Working Moms

Biting...it continues...ugh

So I wrote a few weeks ago about the little girl who bites at daycare and how her mom told DD1 to just  hit her next time. Well she keeps biting kids. Infact, I think per hearing other parents...this girl has bit most of the older kids. Yesterday I went and picked the girls up and she had bit DD1 while she was taking a nap...on her butt of all places...leaving a mark (this is not the first time she has bit DD1). Both DH and I are getting a little annoyed at this and I think the other parents are too.

Yesterday our DCP said that she was just going to seperate her completely from the other kids. Her mom went a step up and said to use hot sauce when she bites Indifferent

How does your daycare respond to the kids who are repeat biting offenders?

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
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Re: Biting...it continues...ugh

  • image EllaHella:

    Wow.  With a mom that terrible, I kinda don't blame the little girl. She doesn't have a way to express frustration.

    That being said, daycare sounds like they are doing a piss poor job of managing it.  They are just going to put this poor little girl in isolation, basically? 

    I side-eye DCP's repsonse if this is the case.

    ETA- At this point, I would look at new daycares. 

    This!  If this was the reaction of my daycare, especially with the continued problem, we'd move on to a new daycare.  Our DS bit--it lasted a week, we worked with him at home and are DCP continued this.  Both the parent and DCP has to put in the time and it seems neither wants to.  

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  • image Reallynervous83:
    image EllaHella:

    Wow.  With a mom that terrible, I kinda don't blame the little girl. She doesn't have a way to express frustration.

    That being said, daycare sounds like they are doing a piss poor job of managing it.  They are just going to put this poor little girl in isolation, basically? 

    I side-eye DCP's repsonse if this is the case.

    ETA- At this point, I would look at new daycares. 

    This!  If this was the reaction of my daycare, especially with the continued problem, we'd move on to a new daycare.  Our DS bit--it lasted a week, we worked with him at home and are DCP continued this.  Both the parent and DCP has to put in the time and it seems neither wants to.  

    What did you and dcp do to end the biting...just curious?

    "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
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    Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
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  • We had a 2-year-old foster child who was a biter.  His day care providers would talk to him and redirect him. They knew that we had our foster kids (sibling group) apologize and hug each other if one of them did something mean to one of the other ones, so sometimes the DCPs would have him do that.  We didn't have problems with this child biting at home because we could recognize situations when he would want to bite and redirect him before he bit.   

    The day care's policy on biting was:

    Although biting is a common issue among many children some child become excessive biters. This kind of situation imposes a threat of injury to other children and possibly the staff; we want you to know that we will exercise all of our training techniques and are open to suggestions from the parents on handling the situation in the most effective manner.

     

    Documentation of each bite will be recorded and an incident report will be completed for both the biter and the child that was bitten. Both children will remain confidential for the opposite families. The bite will also be recorded in the injury log. All bites will be washed with soap and water, iced if necessary and bandage if necessary.

     

    If the child?s teacher determines that the biting is becoming excessive the following procedure will be followed:

     

    ?        Discussion with parents and an individualized behavioral management planned will be developed.

     

    ?        Suspension from daycare

     

    ?        Termination from daycare

     

    We ask for the parent?s cooperation with this kind of situation as we realize the child is probably not realizing that they are intentionally causing harm.

     

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  • image mylittlesunshine:
    image Reallynervous83:
    image EllaHella:

    Wow.  With a mom that terrible, I kinda don't blame the little girl. She doesn't have a way to express frustration.

    That being said, daycare sounds like they are doing a piss poor job of managing it.  They are just going to put this poor little girl in isolation, basically? 

    I side-eye DCP's repsonse if this is the case.

    ETA- At this point, I would look at new daycares. 

    This!  If this was the reaction of my daycare, especially with the continued problem, we'd move on to a new daycare.  Our DS bit--it lasted a week, we worked with him at home and are DCP continued this.  Both the parent and DCP has to put in the time and it seems neither wants to.  

    What did you and dcp do to end the biting...just curious?

