December 2012 Moms

How to encourage DH

DD is 5 weeks old now and DH is still having a hard time with things. He loves DD very much but doesn't want to hold her very often. When we first came home DD never cried when DH held her and of course newborns sleep a lot so it was never an issue. After a couple weeks DH went back to school so it was only DD and I all day. I am also BF so she is somewhat attached to me for majority of the day.

So the issue is DD cries when DH holds her after only a couple minutes. It's very discouraging to him and he feels as though she doesn't like him. We both know this is silly since she's a baby and can't make a conscious decision as to who she likes and doesn't like. He has tried different positions and walking around but gives up after she cries for 5 minutes or so. How can I encourage him to keep trying and do you have any suggestions of things for him to try? It just makes me sad when he asks if I think she'll like him more in a couple months....TIA

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Re: How to encourage DH

  • Maybe H can try to do tummy time or floor play with LO. That way he doesn't have to be holding her, but he's still interacting with her. MH was somewhat disconnected fromDD, saying he 'has to keep DS occupied.' I now pump and he feeds her a bottle in the evening. It gives him a chance to be with her and me a chance to have 1 on 1 time with DS each day. You might also try having H do all/most diaper changes when he's home. It's a minute or two where he would be one on one with her, but again not necessarily 'holding' her.
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  • image dee12807:
    Maybe H can try to do tummy time or floor play with LO. That way he doesn't have to be holding her, but he's still interacting with her. MH was somewhat disconnected fromDD, saying he 'has to keep DS occupied.' I now pump and he feeds her a bottle in the evening. It gives him a chance to be with her and me a chance to have 1 on 1 time with DS each day. You might also try having H do all/most diaper changes when he's home. It's a minute or two where he would be one on one with her, but again not necessarily 'holding' her.

     

    Thank you this is all great! I haven't pumped much so maybe I'll try to and that will allow them some bonding time too. 

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  • I second the bottle and pumping. My SO gives DD her last feeding of the night, gets her nice and full and happy, and then rocks and puts her down for the night. It gives them some time together, having a bottle in her mouth somewhat limits crying, and he feels accomplished when she sleeps. Plus, I get a break for a while. Win win.

    Otherwise, my LO is most content when she has a full tummy. Maybe feed her before DH holds her to limit the potential for crying?

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  • I agree with PP - great suggestions.

    Our LO has started to prefer me, even with me strictly pumping & bottle-feeding him right now but there is a "witching hour" every night where the only thing that will console him is DH singing anything by Johnny Cash & dancing around the living room. Its adorable 

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  • I agree with PP's about pumping and bottle feeding for DH. :) 

    Also, I like the diaper changing idea. I was going to suggest DH give her baths when he's home.  

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  • Yup, my DH does most of her diaper changes when he's home, and he has been in charge of bath time since the day she came home!  She LOVES bath time now and they sit in there squealing at each other (and she just started splashing with her arms and legs this past week) for 10-15 minutes every night.  It's adorable :)
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