March 2013 Moms

STM Question - home from the hospital

Question for STM...

How much do you really need you husband / SO when you get home from the hospital?   My husband has this really important business trip that cannot be rescheduled that falls right along the time I will be coming home from the hospital -- if the baby comes on time.  If the baby still hasn't come or I am in the hospital he is going to skip the trip but if we are home already he is going to go.  I really don't want him to miss this opportunity but I also really want him home bonding with the baby and helping me.  We are both so torn with what to do, especially being first time parents not knowing the tolls the new baby will take on us.  He will only be gone for 2 nights, but I still am so unsure about what to do..

What is the hardest part of coming home? Am I really going to need him there if I have my mom and dad around too?   WIll he be missing that much bonding time those first few days? I am going to be breastfeeding so its not like he will be feeding it anyways... 

TIA for any advice.

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Re: STM Question - home from the hospital

  • I felt fine to care for the baby myself once I was home from the hospital. It was nice having DH around, but I could have easier done it on my own.

    One thing that you may want to consider is my pediatrician has me bring DS in a few days after we were home for a weight check, and just first appt. Is that something your DH would not want to miss? Most pediatricians want to see BF babies within a few days of discharge to check weight, and just see how things are going.

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  • Honestly, I wanted my H at home with me the first time and I also want him home this time around. But depending on how much your parents are going to help, it may not be a big deal that he's gone for 2 days. I would say too that it depends on your situation with how your delivery goes and what kind of recovery time you may have. C section, tears, etc. Having the help was very nice.. Even if it was just cooking dinner or helping me shower. I think it's possible for you to handle it all yourself, but you're going to be so worn out that I think you're going to wish your husband weren't leaving.

    As for the bonding time, that's something that would have to be a family decision. It's important to us.
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  • image emriley84:

    I felt fine to care for the baby myself once I was home from the hospital. It was nice having DH around, but I could have easier done it on my own.

    One thing that you may want to consider is my pediatrician has me bring DS in a few days after we were home for a weight check, and just first appt. Is that something your DH would not want to miss? Most pediatricians want to see BF babies within a few days of discharge to check weight, and just see how things are going.

    This, i did everything anyway, but I was very hormonal and needed his support that first week. He did a lot of grocery store run, take out dinner runs, last minute baby and breast pump supplies, etc. He'll probably have a hard time leaving you guys, too.

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  • I needed my DH a lot the first week, I had a c/s after a long labor. I couldn't drive for 2 wks, and DD had to be seen twice by her pedi in that time. 
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  • if it's only two nights i wouldn't worry about it, you will have your parents to make any store runs you may need and to help you out. it would be ideal to have him by your side but many people do it alone just fine and he will be back before you even realize it
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  • I think 2 nights is no big deal. Emotionally, yes it will be hard, you'll both wish he was there. But if your parents are around to help with running errands or giving you a break during the day to nap or shower or whatever, you will absolutely survive 2 nights on your own. I don't think it will have any negative impact on his and LO's relationship to miss that bonding time.

    My husband had to work a lot when DD was first born, it just happened to be a busy few weeks. But I know it would have been more stressful for him to sit around watching me nurse and tend to the baby and miss work than it was for me to be without him for a little while. I needed him more for emotional support than physical help, and that could be done on the phone :)



    Lilypie - (EKqW)
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  • DH went to all of my initial lactation consultant appointments and was very helpful with helping me figure out breastfeeding.  If your mom is familiar with breastfeeding, she may be able to help you with that too.  I really appreciated DH helping and we are planning on him taking some time off again this time.

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  • I think 2 days is nothing especially when you have your parents to help.  Honestly, you may just not want to have people hovering all around.  I had my daughter on a Wednesday, we went home from the hospital on a Friday and DH went back to work on Monday.  There wasn't much for him to help with.  I had all the supplies I needed, I was breastfeeding, and he had no idea what he was doing anwyays!  
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  • for 2 days I wouldn't worry...my DH is a business owner and went back to work the day after I had DD.  I had a c-section and was perfectly fine caring for her on my own.  Just wait to schedule any Dr's appts until he is home...you won't be leaving the house much those first few days anyway...if at all
  • I really loved my husband being home with the baby. He was home for three weeks with our first and will be home three weeks this time around as well. He's super helpful in general and it was awesome having him wear her around the house while I rested or did other things. I wouldn't have been ok with him going on a business trip right after leaving the hospital, in fact they really want to fly him out to Delaware and he turned them down because the baby could be coming around that time. 

    The hardest part of coming home for me was dealing with my random, out of control hormones. I haven't really experienced crazy pregnancy hormones, but once we were home I would just sit and cry for no reason because I felt so overwhelmed.  Nursing was also really difficult at first and you're running off of a tiny bit of sleep so that makes the transition more difficult. 

    I just wanted to end by saying that it's also really good and really fun. You all of the sudden have this new person in your house that you are so in love with and it's a hard transition but a really, really good one.  

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  • With my first baby I could care for the baby on my own, although I ripped like crazy and hurt a lot. He was a student then and would come home for lunch and I would just cry from crazy hormones and he would hold me and let me. That was the kind of help I needed! Although I admit my parents were there for a couple days and watched baby so I could nap... I was exhausted! With my second, my oldest was only 15 months old but I was totally fine caring for both kids on my own. I felt almost totally normal just the day after delivery! Totally depends on hormones and how labor and delivery went! With this baby my husband will probably be in and out of work a lot until we see how I do. But I can pretty much count on my oldest, she is a very mature four, to help with whatever I need!
  • I had a c/s and was very thankful to have my DH at home. The hard part me was't taking care of the baby, it was feeding the cat and 2 dogs, letting the dogs out to go potty, cooking, cleaning, taking a shower, taking out the trash, etc. if you have friends and family who can come over and help with lunch/dinner, holding the baby while you shower or take a nap, I think you will be fine.  Of course,it would be best to have DH there with you but I think you can do it alone with help from friends.

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  • When I had DD, DH went to work the day after we were discharged. I didn't find it necessary for him to be home. The only thing that I needed was for someone to drive DD and me to 2 her pediatric appointment.
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