I know all the books and doctors and everything tell you to be prepared for anything with a birth. But I honestly wasn't prepared ENOUGH for the possibility of a C section with my son.
I had tons of preterm labor with him, stopping contractions at the hospital, etc. etc. etc.
Then the big day comes, my water breaks, I go all day, on Pitocin, not dilating very far. At 10 pm they tell my family it could be a while before anything happens, and lead me to believe I'm just supposed to try and get some rest and we'll take things as they come.
Then 5 minutes after my family leaves, they inform me they want to do a C section. Immediately. (I asked if they could wait until my family got back, they were hesitant-Even though my family lives literally 3 minutes away). I PERSONALLY was never told that something was wrong with me or the baby. So if it was really some emergent situation I was never notified, not even after the birth. I do still wonder sometimes if it was just for convenience for the doctor. I know it sounds bad to say, but #1- It wasn't my doctor. Of course, my doctor is a solo practice, and with my luck, was out of town when I went into labor). So this was just a doctor on call, covering for him. I'd never even met her before. And #2, it was getting late. After reading many journals and articles on the number of C sections performed that were later deemed unnecessary or decided prematurely, I wonder sometimes if it was just for her convenience since I wasn't even her patient, and she didn't have to come back at 3am and deliver a baby.
All that being said, I had a beautiful baby boy. Both of us were healthy and fine.
Fast forward a year later and I'm pregnant with #2. I chose a new doctor, and on my first visit at 8 weeks, I discussed wanting a VBAC. I was choosing my practice based on this option (not solely this, but a lot of it). I was told okay, blah, blah, and never lead to believe it was an issue.
Then, at my 37 week appt. I see this one doctor who I never really cared for. And she mentions scheduling the C section. They had told me that we would schedule one for late in the 39th week, but if I went into labor before then, we'd try VBAC. It was what had been discussed prior.
This doctor ends up putting me in tears, telling me, NO. I'm not a candidate for VBAC, because I don't fit their requirements. To which I said "HUH? What requirements??" I had never even heard of such mentioned prior to this 37 week visit.
So she explains that they have a list, designed in part by like the board of ob/gyn etc. etc. etc. And you have to fit not just SOME, but ALL of the things.
And I didn't.
My prior baby was over 7 lbs., which put me out.
And my pregnant weight put me at obese (I'm still confused on that one.)
I forget what else, but I had 2 strikes against me anyway.
The whole experience went over horribly, and they basically said I could only do a VBAC if I signed an AMA form. I don't want to rehash all the details, but skip to the end........
I have a scheduled C section and a beautiful healthy baby girl.
NOW I KNOW, I KNOW, people want to say as long as everyone is safe and healthy that should be all that matters.
And I get it. I really do.
But does the pain of never getting to have a vaginal birth go away?
The unexpected 1st C was bad enough, but knowing you're only supposed to get a VBAC if you've had 1 prior C section, and plus all the other strikes against me (second baby was also over 8 lbs.) It means now I will definitely never have the chance for a VBAC. If I had almost no chance with #2, I'm totally out of the running now.
I feel like I never got to "give birth."
While I'm not depressed over it and don't think about it that often anymore (I was mildly depressed after the birth of my son.)
I just wonder, does the pain go away? Do you end up forgetting about it?
Will I ever stop feeling like I missed out on something?
It's an experience I won't ever get to have, and it hurts.