Babies: 3 - 6 Months

Vent: Lose-Lose

I get stressed being with my LO 24/7 - I love him to death but I need to get away. I do work twice a week and one of those days usually my MIL watches our son half of my shift and then my DH takes over. Well MIL is out of town this week and my DH isn't exactly a baby person - I'm not exactly a baby person either - I'll admit I get bored entertaining our LO day in and day out and sometimes his crying can drive me nuts when you have done everything that you can think of under the sun to make him happy and he still cries. 

 So here is my lose-lose situation. I lose if I'm with my LO 24/7 and I lose if my DH watches our son. He hasn't exactly adjusted to becoming a father as well as I have adjusted becoming a mom. He struggles with our LO crying. If there isn't a quick fix, then he is out. He gets frustrated easy and we can all feel his tension - me, our dogs and I'm pretty sure our son can too. 

 I will give my DH this much, he does know his limits and if he gets too frustrated - he knows to put our son somewhere safe and walk away - this is good - but it doesn't help me much. I came home from work the other night and found out that our son had been crying for 1.5 hours! He was safe but very worked up. I felt so bad for him - I wanted to cry. So this is my lose-lose situation. I lose if I leave my LO with DH and I lose if I stay with him 24/7. 

Oh, this goes for night feedings too. My DH and I decided early on that we switch baby duties every other night and I find myself so tense the nights that he has to feed that I end up not sleeping much anyways. My DH would never hurt our son but he gets so tense that I think it physically hurts me.

 Ok - vent over. Thanks!  

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Vent: Lose-Lose

  • I am sorry you guys are having a hard time.  I think you both need to talk to someone...I'm happy you know to put the baby somewhere safe and walk away but I don't think it should be a regular thing.  With my DS it was my signal to talk to my doctor...hugs!!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I agree w/ PP.  I think you guys need to talk to someone.  Men can go through a post partum depression too per se when their lives change drastically overnight.  I went though a very difficult time until my LO was about 8 weeks old.  I did not love being a mom like I thought I would, DH and I would both get worked up and stressed out.  I started regretting ever getting pregnant.  It was horrible to feel that way.  Once my hormones leveled out and I got on some meds things are 110% better.  I also think that me being less stressed has helped my husband be less stressed, too.  Men are wired differently.  They like to be able to "fix" everything so when they can't get LO to stop crying it's hard for them.  Once LO doesn't c ry so much and becomes more interactive it should get better for him.  Hang it there. It does get better and more fun!
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  • First, is everything OK with your LO?  Both DH (who has the patience of Job) and I were just about losing it the first couple months of LO's life.  Then my in-laws kept him a night and told us his constant, inconsolable crying and not sleeping was not normal.  We ended up taking him to the pedi where we found out he had digestive issue--GERD and a milk protein allergy. Once we got him on prevacid and Alimentum formula, he was a new baby. Truly, it was remarkable.

    Second, have you thought about getting some help other than your MIL?  Could you hire a nanny or babysitter 1 or 2 days a week?  If that isn't financially feasible, could you enroll LO in a Mother's Day Out program to give all involved some relief?  It sounds like you both need a break, but I don't think it is necessarily fair that it all fall on you because your DH can't handle it.  I have had to walk away and go in another room before a few minutes, but to be honest I cannot fathom leaving my child crying for over an hour at such a young age.  They have no ability to console themselves at this age and if they are crying there is a reason. I'm not trying to bash on your DH, but that seems bad to me. 

    IF DX: DOR & Fragile X pre-mutation carrier
    2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
    BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
    Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
    BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014

    May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
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  • My LO is fine. He actually eats really good and sleeps really good - he just fights going to sleep at nap times sometimes and I think he still has a little bit of the 'witching hour' in him - where he just gets really fussy at night. 

     It gets better. And I could never walk away from him crying. I may not be a 'baby person' but I love my son and do whatever I can to make him happy. My DH would never physically hurt our son, he's way to smart for that, but he just gets frustrated when he can't help our LO or "fix" our LOs problems and I think after failed attempt after attempt - my husband's frustration actually continues to fuel the fire, so to speak, and doesn't make it any better. 

    I think my DH feels like a failure as a dad, and we have only just started. I agree, I think he needs to talk to someone but I don't know who and I don't know how to tell him without making him feel more of a failure. I think he needs time, as our son gets older, and can communicate better with us, I know things will get better. 

    He also told me the other night that our LOs crying gives him a headache and that doesn't help either. We just need prayers and time.  

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I don't have much advice, but I wanted to let you know that your DH isn't the only one. Lots of husbands have a hard time with the adjustment and struggle with that frustration in stressful moments with the baby. My husband has too, and I TOTALLY know what you mean about it making you stressed out. I remember many times feeling the same dilemma of needing a break, but not even wanting it because I knew it would cause me more stress if he was watching her. The baby thing gets way easier. As LO gets older, it gets way more fun for dad to bond and understand how to help more. My first daughter is 2 now, and there are still frustrating moments, but it isn't the same as when they are still young babies. And even now that we have a second one who just turned 3 months, he has had a way easier time. 
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