C-sections

Do you ever get past the pain of never getting to have a vaginal birth?

I know all the books and doctors and everything tell you to be prepared for anything with a birth. But I honestly wasn't prepared ENOUGH for the possibility of a C section with my son.

I had tons of preterm labor with him, stopping contractions at the hospital, etc. etc. etc.

 

Then the big day comes, my water breaks, I go all day, on Pitocin, not dilating very far. At 10 pm they tell my family it could be a while before anything happens, and lead me to believe I'm just supposed to try and get some rest and we'll take things as they come.

Then 5 minutes after my family leaves, they inform me they want to do a C section. Immediately. (I asked if they could wait until my family got back, they were hesitant-Even though my family lives literally 3 minutes away). I PERSONALLY was never told that something was wrong with me or the baby. So if it was really some emergent situation I was never notified, not even after the birth. I do still wonder sometimes if it was just for convenience for the doctor. I know it sounds bad to say, but #1- It wasn't my doctor. Of course, my doctor is a solo practice, and with my luck, was out of town when I went into labor). So this was just a doctor on call, covering for him. I'd never even met her before. And #2, it was getting late. After reading many journals and articles on the number of C sections performed that were later deemed unnecessary or decided prematurely, I wonder sometimes if it was just for her convenience since I wasn't even her patient, and she didn't have to come back at 3am and deliver a baby.

 

All that being said, I had a beautiful baby boy. Both of us were healthy and fine.

 

Fast forward a year later and I'm pregnant with #2. I chose a new doctor, and on my first visit at 8 weeks, I discussed wanting a VBAC. I was choosing my practice based on this option (not solely this, but a lot of it). I was told okay, blah, blah, and never lead to believe it was an issue. 

Then, at my 37 week appt. I see this one doctor who I never really cared for. And she mentions scheduling the C section. They had told me that we would schedule one for late in the 39th week, but if I went into labor before then, we'd try VBAC. It was what had been discussed prior.

This doctor ends up putting me in tears, telling me, NO. I'm not a candidate for VBAC, because I don't fit their requirements. To which I said "HUH? What requirements??" I had never even heard of such mentioned prior to this 37 week visit.

So she explains that they have a list, designed in part by like the board of ob/gyn etc. etc. etc. And you have to fit not just SOME, but ALL of the things.

And I didn't.

My prior baby was over 7 lbs., which put me out.

And my pregnant weight put me at obese (I'm still confused on that one.)

I forget what else, but I had 2 strikes against me anyway.

The whole experience went over horribly, and they basically said I could only do a VBAC if I signed an AMA form. I don't want to rehash all the details, but skip to the end........

I have a scheduled C section and a beautiful healthy baby girl.

 

 

NOW I KNOW, I KNOW, people want to say as long as everyone is safe and healthy that should be all that matters.

And I get it. I really do.

 

But does the pain of never getting to have a vaginal birth go away?

The unexpected 1st C was bad enough, but knowing you're only supposed to get a VBAC if you've had 1 prior C section, and plus all the other strikes against me (second baby was also over 8 lbs.) It means now I will definitely never have the chance for a VBAC. If I had almost no chance with #2, I'm totally out of the running now.

I feel like I never got to "give birth."

While I'm not depressed over it and don't think about it that often anymore (I was mildly depressed after the birth of my son.)

 

I just wonder, does the pain go away? Do you end up forgetting about it?

Will I ever stop feeling like I missed out on something?

It's an experience I won't ever get to have, and it hurts. 

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Re: Do you ever get past the pain of never getting to have a vaginal birth?

  • I almost misread your post title and thought, really, I will never miss the "pain" of not having a vaginal birth. I am more afraid of a vaginal birth at this point, with my situation and cannot imagine feeling like there is some sort of pain in not having one. I think you will get over it basically. It's not what you wanted but you really didn't miss anything. You have two healthy children, as you pointed out! I have had one c-section and will never try a VBAC. It is not important to me nor do I think I would be a good canidate for it. Just look on the bright side and don't focus on the pain or possible depression you referenced. I am fairly certain many failed VBACs have resulted in someone actually having something to be sad about.
  • So.....briefly my story with my first child (a beautiful healthy baby girl)....

