March 2013 Moms

Vent!! Am I crazy?

First my husband invited people over to our house on Saturday for a dinner party without running it by me first. When I asked him about it he goes, I thought you like having people over for dinner?  OK, fine. I just have to go with it since he already invited everyone over. One of the couples has a new baby and he suggested I set up the toys and stuff (pack and play and mamaroo, ect) for their baby to use while they are at our house. I think our baby should be the first to use their new stuff. Our baby is not here yet so a lot of this stuff is still in boxes. He thinks I am crazy that I want our baby to be the first one to use her new stuff. Am I crazy or is this normal? What would you do?

Re: Vent!! Am I crazy?

  • You are NOT crazy! I just gasped as I was reading it before I even got to the part where you ask if you are crazy. I would be really irritated and say absolutely not. Men are just dumb sometimes...No offense to your hubby. He just doesn't get it.
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  • I think he is being crazy!

  • I don't think you're crazy. I would feel the same way.

    Maybe the couple with the new baby can bring their own PnP or whatnot? Surely they're used to taking their baby with them by now (unless he or she is REALLY new) and they probably already plan for stuff like that. I also can't imagine that they would expect you to put out all of your baby stuff for them. 

    Have DH tell them that they're welcome to come over but will need to bring their own baby necessities.

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  • Perhaps a little crazy, but understandably so. There's an emotional attachment to those things that I bet your DH just can't understand. You spent a lot of time picking out these items with your LO in mind.

    I'd considering having the playpen handy just in case the guests absolutely need something. Playpens are quick and easy to set up, but I wouldn't pull it out and have it in view and set up. I would expect the parents to be prepared to juggle their own LO for the entire evening, mostly because that's what I would prepare for when going to a friend's house.

    ETA: I say playpen, probably because I don't like the things, so I can't imagine an emotional attachment to them. Heck, I only owned a second hand one as a "just in case" and it spent 99% of the time in the closet untouched.

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  • No you are not crazy he is the crazy one.

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  • I would have felt the exact same way, and maybe it's a little silly to be upset at the idea of your baby not being the first to use it etc, but it's your baby and your stuff, you can do what you want! I would be annoyed at just the extra work of having to get all the baby stuff out and set up now though.

    Do you know this mom well? I wouldn't expect someone to have that kind of stuff ready for me to use, so I wonder if she would? Maybe your husband just thought it was a good idea, but she could be planning to bring her own new baby stuff along and might be just as uncomfortable with using someone else's stuff.

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  • I'm not sure how old the baby is, but when a friend of mine comes over with her now 6 month old, she brings a diaper bag with whatever she needs and the baby is either held by someone or placed on a blanket on the floor, usually with mom sitting down there with her. I guess if we already had a child, it might be different, but she certainly doesn't seem to expect that we'd have toys and a playpen set up for her, even though I'm pregnant. Sounds like your husband was maybe trying to be thoughtful towards this couple but didn't totally think it through.
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  • No, it's your DH that's crazy. Just tell him, people with babies do not come to your house expecting YOU to take care of their baby! Even if you already have one! Don't take a thing out of a box. It's crazy enough to have a dinner party without consulting you, but asking you to pull out all your unborn baby's stuff for someone's kid to use for a few hours is just nucking futs.
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  • Your not crazy. I'd be throwing fire over the unannounced dinner party thing.
  • You're not crazy. Dh is nuts! But at the same time its kind cute that he's excited to get use out of it. :. I would look at it that way so I don't want to kill him while I'm cooking for a bunch of people and cleaning and what not. Silly how men show their excitement. :.
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  • Definitely not crazy.  What if the baby is in the mamaroo and has a giant diaper blowout?  Fab, now your new baby stuff has some other baby's poo on it and you haven't even had your baby yet.  They should bring their own stuff.  Make it clear to your H, in case he's already told them they can use your stuff!
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  • I had things set up and let guests use them.  I didn't really think about it but didn't mind in the end. 
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  • Is he also expecting you to wash the sheets for the pnp and the cover for the mamaroo?  Is he for real???? And like PP said, what is their baby gets your new stuff dirty to the point of stains? I would be beyond annoyed about that (let's not even go to the fact that you'd have to do laundry AGAIN).
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  • I think it is a little unreasonable for him to expect you to unpack a bunch of new stuff for this baby to use on top of asking you to prepare for a dinner party without asking you first.

    That being said, I have bought toys (even before I was pregnant) for "our kids in the future" and have brought them out for friends' kids to play with.  When a dear friend came over and forgot her portable high chair, I did pull out my brand new one for her daughter to use.  I did have a little pang about my LO not being the first to use it, but I do plan on teaching him how to share, so I guess it was his first lesson in that. Wink  But if it was something that could get gross (my high chair is all hard plastic from IKEA, so easy to clean) like fabric, I'd be less likely to offer it.

    PS- I think you should made DH do the shopping AND the cleaning for this dinner party while you put your feet  up, and you should just do the cooking.  Just sayin' Big Smile

  • You poor thing, I agree, you are NOT crazy! I feel that it was rather insensitive of him on both counts. Actually enough were I am sitting here with my mother and shared with her your issue  (56 year old that has raise 2 boys and 2 girls), and she also confirmed you are not crazy and are perfectly normal. He just had a dense moment.

    I have let other use a few of my baby;s things already out of need, and ease but I was the one to offer that, my husband did NOT do it for me with out asking first....he know how protective I am.
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  • image fivefeetsmall:
    You are NOT crazy! I just gasped as I was reading it before I even got to the part where you ask if you are crazy. I would be really irritated and say absolutely not. Men are just dumb sometimes...No offense to your hubby. He just doesn't get it.

     Exactly this!!  

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