February 2013 Moms

Taking Baby Home Within Hours of Birth

There is a woman at my work due two weeks after I am and she is very opinionated.  She has a little boy at home and she is usually very nice so it doesn't bother me, but lately she has been getting to me.  She is done working on my due date, which is great for her, but we can't afford it so I am working until I go into labor.  She keeps telling me how miserable I will be those last few weeks.  Great...thanks...

But even worse, she found out that I am birthing at the birth center across the street from our hospital, and she must have some knowledge about it because she also knew that it meant I will be taking LO home within 8-12 hours after her birth.  Insurance doesn't cover staying beyond that, and part of people's attraction to the birth center is that they get to leave with LO and stay in their own bed that night.  The midwives come do a home visit the next day and LO also sees a pediatrician the day after that.  My co-worker keeps telling me that it is a really bad idea to take LO home that quickly, and that instead,  I should go across the street when I leave the center and check in at the hospital because I won't be ready to be taking care of a newborn at home.  I am a FTM so I expressed this concern to the midwives and they told me many FTMs take their LOs home and they are just fine and they are very happy to be home.  I am GBS positive to if I went to the hospital with LO we would have to stay for 2 days minimum based on their requirements.  I am starting to second guess my birth plan, but ultimately I trust my midwives more than this woman...I am just wondering if STMs have any experience that would either make them want to go home with LO right away or stay.

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Re: Taking Baby Home Within Hours of Birth

  • Tell her to mind her own business and that there are millions of women around the world who actually birth at home and they are able to handle their newborns just fine in the hours and days after the birth.
        
  • image adamwife:
    Tell her to mind her own business and that there are millions of women around the world who actually birth at home and they are able to handle their newborns just fine in the hours and days after the birth.

    This. Don't let her instill fear in you. You can do it!
  • Your coworker is ridiculous. You will be just fine, every person is different in what they want and or need. For our family we are always anxious to leave the hospital ASAP. The birthing center will be sure that you and baby are healthy and comfortable before letting you leave. Don't second guess your plan.
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  • We are birthing at a freestanding birth center, and as long as we both are healthy, we go home about 4 hours after birth.  The midwives do 2 home visits within the next 48 hours, and there is lots of support.  They send a lactation consultant to as as well.  The reason for this is home is where you are able to rest the best.  If they keep you longer, they legally have to monitor you every few hours, which disturbs that revocery time (again, assuming all is well with mom and baby).  Most of the time when I get upsetting reactions, it's because people don't understand our birthing choice.  Only about 8% choose this route, so I just ignore comments that are based on fear or ignorance.
  • image +adamwife+:
    Tell her to mind her own business and that there are millions of women around the world who actually birth at home and they are able to handle their newborns just fine in the hours and days after the birth.
    This. You have a plan to have baby checked out in case anything is wrong that you can't see, so I don't see a problem with it. Regarding her 'you won't be ready' statement - if you aren't ready 8-12 hours after birth, you won't be ready 2-3 days after, either. Stick to your gut. You trust your MWs... they're the trained professionals... not your co-worker.
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    Connor Ryan

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  • As  a STM, the first time around I hated the hospital stay and was ready to leave. I wanted to be back in my bed, the food was ehh, and the nurses were good. The baby stood with H and myself the whole time. We changed diapers, I Bfed and that was pretty much it. We were fine and there was not much else I needed the nurses to do. My MW will also come the next few days to check on us and is on call if we need anything, similar to the hospital. Sure they will get to you sooner since it's a buzz away.
    "A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
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  • it's pretty ridiculous how our society has convinced women they don't have the capacity to birth or care for our own children. yeesh.

     

    when we did the tour of our hospital (which has a birthing center/is midwife friendly), i asked how SOON we could leave after birth (barring complications, obviously) and basically the answer was that if you and baby are fine, you can leave pretty much within a few hours. a couple across the room from us looked HORRIFIED that anybody would want to do this and i cracked up because they looked soooo aghast. different strokes for different folks!