    Everything with my pregnancy, normal. Water broke at 39 weeks, 2 days.  Very unexpected b/c everyone else in my family went late and their water never broke.  Go to hospital, get on pitocin, dilate slowly....after 18 hrs of labor, I only made it to 6 cm.  My doctor came to inform me that if I didn't start dilating any further, then they would have to do a c-section.  He said that he thought that baby's head was too big and she wasn't dropping at all which is why I wasn't dilating any further.  He left...I cried.  Cried a lot.  Not only was I exhausted, but I guess I just had this "fantasy" of giving birth to my daughter (being able to see her born, holding her first, etc).  I was crushed.  Ended up having a c-section of course. 

    So with that, I'm honestly still sad about it.  I will never do a VBAC b/c of the reason I had a c-section to begin with so this new baby will be born via c-section as well.  Let's just say I'm still upset about it (baby girl is now 16 months old) and I totally understand what you are going through.  The sadness has gotten better, but I feel like it will never fully go away b/c I missed out on this experience that I actually wanted....hang in there though. 

    I try to look at the positives of a scheduled c-section for this time...I get to pick the day and have everything prepared, well, as long as she doesn't come any earlier.  And I don't have to go thru contractions, etc.  But still...if a VBAC would work, I would try it.

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  • Thanks ladies.

    Of course I think the miscommunication of my second pregnancy only made things worse! You know, thinking I had a shot at a VBAC, and then finding out SO late in the game that they didn't feel it was an option for me. It was pretty upsetting since I picked my practice because I specifically wanted one that would do a VBAC, and went 37 whole weeks thinking everything was on track!

    LOL.

    And I wish I could say my second C was all rainbows and butterflies, but there were scheduling issues, and they changed my C section 3 times, (which resulted in my husband taking his vacation days too early, then not being able to chance it. He started vacation on a Monday when I was SUPPOSED to have the C, then they changed it so many times I didn't have the C until halfway through Thursday, so he "wasted" most of his vacation persay).

    Then I also had some bad Epidural issues with the first C section, which had me wanting to do a natural VBAC, well, obviously an Epidural was necessary for #2 and also had a VERY bad experience yet again with that (we're talking half of my back was bruised and black and blue).

    Of course in the end, the health of the 3 of us is all that truly matters, but sometimes I do wonder what it's like and wish I could have felt that wonderful feeling of "giving birth" to a baby :-/

    I would have a million C sections if it meant I just got to try a vaginal birth once.

    And believe me, a few nights before my water broke with my first, I was in tears telling my husband how scared I was to deliver a baby LOL!  

  • Did either of you have EXTREMELY painful first c sections?

     

    My second was not nearly as bad, but my first was horrible. Pain meds did NOTHING for me, and there were times I almost wished I was dead. I had never felt pain like that ever in my life. 

  • image Holly7LV:
    I almost misread your post title and thought, really, I will never miss the "pain" of not having a vaginal birth. I am more afraid of a vaginal birth at this point, with my situation and cannot imagine feeling like there is some sort of pain in not having one. I think you will get over it basically. It's not what you wanted but you really didn't miss anything. You have two healthy children, as you pointed out! I have had one c-section and will never try a VBAC. It is not important to me nor do I think I would be a good canidate for it. Just look on the bright side and don't focus on the pain or possible depression you referenced. I am fairly certain many failed VBACs have resulted in someone actually having something to be sad about.

    WTF? Well, this was not helpful!

    OP, I think it would help to talk to people about it. Have you considered therapy. It helps so much to just be able to talk about your feelings without someone telling you that you should just be grateful. Your feelings are normal and you have a right to grieve. The important thing is to go through the grief and be able to finally accept what has happened and go on and be happy. Therapy can really help you work through those steps...especially in a society that does not accept that it is okay to be sad about when a woman's body doesn't do what she expects it to. {hugs}

     

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  • Well, if I am going to be completely honest, no I was never really upset about having a c/s as the only way I will give birth. 

    I truly don't intend this to sound mean and I understand that you are looking for support.  I don't know, I guess I never really thought that much about the birthing process.  My first pregnancy wasn't very good.  I had bleeding early on and bled for a few months.  At our 20 week u/s I found out that our DD had 3 heart defects, with a possibility of DS.  I had an amnioscentesis and that ruled out DS, however, a few weeks later I found out I had GD.  So it was a very stressful pregnancy.  Then at 32 weeks I went in to for a non stress test, her hearbeat dropped and I was rushed to have an emergency c/s.   She passed away 4 months later.  So I suppose I never really focused on her birth experience because I was so worried about her heart.

