My DH wants to keep the gender of the baby a surprise; he says it is the only real surprise life can throw at you. I want to know, so I was going to ask the doctor at my next apt that DH does not go to what we are having. Is this bad? Should I or shouldn?t I?
Re: Should I?
I have a feeling you'd tell on yourself eventually anyway with buying gender specific items (even if you tried not to). It would probably be best if you discussed this with DH.
always my babies
This exactly. Imagine if it was the other way around.... I would feel betrayed for sure!
This is what I was going to say. I think you would definitely give yourself away whether he finds something you buy or you accidentally start saying he or she when referring to the baby.
This is definitely something I would do to though. So if I was in this situation I would probably tell him that I don't want to wait and am going to find out but if he wants to be surprised that's fine.
Mama to 2 girls - H&I
This. DH and I had opposite opinions on this (he wanted to know, I didn't) and we talked about it several times. Ultimately, I decided that because he didn't get to be involved in the pregnancy that much that I would let him make the call.
But I've found that lying your DH at any point in time, about anything, is not the best call. If you want to know that badly, ask him if he'd be alright with you finding out and not telling him.
Me:27, DH:28 - DX: MFI, varicocele repair Nov 2011
Post-Op SA: Count- 15 million, Motility- 75%, Morphology- 3%
IVF with ICSI - Stimming 10/4/12 - 10/13/12, Lupron Trigger
ER 10/18/12, 12 eggs retrieved, 8 mature, 5 fertilized
5 day transfer 10/23/12, 3 frosties
Beta #1 11/5/12: 453, Beta #2 11/7/12: 1,013, DD born 7/19/13
Baby girl #1 7/11/13
Baby girl #2 4/30/15
Baby Boy Due 2/16/19!
I agree with all the above. I wouldn't be able to keep a secret from my hubby like that.
I think you really need to discuss this with your DH. I know my DH would be pretty upset if I did this.
I equate this with this situation: A husband and SAHM and the man says "I make the money, I choose how to spend it." Decisions between husband and wife should be discussed and compromises made if needed, that's how relationships work IRL.
First of all, I hate this "surprise" reasoning. It's a surprise no matter when you find out - whether it's at an ultrasound or at the birth. It's not like if you find out at the ultrasound you're disappointed because it wasn't a surprise, lol. That makes no sense to me.
We can't tell you what to do. Do you want to wait 9 months and have that delivery room moment, or do you want to know before you give birth? You have to decide.
I waited with my first, and we found out early this time. I can say both experiences were really fun. You won't be disappointed either way.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
I wouldn't find out behind his back but I wouldn't let him dictate whether or not I found out. It's find if he feels he wants a surprise but it's not ok if he wants to tell me I can't know either.
I would talk to him and let him know you want to find out.
It's a bad idea.
Ditto what PPs said. Don't go behind your husband's back. Think about how you would feel if DH did that to you.
Now, just for a frame of reference I'm going to tell you about when I was pregnant with DS. During our anatomy scan there was a brief flash of DS's parts, but I wasn't sure if that was what I had seen, so I talked myself out of it. But DH knew that he was a boy, but kept the news a secret from me. I found out when DS was a few months old that DH had known the whole time. And this made me feel a little bitter towards him because he was the one who wanted to be Team Green in the first place, when I wanted to find out.
So, try to put yourself in your DH's shoes, how would you feel if he did that to you? I think you should talk to your DH.