August 2013 Moms

How Do I Break it to my Parents?

I am having this baby on my own and my parents are Indian, very traditional. This will be a shock and a big dissapointment. So Im waiting until atleast 2nd trimester b/c I feel crappy now and Ill be better in managing their negativeness in 2nd trimester. I know I should do it in person but I kind of feel like a letter might be good? This way I don't have to hear all their negative comments..With time their comments will reduce to half? Im trying to keep in the best spirits possible since the baby feels everything. The father of the baby has been negative towards me and has not been helping. Everything would sound better if I could say " my loving committed BF & I are having this baby together..." but thats not whats happening... I got knocked up by accident from a guy Ive been "seeing" for 10months. Ofcourse this whole time I caught feelings and wanted more but he has diff desires and wants in life. Children is not something he wants. Its so sad, I sent him a pic of the sonogram at 9weeks and said in the text. The baby has a good hearbeat and my due date is Aug 25th, 2 hrs later his repsonse was " I don't want to hear this." I cried all night. I never expected him to react this way. I responded with, " I wont contact you. Take Care. Good Luck."

I just moved to this area so I dont have friends I see in person just over the phone. My parents live in a different State and ofcourse money is tight. I have a good job and make OK money but my CCdebt makes things difficult. Im even considering bankrupcy (which would add to my problems over time).

 I know big new should be delivered face to face but they are really going to flip out, BIG TIME...

How should I break this news to them?

Re: How Do I Break it to my Parents?

  • I'm sorry you're going through this without much support. I don't have any advice on how to tell your parents, but please make sure that you file for child support as soon as the baby is born. Child support and visitation are completely different proceedings. Even if he doesn't want to be involved, he's still obligated to help you support your child. Best of Luck.

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  • I am so sorry you are having a hard time.

    As for how to tell your parents, I agree that you should wait until the second trimester. You will likely be feeling better physically and mentally.

    That being said, I think you need to be honest with them, and tell them how much you really need their support as your parents. If they can at least support you emotionally, that would be a big help.

    Considering you live a different state from your parents, and you have some money issues at the moment, I am not going to recommend that you tell them in person. I think you should write down what you want to say to them, and then give them a call. Perhaps you could do it over skype? 

    Good luck!  


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  • I'm so sorry you're in this kind of a place. I truly can't imagine, and I don't envy you.

    I think if it were me, though, I'd do it sooner rather than later. And in person. Or at least something like Skype. They may be able to offer more support than you're expecting. And this gives them more time to come to terms before the babe arrives.

    What's the worst case scenario? I'd rather rip the bandaid off now, than keep waiting and stressing about MAYBE WHAT IF.
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  • I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately i have no advice on telling your parents, but you should check out this woman: http://christinecoppa.net/

    she's a single parent blogger and for several years she wrote a blog called Storked for Glamour. She's a friend of a friend of mine. She's pretty interesting, and inspiring. Her family actually turned out to be very supportive of her situation, but her boyfriend was not, and continues not to be, and a lot of her writing deals with out to raise a child to understand the total absence of the father. Also to reiterate another post- go after that child support - it's your right and is totally different than visitation. good luck!

  • I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through this, sort of. I got married at 19, pregnant with DS at 20 and divorced at 21. He was horrible, anyway...I "dated" this guy for a short period and got pg with my DD when I was 29, had her when I was 30. My mom is super super super religious and can be very judgemental about some things. I called her on the phone and told her. She cried, yelled and I cried and yelled back. She told me she would rather see me raise the baby alone then be with him and I was furious because I didn't want to me a single mom of two. Well she was sooooo right and thankfully I did make the right decision there and didn't marry him just because I was pg. But telling my mom I was pg out of wedlock was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She freaked out as expected but she calmed down very quickly and started getting excited about having another grandbaby.

     You will have to give them time to adjust. Let them say what they want to say because that will not change a thing. Then let them stew and they will come around. I wish this was different for you!

     

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  • You really should just tell them. Waiting is up to you but you are prolonging the inevitable and to that douche nugget of a bd you have,he doesn't have to hear it and yep you don't have to contact him but put his sorry a on child support. At least you will have the financial support you need. He doesn't want to hear it but he was the one that got you KU to begin with. Good luck I hope everything works out for you.
    imageimageimageimage

  • I'm sorry for your situation with your parents, and I wish you the very best.

    Please do go for child support.  Even if he has nothing to do with the baby, at least that child will know that you fought for him/her.

    1.  Things change.  You may be very glad to have that money some day.

    2.  The fact that he doesn't want to be a father doesn't change the fact that he has created life. He's obligated to support it.

    3.  Even if you don't need a dime of it, put it in a trust for the kid.  Maybe it will pay for college.  Or a down payment for him/her.  Who knows?  


    image Cristine:
    I'm sorry you're going through this without much support. I don't have any advice on how to tell your parents, but please make sure that you file for child support as soon as the baby is born. Child support and visitation are completely different proceedings. Even if he doesn't want to be involved, he's still obligated to help you support your child. Best of Luck.
    BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • image emecox:

    I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately i have no advice on telling your parents, but you should check out this woman: http://christinecoppa.net/

    she's a single parent blogger and for several years she wrote a blog called Storked for Glamour. She's a friend of a friend of mine. She's pretty interesting, and inspiring. Her family actually turned out to be very supportive of her situation, but her boyfriend was not, and continues not to be, and a lot of her writing deals with out to raise a child to understand the total absence of the father. Also to reiterate another post- go after that child support - it's your right and is totally different than visitation. good luck!