    For my second pregnanc,y they gave me the choice of a repeat c/s or a vbac and I felt that a r c/s was the right choice for me at the time.  I have since had another c/s and I really don't have regrets. Sometimes I am curious about what it might have been like, but I try not to think about it too much.

  • My C-section was painful and it even got infected.  Not all sunshine and rainbows but worth it none the less.  If you are feeling at all depressed though, you should talk to someone about it.  That I do agree with.
  • image stw_77:

    Well, if I am going to be completely honest, no I was never really upset about having a c/s as the only way I will give birth. 

    I truly don't intend this to sound mean and I understand that you are looking for support.  I don't know, I guess I never really thought that much about the birthing process.  My first pregnancy wasn't very good.  I had bleeding early on and bled for a few months.  At our 20 week u/s I found out that our DD had 3 heart defects, with a possibility of DS.  I had an amnioscentesis and that ruled out DS, however, a few weeks later I found out I had GD.  So it was a very stressful pregnancy.  Then at 32 weeks I went in to for a non stress test, her hearbeat dropped and I was rushed to have an emergency c/s.   She passed away 4 months later.  So I suppose I never really focused on her birth experience because I was so worried about her heart.

    For my second pregnanc,y they gave me the choice of a repeat c/s or a vbac and I felt that a r c/s was the right choice for me at the time.  I have since had another c/s and I really don't have regrets. Sometimes I am curious about what it might have been like, but I try not to think about it too much.

     

     

    I am so sorry to hear all of that.

    I think maybe if I had serious problems during my pregnancy or a situation like yours I would feel the same as you.

    I think a lot of what caused my sadness with the first birth was just being caught so off guard by it. I was at the hospital for 12 hours and never once did anyone doctor or nurse even mention a C section was a possible concern. (Obviously I do know it's ALWAYS a possibility).

    I'm glad that your following c sections went well, and under the circumstances I would probably have elected for C sections as well.

    But like you said, you just kind of wonder sometimes? 

  • image TiffPatterson:

    Did either of you have EXTREMELY painful first c sections?

     

    My second was not nearly as bad, but my first was horrible. Pain meds did NOTHING for me, and there were times I almost wished I was dead. I had never felt pain like that ever in my life. 

    Well, I think everyone's definition of EXTREMELY is different...but I can tell you that my recovery seemed to be worse than a couple of my friends who also had to have c-sections.  It took me longer to be able to walk around without being in extreme pain...and a while before I could get out of bed on my own without crying.....I didn't have any epidural problems though.

     Also, for those who are commenting that it didn't matter...I guess everyone is different how they feel about their pregnancy and giving birth, etc.  As much as I was scared to give birth (after that birthing class I went to I was freaking out a little), I still wanted this experience to happen and kept making the point that I would be holding my daughter first, etc.  After my c-section, my husband got to hold her first and I don't think I got to hold her for like at least 45 min after she was born b/c I had to get stiched up, etc.  Just expectations went down the drain...

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  • image pepomntpat:

    image Holly7LV:
    I almost misread your post title and thought, really, I will never miss the "pain" of not having a vaginal birth. I am more afraid of a vaginal birth at this point, with my situation and cannot imagine feeling like there is some sort of pain in not having one. I think you will get over it basically. It's not what you wanted but you really didn't miss anything. You have two healthy children, as you pointed out! I have had one c-section and will never try a VBAC. It is not important to me nor do I think I would be a good canidate for it. Just look on the bright side and don't focus on the pain or possible depression you referenced. I am fairly certain many failed VBACs have resulted in someone actually having something to be sad about.

    WTF? Well, this was not helpful!

    OP, I think it would help to talk to people about it. Have you considered therapy. It helps so much to just be able to talk about your feelings without someone telling you that you should just be grateful. Your feelings are normal and you have a right to grieve. The important thing is to go through the grief and be able to finally accept what has happened and go on and be happy. Therapy can really help you work through those steps...especially in a society that does not accept that it is okay to be sad about when a woman's body doesn't do what she expects it to. {hugs}

     

     

    Thank you!!

