Baby Showers

A shower with no gifts?

My Aunts want to throw me a shower ( which I really don't, its just not my kind of thing )  

I have a friend who has a child in treatment at a children's hospital for an illness. Can I do an in "lieu of gifts"please give to this child or children on this hospital floor. H and I can provide just fine and i know my mother and other family will give us gifts without needing a shower. I would rather give to children than get gifts I might never use. Thoughts?

Blessed with double the love. C and J born May 2013

Re: A shower with no gifts?

  • No, don't do this.  You're heart is in the right place, but the point of a shower is to shower YOU with gifts.  People are going to show up w/ gifts.  If you don't want a "shower", then ask your aunt to perhaps host a meet the baby party once the baby is born.

    If you want to raise money from your friend, then do that entirely separate from anything to do w/ your baby. 

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  • image EastCoastBride:

    No, don't do this.  You're heart is in the right place, but the point of a shower is to shower YOU with gifts.  People are going to show up w/ gifts.  If you don't want a "shower", then ask your aunt to perhaps host a meet the baby party once the baby is born.

    If you want to raise money from your friend, then do that entirely separate from anything to do w/ your baby. 

    All of this. 


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  • I think your heart is in the right place, but I don't think that a baby shower/fundraiser is the right way to do it.  If you don't want a shower, I would just politely decline your Aunt's offer.  If people ask you if there's anything you need for baby, you could let them know you and DH are prepared for your baby, and now you're trying to focus your efforts on fundraising for the children's hospital instead.

    Showers are really meant to "shower" the new mom with items she'll need for a baby, and it's not really appropriate to ask for specific items (even very well-intentioned donations).

    Another thought- maybe you could host a fundraiser night yourself to help out. 

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  • image EastCoastBride:

    No, don't do this.  You're heart is in the right place, but the point of a shower is to shower YOU with gifts.  People are going to show up w/ gifts.  If you don't want a "shower", then ask your aunt to perhaps host a meet the baby party once the baby is born.

    If you want to raise money from your friend, then do that entirely separate from anything to do w/ your baby. 

    I agree with this.

    Your heart is in the absolute right place regarding wanting to help your friend, but you can't tell people how to spend their money, even if it's a worthy cause.

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  • I agree with everyone else as well.  Your heart is in the right place but it isn't ever appropriate to dictate to your guests how to spend their money.  If you don't want to be showered, then find a different occasion to celebrate or just decline your Aunt's offer.  
  • You sound like a really sweet person, but I echo the other PPs-- don't do this.

     Should you be so inclined, could you volunteer at a children's hospital or participate in the hospital's next fundraiser?  Or simply make a donation yourself?

     

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  • image Helenahhandbasket:

    You sound like a really sweet person, but I echo the other PPs-- don't do this.

     Should you be so inclined, could you volunteer at a children's hospital or participate in the hospital's next fundraiser?  Or simply make a donation yourself?

     

    Thanks all for these thoughts. I was just thinking, it would be a gift enough to bring people together and enjoying each others company with or without receiving a gift or spending money to travel to come for an afternoon. I do get your point though for sure.

    I volunteer there every/ other saturday and do arts and crafts with the kids and donate books a lot. Or arrange guest performers to come in and entertain the kids. My H and i did make a donation at Christmas time and will again this summer. 

    Blessed with double the love. C and J born May 2013
  • image Emmakins87:
    image Helenahhandbasket:

    You sound like a really sweet person, but I echo the other PPs-- don't do this.

     Should you be so inclined, could you volunteer at a children's hospital or participate in the hospital's next fundraiser?  Or simply make a donation yourself?

     

    Thanks all for these thoughts. I was just thinking, it would be a gift enough to bring people together and enjoying each others company with or without receiving a gift or spending money to travel to come for an afternoon. I do get your point though for sure.

    I volunteer there every/ other saturday and do arts and crafts with the kids and donate books a lot. Or arrange guest performers to come in and entertain the kids. My H and i did make a donation at Christmas time and will again this summer. 

    That's awesome!  More people should do that.

    Enjoy your shower!

     

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  • image Emmakins87:
    image Helenahhandbasket:

    You sound like a really sweet person, but I echo the other PPs-- don't do this.

     Should you be so inclined, could you volunteer at a children's hospital or participate in the hospital's next fundraiser?  Or simply make a donation yourself?

     

    Thanks all for these thoughts. I was just thinking, it would be a gift enough to bring people together and enjoying each others company with or without receiving a gift or spending money to travel to come for an afternoon. I do get your point though for sure.

    I volunteer there every/ other saturday and do arts and crafts with the kids and donate books a lot. Or arrange guest performers to come in and entertain the kids. My H and i did make a donation at Christmas time and will again this summer. 

    That is great! It's amazing when people give up their time for someone else's needs.

    I think a donation is a great idea! Instead of favors at my shower a donation went to the orphanage in Haiti that I visited last year.... I was thinking maybe take the money that all the gifts from your loved ones saved you and make a donation yourself or in your family's name.

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  • image wittyschaffy:
    I agree with everyone else as well.  Your heart is in the right place but it isn't ever appropriate to dictate to your guests how to spend their money.  If you don't want to be showered, then find a different occasion to celebrate or just decline your Aunt's offer.  

    My thoughts exactly. 

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  • You can only decline the shower. You can't redirect the generosity of others.

    A shower is about welcoming a woman into the sisterhood of mothers. If you can't bear the thought of embracing what others might select for you, perhaps your aunts would be willing to host a childrens book shower instead of the more traditional kind.

  • Its a sweet thought, but decline the shower instead.

    Its still in the same category of telling people what to do with their money and what to buy. Still a no no.

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  • image 9fraulein:

    image wittyschaffy:
    I agree with everyone else as well.  Your heart is in the right place but it isn't ever appropriate to dictate to your guests how to spend their money.  If you don't want to be showered, then find a different occasion to celebrate or just decline your Aunt's offer.  

    My thoughts exactly. 

    I agree

  • If you do opt to have a shower, you might be able to ask your hostess instead of providing your guests with favors, that the guests get a little card or something that says (probably much better way to word this but...) "in lieu of a favor, we have made a donation in your name to xxxxx"  

    I have seen this done at weddings. Favors are normally cheap-ish throwaway trinkets anyways.   

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  • image EastCoastBride:

    No, don't do this.  You're heart is in the right place, but the point of a shower is to shower YOU with gifts.  People are going to show up w/ gifts.  If you don't want a "shower", then ask your aunt to perhaps host a meet the baby party once the baby is born.

    If you want to raise money from your friend, then do that entirely separate from anything to do w/ your baby. 

    This....if you really want to help children, find a foster place where you can donate duplicate gifts like bottles etc. we have a place here in CA called serenity house and they take newborns from the hospital when they are going into protective custody and have to feed and clothe them at their facility before they are sent to the foster parents

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  • Good idea. You're such a good Samaritan. I think those kids will be very happy. There are a lot of kids which needs help and i think it would be better to share your blessings with the less fortunate. I just want to say that if you want a baby shower then you can celebrate it with just you and your family. With these top gifts for newborns, i'm sure it it can really help you with delivering the baby. 

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