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  • Next time she starts talking to you tell her to STFU.
    Jen
    Mom to Ava 12.21.04 and Austin 10.22.06
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  • I would love to have the option to go straight home after the birth. I find being in the hospital incredibly stressful and miserable and basically count the hours until I'm finally released. Unfortunately between having a prior C (I've also had a VBAC and hope for another) and pre-e in all my pregnancies (this time it's the worst) I am not a candidate for an outpatient center nor can I be released early (I won't sign out AMA). I'm dreading the hospital stay. I see no reason you won't feel comfortable going right home; for many it's preferable.
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  • At my hospital the nurses didn't do much to help out, really. We roomed in from day 1 and got no sleep because they come to check on you all the time.

    As long as someone is checking you and the pediatrician will be by to monitor things like bili levels the next day, you're fine.

    Enjoy actually maybe getting a little bit of sleep in your own bed before that newborn wakes up for real and keeps you busy from then on!

  • The only thing that would give me pause, assuming that you and LO are doing well following delivery, is nursing.  I have been fortunate to deliver both babies at very baby-friendly hospitals with multiple LC's on staff, and have made a point to see the LC each time to check on baby's latch and my BFing technique.

    With Jack, we went home on a Friday evening and his first pedi appt was scheduled for Monday morning.  While we were home, my milk came in, and the engorgement and forceful letdown destroyed the good latch we had worked toward in the hospital.  I was home with my baby, on a weekend, with no help and no idea how to get him to eat.  And he would. not. eat.  He just screamed and arched his back away from the breast.  By Monday morning, when I was finally able to get him to the pedi and see the LC, he had lost a good bit of weight.  That was a horrible experience and I cant help but think, had we been in hospital for one more day, it might have been prevented bc I might have been able to see the LC there for help.

    However, if your MW will be coming the next day, it's possible that they can help you address any BFing concerns.  Or I might suggest making sure you have the number of your local La Leche League leader or someone else who might be available to help if you have any bumps in the road.  I don't think being in the hospital is necessarily the answer, but I wanted you to be aware that some moms (even ST+M's) have some bumps in the road with BFing early on.  Those first few days are so important in building the nursing relationship and establishing supply, and as a FTM it is a bit more challenging bc not only is baby learning how to nurse, but YOU are learning as well.

    Sorry for the novel, but I felt it important to share this part of my past experience in case it gives you something different to think about. 

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  • image DC2London:

    The only thing that would give me pause, assuming that you and LO are doing well following delivery, is nursing.  I have been fortunate to deliver both babies at very baby-friendly hospitals with multiple LC's on staff, and have made a point to see the LC each time to check on baby's latch and my BFing technique.

    With Jack, we went home on a Friday evening and his first pedi appt was scheduled for Monday morning.  While we were home, my milk came in, and the engorgement and forceful letdown destroyed the good latch we had worked toward in the hospital.  I was home with my baby, on a weekend, with no help and no idea how to get him to eat.  And he would. not. eat.  He just screamed and arched his back away from the breast.  By Monday morning, when I was finally able to get him to the pedi and see the LC, he had lost a good bit of weight.  That was a horrible experience and I cant help but think, had we been in hospital for one more day, it might have been prevented bc I might have been able to see the LC there for help.

    However, if your MW will be coming the next day, it's possible that they can help you address any BFing concerns.  Or I might suggest making sure you have the number of your local La Leche League leader or someone else who might be available to help if you have any bumps in the road.  I don't think being in the hospital is necessarily the answer, but I wanted you to be aware that some moms (even ST+M's) have some bumps in the road with BFing early on.  Those first few days are so important in building the nursing relationship and establishing supply, and as a FTM it is a bit more challenging bc not only is baby learning how to nurse, but YOU are learning as well.

    Sorry for the novel, but I felt it important to share this part of my past experience in case it gives you something different to think about. 