    Yes, obviously I would never have traded a vaginal birth experience for something to go wrong or have something bad happen.


  • image juliet73537:
    image TiffPatterson:

    Did either of you have EXTREMELY painful first c sections?

     

    My second was not nearly as bad, but my first was horrible. Pain meds did NOTHING for me, and there were times I almost wished I was dead. I had never felt pain like that ever in my life. 

    Well, I think everyone's definition of EXTREMELY is different...but I can tell you that my recovery seemed to be worse than a couple of my friends who also had to have c-sections.  It took me longer to be able to walk around without being in extreme pain...and a while before I could get out of bed on my own without crying.....I didn't have any epidural problems though.

     Also, for those who are commenting that it didn't matter...I guess everyone is different how they feel about their pregnancy and giving birth, etc.  As much as I was scared to give birth (after that birthing class I went to I was freaking out a little), I still wanted this experience to happen and kept making the point that I would be holding my daughter first, etc.  After my c-section, my husband got to hold her first and I don't think I got to hold her for like at least 45 min after she was born b/c I had to get stiched up, etc.  Just expectations went down the drain...

     

    Same here. I have friends who said their C sections were a walk in the park, no pain, blah blah blah.

    Mine was bad with the first. The percocet and whatever else they gave me didn't even take the edge off. And I felt like that was saying a lot because I never really take any kind of pain medication, so I would've hoped it would have worked great for me. Even the doctors were surprised when I said what they gave me didn't even make a dent in my pain. And yeah, not getting to hold the baby first sucked. That's why I'm VERY GLAD I had an amazing surgeon with my second C section, and she was great about talking everything through with me since she knew how discouraged I was about not getting the VBAC. She made sure to tell the nurses to bring the baby over so I could see her as soon as they got her out, and then they cleaned her up and I got to sort of hold her first :-)

     

  • I never was upset about having a c section but my child was a kneeling breech which is uncommon and doctors usually will not allow a vaginal birth. That being said I had a lot of time to digest having a c section. From whatI can tell having a planned section vs an emergency section after attempting labor are two different scenarios. That being said I would talk to someone about these feelings to help you move past not having a vaginal birth. Birth is always unpredictable so I think every woman should be prepared for either delivery and outcome. Bottom line as said above you have two healthy children to focus on. Remember some women don't have that. Good luck I hope you're able to reconcile your feelings.
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  • I've had 3 vaginal deliveries, and just had my 1st c-section a little over 3 weeks ago bc my baby was frank breech and my water broke at 36wks. I was planning on having an all natural hypnobirth and was really looking forward to the experience. I had an epi with #1, no time for it with #2 but had stadol in my IV (awful stuff), and really tried for no pain meds with #3, but the back labor got to me. So i really really had my heart set on going natural this last time. After  baby #4 was frank breech month after month, I knew my chances of having a c-section were getting higher and higher. And my OB doesn't do vaginal frank breech deliveries..which wouldn't have worked anyway bc after my water broke, I didn't have any strong contractions..which i had with all 3 of my previous pregnancies.

    I though the c-section was awful and painful, but i'm glad my dr. was on call that day and he was the one to do my surgery.

    I've had the vaginal birth experience, so I still have that, but I'm really sad I didn't get to have the all natural birth i was longing for, And I think I will always be a little sad about it, I don't think that will ever go away. But I'm glad she is here and safe and healthy. I don't think you forget about it, and you may always wonder what a vaginal birth feels like. Just my personal opinion though. 

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  • I hope so. My baby is almost 4 mos and I'm still in therapy for issues relating to my birth experience. Granted, I had complications that put me in the ER 8 hours after being discharged, spent 2 additional nights in the hospital away from my newborn, and then spent another 2 weeks with a wound vac, so there are certainly a lot of bad memories. My therapist is helping me work through the grief process and mourn the loss of an experience that really meant a lot to me. One of the best things she told me is that it's okay to be sad; I was getting very angry at the people who kept telling me "at least the baby is perfectly healthy" and then feeling guilty for being angry about it. She explained that the people who were telling me this were dismissing my sadness, and that it's ok to be grateful for a healthy baby while being sad about having a c-section - the two are not mutually exclusive. Anyways, if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. I know there are lots of c-section mamas who don't ever feel the sadness/grief, and I think if you're lucky enough to be one of those, it's hard for you to understand the pain the rest of us do feel.
  • I think the worse thing people said to me after my first csection was that I should be glad my baby was healthy. Not because I didn't want him to be healthy of course but because I was mourning the loss of my expected birth experience. There is such a thing as birth trauma and you should talk to a professional about it.

