 

    There are certain things that I'd be getting at this point and certain things I wouldn't.  A carseat- get one.  To me that was a peace of mind kinda thing like "ok, we can take this baby home when he shows up".  Just going by your big items mentioned, I'll give you my opinion on what you "need/don't need"- you need something for the baby to sleep in whether its a PnP, RnP, co-sleeper, or crib, but the crib could potentially wait if need be.  I wouldn't panic about a stroller at this point, but changing pads aren't that expensive so I'd probably grab that now because you definately want a nice clean spot to change the baby.

    It's so exciting to have everything ahead of time and I completely understand the need to feel ready and settled with everything.  I mean, with DS we had everything set up and ready for him.  But, reality is that a lot of the stuff you get doesn't get used right away, so if DH isn't on board with buying every item now, I'd just get the ones that are really important. GL!!!

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  • At this point, I would be going out myself, ordering said necessary items and removing them from the registry.  DH be damned.  That said, I am really surprised you thought someone was going to buy your crib.  I've never heard of that before. (I never had a shower for either kid, but I've been to enough of them).

    I didn't start buying anything until really late as I have a history of loss, but 34 weeks is way too close for comfort for me, and there is not a chance in hell I would wait a day more, especially for anything that needs to be ordered or delivered.

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  • image toriwc:

    At this point, I would be going out myself, ordering said necessary items and removing them from the registry.  DH be damned.  That said, I am really surprised you thought someone was going to buy your crib.  I've never heard of that before. (I never had a shower for either kid, but I've been to enough of them).

    I didn't start buying anything until really late as I have a history of loss, but 34 weeks is way too close for comfort for me, and there is not a chance in hell I would wait a day more, especially for anything that needs to be ordered or delivered.

    Oh sorry, I should have said DH keeps telling me his parents are buying the crib. I wanted to get it myself but from what he says they really want to.

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  • I can't imagine my H trying to tell me I'm not allowed to go buy anything.  I think I would laugh my head off.  He needs to realize that you've had your shower and the gifts have been given.  It's your job as parents to provide the items your baby needs and while it's nice when people give them as gifts, that's not always necessarily the case.  Figure out what you need right away, get your completion coupon, and go buy it.  
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  • If H is sure his parents are getting the crib, you can wait on that. DS slept in our room for the first few months anyway. However, the carseat/stroller, basinett or PNP (something for baby to sleep in), I would just go ahead and get. You can't bring baby home from the hospital without a carseat.
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  • I agree with PP.  You need the car seat and changing pad. You can't leave the hospital without a car seat.  My son didn't begin sleeping in his crib until he was almost 3 months. A bassinet, co-sleeper or pack and play work just fine when they are really little.  Hopefully your in-laws buy the crib.  We also didn't use the stroller for a while.  The first few months we only used the snap and go which is relatively inexpensive.  It is nice to have everything ready but not necessary.  Good luck!

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  • My DH is the same way. Don't listen to him! Trust your gut mommy instinct and start hitting the stores. You might be able to return some things to put money towards the big stuff. Hardly any of my family bothered to come to my shower. I was at Babies R Us that night using money from my savings. If your ok with used, hit up consignment and classified ads. Anything that causes you stress is bad. Your probably nesting and you need to let that happen. Men don't get it at all. That's why god chose us to be the mommies.
  • We were the same way. I got nothing big at my shower but we did get most of it last weekend at the target sale. I've got a few things left but they can wait until LO is a month old.

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  • Another vote for buy the car seat and something for baby to sleep in.  My parents are buying our crib as well so that doesnt seem strange to me that they want to do that for you but the rest of the necessities,  I'd just go get.  No need to stress over it. 
  • I think you need to get the essentials. You don't need a crib right away but something for lo to sleep in when they come home until a crib "arrives" like a playard. Just buy everything from a store you can return it if you do receive more gifts.
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  • Oh, and I personally would take back some of the larger clothes if money is an issue.  You really dont kniw what size your lo will be in  what season so having sizes that large may not even be useful.  If you need the help now, it would be fine in  my book to use that money towards stuff you do know you'll need.
  • I am sorry that you are stressing.  Unfortunately, registries are suggestions and people do not have to use them.  It is great that you got lots of clothes, because you will need them.  But you can try to return some if you got too much or don't like the styles.

    If DH "knows" some of the big stuff is coming, I would try to confirm everything and find out when it might come.  Kindly explain that you are starting to get what you need and want to make sure that you are not stepping on toes if you get it yourself.   

    That said, I agree with the pp, at this point, it is time to start getting the necessities.  I would make a list of the must haves for when your little one arrives.  Depending on where you are registered, you may want to wait until you get your completion coupons so that you save a little money.  You should get them within a month of your LOs arrival.  I am personally waiting to get some stuff from our registry once my amazon completion code arrives.  I will still have a month before Baby Girl's due date.

    Good luck!

  • My shower was the same way. Everyone got LO clothes save for like 5 ppl who bought off the registry.

    My parents graciously got us our crib, and my in-laws our travel system (infant car seat). How often does your DH speak with his parents? If it's not often, and depending on close you are with them, give them a call yourself. Chit chat a bit, then ask. "DH had mentioned that you wanted to get us a crib?" See what they say. Maybe they've been waiting on you to tell them what kind of crib to get, or maybe you DH is like mine and only hears what he wants to. Maybe they'd LIKE to get you the crib, BUT they can't financially right now.

    If they're all for getting you a crib, but are procrastinators about it, I'd drop some lines like,

    "Oh, some places say it can take up to 6 weeks to deliver a crib, and heaven forbid, if there are pieces missing and you have to send it back..."

    and "I'm getting anxious it getting so close to due date, how about I order/buy it and you can get us back when you can."

