I have missed you all so much. For the past few months I have been hanging out on the TTCAL board. The ladies there are super and really supportive. I have had a really hard time with the loss of my boys but I am in a much better place than I was when I took a break from this board.
I started grievance counseling a few months ago. It is one-on-one and my counselor is a great lady. She has helped me so much! If any of you are thinking about getting help... do it! I chose to go to counseling because my husband and I were and still are in two very different phases of grief. It became increasingly difficult to talk about the boys which put a strain on our relationship. We are now in a much better place and he has even come with me to my sessions.
Tomorrow is my EDD and it is killing me to know that I would hold them and meet them for the first time tomorrow. My husband and I plan to light two candles for them at our church and we also plan to drop some flowers in a nearby damn in remembrance of them. I would give up everything to be able to go back and change my story to a happy ending. I still think of them every day and I don?t see that ending anytime soon.
I wanted to post this here because so many of you are new (unfortunately new girls come here every day.) I wanted to let you all know that I am in a much better place now and that someday you will too. I don?t think that our pain gets ?easier? with time I just think that we start to get use to the pain. I think that the pain gets easier to live with. Take care ladies and I hope that your pain becomes easier to live with soon.