    It was extremely unfair of your doctors to offer VBAC only to bring up a checklist at the last minute. Personally I am prepared for a 2nd csection so I am not having the same issues I experienced when I was forced into my 1st. And my doctor would allow VBAC if I would just go into labor! I've got 12 days so it could still go either way but I'm prepared for the surgery this time.

    Don't try to manage your grief alone! It will get better but you need to go through the mourning process for your lost birth experience.
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  • I wouldn't rule out a vbac after 2 c/s just yet. Plus I've never heard of 7 or 8 lbs babies ruling out a vbac. DD was 8 lbs and that was never mentioned when my MW and I talked about the future. Anyway, I know how you feel (I think, although I'm still hoping for another and a vbac). A couple months after DD was born and it started to sink in, I felt like I hadn't given birth and I cheated her. FWIW, it doesn't bother me anymore. Please be easy on yourself.

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  • Ugh, I'm really sorry that happened to you! That really, truly sucks they lead you on until the last minute.

    I don't know if it helps, but if you want a third, VBA2C is totally possible. 

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    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • I totally understand where you are coming from. My LO arrived a few weeks early due to my having severe preeclampsia. I felt like I missed something significant because I never experienced labor. [My pree was so severe they were not willing to attempt an induction.] I was then in the ICU for nearly a week after delivery. I didn't remember my little girl being born, I didn't remember holding her, I don't remember much of her first week. We got home from the hospital and my husband showed me pictures and videos. I was sitting there holding the baby and I started sobbing then I said "did I really have a baby last week?" It didn't seem real.

    It makes me sad when people down play how your feel because you had a positive outcome [healthy babies]. It is understandable for you to mourn the loss of the experience. It is getting better for me but for a while I kept going back to the photos to try and reconcile the fact that I delivered a child and that the method of delivery was effective even if it was not enriching. I also felt disconnected from my child for a few weeks because I essentially missed her arrival then suddenly found myself at home with a newborn.

    I hope it gets easier for you. I agree with PP, if it doesn't get better soon, talk to someone or seek a support group. I'm certain you can reconcile what happened even if you will never really be happy about it.
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  • I am sorry that you didn't get the birth that you had hoped for. I really feel at a loss for what to tell you. Although I didn't plan on a csection I ended up withone and didn't have a problem with it. I am having a RCS with DS2 and I am also fine with that. That said there is nothing wrong with feeling cheated and hurt if you wanted a natural birth, but if it has gotten to the point that the grief has not eased now that both babies are here I think that I would talk to someone. I have to say that was not well done of the OB to lead you to think that you could have a VBAC and then make you have a RCS. I know from my first appointment that they would not do a VBAC. They should have told you.
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  • I had my son via c-section on monday. I did not plan on it. I had been pushing for 2 and half hours, his heart rate was low, and my blood pressure kept spiking. On top of all that, he was a good size baby (8 pounds 5 ounces) with a big noggin and got stuck. I would never want to risk going through the pain, danger, and exhaustion of this happening again, and have already decided I will most likely never try a VBAC. Everyone has such different deliveries,and if given a different set of circumstances, I probably would go for a VBAC.