    As for everything else... that's why they have the % off completion coupon. Also if you were registered at BRU, check people's receipts, I got 4 coupons for 20% off single items.

     



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  • I would be out today buying everything (besides the crib).  Delaying buying anything is only going to increse your frustration and anxiety.  

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  • I started buying stuff that I knew I was going to need either from target, babiesrus, Bibb, kohls, Carter's. they have all said that as long as I have a receipt and tags or boxes weren't destroyed I can return at any time. This makes me feel better to know I have  things ahead of time and if someone decides to buy something I already I can just return....
  • My DH was the same way the first time. I got the car seat and several bases, crib, changing table, PnP, and other essentials anyway. He was being an idiot. This time he's already asking if we are ready for the baby, lol. Buy the car seat at the very least. I would get confirmation from whoever is supposedly buying the other stuff that they actually plan to buy it, and when. I'd be losing my mind if I didn't have the essentials.  

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  • I would go ahead an order the essentials- the carseat, and a place for baby to sleep.  Even the changing pad isn't essential (just use a liner on the floor or bed) but pretty inexpensive so I'd go for it too.  If it makes him feel better, you can leave them unopened for a couple weeks and return them if people do buy stuff, but after that tell him that if people were going to buy stuff, they would have by then.
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  • Yikes! I only have 4 weeks left and our nursery is DONE, save for a rocker/glider. I see where the stress is coming in! We didn't get a ton of stuff off of our registry either, but being the planner that I am I was getting all the big stuff along the way as it went on sale and I got coupons. I'll reiterate what PPs have said, go get the carseat. Beyond that, babies need a place to sleep, and stuff to eat, however you plan on doing those things. Once you've got that squared away, I bet you'll feel so much better!


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  • I feel your pain! Agree that you need to get confirmation from the ILs that they are buying the crib. And anyone else that DH is "sure" is going to get you something big. I like a PPs suggestion of nice ways to bring it up, I don't think anyone would be offended, heck you have a baby to prepare for! In the meantime, I'd definitely get the car seat and a PNP with bassinet for the baby to sleep in since they won't need the crib Day 1.

    I personally would buy all the other stuff you need off your registry and tell DH that if people give them to you later you can just return it. But I would not sit around waiting for these items to be gifted.

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  • Its gonna make you feel better to get the items you need. DH maybe awesome, but he maybe guessing. like pp I would ask him WHO said they were getting crib and I would confirm with them. Please get the carseat if you cant get anything else.
  • The other thing to keep in mind is just keep your receipts and don't necessarily feel like you have to break everything out and set it up.  That way if someone gets you something, you can just return one for store credit or cash (if you have your receipt).  Most of the items you mentioned are very quick to set up so there's not really a huge need to do a ton of set up before the baby arrives. 
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  • I agree with other posters, get the car seat and a bassinet or pack n' play. A crib is not an immediate need. I was just telling my DH how I only expected this to happen at my shower (mostly non-americans who are not used to showers and would just buy clothes or whatever they felt like it and totally ignore the registery) but reading these posts make it sound like it's more common than I had anticipated. I am sorry you're stressing but I'd sit your husband down and calmly talk with him about it.

     

  • I definitely think with only 6 weeks left that you should start buying these baby items with the exception of the crib (if his parents indeed buy it). You may encourage your husband to speak with his parents to double check when and if they still plan to buy the crib.  Only b/c I know that some cribs we were looking at had to be ordered and took several weeks to get in.  The store did have some in stock but depending on the brand/style you may have to order in advance. 

     I'd say that if this your last baby shower then it is safe to say you won't be getting much else especially the bigger items.  I'd start buying now so you don't end up with a bunch of huge expensive purchases at the end.  

  • Our prenatal instructor says parents to be should have everything ready to go at the 35-week mark, because baby can arrive any time thereafter and you don't want to b scrambling around to get things together when you're going into labour ;)

    I agree with the PPs, car seat and some kind of PnP with a bassinet and change table in should be a necessity and I'd be sure to buy both things ASAP regardless of what DH says.  Good luck! 

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  • Yeah, your husband is a nut...GO BUY A CAR SEAT! No matter what he says!
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  • Thank you so much Ladies. You all have helped me calm down. I've made a list of the most important items ( car seat #1, PNP). I told DH that if his family members who say they want to get us these don't by Friday then we are getting them Saturday. No if ands or buts.

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  • Do you think your husband is making assumptions or he has inside info from specific people they they are getting specific things and they want to surprise you.  If he knows for sure he needs to put a bug in the people's ear that you are going shopping ASAP because you are unaware of their gifts pending arrival.  I would think people would tell you personally they are getting something or even better give you the item right away.  I got a few cards at my shower with the picture of the item (travel system, pack in play) when either the item was too big to bring or didn't arrive in time.  I would think people would have done the sae at your shower if hey didn't feel they had enough time. 

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  • From the conversation DH and I had last night he had been told earlier last week that certain family members were getting us some of the big stuff. He has a very close family and they always do this for each other. I explained to him that we at the very least need the car seat, PNP and some smaller things as well. Otherwise I am going to be stressed out. I'm hoping he passes that message on, in a nice way, and that they understand.
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  • Your shower is over. I think it's weird that your husband is just assuming that people are still going to get you these big ticket items even though your shower is over. I got some necessities at my shower but I think most showers consist of cute clothes. It's time to go buy stuff yourself. I wouldn't freak out though because 6 weeks is still pretty far off. 
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