     This is a great point and something I am nervous about! I will see an LC at the center immediately following birth and the MW will work on it with me at my house.  However, I did joing La Leche League and started attending meetings so I can call them in case of an emergency, and I also have the home number of the LC who works at the birthing center who will also see me in the case of an emergency, so hopefully i am as prepared as I am going to get for this part, but it still scares me to death!

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  • Thank you, ladies. It feels good to know there are other people who would consciously choose this option. The MWs keep telling me I will want to go home and I will be happy I have the option but as a FTM I really have no idea what to expect or how I will feel so your reassurance is extremely welcome!
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  • When I was a FTM I remember really wanting to go home, mostly because where we stayed was so BORING. Our hospital had a special family hotel, where you room in as a family and can call doctors when you need to. Since LO was born small, the pediatrician on staff asked us to stay 2 nights so they could make sure LO was gaining weight not losing too much. So we did.

    The big perk was the cafeteria and having cooked food available for all meals. The downside was we were not allowed visitors during flu season, and the TV stations were limited, so we literally just stared at the walls for 2 days and then got out of there as fast as we could.

    This time I will probably spend a night or two at the hotel only so I can get some time alone with this new LO while my first is home with family. Once we get cozy, we should be able to head home. But if I get equally bored, I will probably leave earlier.  

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  • I want to begin by making it very clear that I think there is nothing wrong with your plan and fully believe that you, and most other mothers, are capable of taking the baby home hours after the birth.

    My personal experience was that the hospital stay was a much needed adjustment period.  After dd was born I really appreciated the lactation help, the nurses concern, the fact that meals were easy for dh to obtain for us, and a Dr. being just down the hall if I had any concerns with the baby.  I was able to relax in an environment where there was absolutly nothing for me to be responsible for other than getting my strength back and caring for my newborn.  I didn't have to consider that there were dishes in the next room to be washed or anything else. For those 2 days it was all about me and my baby and it was a very calming experience for me.  As soon as I left the hospital I panicked...like literally as soon as we got in the car. Now I did fine, and I know I had some baby blues, but I wanted to go back to the hospital so badly.

    I by no means was not capable of doing it from home immediatly, I just really did find value in the hospital stay.  That may be where your co-worker is coming from when she says what she says to you.  She just may not get that she's only one side of the spectrum, I'm sure she's only trying to help guide you (if not maybe being a little to pushy about her opinion).

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  • I'm a FTM also (also going to a freestanding birthing home), but this reeks of someone that is trying to put her own fears on you. Maybe she isn't ready to be at home with her LO so soon after the birth, but you knew these things when you chose your birth plan. Don't let her get to you. I'm sure that you'll appreciate being in your own space without the distractions of the hospital. I have to imagine it will be easier to control guests by simply not answering the door too.
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  • I'm planning to leave the hospital ASAP when LO is born.  My midwife said assuming everything looks good with LO and myself we should be fine to go within 8 hours though a normal stay here is more in the range of 3-4 days.  I think you should do what makes you most comfortable and definitely ignore that lady...

    My mom had me at home (unplanned homebirth) and never went to the hospital because we were both fine and she saw no real reason to go in.  Everything was fine and she obviously took me to a pediatrician for all th necessary checkups that they usually do at the hospital. 

    ETA:  My plan this time is influenced by the fact that my midwife will do daily checkups at home for the first week or two after I go home and continue to come as often as I need the first six weeks PP.  This is all covered by my social healthcare and is a pretty big factor in wanting to go home right away.  I know I will have support for caring for LO and help with BFing and all that good stuff.  So I'm still going to be receiving care. 

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  • The only thing that made me glad to be in the hospital because it was so boring with DD1 is that the first night they took her to the nursery for her midnight check usually 20 minutes, but were there longer. I fell asleep waiting, but when she got back the nurse explained that she aspirated fluid into get lungs and they had to help her expel the fluid. Had this happened at home...I am not sure what I would havedone.
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