  • Gosh, my second c section was a breeze compared to my experience of induction leading to a c section the first time. I wasn't interested in a vbac this time around at all though. Fear of rupture, and tearing, incontinence, etc. And I already had the scar lol. To be honest, the experience I had this time around was awesome. I was completely fulfilled emotionally when the showed her to me the first time. And a week out and im only on ibuprofen here and there. I guess I just never felt the need for the whole vaginal delivery experience though.
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  • I can never fully understand how women become upset over an experience lost.  I mean, I get that we are all wired differently and that some things hit people harder than others.  I suppose this is one of them.  After 20 hours of labor with my first I had an emergency c/s.  The doctor said my pelvis was too small.  To me it is what it is.  I held my baby soon after and it really didn't matter how she came out.  I had a 2nd c/s because if I was too small then, guess I would be too small once more.  Not like my hip bones were going to morph for me.  On my way to a third, and not phased.  It is a means to an end to me.  I want the baby because birthing, vaginal or c/s is nothing compared to the experience of holding my beautiful baby.  I don't understand why people think vaginal is the "Holy Grail" of pregnancy.  The baby is still coming out of the uterus.  Same location, different exit.  Don't get me wrong, I am not a fan of elective c/s for no medical reason.  If you can go vag, do it but whether vaginal or c/s, it is still a breeze or still difficult for recovery for some.  Maybe I am just more cynical in my thinking and take from my experiences differently, because I really could do without the 40 weeks of pregnancy, LOL, but I know that what I want is the LO in my arms, all that other stuff just doesn't matter because afterwards that is where my attention is.
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  • I'm surprised how many women can't relate to this!  I think women are painted a picture of how the "ideal" birth experience should be, and when a woman doesn't live up to this "ideal" it is very common to feel depressed. 

    Although my first child was a vaginal birth, my umbilical cord broke away from my placenta and I ended up with an emergency D&C right after her birth.  I actually had interrogated DH to make sure we really had the right baby, since I never got to actually hold her or bond with her, before they put me under general.  Then, I feel I was jipped again of that special bonding time when I wasn't allowed to labor because DS was predicted to be "too big" to deliver vaginally and I had a c-section.

    But, these two kids are now 14 and 12, and I am so close to both of them.  I think all the pressure to have this perfect birth, and immediate bonding time, is a little overplayed.  I didn't have it with either of mine, and they love me just the same.  We now have a surprise baby coming, and when I toured the L&D the nurse made such a big deal about the bonding time again....it made me so guilty I never had that with my first two, that I almost wanted to cry.  Why do these professionals put such pressure on women?!?!  If your sense of loss continues, please seek counseling so you can come to terms with this.


    **DD1 - 7/9/98**

    **DS - 11/9/00**

    **DD2 - 4/30/13**

  • I've had 3 c-sections. The reasons and my experiences were different from yours. I'm at peace with the births of my children. I have some medical issues that make c-sections the best choice for me. I had great experiences and I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

    After reading your post I am so angry for you. I does sound like your c-sections were with the Dr's best interested in mind and not yours.


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  • image sabrina69barnes:


    After reading your post I am so angry for you. I does sound like your c-sections were with the Dr's best interested in mind and not yours.

    This.

    I've had 4 c-sections. First 2 kids were breech, 3rd kid I was NOT allowed to VBA2C (the guidelines changed for this one year AFTER I had my 3rd c-section), and the 4th had to be a c-section.

    I'm still a little bummed that I never even got to try and wait to go into labor, etc. (all 4 were scheduled c-sections), but it's more of a faded memory now.

    Big hugs! 

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  • image RayRay007:

    I wouldn't rule out a vbac after 2 c/s just yet. Plus I've never heard of 7 or 8 lbs babies ruling out a vbac. DD was 8 lbs and that was never mentioned when my MW and I talked about the future. Anyway, I know how you feel (I think, although I'm still hoping for another and a vbac). A couple

     

    months after DD was born and it started to sink in, I felt like I hadn't given birth and I cheated her. FWIW, it doesn't bother me anymore. Please be easy on yourself.

     

    Thank you.

     

    I wish I could find my copy of  "the list" they gave me. They basically told me their practice adopted these guidelines based on one of the medicalasociations studies and recommendations (Like the American board of Ob/Gyn or whatever it was).

     

    Things that ruled out were like:

    Having more than 1 prior C section

    A BMI of over such and such a number

    A previous baby with a larger than average birth weight (over 7 lbs.)

     

     

    It was a list that quickly ruled me out. My pregnant weight at 37 weeks put me over their BMI number, and my first child was 8 lbs. 1 ounce.

    Now I'd be out on all 3 counts (that I can remember, there was more than just those 3)

    Because now I've had 2 C sections, am probably going to be huge and fat again (I already am), and my second child was 8lbs 4 ounces! LOL

    I guess the surprise of the first C section was what really got me (plus a really bad C section experience and of course not having my own doctor didn't help), and then feeling like I was lied to with #2 sucked as well. 