    I was wondering what happened to Chrissy Coppa after Glamour. Thanks for the update

    I agree with the other posters, you should file for child support and tell your parents when you are feeling a little bit better. But I wouldn't put it off too much longer. 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Im sorry youre going through all of that. It sounds incredibly stressful.  If it were me I would take some time to come up with some kind of plan (insurance, support, OB, child care, etc.) I would then prepare myself for whatever reaction that they have and accept that you cant control what they think/say.  I would also remember that you are also an adult and even though they may not approve, theyre still your parents and they should support you. Once you have a plan in mind (at least a basic one) you might feel a little bit better about things. I wouldnt keep it in too long because it will stress you out more and they may not react as poorly as you would think.  Also, I wouldnt tell them in a letter. If they live out of state I would call and just tell them. It will probably be incredibly scary but I think a letter implies that you have done something terribly wrong and that youre afraid. Obviously this isnt an ideal situation but things happen and everything will work itself out.

     

  • Oh I wish I could just hug you right now! That sounds awful! It is your pregnancy and your baby and only you know how your parents will best take the news. If you feel a letter would be best then I say go for it. In the mean time I would say reach out to friends to form a support system for you and Baby. Best of luck, hope this all goes well for you
  • Thanks Guys.. Im going to try to look up some Meet Up groups that involve pregnant women or new moms etc. I think if I had face to face time with friends I would feel better.  I will tell my parents over the phone..

    I def will need the child support. I dont afford this on my own at all! Im trying to save as much $ as possible now. Maternity clothes etc I will buy used and same with everything else.

    Thanks for the advice

  • image livleen3:
    Thanks Guys.. Im going to try to look up some Meet Up groups that involve pregnant women or new moms etc. I think if I had face to face time with friends I would feel better.nbsp; I will tell my parents over the phone..
    I def will need the child support. I dont afford this on my own at all! Im trying to save as much as possible now. Maternity clothes etc I will buy used and same with everything else.
    Thanks for the advice


    Heck yes you should go for child support! You didn't make this baby alone and you don't have to pay for this baby alone. Also can I suggest keeping a record of all correspondence you have with him in case in the future he does go for custody and you feel that is not in the child's best interest, it will help your case to be able to document how much of a dead beat he is. My sister went through something like this recently, and she got sole custody because she could prove that her whole pregnancy he was extremely verbally abusive to her and said many times that he didn't want anything to do with his son.
  • You've already received great advice here. Just wanted to say how sorry I am that this guy is such an a-hole. I hope you can find some support soon have a healthy pregnancy.
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  • I just wanted to say good luck. In my experience I think ripping the band aide is the easiest and eventually they will come around.  
    LilySlim - (VMOr)

  • I know EXACTLY what youre going through, .....cuz im going through the SAME THING right now. I started seeing this pretty regularly once I learned I was pregnant, he ran. Said his diaper changing days were over. Its been 3 wks since ive spoke to and honestly I can say best three weeks since finding out. I no longer have to hear his negativity about going through with this pregnancy. Now, I am officially excited!!! With that said, let him stew, if you are a praying woman, pray for him. Your baby deserves and needs a happy momma! :-)

     As for your parents.........RIP THAT BANDAID!!!!!!!! its gonna hurt, say what ya gotta say, tell them your plan and let them say what they gotta say too - theres about to be a new bundle of joy in your life AND their life!

    In the meantime......im here if ya need to talk.

  • image missleslielea:

    I know EXACTLY what youre going through, .....cuz im going through the SAME THING right now. I started seeing this pretty regularly once I learned I was pregnant, he ran. Said his diaper changing days were over. Its been 3 wks since ive spoke to and honestly I can say best three weeks since finding out. I no longer have to hear his negativity about going through with this pregnancy. Now, I am officially excited!!! With that said, let him stew, if you are a praying woman, pray for him. Your baby deserves and needs a happy momma! :-)

     As for your parents.........RIP THAT BANDAID!!!!!!!! its gonna hurt, say what ya gotta say, tell them your plan and let them say what they gotta say too - theres about to be a new bundle of joy in your life AND their life!

    In the meantime......im here if ya need to talk.

    Thanks- Yes lets be support for each other! My email address is thithalie@yahoo.com. I could def use a friend going through the same stuff. My due date is Aug 25th. When is yours?

  • What an ASS the dad is!!!

     

    you just need to get it over with and tell them...if you feel a letter is the easiest way for you to get it over with, I say that's what you should do.

    your parents will be upset at first but I'm sure they'll get over it eventually and be excited about having a grand baby.  You need them to be there for you, and they need as much time as you can give them to accept this. 

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