     It will probably sound stupid, but it worked.  Each morning/evening we did the regular routine followed by a conversation (one-sided at eye level) that biting and/or hitting "friends" (which is what he calls his DC peeps) is not okay and it makes them sad and hurts them.  At DC he starts with breakfast--after breakfast the DCP would have the same conversation using the same words, they also repeated it after naptime.  If he was playing and got upset with a friend and handled it w/o hitting or biting them, then the DCP would get down at eye level and tell him he made a good choice.

    The thing people might think was stupid is that at night I would mimic biting H, and have H respond verbally with NO NO ouch that hurts, no biting.  Then I would say I'm sorry and we would hug.  We really did this to make sure DS understood what biting was.  

     

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  • Okay, I'm seeing several problems here that lead me to believe your daycare kinda sucks. 

    1. Lack of monitoring - Your child was bitten while she was napping? How did the teacher not see a child get up during nap and walk over to another child to bite her? Nap should be one of the easiest times to monitor because the kids should be on cots or mats. Are they napping too close together? In corners or behind furniture where the teacher can't see everything? Not good.

    2. Poor planning - Their next step is to isolate her? How? Will she be alone in the Director's office all day? I don't even understand how this is a viable option. Never mind the fact that they should have a very specific biting policy in place to describe each step of behavior correction. Where are they in this process, or are they making it up as they go along?

    3. Major privacy issues - The teachers should not be sharing ANY information about this other student with you, even if your daughter is old enough to tell you who the biter is. Teachers should never confirm it and they should always refer to the biter as "the other child." And they absolutely should never tell you anything the parent has said to the teacher. That's just gossiping. As much as I agree that the mother is a moron and likely part of the problem, you should have never known about the hot sauce comment.

    image
  • I agree with the pp about the variety of issues wrong here.  Our daycare has had a few problem biters and I know of at least 2 kids that have been asked to leave daycare for at least some period of time due to biting.  How on earth could they isolate this little girl?  Ours sends kids to the director's office to talk and have a little time out, but they can't really isolate them in the classroom.
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  • My sister worked at a day care and she and i were talking about biting rececntly (b/c I saw the posts on here about it and since LO is going to day care soon I wanted to know what a good day care would do.)

    She said that:

     1) They do not tell you who bit your child. It's an absolute no no. It's not just a privacy issue, it's a harmony issue in the classroom. Pretty soon no one is going to want their kid with that biter even if it's just a stage. Some parents never forget...and if another child bit my kid I could understand holding a bit of a grudge, even if intellectually I know there are other things going on. So they don't share that info.

    2) They monitor the child, having someone shadow them. Even then, it still happens. She shared with me that one time she was holding a "biter" in her lap that she had been assigned to monitor. The child actually jumped out of her lap to bite a kid that was passing by.

    3) Biting happens for so many reasons that a very individualized plan is needed so the procedure for trying to ward it off varied. But it always included monitoring and an attempt at redirection before the situation arose.

    The mom of the biter sounds like she needs to read a few books. I feel like such a twit saying that, but I do think it's true. The day care can't fix that part of the equation, but they should be at least monitoring the biter closely.



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  • I don't like that at all - if this child's biting has become excessive, then a coordinated effort to correct the behavior needs to happen - both the parent & the DCP need to institute discipline. A time out of a few minutes is a good option, but separating this girl all day long? That's terrible. 

    The policy should make sense for both the biter and the bitten. If my daughter was biting, I'd want her to be admonished and given a time out. Similarly, if my daughter was bitten, I'd want her to be kept safe from persistent biting, but also given the opportunity to forgive the bitter once the child rejoins the group from time out. 

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  • Thanks for the insight.

    We live in a very small town. It is a in home daycare. Regardless, I agree that she shouldn't be divulging such information. I guess if you thought the hot sauce was bad, I guess I also heard the mom had actually bit her daughter back (leaving marks on her DD) thinking it would "teach her a lesson".

    Right now finding a new center isn't an option for us at this time. I really wish she would just tell the mom to take the child to go elsewhere...we will see.

    "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
    Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
    Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
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  • That biting your kid thing, it is a thing I have heard of before. But it doesn't work and it's a terrible idea. It's just very old school, out dated way of thinking IMHO.



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