  • image nosoup4u:

    Ugh, I'm really sorry that happened to you! That really, truly sucks they lead you on until the last minute.

    I don't know if it helps, but if you want a third, VBA2C is totally possible. 

     

    Thank you.

    I'm not sure I would be willing to try risking it after 2 C sections, and I'd have to find a doctor's office that would even agree (which is what I thought I was doing with #2!! lol) 

  • Thank you to the rest of you also.

     

    Like some of you said, our experiences were all so different.

    And as I said before, I'd never have traded anything bad happening to either of us, JUST to get the vaginal birth experience.

    I was never one of those dramatic mothers with some typed up "birth plan" or any of that stuff. I just went into my first delivery not expecting I'd need a C section, I was young and naive. I had preterm labor earlier in the pregnancy, and my water broke on it's own, so like I said, going all day at the hospital and everyone acting like things were great, I never had any reason to suspect they would suddenly spring a C section on me without warning! Plus, like I said, not my own doctor either, I'd never met this woman before and wouldn't have known her if I ran into her! 

    And then yeah, I think the surprise of what happened with my second pregnancy brought my feelings more to light about it.

    Like I said, I looked up some info on VBACs when I got pregnant for the second time, and I KNEW that some doctor's don't do them at all, etc. etc.

    I CHOSE my practice based on the fact that I wanted an office willing to attempt a VBAC. I'm not saying I was going to go kicking and screaming into the ER if we tried and it didn't work, or freak out if there was a complication and it wasn't possible.

    But I had my first visit with them at 8 week. Then I had this NO VBAC sprung on me at 37 weeks pregnant.

    I went 29 weeks seeing 3 different doctors and the nurse practitioner in the practice and thinking we were all set to at least see if VBAC was a possibility. I had even discussed the VBAC prior to the 37 week appt. with THE SAME DOCTOR who suddenly sprung the list on me at that appt.

    Listening to you all and your stories and experiences, I think I am kind of getting over it a little.

    I don't think I'm ever going to stop feeling like I missed out on something, because I did. And I am one of those people who embraced it all. I know some have said they don't care for the pregnancy itself, but I loved every miserable minute. I had morning sickness for 8 months, PUPPS rash, heartburn, preterm labor, extreme back pain that they gave me demerol for.... And I could care less. I tell people it was the most wonderful, miserable, amazing 9 months of my life

    :-) 

  • I have never been sad about missing out on the side effects of a vaginal birth (hemhorroids, incontinence, tearing, etc) and loved being able to choose what day DS was arriving. I got a lot of grief from my inlaws- they are more upset than I would ever be that their grandson wasn't "natural"- eyeroll. 

    Anyway, the miscommunication is really the main issue at hand, and I am sorry that they led you to believe that was possible when their rules dictated otherwise. I am glad both of your LOs are healthy and happy.

    For me, I was thankful (so thankful!) that I had the "elective" cesarean- DS was not only 9 lbs 5 ounces (and more than 10% my body weight- no wonder pregnancy became so painful at the end!) he also had the cord wrapped around his neck THREE times and a tight true knot. If he hadn't died or had severe brain damage from a lack of oxygen while descendingwhile I was laboring, he would have most definitely resulted in an emergency cesarean after being induced- which is what I wanted to avoid. Anyway, I think counseling may be a viable option for you if you are still feeling very upset about it in a couple months. Good luck!


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 

    February 2011- M/C
    March 2011- BFP resulting in... 12/2011 bouncing baby boy! 
    October 2013- BFP- M/C
  • Te only thing I struggle with is how I was unable to hold her right after her being born. My DH held her, showed her to me and they rushed her to the NICU. I see and hear stories of the moms who get their babies right on their chest and get to feel their skin and warmth, thats what I long for......
    "You and me together can do anything, baby!!" DMB
    Married October 16th, 2010
    TTC #1 since October 2010
    1st BFP 1-12-11
    MC'd 1-22-11
    2nd BFP 2-15-11
    Our Wee One....**KENNEDY JO** born 10/3/11@ 36weeks via Csection
    My BFP Chart
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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Labor Buddy to **MRS.ATCH** Welcome Quinn 11-5-11**
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