2nd Trimester

Should I?

My DH wants to keep the gender of the baby a surprise; he says it is the only real surprise life can throw at you. I want to know, so I was going to ask the doctor at my next apt that DH does not go to what we are having. Is this bad? Should I or shouldn?t I?

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Re: Should I?

  • I vote no.  I would talk to DH about your feelings (if you really need to know) and then ask him if he minds if you find out.  Otherwise you might come across as sneaky and he may feel betrayed. 
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • I have to agree with PP. I don't think it is right to go behind your husbands back on this. For me I know I probably wouldn't be able to keep such a big secret from my husband over the next several months. I would just talk to him about why you want to know, and he may not understand that it is really important to you to know.

    Good luck!



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  • I have a feeling you'd tell on yourself eventually anyway with buying gender specific items (even if you tried not to). It would probably be best if you discussed this with DH.

    imageimage

    always my babies


  • image Reallynervous83:
    I vote no.  I would talk to DH about your feelings (if you really need to know) and then ask him if he minds if you find out.  Otherwise you might come across as sneaky and he may feel betrayed. 

     

    This exactly. Imagine if it was the other way around.... I would feel betrayed for sure! 

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  • image l5e3a2h4:
    I have a feeling you'd tell on yourself eventually anyway with buying gender specific items even if you tried not to. It would probably be best if you discussed this with DH.


    This is what I was going to say. I think you would definitely give yourself away whether he finds something you buy or you accidentally start saying he or she when referring to the baby.

    This is definitely something I would do to though. So if I was in this situation I would probably tell him that I don't want to wait and am going to find out but if he wants to be surprised that's fine.
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    Hannah Evelyn 8.19.13
  • image babykk:

    image Reallynervous83:
    I vote no.  I would talk to DH about your feelings (if you really need to know) and then ask him if he minds if you find out.  Otherwise you might come across as sneaky and he may feel betrayed. 

     

    This exactly. Imagine if it was the other way around.... I would feel betrayed for sure! 

    This. DH and I had opposite opinions on this (he wanted to know, I didn't) and we talked about it several times. Ultimately, I decided that because he didn't get to be involved in the pregnancy that much that I would let him make the call.

    But I've found that lying your DH at any point in time, about anything, is not the best call. If you want to know that badly, ask him if he'd be alright with you finding out and not telling him.  

    image


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  • I have heard of one person knowing the other not. I wouldn't do it in secret though. It would be really hard too not to slip and say he/she or give it away. I think your dh is crazy though, not for being team green, but for thinking this is one of the few surprises in life ;) Life has given me my fair share of surprises. Talk to him about whatever you decide good luck!
    Mom to 4 cute kids, 10 y/o girl, 8, 6, and 1.5 y/o boys
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  • I wouldn't.  For me, I know DH would be really upset if I did that.

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  • I agree with all the above. I wouldn't be able to keep a secret from my hubby like that.


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  • Plus, reassure your hubby that parenthood will throw many, many, many surprises at you.  I promise you the sex of your child will NOT be the only surprise in life...especially once you have kids.  :)
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  • I think you really need to discuss this with your DH.  I know my DH would be pretty upset if I did this.

    image imageimage

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  • My husband didn't want to know with our first and I did. I won. I'm carrying this baby, I win, lol. 
  • image logoz80:
    My husband didn't want to know with our first and I did. I won. I'm carrying this baby, I win, lol. 

     

    I equate this with this situation: A husband and SAHM and the man says "I make the money, I choose how to spend it."  Decisions between husband and wife should be discussed and compromises made if needed, that's how relationships work IRL.   

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • First of all, I hate this "surprise" reasoning. It's a surprise no matter when you find out - whether it's at an ultrasound or at the birth. It's not like if you find out at the ultrasound you're disappointed because it wasn't a surprise, lol. That makes no sense to me.

    We can't tell you what to do. Do you want to wait 9 months and have that delivery room moment, or do you want to know before you give birth? You have to decide.

    I waited with my first, and we found out early this time. I can say both experiences were really fun. You won't be disappointed either way. 

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  • Oh, and I would definitely NOT find out behind your husband's back (unless this is something he agreed to). If DH had done that to me, I would be livid.
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  • I wouldn't find out behind his back but I wouldn't let him dictate whether or not I found out. It's find if he feels he wants a surprise but it's not ok if he wants to tell me I can't know either.

    I would talk to him and let him know you want to find out.

  • I wouldn't do it either. I just see it not ending good. I wouldn't be able to keep it in if I had chosen to find out and he hadn't.

    Luckily both my fiance and I want to know so I don't have to make that decision.

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  • Don't lie to Your husband... If he's ok with you knowing then that's great, but I'd be honest.

  • Plus - if he's going for the "anatomy scan" and then you're thinking of asking at the following visit...if you tell them at the anatomy scan you don't want to know, they don't usually note it either way in your chart. So, if you want to know you really need to be prepared to tell them you want to know at the anatomy scan. Unless you've had one of the early chromosomal blood tests that indicates the gender...
    -K
    Mom to 3 girls ages 2, 4 & 6!
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  • If you can keep a secret, then talk to YH about just you finding out and not sharing with anyone.

    MH found out for our first, and only he knew. We're going to do the same for this one. He was able to keep the secret so it worked out great - we both got to find out the way we wanted. 

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  • DH and I tried this. I didn't want to know, and he did. He was able to keep it a secret, but he told a family member who spilled the beans to me on Christmas Eve. I was really upset, because the one thing I didn't want to know was the sex of the baby. If I had wanted to know I would have had the ultrasound technician tell me. I wouldn't find out unless you had his permission.
  • Ditto what PPs said. Don't go behind your husband's back. Think about how you would feel if DH did that to you.

    Now, just for a frame of reference I'm going to tell you about when I was pregnant with DS. During our anatomy scan there was a brief flash of DS's parts, but I wasn't sure if that was what I had seen, so I talked myself out of it. But DH knew that he was a boy, but kept the news a secret from me. I found out when DS was a few months old that DH had known the whole time. And this made me feel a little bitter towards him because he was the one who wanted to be Team Green in the first place, when I wanted to find out.

    So, try to put yourself in your DH's shoes, how would you feel if he did that to you? I think you should talk to your DH.

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  • If you want to know, then ask. Keep it a secret and surprise DH at birth. Simple.
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